Don't Forget About Me
Song : Don’t forget about me by Cloves
Back in her building, Lexa sat at her desk, taking a few minutes break, exhausted after her meeting. Because of Titus, she had had to explain why she wasn’t actually running for Mayor, and all the directors of the companies had argued with her about her decision.
And of course, that tiny moment of silence had to be broken by Titus who came into her office, still trying to convince her.
“Heda, if I may say, it would be a great thing for...”
“I don’t want to hear about that Titus”, Lexa snapped. “I don’t want to be Mayor. It wouldn’t serve my people well. End of discussion”.
Of course, Titus wanted to argue more, but he had learned not to push Lexa too much if she had already said no. Instead, he bowed his head and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Lexa sighed, and suddenly remembered Clarke and Ayden were at her place, waiting for her to come back. At least, Ayden was waiting. She had promised pancakes after all, and Lexa never broke promises. It was sacred.
At the moment she got up to take her coat and head outside, Anya made her way into her office.
“Hey Lex, where are you going?” Anya asked.
“I’m going back home”, Lexa answered, putting her coat on.
Anya frowned. Lexa never went home in the middle of the day, and she was sure that if Lexa could actually sleep in her office, she would do so.
“At nine in the morning?” Anya asked suspiciously.
“Yes. Ayden and Clarke are waiting for me”.
Anya’s eyes widened at hearing their names. Why were they still at Lexa’s? Everything was so weird; Lexa didn’t even know these people!
“Lexa, why are they still at your place?”, Anya started, “you don’t know these people. For what we know she could be a criminal hiding herself!”
“Come on Anya you know she’s not!” Lexa growled back.
“We can’t know for sure. Nobody invite strangers they meet in the streets into their house!”, Anya stated, raising her voice a little to make her point, “what if she is after your money? Everyone knows your face Lexa”.
Lexa snorted, because she knew she was known to a lot of people, but not to Clarke apparently.
“She doesn’t know who I am”, Lexa said, “and she didn’t even want my help at the first place”.
Anya sighed, seeing her cousin wasn’t about to change her mind. She was still afraid though, because Clarke didn’t look like a bad person, and Anya had to admit Ayden was really sweet, but they didn’t know them. It was too much of a risk.
“Be careful Lexa”, Anya just said, “with Nia on your back, things are going to get complicated”.
If you get yourself to care about Blondie and her son, Anya added in her head. Lexa just nodded.
“Tell Titus my appointments are to be cancelled today”, she ordered, and the brunette headed outside.
In the streets, Lexa quickened her pace, knowing she was gone for a couple of hours now, and she didn’t want to come back home finding a crying Ayden, thinking Lexa had left him alone. She remembered she had promise maple syrup with the pancakes, and stopped by a grocery store on her way back. The little shop was crowded by people, and it took a long time finding what she was looking for. Why has everyone the need to do groceries on Thursday morning? She finally reached her front door, looking for her keys. She tried to unlock the door, but frowned. It wasn’t locked. She was sure she had locked it before leaving. A weird feeling began to grow in her chest.
She entered her apartment, putting the grocery bag on the counter.
“Ayden, I’m back! Are you hungry?” She asked at loud, removing her coat.
No answer. Lexa frowned again; she was surprised he wasn’t already running into the kitchen. Ayden was always running, and she didn’t have to live with him for more than two days to figure that out.
Suddenly, something hit her. The bags. They were no bags in her living-room. Clarke’s bags weren’t there anymore. Her heart began to pound in her chest, and she rushed to her bedroom. They weren’t there.
“Ayden?”, she called again, “Ayden?”
She run around the whole apartment, like Ayden had done it an hour ago, looking for her. But obviously that was something she wouldn’t know.
Lexa stopped looking after a while, facing the facts. They were gone. They had left while she was out. She let herself fall onto the couch, a sudden urge to cry. Of course Clarke would have run at the first time she got.
Then, she noticed the note she wrote to Clarke still on the counter. She got up and picked the piece of paper up, and her heart ached when she read what Clarke had written under her own words.
We don’t want your pity. We won’t let you use us for your campaign. Sorry for the clothes we took. Clarke.
Lexa then noticed the newspaper next to the note. Of course Clarke had to see that and interpret it, Lexa mentally shouted. Why Clarke would have thought differently?
Full of anger, Lexa crushed the note into a ball, throwing it across the room. She knew that as soon as Clarke would wake up, she would tell her to stop helping them, but she had hoped that, maybe, she would have accepted to stay a little longer here with Ayden. Now, thanks to Titus and Nia and the whole company she owned, all hopes were dead now.
Lexa buried her face into a pillow. She was stupid, so stupid. Why was she doing that to herself? She couldn’t let herself feel right now. Feelings are weakness. Love is weakness. Lexa knew this, and she had learned it the hardest way. Lexa sat properly, shaking her head to bring some lucidity within her. I will never see them again. And it is for the best.
