Chapter 16
2 months later
Andes placed her swords on the ground, staring at the four bounty hunters surrounding her. The last two months had been hell. She just didn’t care anymore, she was tired of the pain, tired of thinking of Clarke, ready for it all to be over. The loneliness of the past two months was unbearable. Death by a thousand cuts wasn’t as painful as this slow death without Clarke. She’d face her punishment, take it like a warrior. One of the bounty hunters grabbed her daggers from her thighs, told her to take off her bow and arrow. “Take them, I don’t care, you don’t need to tie me up, I’m coming willingly.”
The bounty hunters stared at her, looked at each other, not trusting her. They’d been chasing her for the last two months. They were contracted by the desert clan as soon as word got out that Andes was in Tondc. One of the men got out his rope, they weren’t taking her word. “I told you, you don’t have to tie me up, I’m surrendering, don’t you know what that means you moron?” He still came closer, reaching for her hands, “Do not tie me up,” she said slowly and forcibly. He put his staff down on the ground and grabbed her wrist, and as soon as he went to loop the rope around it, Andes snapped, she won’t be tied up. She grabbed his wrist and head butted him so hard he fell backwards, blood pouring out of both their heads. She reached for his dagger and threw it at the legs of the second warrior. The third warrior drew his sword and came at her, she picked up the staff and parried his sword easily, clipped him in the back of the legs and then smashed him in the head. Suddenly Octavia was there, taking care of the fourth one.
All four men were soon incapacitated in some fashion. “How long have you been following me?”
“A few hours. You’re getting sloppy,” Octavia said. Andes didn’t say anything as she tied up the bounty hunters, taking her weapons back. Octavia came over to her and gave her a cloth for her head wound. Andes took it and pressed it to her head. “Let me see it, I think you’re gonna need stitches.” Andes took down the cloth and Octavia took it from her, she stared at the black blood, realization dawning on her. Looking back at Andes, “who else knows?”
“Clarke, Indra.”
“That’s it?” Andes nodded. Octavia looked closely at the wound. “You definitely need stitches, do you have any thread.” Andes pulled it out of her bag and handed it to O. “C’mon, let’s go wash it down at the creek.” They walked in silence down to the creek, where O rinsed the rag and Andes threaded the needle. “Over here.” O sat with her back against a tree, “lie down, put your head in my lap so I can see.” Andes did as she was told. The cut was above her hairline, so there would be no visible scar. She didn’t flinch when O pierced her skin with the needle, pulling the thread through repeating the process. Lincoln had taught her how to stitch, and she had become pretty good at it. “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have death wish?”
“Yeah, I guess I do. Why were you following me? Did Clarke send you?”
“No,” she saw the disappointment in her eyes. She choose not to tell her that Clarke was a shell of herself these past two months, losing weight, not sleeping. It wasn’t her place to give any kind of hope to Andes, because no one really knew what Clarke was doing. “Indra sent me.”
“What does she want?”
Octavia finished stitching her up, and admired her work. “She wants you to scout ice nation.”
“Why?” Andes sat up now.
“Rumors are Danko is amassing a huge army, getting ready to march down to Polis.”
“Why does she need me to do it?”
“You’re the only one who knows that territory. She already sent two others and they didn’t make it back. Well, part of them made it back.”
“What’s in it for me?” The Andes of six months ago would have jumped at the chance to help someone. This new Andes was bitter and selfish.
“A job, something to make you get your head out of your ass. We need you, everyone needs you.” She didn’t mention the name she wanted to hear. “If Danko’s army is as big as they say, we’re all in trouble.”
Andes sighed. She knew how foolish she was being. She looked at Octavia, and realized just how foolish she was. Octavia lost her love, watched him get executed, and here Andes was acting like a petulant child because Clarke didn’t love her. Maybe this is what she needed, to be useful, get her mind off of things. It would take all her guile to make it up through ice nation lands, there would be no time for mooning over Clarke. “Ok, why the hell not?”
“Good. If you leave now, you should make it back in about 6 or 7 weeks. When you get back, come look for me. I’m either at Tondc or Arkadia.”
“Ok. Thanks for the help back there.”
“No worries.” She turned to go, but then turned back, “Andes, be careful.” Andes nodded and Octavia left her.
Octavia had her meeting at Arkadia today. She had become the liaison between Tondc and Arkadia. Indra wanted to make sure the lines of communication were open at all times between the two clans. She was still about half a mile away when she stumbled upon Clarke. She was sitting against a tree, Jaks by her side, sketch book on her lap. She looked thin, too thin. Octavia didn’t understand her at all. Why she was torturing herself. “Clarke, what are you doing out here?”
