Family Dinner
Chapter 57 : Family Dinner
Clarke exited the bathroom, closing the door behind her, so Raven could change into dry clothes. She still had a light smile on her face, happy she had been able to reach out to Raven, and happy the girl had opened herself up to her. Clarke knew they all had trouble dealing with their past; she was the first one to still be affected by it, and maybe that in her own misery, she had failed to see the others’. So Clarke promised herself to never close her eyes on things like that again; because the truth was she could probably have seen this coming with Raven; but she hadn’t.
She looked up when someone cleared its throat, and momentarily blinked. Anya was still there, standing awkwardly in the living-room, looking expectedly at Clarke.
Clarke gave her a sympathetic smile; she may not know Anya well, she still could see how much the girl cared for her friend; and Clarke was glad Raven had someone like Anya around.
“Anya, she is going to be ok” Clarke gently said, trying to reassure Anya.
“I know, I know” Anya sighed, as her shoulders were falling down, “I just...” She stopped herself, trying to decide the right way to say her next words, “I just feel like I’m useless sometimes, you know?”
Clarke nodded, because she could understand.
“We all have our pasts to deal with, but Raven... Raven keeps it hidden” Anya murmured, “And there’re days like this and I can’t reach her, you know? There’s days she’s pushing me away, so how am I supposed to help her with whatever she’s going through, Clarke?”
Anya was now pacing into the living-room, half-sad and half-mad with herself.
“Anya” Clarke gently said, lightly touching Anya’s arm so the girl would sit down on the couch, “Raven is... Complicated” Clarke smiled as it made Anya chuckle, “And she’s gone through a lot of hard stuff. We all have been through much, and I know we have trouble opening up to new people” Clarke continued, speaking slowly she Anya could mark each words, “But living with Lexa also showed me that time, and love, were all that we needed to open up. You’ve got to let her come to you, at her own pace.”
“But what do I do when things like this happen...?” Anya asked, whispering to keep her voice from breaking.
And it was tugging at Clarke’s heart really, because Anya who usually was all tough and strong was now on the verge of tears.
“You stay around, you stay with her. Like I did” Clarke shrugged. “You wait until she is ready to admit she needs you.”
“I heard what you told her” Anya confessed, a bit ashamed she had been listening, “And I will never compete with you. Or with Octavia, or either of you...”
“This is not a competition, Anya” Clarke gently chuckled, “Just because we all are friends for as long as we can remember doesn’t mean she won’t ever love you as much as she cares about us. It isn’t about time, you know?” Clarke smiled, “I love your cousin as deeply as I care about them, and I haven’t known Lexa for that long”.
“Yeah, maybe” Anya shrugged. She had to admit maybe her fears were misplaced.
“She will open up to you, Anya” Clarke said, “You just have to give her time to do so. She carries a lot of deep wounds and a lot of guilt, but slowly, she’ll come through. We all will.”
Anya nodded, exhaling at the same time. “Alright, ok. Be patient and love her, right?”
“Right” Clarke chuckled, getting up to put her shoes on.
She went to get out of the apartment, but the bathroom’s door opened, and Raven called out to her.
“Clarke, before you go, bring your ass in here please!” Raven half-shouted from the bathroom, and a big grin spread on Anya’s and Clarke’s faces; this was the Raven they knew.
Anya rolled her eyes when Clarke sent her a wink, and the blonde disappeared behind the bathroom’s door.
“You called for me my lady?” Clarke asked her friend with a smirk, once in the bathroom.
Raven stuck out her tongue at her, and then gestured towards her brace. “I think this doesn’t work as well as before” she sighed, “Do you think I may need a new one?”
“I don’t know Rae” Clarke honestly answered, kneeling by her friend to examine the device, “You are usually the one toying with it”.
“I know” Raven said, “But I can’t help but feel that, maybe there is something else we could try?”
Clarke raised her head, an eyebrow rose at her friend. “Is this your way to tell me you’ve got an idea?”
