Aftermath
Song :From West Texas by Explosions In The Sky
Everything was in slow motion. Everything was soundless. Everything was colourless. Clarke’s mind was empty, as the car was moving on Polis’ streets.
Once the car parked in front of Lexa’s door, they went out of it, and Lexa was glad Gustus didn’t ask any questions about why the sick blonde he had bring at Lexa’s place a few days ago was now completely beaten up in the back of his car. Lexa had a sniffing Ayden burying his head into the crock of Lexa’s neck, clinging to her with all his strength.
Lexa tried to make Ayden loose his embrace a little to be able to help Clarke better, but failed. She carried Ayden with one arm, the other trying to support Clarke’s weight. Lexa didn’t know how to touch her, because she knew Clarke would probably reject her as soon as she would put her arm around her, but she was surprised that Clarke was the one to take Lexa’s hand in hers when they brushed against each other, and clanger to her arm, not letting her go.
Slowly walking next to Lexa, Clarke was lifeless inside of her. Everything was blank. She had no thoughts, and all she could see before her eyes was Finn’s angry face, and every punch he had given her. She was seeing him hit her, again and again. She was seeing herself already dead, and her dead son right next to her. Clarke’s mind was trying to figure why. Why, how could had she let things become that way without even doing anything. And Clarke almost wished she had died.
But then, Lexa’s hand had brushed gently against her, and the blonde had taken it in her own. Lexa had saved her. She knew that. Lexa was there. She and Ayden weren’t dead yet.
The brunette opened her loft, and helped Clarke sit on the couch. Her face was covered in bruises already starting to turn blue and purple, she had small cuts all over her lips and nose, and by judging how she winced every time she was moving, she must had a couple of bruises on her ribs and abdomen too. Lexa felt bad for the girl, and knew Clarke wouldn’t accept to see a doctor. She had to take care of the blonde by herself, but it was impossible if Ayden wasn’t letting her go.
“Heda, do you need anything else?” Gustus asked.
“Can you call Anya from Trikru Company please?” Lexa answered, her eyes not leaving the two people on her couch.
She needed to take care of Clarke, and to do so she needed someone to stay with Ayden, someone he had already seen, because Lexa didn’t want to scare him more than he already was. Lexa didn’t even know if it was possible to scare him more after what he had witnessed.
Gustus left the loft, and Anya was there ten minutes later. She had rushed herself to be there as quick as she could, because she had heard Lexa had suddenly run out of her office, and her older cousin had been worried. Anya had tried to call Lexa multiples times of course, but obviously Lexa hadn’t picked the phone up. Then Anya had received Gustus’ call, and had left the office as quickly as Lexa an hour earlier.
“Lexa?” Anya said walking in the living-room, “where are... Oh my god, what the...” she whispered, seeing Blondie covered in bruises, looking at the wall with a blank stare, and Ayden buried in Lexa’s chest.
Lexa glared at her cousin, silently asking her not to make any comments about this, and Anya nodded putting her stoic mask on her face, the same mask Lexa was a professional with. Of course, Lexa shushing her didn’t stop Anya’s mind to figure it all out; she remembered Lexa talking about Ayden’s father being violent with Clarke, and now, Clarke was the half-living proof of what Lexa had guessed, and the older girl quickly had a picture of what had taken place with Blondie.
Lexa took Ayden’s chin on her hand to make him look at her, and kept drawing circles on his back.
“Ayden”, Lexa gently said not to scare him, “I’m going to take care of your Mommy now, to see if she is ok”.
Ayden nodded, and Lexa took a deep sigh knowing he wasn’t going to agree to the rest of the sentence.
“Do you think you could stay with Anya for a while, so I could...”
“NO!” Ayden instantly shouted, cutting Lexa off and griping at her neck even harder. Lexa didn’t withdraw her hand on his back.
“Ayden, look at me”.
The little boy looked up, his eyes full of tears. Lexa was completely broken to see him like this; she didn’t want to give the impression of her leaving him, but Clarke needed her too.
“Come on look little man”, Lexa tried to soothe him, “Have you ever noticed how strong Anya was? Did you see those muscles in her arms?”
Anya could see what Lexa was trying to do, and even if it was bothering her to babysit the boy –because she didn’t really like kids-, she rolled up her sleeve and contracted her arm to show Ayden. Anya was as muscular as Lexa, but taller. She really was impressive.
Ayden sniffed, and took a better look at Anya. Lexa was right; Anya had big muscles.
“I have to help your Mommy”, Lexa tried again, “but I promise I’m not going. I will still be in the apartment, but I need a little moment with your mother to be sure she’s ok”.
Ayden looked at her, still unsure.
