Chapter 5
They walked all day, enjoying each other’s company. Andes told Clarke a little about her home, and promised she would show her when they got near enough. If they planned it right, they could spend a night there, under cover and out of the elements. Andes found she wanted to share things with Clarke, her house being one of them. She had never met anyone like Clarke, and she found herself very attracted to her. She hung on every word Clarke said. There were many times that she would look at Clarke and see sadness in her eyes, so she spent those moments trying to make her laugh. And when she succeeded, it made her feel light inside. Then there were times when she wondered what she was like in bed. She found herself watching her mouth when she talked. Yeah, she was lusting a little over this sky girl, that’s for sure. This had turned into an interesting adventure. She wasn’t used to spending this much time with someone, and she wasn’t looking forward to saying goodbye when they reached Arkadia.
Clarke was enjoying herself also. Andes made her laugh with all her stories about living out in the forest, all the animals she saved, all the scrapes she got in and out of. Although Clarke did notice that she didn’t talk about her time when she was younger. Never a word about how she came to be by herself. She kept that part of her life hidden away. Clarke found herself letting go of her worries, she felt like she was back on the ark, before they threw her in a cell. She was hanging out with someone who was funny, attractive, and attentive. And flirty. She knew that Andes was attracted to her. One could usually get a sense for these things. It didn’t bother her, she was flattered actually. Clarke wasn’t totally innocent either, she found herself watching Andes when she wasn’t looking. And the view at the pond seemed to have been burned into her brain. Clarke just told herself that she appreciated a great body, that was all. It was a great distraction, this sexual attraction that seemed to be building between them. It would all be over in a few days anyway, Clarke would be back home, and Andes would go on her way.
They found a small cave where they would spend the night. They started to gather wood to make a small fire. Andes thought they were far enough away from Azgeda territory for it to be safe.
“You never told me why you hate ice nation so much,” Clarke said as she bundled as much wood into her arms as she could carry.
Andes was in front of her, bending over and picking up small sticks for kindling. “They murdered my sister.”
“Oh my god, they murdered your sister?” She had a sister?? “Why did they kill her?”
“They killed her because of who she loved.”
Clarke froze, no, “What was her name?” she asked hesitantly.
“Costia.”
Clarke nearly dropped the wood she was carrying. Andes still had her back to her, so she didn’t see Clarke’s reaction. Clarke’s heart was pounding, what were the chances of this happening? “I thought you had said you didn’t have any family.”
“Not alive, they’re all gone.” Andes said matter of factly.
They made it back to the cave and Clarke started to make the fire, while Andes opened the pack of food that Sara had given them. Clarke couldn’t sort out what she was feeling, here in front of her, was a connection to Lexa. She didn’t know whether or not to tell Andes about her relationship with Lexa, since Andes’ sister was Lexa’s lost love. She decided to just keep it quiet for now, until she learned more.
They sat in companionable silence as they ate their meal. Clarke was waiting to ask Andes more questions. She watched her as she ate, she really was so beautiful. Clarke didn’t realize she was staring until her eyes locked in on her gray ones.
“Clarke? You’re staring. Not that I mind, “she said with a grin and wink. Clarke rolled her eyes and shook her head, she was quite the flirt. “Here, try this, you will love it.” And she handed Clarke a piece of some sort of cake.
Clarke bit into it, chewed a bit, “Oh my god, that’s delicious.”
“I know, right? We have 3 pieces, we’ll each have one tonight, and we’ll save one for tomorrow.”
“Wow, I mean, it’s really good. It’s sweet. I haven’t had something like that since before we hit the ground.”
“She makes a great cake.”
“Another reason you need to shack up with her. The sex and the cake.”
“Shack up with her? “ Andes laughed at that. “For her cake? “
“I’d shack up with her for this cake.” Clarke said. “Damn. Where’s that other piece?”
“With me, for safe keeping.” Clarke made a pouty face. Andes started wrapping up the food they didn’t finish, and Clarke thought maybe now was a good time.
“I want to hear more about your sister.” Clarke said. Then she quickly added, “Only if you want to talk about it though, if it’s too painful, I understand.”
“Oh,” she paused. “God, it was a long time ago, so it’s not too painful anymore. What did you want to know?”