She took a look at her watch. 10 Am. She took her phone, and called Titus.
“Heda?” He immediately answered, “is everything ok?”
Lexa sighed into the phone. This guy was always worried about her. Titus was a sort of manager, he was supposed to help her leading the companies, teaching her stuff, because Lexa was too young to know all there was to know about business. Titus had been here, from the start, and Lexa knew he had experience with helping CEOs, but she was not a child anymore. She still needed him to be a god CEO, but nothing else.
“I am fine, Titus. Reset my meetings for today. I’m coming to the office.”
“It will be done, Heda.”
Lexa hung up, and sighed again. She was beginning to have that tiny feeling of an empty space inside her, but she quickly ignored it and went into the bathroom to change, completely forgetting about the pancakes she was about to make a few minutes earlier.
Walking in the streets after leaving Lexa’s loft, Ayden was still sniffing, but he was now walking beside Clarke, his tiny hand in hers, almost clinging to her right arm. She had decided to take the longer way around the neighbourhood. She didn’t talk to the others since three weeks now, and she knew they were probably trying to reach her. She even had turned her phone off, not wanting Bellamy or anyone to call her every two hours to know where she was, even though she had promised to always keep it on. Clarke knew she needed help and she couldn’t continue like this much longer, and that she couldn’t go out of this crap without them, god how bad she knew she couldn’t properly take care of Ayden on her own, and it was tearing her apart. But she wasn’t ready. Not yet. She had to figure it out by herself. But being with Lexa for just even a couple of days was making her feel like she didn’t want to have to figure it out by herself. Clarke shook her thoughts out of her head as they were finally in front of their house. It’s been three weeks, Clarke thought. He calmed himself now. We are safe. She saw how Ayden was clinging to her arm, trying to be as close to her as possible. And this was breaking her heart too.
She unlocked the door, making her way into the house. She gasped when she realize the shape of the floor; everything was broken. Flash from this night were coming into her mind, and she had to force herself not to cry. Her body was still sore from three weeks ago. Finn went mad, and exploded. Clarke could still feel some light bruises. Fortunately, Ayden was asleep that night, and Clarke thanked god that he didn’t see anything. Clarke could feel Ayden shaking against her. Seeing all of this mess was terrifying him.
But Clarke couldn’t know he remembered, too. He was supposed to be asleep, but the noise downstairs had waking him up, and he had gotten up to see what was going on. He was only five, but he knew things were supposed to be different. He knew that Finn wasn’t supposed to grab his mother like this. He knew he wasn’t supposed to throw at Clarke every object he could find, breaking it against a wall or the floor. He knew this was wrong. And he was really afraid, for him and his mother.
Ayden get closer to his mom, wishing they still could be with Lexa, eating pancakes for breakfast. Ayden knew she wasn’t his mother nor his father, but Lexa had at least protected them, and she saved his mom. And Ayden felt safe with her. Clarke kneeled down next to Ayden, switching her phone back on.
“Maybe you could go to your room and play some games on my phone? I need to find your father and clean the house a little”, she said.
Ayden weakly nodded and run into his bedroom upstairs.
Clarke carefully did the tour of the house to see if Finn was there. Fortunately, he wasn’t. Maybe he was at work. Probably not. She sighed, and went into the kitchen to take a trash bag to clean the mess they had made three weeks ago. Three weeks ago, and it’s like Finn hadn’t been here at all, Clarke thought. But then she withdrew her words, seeing all the empty alcohol bottles on the coffee table in the living-room. Clarke carefully put all the glass bottles in a carton to throw them away later. Then, she began to clean the rest of the house up, being careful not to cut herself on the broken glass of frame pictures. She had to restraint herself hard from crying when she spotted the broken frame of her father and herself. She couldn’t be weak now. Her mind was constantly wondering about Lexa. Did the brunette was back home now? Did she find out they were gone? What was she thinking right now? Clarke shook her head, because she couldn’t think about this. Lexa had wanted to use them. Clarke had made the right decision by leaving. Didn’t she? Still, she was hoping that maybe, Lexa wasn’t going to forget about them.
It took her an hour to pick everything up from the floor and make the house clean again. She was washing the dishes, when the door opened. Her blood froze. Finn was here.
Finn leaned on the kitchen’s door, apparently surprised to see Clarke. Clarke’s eyes widened too, because he had bruises all over his face, and his nose was now making a weird angle. Did he get caught in a fight? Since when Finn was fighting?
“Clarke, you’re home”, Finn stated, a beamed smile slowly rising on his face.
Clarke nodded, not very sure about what to do. He didn’t seem mad, but she couldn’t be sure.
“I’ve missed you”, he said, getting closer to her, “and I’m hungry. Can you make dinner?”
Clarke had to keep herself from taking a few steps away from him; she didn’t know what his reaction could be now.
“Ok Finn” she said instead “but I have to make a few groceries before because the fridge is empty”.
Finn frowned, but nodded.
“Ok.”