“Maybe” Raven rose her eyebrow back, making Clarke chuckle.
“Tell me” Clarke gently asked.
“Years ago, you, ahem, you talked about a surgery...?” Raven said, almost shy.
Clarke’s eyebrows completely rose at those words. “I thought you didn’t want any surgery for it”.
“I didn’t then” Raven confirmed, “But now... Now I want more for myself, you know?”
“I understand” Clarke smiled. “But you know what the risks are, Rae, are you sure..?”
“Yes, I think I am sure” Raven smiled back, “I talked with Octavia about it a bit... So, as long as you’re with me, I’m all for it”.
“Count me in, then” Clarke smiled, opening her arms to hug her friend.
They stayed put for a while, and then Raven lightly pushed Clarke away.
“Go away now, you’re making me all emotional” Raven joked, “And there’re people waiting for you at home.”
“I’m home wherever you are” Clarke grinned back, “See you in a while!”
Clarke got out the apartment, and closed the door.
Anya and Raven were left facing each other.
“Don’t look at me like that” Raven finally broke the silence.
“Like what?” Anya asked.
“Like I’m broken” Raven sighed, a bit defeated.
Anya shook her head, getting closer to the girl she loved. “I don’t think you are broken.”
“Yes you do” Raven insisted. “You think I’m broken and that you can’t fix me”.
“Raven, that’s not it” Anya protested. “But a part of what you said is true.”
Raven tilted her head to the side, intrigued. She wasn’t expecting Anya to agree with her on this matter.
“I do think I can’t fix whatever is making you feel the way you feel. Not because you’re too broken, but because I feel useless” Anya explained with a sad tinted voice, getting closer to Raven. “There is so much I don’t know about you yet, so I feel like I can’t do anything to make you feel better.”
Anya delicately put both hands on Raven’s arms, running them up and down. “But I am here, Raven, I’m here for you, whether you need me or not. I am taking everything; cracks are where the light gets in, right?” The girl tried to joke. “And I am not leaving.” Anya smiled at Raven, whose eyes were gotten wet.
And Raven didn’t know what to say. Anya saw her bottom lip shake, so she opened up her arms effortlessly as Raven was throwing herself at Anya’s neck, trying her hardest to keep her tears at bay. Anya returned the embrace; she was relieved really, to see that Raven wasn’t pushing her away. And it was giving her hope; hope they could all move forward, and that she, too, could be part of this unconventional family.
“Thank you, Anya” Raven whispered, snuggling her nose into Anya’s neck.
“It’s ok, Rae” Anya murmured back, hugging the girl a little harder. “We all have our demons to deal with.”
Raven nodded, asking herself what Anya’s demons were about.
Clarke was finally back to Lexa’s place. She had been glad to see that Octavia and Lincoln were already there, Lincoln playing with Ayden, and Octavia helping Lexa in the kitchen. Clarke had smiled, because she was glad to see Lexa and Octavia were getting along well; well, it was true they did work together, but still, it mattered to Clarke. And frankly, she had never seen Lexa as happy as she was these days.
“Hi love” Lexa gently said when Clarke entered the kitchen.
“Oh god” Octavia groaned, dramatically waving the carrots she was holding, “You two are way too disgusting”.
“Cut it, O” Clarke playfully warned. Lexa chuckled too, winking to Clarke.
“Is dinner going ok?” Clarke asked, inspecting everything they were making.
“Well it would, but this one here” Lexa waved her finger towards Octavia, “Is eating half of what she’s cutting”.
“I am not!” Octavia protested, “You just don’t feed me enough!”
“Alright” Clarke chuckled, “Just... Try to leave some for the guests, okay?”
“Yes mom” Octavia rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.
Clarke shook her head, playfully glaring at her friend.
Echo was anxiously waiting for the other person to pick up the phone, pacing in front of their building, when Bellamy was waiting leaning on the car, again, for Echo to be done.
“Please, please pick up” Echo murmured, picking at her nails.
Finally, someone answered.