“Anya punched a bad guy in the face once”, Lexa whispered in his ear as if it was a secret, “She will protect you if someone is bothering you”.
“She will?” Ayden’s eyes widened with a tiny sad smile on his face.
“Yeah, totally”, Anya confirmed, giving him a reassuring wink.
Ayden frowned. “And then I can stay with you?” he asked with a tiny voice.
“Yes.”
Ayden then nodded, and opened his arms so Anya could take him. He was uncomfortable first, because he didn’t know Anya very well and the boy couldn’t trust people easily, but then Anya sat on the kitchen’s chair with the boy against her chest and began rubbing his back with almost the same way as Lexa’s. He settled a little more in her arms, waiting for Lexa to come back.
In the living room, Clarke was still sat on the couch, her eyes fixing the wall. Lexa quickly went into her bathroom to take a cloth and put water on it. She kneeled in front of Clarke, and moved her hand slowly towards her to test her reaction. Lexa knew Clarke was probably going to be scared if she touched her face, but the girl didn’t move. Carefully, Lexa put the cloth on Clarke’s face, and the blonde locked her eyes in Lexa’s. Without looking away, the brunette began to wipe out the blood. Lexa was melting into the blue eyes still in hers; she just wanted to hug the girl tight, and never let her go.
She slowly took Clarke’s hand to put it on the cloth, pressed again her swollen lips.
“Keep it on your lips” Lexa instructed.
She began to turn away to go grab some bandages for the multiple cuts Clarke had on her face, but she suddenly felt the blonde shaking, and a hand grab her wrist. She looked back, confused.
She looked through those blue eyes again, and Lexa understood the fear written on Clarke’s eyes. The blonde wasn’t able to speak yet, she didn’t want to, but just like Ayden, she was feeling safer when Lexa was around, even if she was a complete stranger to them. Clarke couldn’t explain it, but there was something soothing about Lexa, and right now she didn’t want her to go out of her sight.
“I’m just going to grab some bandages for you Clarke, ok?” Lexa asked, not sure about what to do.
Clarke said nothing, but was slowly shaking her head. No. Don’t leave. Her hand around Lexa’s arm didn’t loosen. The brunette kneeled in front of her again, taking her hand in hers.
“You’re safe now. I’ll protect you again” Lexa whispered.
Clarke weakly nodded, but still not letting go of Lexa.
“Come with me”, Lexa suggested, raising up and giving her hand to Clarke.
She helped the blonde get up and noticed how Clarke had winced in pain when she had gotten up. She must have bruises on her ribs or something, Lexa thought.
The brunette took the blonde by the hand guiding her towards the bathroom. Lexa made her sit on her bed and disappeared for two seconds to take bandages.
When she came back, Clarke was shivering again, but calmed herself down when she saw Lexa reappear. Lexa noticed how Clarke was tense, and kneeled at her eyes’ level.
By doing so, Lexa was putting herself in an inferior position; she had learned that a few years ago, because Costia was a psychologist. She had taught her how a specific body position was telling things to the people in front of you, and that it could help to know how to act around shy or reserved people, and how to deal with scared ones. Lexa mentally thanked Costia, because now she was about to use all this on Clarke, and hopefully calm her down a little.
By kneeling in front of Clarke, she was showing her she was not going to harm her and that if Clarke wanted to do something to escape, she would have the advantage on Lexa. It had the effect she wanted, because Clarke was less shivering.
Lexa showed Clarke the bandages, silently asking her the permission to put them on her. The blonde nodded, and Lexa took her time, working slowly to not hurt her.
When Lexa first touched Clarke’s face, she had jumped a little, afraid of the contact, and Lexa had taken her hands off, to feel something grabbing her shirt. Clarke had taken Lexa’s shirt in her hands, like she was clanging to it.
“Are you ok?” Lexa gently asked.
Once Clarke had nodded, Lexa continued to take care of Clarke’s injuries. The blonde didn’t let go of her shirt. Lexa remembered Ayden had done the same thing with her a few days ago, but she had first thought it was because he was a child. But now that Clarke was doing it too, it had to be a family thing, a way to feel the other’s presence and find comfort in this.
Lexa had finished, and was now applying ointment on her bruises. She also wanted to put some on Clarke’s ribs, but she didn’t want to push the girl. This will have to wait a little longer. Lexa knew she would have to call a doctor at some point to be sure Clarke only had minor injuries.
“I’m done” she said.
Clarke looked up and Lexa thought she was going to cry, but she didn’t, and didn’t say a word either. The brunette took a clean shirt from the pile of clean laundry on her bedroom’s chair and showed it to Clarke.