“Everything, “she shrugged, “Everything. I bored you with the details of my life aboard the Ark, tell me about her. I still can’t believe we’ve been talking for days and this is the first I’ve heard you even had a sister.”
“Ok, ok, well, let’s see. My sister basically raised me. My mother had died when I was very young, so it was just Cos and myself for a while. Then she met Lexa.” Clarke swallowed. That didn’t take long, to get around to Lexa.
“Lexa? The commander, Lexa?” Clarke asked slowly.
Andes nodded her head, and saw the pain in Clarke’s eyes, curious now she asked, “You knew her then?”
“I was ambassador for our clan. I, “she started then stopped quickly, “We, pledged ourselves to her as the thirteenth clan. We joined her coalition. She had quite a vision, a vision of peace amongst the clans. But I don’t think the clans are ready for that yet, and now that she’s gone.” She just left it at that and sighed, memories washing over her.
“Well, she wasn’t commander when we all met. She and Costia fell in love, like, love at first sight. And they were together a long time. So, really, they both raised me. I had two moms,” she said with a smile. “We were all together until they sent me away.”
“Why did they send you away?” Clarke asked.
She watched Andes face, she hesitated a moment, and Clarke knew she was processing something, deciding whether to tell Clarke something. Which was unusual for Andes, she was always so forthcoming. Andes reached for the dagger that was in front of her, and she poked her finger, then squeezed to let the blood flow. Black blood. Clarke gasped. “Oh my god, you’re Natblida?”
“Yes.”
“Oh my god. They’ve been looking for nightbloods. The clans need a new commander. Shouldn’t you have been in Polis training since you were little? Holy shit, you’re what, nineteen, twenty? Were you at Lexa’s conclave? No, you couldn’t have been, she would have killed you…. “
The questions came fast and furious and in no particular order, Andes could barely keep up, she raised her hands, “Whoa Clarke!” Clarke stopped talking and just stared at Andes, who was smiling at her. “Do you want my story or not? I promise it will answer all your questions. Deal?”
“Deal. Sorry. “
“In answer to your first question, yes, I am nightblood. And I was sent to Polis when it was discovered. I was supposed to train. But, I was kind of a wild child, different. I loved being in the forest, climbing trees, saving animals, and when I wasn’t doing that, I was building things, figuring how things worked. I had no interest in the training, learning how to fight, or being a commander. At the time, I was the youngest nightblood. I think I was probably four when they found me? Ridiculous that I had started training at that age, but it was serious business being a nightblood. Lexa took me under her wing on our first day. She was about eight years older than me, and I think she felt sorry for me, because everyone just yelled at me to pay attention. She walked me home after that first day, and she met Costia, who had moved with me to Polis. They made an immediate connection. After that day, Lexa would always bring me home. She eventually just started sharing our living quarters. “ Andes stopped to take a breath, and looked at Clarke, who was just staring intently at her, hanging on every word. Andes didn’t know that her life was that interesting, but if Clarke was enjoying her story, then so be it. So she continued.
“Over the years, Costia and Lexa’s relationship deepened. They each thought the other was their soul mate. We all took care of each other, we were a family. Then came the day when we were told the commander had died, and there would be a conclave. By now I was ten years old. I was ten, Clarke, and now I had to enter into a ring, and fight to the death. Only one nightblood would survive and become commander. I found the whole thing so distasteful, it was like killing for sport. I was just different than the rest of them. They all felt like this was their calling, this was their purpose in life. Lexa dreamed of this moment. She was born for it. And if she wanted this moment, she would either have to kill me, or watch someone else kill me. Costia was beside herself. She knew Lexa’s dreams. Imagine, she might have to watch her lover kill her sister. And if it wasn’t Lexa killing me, then Luna would have destroyed me in seconds, or any of the others. I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I never practiced, I never paid much attention when we were being trained, it just bored me. I was awful at the art of war. So, they sent me away to save me. “
“Where did they send you?” Clarke asked.
“There was a respected clan leader, Sarnos. He was desert clan. And since they were far away, they figured that nobody would find me there. They thought he would take care of me, and they thought he was kind. Unfortunately, they thought wrong. I begged them to let me just hide in the forest until the conclave was over, but Costia was afraid the elders would hunt me down and force me into the conclave. So I left with the desert clan leader, with a promise that after the conclave, they would come and get me.”