“Good evening, Echo. I didn’t think you would call.” The voice said.
“Cut the bullshit” Echo answered, “Get her on the phone”.
“Careful, Echo. I wouldn’t threaten me if I were you.”
“Listen Ontari, I don’t have time for this, alright? Can you please give the phone to her?” Echo asked another time.
“You’re lucky Nia likes you.” Ontari almost spat into the phone.
Echo sighed, hearing some noises into the phone, probably coming from the phone getting handed to someone else.
“Mamma?” A tiny voice spoke.
“Hi baby” Echo half-whispered, trying not to get emotional. She knew Bellamy was only a few feet away, and could probably hear half of what she was saying; she couldn’t be seen as weak.
“Where are you?”
“I won’t be coming to see you tonight, honey” Echo said, her own heart breaking as much as her daughter’s probably was breaking right now, “I have to work late.”
“But you’re always working late...”
“I know love, I know, and I’m very sorry.” Echo apologized; but she knew all too well being sorry had never fixed anything.
“Whatever.”
“Don’t say that, please” Echo asked, “You know I would be there if I could.”
When nothing came out of the other side, Echo talked again.
“Are you alright? She told me you went to the hospital today. What happened?”
“Nothing”.
“Come on” Echo asked again, “It wasn’t nothing if you needed to go to the hospital.”
“I said it was nothing” The tiny voice sounded angry, “I just fell, alright?”
“Alright, alright” Echo sighed, a bit defeated.
“I have to go.”
“So soon?” Echo pouted, “Don’t you have anything to tell me? About school? About your friends?”
“No.”
Echo sighed again. She hated this. She hated hurting her child, she hated not being able to go see her when she wanted. She hated being as bad as a mom as her own mother had been, when she had sworn not to do the same mistakes again.
“Listen sweetheart, I...”
“I really have to go, now.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll come see you tomorrow night, ok?” Echo tried to keep her voice steady.
“You said that three days ago.”
“I know, I know” Echo admitted, “But this time, I promise.”
“Someone making promises they always break isn’t someone worth it.” The tiny voice answered, as small as it could get.
“I taught you that” Echo’s voice wavered, “And I’m sorry I haven’t been here lately. But I’ll make it up to you, somehow. Bye tiny one, I love you very, very much”.
“Bye, Mamma”.
The phone hung up, and Echo was left with a vivid pain in her chest. She quickly shook her head, trying to clear her ideas.
She came back to the car, nodding to Bellamy that they could get on the road. They had dinner at Lexa’s tonight, and they were already late.
They got into the car, and Bellamy started driving. Echo was glad he didn’t ask what the phone call was about; because Echo knew she was very close to confide in him and ask for help.
But as she was sighing every two minutes, it got the better of Bellamy.
“Are you ok, Echo?” He asked, keeping his eyes on the road.
“Yes.” Echo said. “No. I don’t know” She sighed again.
“Are you having problems?” Bellamy frowned. He couldn’t explain why, but there was something about Echo that was disturbing him.
“No, not problems” She sighed. “But I’m having troubles with my daughter”.
Bellamy eyebrows shot up. “You have a daughter?”
Echo bit her lip, not knowing if she should continue speaking. But on another hand, she did need Bellamy on her side, if she wanted Nia’s plan to work.
“Yeah. A six years old.” Echo said.
“What’s the matter? You could have brought her tonight! She would have played with Ayden” Bellamy shrugged.
“Yeah, well that’s the thing... I don’t live with her” Echo said, and immediately regretted telling Bellamy. He would ask more and more questions.
“How come she doesn’t live with you? She’s with the father?” Bellamy asked, getting really interested.
“Nah. No father” Echo answered, and when she saw that Bellamy had his next question ready, she cut him off before he could talk. “It’s complicated. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
Bellamy shrugged. They kept riding in silence until Lexa’s building was in sight.
Inside Lexa’s place, everyone was already there. Raven had entered the place a little shy, shuffling on her feet, but then Clarke had welcomed her with a warm smile and a big hug, and Ayden and Lexa had been quick to hug her too.