“Just hanging out, I like to come out here to think.”
O sat down next to her. And against her better judgment she said, “I saw your friend the other day.”
Clarke turned to look at her, dark circles under her eyes, “Andes?”
O nodded. The stories had been flooding back to Arkadia since Andes left, about the blond who killed a clan leader, surfacing again after all these years. Clarke knew that Andes was being reckless, living on the edge, getting into fights. She knew that desert clan, still thirsting for revenge, sent out bounty hunters to bring her in. Death by a thousand cuts was waiting for her, if she chose. It had been eating Clarke alive, the worry, the pain, her guilt, her memories. She couldn’t escape any of it anymore. The walls she had carefully built around her heart had crumbled soon after Andes left. And as much as she tried to build them back up again, she failed. “Where did you see her?”
“A few miles north of Tondc. She was surrendering to bounty hunters. Just giving herself up.”
Clarke was scared now “Octavia, this story has a happy ending, right, please don’t tell me she was caught and dragged away.”
“Relax Clarke, she freaked out when they went to tie her up, head butted one guy, took out a couple more, I helped with the last one. I guess her death wish wasn’t as strong as we thought.” Clarke visibly relaxed when she knew that Andes got away. “I stitched her up. I saw her blood. She said you know?”
Clarke nodded, “yes, she asked me to keep it quiet. She didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Well, I had a heart to heart with her, gave her a kick in the pants. I think I got through to her.”
“What did you say to her?”
“That’s between me and her.” Octavia didn’t want to tell Clarke that they sent her on a mission that might end up being more dangerous than bounty hunters.
“Thank you.”
“I’m heading to Arkadia, did you want to walk with me? Or did you want to hang here for a while?”
“I’ll come with you.” They started the half hour walk back to camp, not speaking, each lost in their own thoughts.
When they made it inside the Ark fences, Octavia went to look for Kane, and Clarke went to look for her mom. Right now she needed to talk to someone, someone who loved her unconditionally. When it came to matters of state, Clarke was in full control, but in matters of the heart, sometimes she still needed her mom. Abby was in the cafeteria area. Clarke sat down next to her.
“Hey honey, you ok?”
Clarke shrugged, “Octavia’s here with news from Tondc.”
“Ok, I’ll be right there.” Abby could tell something was on Clarke’s mind, she grabbed her hand, “what’s wrong? “
Clarke sighed, “She saw Andes the other day.”
“Andes? Oh god, is she ok?” Abby had heard the stories also, and had been worried herself for the last two months.
“Yeah, for now.” Clarke was still not sharing her thoughts.
“Ok, what gives Clarke?”
“Mom, I’m just so confused. My feelings are all jumbled up.” Clarke put her head in her hands now. “There’s an emotional tug of war going on inside me, and I feel like it’s slowly eating away at me. I feel like, if I start caring about someone else, I’m betraying Lexa in some way. I’m dishonoring her memory, her love. And then sometimes I’m scared, because I don’t think about her, and sometimes I forget how she sounded. How can that be? I loved her, I really did. I thought she was the one, I thought we would be together for a long time, that’s how much I felt for her.“
“Time moves us along. You can’t stop that Clarke. And no one is questioning your love for Lexa, and you shouldn’t question it either. It was real, but we move on, we all move on. I loved your father, so much, you know that. But down here, things are different. Things move a lot faster. Life is shorter, time moves much quicker down here. When something developed between me and Marcus, I let it happen. It doesn’t mean that I love your father any less. He’s still in here,” she said as she pointed to her heart.
“When Andes was around, I felt like a moth drawn to a flame. I wanted to get close, but was afraid to get burned. She has this energy, and I just wanted to be around it. And now I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again. And if I do see her again, and let myself feel, what if I lose her, like I lost Lexa? I’m so fucked up.”
“You can’t live your life scared that something’s going to happen, something bad. You can’t shut yourself down either, it’s not how we’re wired. I believe that you will see her again. And maybe when you do, you’ll be ready for something more with her.”
“I doubt she even wants me anymore.”
“Don’t say that, of course she’ll want you. You’re a wonderful, loving , caring person and you’re strong Clarke, you’re so strong.”
“I think you’re a little biased,” Clarke said with a sad smile. “And it’s been months now since we’ve even seen each other.”
“If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” Clarke felt a little better, she stood up and Abby pulled her in for a hug. “It’ll be ok, hon, it will be.”