“What happened then?”
Andes eyes darkened as she remembered, “Well, he was a monster, he had everyone fooled, including Lexa and Costia. He had a trade. He had certain customers, customers who liked children. They liked to do certain things with children, and I was a beautiful child. My coloring was rare, exotic. And I wasn’t the only one he had, he had some boys and a couple more girls. They would pay Sarnos for the right to spend time with us, do whatever they wanted, within reason. They weren’t supposed to do anything that would leave a mark, a scar.“ Andes was now just staring ahead, looking at nothing , lost in her memories.
Clarke shuddered. This girl who seemed so light and carefree, hiding a lot of darkness below the surface .
“He taught me things that no ten year old should be taught. But first he had to break me. I was a stubborn little kid. I guess you could say he tortured me, more mental than physical, because he didn’t want to damage the goods.” Andes made a motion with her finger around her face. “It went on for months, my defying him, him beating me or starving me. Eventually, I figured the only way I could get away, was to let him think that he broke me. So I finally gave in. Pretended I was beaten down enough to do what he wanted. He never fully trusted me, though, so I was kept naked and chained up, which is how I spent 2 years of my life.”
Clarke reached over and touched the scars on Andes’ wrists, “So that’s where these came from.” It was a statement, not a question, because there could be no other explanation, the scars were thick and angry looking. They were the one blemish on her body.
Andes nodded as she looked down at Clarke’s hand on hers; she was absently rubbing her thumb over the rough patches of skin. It sent little shivers down her spine. “I will never be shackled or tied up again, I’ll tell you that.”
“He’s the clan leader you killed, isn’t he?” Clarke asked as she gently let go of Andes wrists. Andes missed her touch immediately.
“Yes.” She took a deep breath then continued. “I hated him with every fiber of my being. But I had to wait, I had to be patient. So I bided my time. I made myself stronger. One night, it was really late, he came in, and he had been drinking, really drinking. He left the door open behind him and I could see the keys to my chains around his waist, next to his dagger. He was so drunk he was having trouble standing, so when he turned away from me to take off his shirt, I came up behind him and wrapped the chains around his neck and pulled and pulled, and pulled. I didn’t care what happened, I would either die trying or I’d be free. He tried to swing me off, but I was stronger than he thought. He finally lost consciousness and fell down. I took his dagger and I stabbed him in the heart. Took the keys, unlocked myself, went to the other rooms and unlocked the doors, freed us all. We ran. After a day or so, we all decided it was best if we went our separate ways, since it would be harder to track us that way. I knew it was safer for them to be away from me. His sons would find the body in my room, so they would know who killed their father. And they were not forgiving people. That was eight summers ago.” Andes took a breath. “So, I still have a price on my head after all this time. Punishment for killing a clan leader is death by a thousand cuts. It’s a crime that’s recognized across all clans. Whoever would find me could turn me in to be killed.”
Clarke shuddered again at the thought of what would happen if someone ever caught Andes. “So, wait, why didn’t Costia and Lexa come back for you?”
“I was told they did, but when they showed up, they were told I ran away months before. So they left.”
“How did you find out that they came for you?”
“I had one woman who would, ah, visit me. She was actually kind. I never minded when she would come. She’s the one who also told me about Costia’s death. She told me how she died. Danko, that son of bitch, he’s the one who killed her. Under Nia’s orders of course. And make no mistake, I will kill him someday. He actually visited me when I was at Sarnos. He called me his little sparrow.”
“Oh god,” Clarke said. “I don’t think I even want to hear this.”
“He was a choker. It’s how he got off. The last time he showed up, he almost killed me, and Sarnos would have none of that. I couldn’t talk for a week after that one, he must have damaged my vocal cords or something. “
Clarke was horrified. So the sexy voice was not something she was born with, he had probably caused permanent damage. “How do you survive something like that? All that suffering?”
“You can survive anything if you put your mind to it. I feel stronger because of it. “
“But when you’re that young, how did you, how did you?”
Andes knew what Clarke was asking, “You close your mind off and go somewhere else until it’s over. You learn to detach yourself, emotionally detach yourself from the situation. Probably why I’ve never fallen in love, I’m probably still emotionally detached.” She said with a small smile. “Ok, let’s change the subject. I never told anyone that before, now I know why, sounds so depressing.”