So Raven was ok, really. She could feel Anya’s eyes on her, but for once, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It’s was reassuring, even, to know that someone was looking out for her.
Octavia had seen Raven’s facial expressions, and of course she had immediately understood what had happened. She was glad her friend had finally be able to talk to Clarke; even if in the past, Octavia had been madly angry with Clarke, she had always admitted they all had a special bond with the Blonde.
And now that she could look backwards, Octavia was really glad she had been able to move on from everything, and be close to Clarke again. Because really, without Clarke, they all felt like something was missing; without Clarke, they all were nothing at all.
Bellamy and Echo had just arrived, and Echo, maybe for the first time in her life, felt like she was assisting at something way bigger than herself; these people seemed to work in sync. They knew each other as no one could ever know someone else, and everything about them screamed unity and support.
Echo was observing and analysing every each of them; Clarke was their leader, for sure. She was the one they all turned to when they needed to make a decision. Her choices, her points of view were always weighting more than the others’. Bellamy was coming next of course, co-leading with Clarke, and helping her keep everything on tracks. Monty, Jasper, Harper and Maya were the clowns of the group; always laughing and joking; but, they were also doing everything they were told without discussion. They were followers, but never without being taken into consideration by the others. Their opinions always mattered, and that was something Echo wasn’t used to.
Next were coming John Murphy and Emori. John was the kind of jackass-one of the gang, always sarcastic about everything, always getting reprimanded by the others; but Echo could see that, behind all the walls, he was very attached to the rest of them, and that they cared about him back.
Finally, there were Raven and Octavia; Echo was finding herself grow fond of Raven. She had a funny side, always joking and sassing around, but Echo could also see a weakness inside; maybe related to the brace-device thing she had around her leg, or maybe in the fact that she seemed to worship Clarke and the ground she was walking on, but there was definitely something.
Octavia was the most intriguing to Echo; because, unlike with the others, Echo couldn’t guess a single thing about the girl. It was like Octavia was a complete closed wall; and something was up, Echo was sure of that, because everyone, everyone, had weaknesses somewhere that she could see and use. And so if she couldn’t figure Octavia out, it was because something wasn’t right.
And it was even more than that, really; because Echo could feel Octavia’s on her back at times; not like a sister would do it to be sure she wouldn’t harm her brother, but more like she, too, knew something was up with Echo. And frankly, Echo wasn’t comfortable at all with the idea.
“Alright, dinner time!” Clarke called, interrupting echo’s trail of thoughts as they were all stopping what they were doing and getting up to gather themselves around the table.
“Yes, sit there Monty, Raven could you please wait before starting eating, Bellamy put your fingers out of the cream, Ayden please go wash your hands, oh my god Jasper go wash your hands too!” Clarke was moving them around, hovering over them as if they were all children.
They all finally managed to find a seat, and began eating, lightly chatting with each other about nothing and everything.
“So Clarke, how’s the new job going?” Bellamy asked, filling his plate with meat.
“Really well” Clarke shrugged, “The nurses are nice, doctors too”
“Well that’s unusual” Raven joked, making the adults laugh. They all had seen a lot of hospitals and doctors, and useless to say they didn’t had good memories of it.
“Yeah, I know right?” Clarke chuckled, “But something about the place feels right, patients seem to be happy with our services, so, I guess it’s going well”.
“Well I’m happy for ya Clarkey” Bellamy smiled as the others hummed.
They all talked about something else afterwards.
Lexa and Clarke were finishing putting dessert together in the kitchen, when Raven joined them.
“Ahem, Clarke?” She asked, and Lexa raised a brow at Raven’s unusual shyness.
“Yeah, Rae?” Clarke answered, not raising her eyes from what she was doing.
“I thought I could say to them what we talked about, earlier. About, you know” Raven shrugged, “The surgery for my leg and stuff.”
