Gravel To Tempo
We've gone down every list
Stuck but I have got to begin to resist
Caught up with the fact that life will be dark
But can we handle being kids?
The bell rings, letting the students at Gravel’s High School know that the first classes in the morning are about to start, and drowning whatever Sienna was saying. To be honest, Blake had stopped listening like five minutes ago, as it was just another of Sienna’s daily rants about her boyfriend. And it isn’t that Blake doesn’t care about her friend’s love life but she is getting tired of hearing about their stupid arguments about stupid things.
“Okay I’ll see you later at lunch.” Says Angie, fixing her already perfect French braids and lifting her backpack from where it is laying on the floor. She gives Blake a small peak on the cheek (her usual way of saying goodbye and hello — especially with Blake) before waving goodbye to the others and walks her way to Chemistry Class.
The rest of the girls decide that they should probably be in their way to class too, so Blake is soon left alone in front of her locker, trying to find the textbook she needs for her first class, Advanced Photography.
She hasn’t made it to her sit yet when the classroom’s door abruptly opens; a blonde girl comes in and walks to her seat.
"Fuck." The word makes its way out of Blake's mouth without her permission and she has suddenly forgotten how to move and how to breathe as she follows the girl with her eyes. She feels a wave of something between surprise and excitement invading her chest, totally forgetting the fact that she’s still standing in the middle of the room – probably with an idiotic look on her face.
“Do you need something, Ms. Parker? Or may I start the class?” Blake hears her teacher calling her. It makes some of the other students look at her with curiosity, as if her swearing in the middle of class wasn't enough, including the blonde girl — Hayley. She looks away barely a second before they eyes meet, avoiding any eye contact with her.
“Hum… No… I’m sorry.” She basically whispers the apology, feeling her cheeks burn as she makes her way to the back of the room and sits in one of the empty seats. She can hear some laughs; apparently people find it funny when one of the 'Plastics' — as her group of friends is known in high school, like if they were some real-life version of Mean Girls —gets told off. But Blake doesn't care about that, not a that moment at least, she is too busy silently praying that Hayley hasn’t caught her shamelessly staring at her.
She hears Mr. Jefferson talking about some project they’re doing in the next few weeks but, despite this being one of her favorite subjects, she is still too flustered to dare looking up so her gaze focuses on her dirty-white converses instead.
Through the corner of her eye Blake sees that Hayley is not looking in her direction anymore, instead she faces the front on the class now, listening what Mr. Jefferson is saying. She takes a deep breath and counts to three before looking up again, her eyes slowly making their way to Hayley’s back with her being incapable of stopping them.
Blake sighs, shaming herself for her reaction when she first saw the other girl enter the classroom. She feels overwhelming warm, a blush provoked by anger creeping up her chest. She is not angry at Hayley though; she could never be because everything that happened between them was nothing but Blake's fault. My screw up, she remembers at herself, bitterly. She is also angry because she was supposed to have moved on from the blonde girl during the summer. That's what she had been trying to do, that was the reason why she had done most of the things that took place during those brief months of vacation. And right now, as she sees the way blond hair falls against the girl’s demin jacket, it is painfully obvious that she is far away from being remotely over her.
She would have realized earlier if Hayley hadn't been missing the first week and a half of their senior year. Blake later found out when she overheard Keiynan telling Lana, both Hayley's friends, that she was still visiting her family in Japan — but it wasn't like she had been wondering anyway, because why would she do that if she didn't care about Hayley anymore?
Apart from the anger, there is another feeling hitting her so hard that she almost wants to scream and cry at the same time; sadness. Sadness because she knows there are so many things that she could have done differentely to avoid the situation she is now in. To avoid, and this is what is really killing her, losing Hayley.
And for that, Blake just wants to punch herself in the face repeatedly 'till hell froze over.
“Earth calling Blake, is anyone at home?” Angie looks at Blake, her eyebrows furrow a little bit with concern at the sight of her friend’s unusual un-happy behavior. “Girl, are you okay? You’ve been miles away all day.”
“Yeah, I’m totally fine. Just tired.” Blake lies, coming back from her cloud of thoughts, and accidentally dropping her pencil and lifting herself from Angie’s bed so she can get on the ground and look for it. The only reason she does that is so Angie doesn’t notice the wrinkles that appear on her nose and the slightly variation in her tone – both signs that expose her whenever she lies.
Unfortunately, Angie notices, gets on her knees and puts her hands on Blake’s shoulders, making the taller girl look her in the eyes. “Seriously, Blake. What’s going on? You know you can trust me.” She says, genuine worry showing in her voice.
Blake blinks, taken aback from the other girl’s suddenly contact. She hasn’t really notice how off she had been since that morning.
And Blake believes that, she knows she can trust Angie. She is closer to her than to any of the others. She has been her best friend since Hayley left when they were in ninth grade and The Plastics adopted her. They basically know everything about each other, including Blake being bi and Angie’s doubts about her own sexuality - they had even made out a few times trying to figure out that last one. That was kind of their ‘little secret’, as childish as it sounds, because none of them was sure about the other three girls’ opinions about that topic.
Over their two years of friendship, they have grown to be like sisters and to trust each other blindly. If someone ever made Blake choose between keeping Angie’s friendship and all of the other girls’ friendships combined, she would choose the first without thinking it twice.
But, despite knowing how talking about Hayley and her feelings for her –without Angie even caring for the fact that said feelings were for a girl, much less judging her for that–would make Blake feel a whole lot better, she doesn't find it in herself to share; like if something in her didn't want her to say anything about the secret Hayley has grown to be.
So Blake just shrugs and it looks like Angie is going to insist but her words are interrupted by her mother, who opens the door, a spatula on her hand.
“Angie, dinner is ready. Oh, Blake, I didn’t know you were here. Do you wanna stay for dinner?” She asks, moving the spatula in the air a she speaks in a way that Blake finds almost cartoon-ish.
“Thank you, Ms. Hunt. But my parents are waiting for me so I should probably be going.” Blake replies, a sweet smile on her face, as she puts the textbooks and notebooks she has been using during her study session back in her backpack —She takes Mr.Hunt's entrance as one of those 'saved by the bell' situations and she isn't going to let it pass. She earns a nod and a smile from Mr. Hunt and a ‘we-are-not-done-with-this-conversation’ from her best friend.
That night, when Blake goes to bed, the girl who has been in her mind during the whole day – and for the last few years, if she was honest to herself– also chases her in her dreams.