Clarke didn’t know what to say after that. She once again reached out and touched Andes, squeezed her hand. She tried to change the subject a little.
“Did you ever try and see Lexa again? Maybe she could have pardoned you, or something.”
“I actually did see her a few years ago. I met up with Indra while they were on patrol, and asked to see Lexa. I knew Indra was very discreet. She was one of our teachers, and she always had a soft spot for me.”
“Indra, a soft spot? Can’t picture that,“ Clarke said with a small smile. “Were you her second?”
“No, no, I wasn’t that advanced to be somebody’s second. Luna was Indra’s second, and Lexa was Anya’s second and nobody wanted me, so they all got stuck with me. You know, it takes a village, when you’ve got to raise the village idiot. Who was me.”
Clarke smiled at that, “You’re no idiot.”
“Well, to them I was. They thought something was wrong in my head. They wanted to destroy stuff, and I wanted to build stuff.”
“I met Anya. She was tough as nails.”
“Anya, yes, she couldn’t stand me, she just tied me to tree and left me there, out of her hair.” Andes laughed at the memory, “yeah, those were fun times.”
“So, did Indra bring Lexa to you?” Clarke asked.
“Yes.” That day was still a painful memory for Andes, seeing Lexa again after all that time. Andes remembered it vividly.
Andes heard them approaching, and she was a little nervous, she wasn’t sure of what the reaction would be upon seeing Lexa. She was sitting against a tree when they both came into the clearing. Andes stood up and waited for Lexa to walk over. Indra nodded to Lexa, then turned and left them alone. Lexa’s face looked as though she were seeing a ghost. Andes knew how much she looked like her sister. Lexa was in pain just looking at her.
“Andes?”
“Yes,”
Lexa stepped forward and put a hand to her cheek, she just stared at Andes for a few moments, then she spoke, “my god, you look just like her.”
Andes felt the tears welling up in her eyes, Lexa looked the same, older, sadder, still beautiful. Finally, after a few seconds, Lexa wrapped her arms around the young girl who was so important to Costia, and to her. Andes grabbed onto Lexa like she didn’t want to let go. Now she was sobbing and Lexa just held her. She cried for her sister, for her lost childhood, for their lost family, for Lexa, who was her home, a home she could never go back to. Finally, the tears subsided. She pulled back and looked at Lexa, she leaned in and rested her forehead against hers.
“You’re all grown up.” Lexa said, holding back her own tears. Andes just nodded her head.
“We came to get you, they said you ran away. We looked for so long.” Lexa said shakily. “Then Sarnos was killed, and they said you did it.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. But he deserved to die, Lex, he did. He did awful things, to me, to other kids.”
Lexa was sickened when she heard this. Then she felt anger, anger that someone hurt Andes.
“Come home, I’ll find a way to protect you.”
Andes shook her head slowly, she knew Lexa would be in danger if she protected a known murderer. “I can’t do that to you. I won’t do that to you. I would never put you in that position.” Andes said slowly.
Lexa closed her eyes and nodded her head slightly. Life was cruel, she certainly knew that, and here was another cruel blow, finding Andes and losing her again. She pulled back and reached around her neck to untie a leather necklace that she was wearing. At the end of the necklace was a silver rectangle.
“Here, this is yours, it was your mother’s, from your father. Costia had given it to me on my ascension day, but it should be yours, I want you to have it.”
“Lexa, I can’t take this from you, Cos gave it to you.”
Lexa would not take no for an answer and she tied it around Andes neck. “I have other things to remember her by.”
Andes looked at the silver piece and turned it over. There were letters on the backside of it, although you could tell some of it had been rubbed off over time. Andes couldn’t read it from her angle. “What does it say?”
Lexa leaned in and looked at it, “It says ‘Loom’, but some letters are missing at the end.”
“What does it mean?”
“I don’t know. If Costia knew, she never told me.”
Andes thanked her for it, holding it tightly in her hand. She knew it was time to leave, Indra had appeared again.
Lexa pulled her in for another hug, kissed her on the cheek.
“May we meet again.”
Tears welled up again in Andes eyes, and Lexa’s eyes were wet also.
“May we meet again.” Andes replied. With that she turned and melted back into the forest.