“You should change” Lexa said, pointing at Clarke’s ripped shirt, partially covered in blood and foot prints.
Then again, the blonde didn’t say anything, not looking at Lexa.
“I’m going to help you, alright?” Lexa asked.
Clarke nodded, and Lexa carefully grabbed the bottom of Clarke’s shirt, and helped the girl getting rid of it. Lexa had to repress her surprise when she saw Clarke’s ribs, already turning bright purple. But she didn’t say a thing, and carefully helped Clarke put the new shirt on. Lexa had already seen Clarke’s almost naked body, because of the bath she had made her take when she had been sick, but this was another thing. Clarke was completely vulnerable, and Lexa noticed a few tears were rolling down her cheeks while she was undressing her.
“It’s ok Clarke”, Lexa whispered from time to time to soothe the girl.
Clarke never had let go of Lexa’s shirt, and now the brunette had finished dressing her.
“You should try to sleep for a while” Lexa suggested.
The blonde immediately tensed, and Lexa carefully put both her hands on Clarke’s fists, still holding her shirt.
“Clarke, it’s ok. I am not going to leave you alone. You’re in my apartment. No one can hurt you here. It’s safe”.
Then Clarke slowly nodded, and laid herself backwards. Lexa helped her get comfortable on the pillows, covered Clarke’s legs with the blanket and was going to let her rest, but she suddenly felt Clarke taking her wrist again, pleading her with her eyes.
Lexa understood, and got into the bed, lying beside Clarke who was now looking blankly at the roof. Lexa was careful not to touch her, but thought about something when she felt how Clarke was still shaking a little, unable to rest.
“Put yourself on your side, you back to me”, she gently said.
She saw Clarke frown, but the girl did as asked.
Slowly and carefully, Lexa put her hand in her back. Clarke first jumped at the contact, but Lexa didn’t take off her hand, and after a while, Clarke finally leaned into the touch. Lexa swore she had heard the girl sigh.
When she was sure Clarke wasn’t uncomfortable with her touching her, Lexa began to rub her hand in the blonde’s back, drawing small circles to help her sleep and reassure her. Finally, Clarke closed her eyes, feeling safer with Lexa next to her.
It took almost half an hour for Clarke to completely fall asleep, and even if Lexa was glad she had helped the girl, she was feeling about leaving Ayden with Anya for so long.
The two of them were sitting on that kitchen chair for a while now, and Ayden was beginning to get fussy in her arms.
“Where is Yexa?” he whined, frustrated.
“She will be back soon”, Anya said trying to soothe him.
Of course it didn’t work; Anya was really bad with kids, it was like children didn’t like her. She hadn’t really cared, but now, she was getting frustrated at herself for not being able to calm him down.
Soon, Ayden was crying into her sweater, and Anya was feeling miserable. She put him closer to her chest, and began rocking him.
“Hey Ayden, don’t cry” she said, “you’re a big man now, you have to be brave for your mommy”.
Ayden sniffed, but he looked up at Anya, as if he was expecting more of her.
“I know this is scary for you. How old are you?” Anya continued.
“Five”, Ayden whispered.
“I know being five is very scary”, Anya began again. “When I was five, I was afraid of cats” Anya whispered to the boy as if it was a big secret.
Ayden chuckled a little, and it warmed Anya’s heart.
“You were? I’m not afraid of cats!” the boy said, proud of him.
“That’s because you’re very braver than me!” Anya said, giving him the “I’m impressed” look.
Ayden smiled, and Anya did too. The boy settled on Anya’s lap, looking at her.
“Who are you?” he asked.
Anya raised a brow, surprised by the boy’s question.
“My name is Anya. Lexa told you this. You have already seen me, don’t you remember?”
“Yeah I know that” Ayden said while rolling his eyes at the woman as if she had said the stupidest thing ever.
Anya couldn’t stop a smile from rising on her face.
“I mean, who are you to Yexa? You seem to like her” he explained, “and she had called you twice when she had a problem. Why?”
Anya’s eyebrows rose even more about this kid. Man that child was smart, and he seemed to notice everything. How old was he already?
“Lexa is my younger cousin” Anya started, not really knowing how to explain their relationship to a little boy, “we don’t have any other family, so she is my only family, but also my best friend. That’s why she calls me when she had a problem. Do you understand?”
The five years old nodded, satisfied about Anya’s answer. The older girl was curious too, and couldn’t stop herself from asking the same question back.
“And what is Lexa to you, Ayden?”
“She helped us” Ayden shrugged, “I like her. She gave me a sweater once, and she cared about us” he started to explain to Anya. “I’m not a baby anymore; I know Mommy didn’t want to go home and that’s why we stayed spending nights in parks”.