Clarke’s look immediately softened as she put down everything to give her full attention to Raven. “If you want to, Raven, it is your choice. But it’s also ok if you want to wait a bit before talking to them about it, it’s ok if you need more time to process it” Clarke lightly smiled, squeezing her friend’s shoulder.
“I think I’ve had years to process it” Raven sighed with a smile, “It’s now or never, right?”
“Well yes, kind of” Clarke chuckled.
“Will you talk to them with me?” Raven timidly asked.
“Of course Ray.” Clarke nodded, smiling.
They all went back to the table where everyone was impatiently waiting for dessert. Ayden had somehow managed to get food almost everywhere, including onto Octavia’s clothes and face, but when Clarke threw the two of them a suspicious look, they both had the nerve to pretend they didn’t understand Clarke’s glare.
Clarke shook her head as Ayden and Octavia were throwing winks at each other, and sat back down.
Next to her, Raven was toying with her glass, not eating. Of course the others were quick to pick it up; after all, it was not like Raven not to eat the dessert.
“What’s up Raven? Are you ok?” Murphy asked, genuinely worried about his friend.
“Ahem, well, I have something to talk about with you guys” Raven started, immediately looking at Clarke for support.
Clarke nodded, encouraging Raven to go on, and put her hand on Raven’s thigh to comfort her. Raven was quick to grab the hand under the table, clearing her throat to keep talking.
“So as you all know, my leg is damaged” Raven started.
They all chuckled, because for now Raven was just stating the obvious. “I had a pretty bad day today, but I’m ok now” Raven hurried to add, seeing they were all ready to protest and ask a thousand questions. “My leg is been hurting for a while now, and it’s often more than I can handle, so today I took the decision to do the surgery we talked about, a few years ago”.
They all stayed quiet for a while, probably processing what Raven was telling them.
“Wait” Emori asked, “The surgery?”
“Yeah” Raven nodded. They had had the same discussion, a bit more than two or three years ago, and half of them were against it then.
“Rae, I don’t know about this” Bellamy started, “You didn’t want to do it three years ago. What changed?”
Raven looked at Clarke, who nodded back, encouraging her friend to go on.
“I can’t take the pain anymore Bell” Raven sadly said, “I thought I could, but it’s taking way too much from me...! I want this to change, you understand?”
“I guess I do” Bellamy offered her a gentle smile.
They stayed quiet for a while, before Monty spoke again.
“Wait, you don’t look surprised” Monty frowned, pointing towards Clarke, “You knew about this?”
“Yes” Clarke nodded, seeing no point in lying, “Raven and I talked about it earlier today.”
“Clarke, you of all people know the risks of such a surgery” He said, “Why encouraging her?”
“She told you already” Clarke shrugged, “She’s doing what is best for herself. This is it, guys. There’s no other option, and I swear to you that the technique of this surgery evolved a lot since the last time we spoke about.”
“Last time you told us the surgery had a 50% chance of Raven to die” Harper protested, “I don’t think I agree with this.”
Raven looked a bit defeated; Lexa and Anya hadn’t talked yet. They were not completely part of the group, so they didn’t really know where to put themselves; they didn’t know if they had a right to say something or not. But Lexa was a bit sad for Raven, so she spoke up.
“I don’t think Raven is asking for your permission” Lexa gently said, trying not to upset them, “I think she is probably going to do it whether you agree or not.”
Clarke, Raven and Octavia chuckled, because of course Raven Reyes was doing what she wanted without really asking for permission.
“But I think it could be nice of you, of us, to be there for her during the procedures and stuff. Right?” Lexa added.
“I know a lot of you don’t agree” Raven then said, looking for support in her friends’ eyes, “But I just need you to understand I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was necessary...”
They all nodded; they knew her well after all, so they knew she wasn’t doing this without having thought a lot about it.
“Clarke will be there?” Jasper asked.
“Yes” Clarke smiled.
“Then I’m in! Let’s put this leg in the trashcan and buy a new one!”
They all laughed, as Raven was sending a grateful look to Clarke and Lexa.