Anya was stunned. The boy she had on her lap was talking like he was three time his age. How could a five years old be so mature about things like that?
“Yexa took care of my Mommy when she was sick, and today she came to rescue us when I called her”. The boy stopped talking, but was looking like he was thinking about what to say next. “She really came, you know” he said with a softer tone, “I called her because I was afraid and she came to protect me”.
Anya’s heart melted as the boy was leaning on her chest again. She was starting to understand why Lexa was drawn to this kid and her mother. But Ayden still had something to say.
“Yexa saved us today. She’s my superhero”, he stated like it wasn’t a big deal, closing his eyes.
Anya didn’t know what to respond to that, and if she hadn’t spotted her cousin watching them, she might have cried a little, completely overwhelmed by the boy. But the Woods didn’t cry, did they?
A few feet away, Lexa wasn’t moving, tears in her eyes. She had heard all about Ayden’s last words. Yexa is my superhero.
Anya saw the look on Lexa’s face, and she saw something broke again inside her cousin. Other pieces of the wall she had made to protect herself from love were falling down. Right now all Lexa could think about was the kid’s words. Lexa noticed the tender look on Anya’s face watching her, and smiled lightly to her chuckling in the same time, wiping her tears from her eyes.
The brunette approached the duo, and kindly put her hand in Ayden’s hair to make her presence known, because he had his back to her and didn’t see her coming into the room.
“Hey Ayden, I’m here”.
He looked up and when he recognised Lexa, he threw himself in her arms and buried his nose into Lexa’s neck.
“Yexa” he sniffed.
“I’m here buddy” Lexa whispered back, tightening her embrace around him. Lexa was overwhelmed by this child, and she wished now more than ever to protect him, and wished she could take all the pain and fear away from him.
Anya didn’t say anything, just watching them. Lexa had never like kids, and she knew Costia and her had had a few fights about the fact Lexa didn’t want kids. But the one kid she had in her arms right now... That was another story. She seemed to be in love with him, and if Anya didn’t know Ayden wasn’t Lexa’s real son, she would have easily believed it. She could see how much Lexa already cared about the boy, and that the boy was Lexa’s greatest fan.
Anya still had a thousand questions to ask Lexa. She wanted to know what had happened, why Lexa had left work in such a hurry and everything, but she knew now was not the time. She knew Lexa would call her when she would have deal with everything.
Anya smiled at her younger cousin, who still had Ayden pulling her into a big hug. That was the cutest thing she had ever seen in her whole life; Lexa, comforting a child in her arms.
“I’m going to go”, Anya whispered to Lexa.
“Could you tell Titus I...”
“I’ll tell him to leave you alone for today”, the older girl winked at the brunette.
“Thank you Anya”, Lexa whispered back.
Anya smiled again, and headed to the door, living Lexa and Ayden alone in the kitchen.
Once her cousin was gone, Lexa thought about what she could do to make Ayden feel better.
“Hey Ayden, would you like to take a bath?” she asked.
Ayden suddenly looked at her with half-stunned eyes.
“Can I?”
“Of course you can if I’m offering you” Lexa answered, amused by the boy.
The boy nodded shyly. Lexa carried him to the bathroom, and opened up the water like she had done for Clarke not so long ago.
“Stay here, I’m just going to go grab some clean clothes for you” Lexa said and began to walk away towards her dressing, but Ayden’s voice stopped her.
“Yexa don’t leave me”, he begged, whispering with a tiny voice, looking down at his feet.
Lexa was quick to walk back to him and kneel in front of him so he could look her in the eyes.
“I’m not going to leave you. I promised. You remember?”
Ayden weakly nodded yes, his eyes full of tears.
“When I was living in France, Anya and I had the habit to cross our pinkie fingers like this” she said with a gentle voice while entwining their fingers “and in order to promise to the other, we used to say” Lexa paused, composing herself a very formal voice, “croix de bois croix de fer si je mens je vais en enfer”.
Ayden shot their fingers a curious look, not understanding the French words Lexa had said.
“it means wood cross iron cross if I lie I go to hell” Lexa translated, “it’s a sacred oath to me. I can’t break it. I’m not going to leave you.”
Ayden nodded more frankly this time, reassured by Lexa’s gesture. Lexa smiled to him, getting up. She had kneeled a lot today, and her knees were kind of hurting. But she was not the priority.
“Maybe you could go with me to choose the clothes you would like to wear,” She asked and went to close the water.
Ayden nodded once again and followed Lexa to her dressing, putting his hand in hers at the second she was beginning to walk a little too far from him.
If Lexa’s heart jumped out of her chest by the gesture, Ayden didn’t noticed.