Clarke wanted to ask questions about his face, but didn’t. As Clarke carefully passed him, a strong smell of alcohol hit her nose. Finn was drunk. That’s why he was acting weird. Suddenly, Clarke wasn’t so sure about leaving the house and letting Finn be alone with her son. But she knew that if she wasn’t making dinner soon, he would get angry real fast, and she didn’t want that to happen, no really she didn’t.
As on cue, Finn started to walk in the house –it was more like he was wavering really, because he didn’t seem able to properly stand on his feet-.
“Where is Ayden?” he called.
Clarke hesitated to respond to him. He never had hit Ayden, but still.
“Where is my son, woman?” Finn said again, burping.
Clarke shivered.
“Upstairs. I’m going to do the groceries now”.
Finn nodded, and let himself fall onto the couch.
Clarke hated herself for not being able to say no. For not being able to kick him out. For not being able to protect herself and Ayden, for not being able to ask for help or accept some. She hated herself so much, because she was so weak.
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she headed outside. It was her life. And she wasn’t in control of it.
The end of the day was coming, and Lexa was fuming in her office. Everything was wrong. Her colleagues were incapables, her secretary was always messing things up with the papers Lexa had to sign, the coffee an assistant had bring her wasn’t hot enough, Titus had forgotten to tell her one of the company’s boss had called, and sundown was here way too soon. And when another assistant had had the nerve to come into her office and telling her the press wanted to talk to her about her running for Mayor, it had been the straw that broke the camel, or as they said in France, la goutte qui fait déborder le vase, the drop which makes the vase overflow.
Lexa had gotten up, and had yelled at her assistant, telling him to go to hell because she didn’t want to talk to the press because I’M FUCKING NOT RUNNING FOR MAYOR. The poor guy had never run that fast out of Lexa’s office.
Of course, Anya had been near, and was quick to make her way towards Lexa, locking the door beside her.
“You’re here”, Anya stated.
Lexa sighed, raising her hands in the air.
“Yes I’m fucking here, where do you want me to be?” she almost yelled at her cousin.
If Anya was surprised about Lexa’s outburst, she didn’t show it.
“Control yourself, Heda”, Anya said, clearly not impressed by the girl.
Lexa took a deep breath to calm her down, because her cousin was right. She was Heda. She couldn’t show her emotions like this, whatever they were. Hell, Lexa didn’t even know why she was so angry.
“I thought you were going to look after Blondie and her boy”, Anya stated again when Lexa had calmed herself down a little. .
“Well I’m not because they left”, Lexa answered, still not looking at her.
Anya could see Lexa had clenched her teeth together, and that wasn’t a good sign.
“I’m sorry”, the older woman said.
She didn’t know what else to say. Lexa had always been the one to tell her love was weakness. That feeling things was weakness, and that in order to survive, they had to shut those feelings down. Lexa wasn’t use to feel things, and Anya wasn’t for sure use to see Lexa feel. Her younger cousin had had feelings, once, but well... It didn’t turn out that well. So Anya didn’t understand Lexa’s state of mind right now. Was she sad because they had left? Was she just angry because she had had a rough day? The second possibility was quickly out of Anya’s mind though, because Lexa had had really tougher days back in the past.
“I’m fine Anya”, Lexa snapped, closing the files on her desk, and getting her stuff to head back home.
“Do you want us to have dinner together tonight?” Anya carefully asked, already knowing the answer to that question.
“No I have work to do”, Lexa coldly answered.
Anya nodded, wished her a good evening and got out of the office. She knew well not to push Lexa, especially when she was cold and stoic and closed up like this. She sighed, and got out of the building to head to her own place.
Lexa tightened the scarf around her neck to keep the cold wind to freeze her. She was walking fast, in a hurry to be at home. But then, she spotted something she knew she would recognize everywhere. A silhouette she knew well. Clarke. Lexa quickly thought about hiding herself somewhere or entering a shop to avoid crossing path with Clarke, but she lost the time she had thinking about what to do, and soon enough Clarke was almost bumping into her.
Recognition flashed into Clarke’s eyes at the sight of the brunette she had almost hit.
“Lexa”.
“Clarke”.
Neither of them knew what to do or what to say, but Clarke cut Lexa off as soon as she started to speak.
“Clarke listen...”
“No you listen”, Clarke said, “I’m grateful for what you did for us, but we are not people you can use to win votes”.
Lexa wanted to protest, she desperately wanted to explain everything to Clarke, to tell her it was not what had happened, that it was all because of that bitch Nia, but every single word she was trying to make were dying in her throat as Clarke was piercing her with her blue eyes.
“We are not that easy to win. Bye, Lexa”.
Clarke turned around and walked away, leaving a frozen Lexa in the middle of the pavement. What had just happened? Lexa was so angry at herself for not being able to explain the misunderstanding to Clarke. Right now, she wanted to run after her and force the blonde to listen to her, but Lexa had pride too. Clarke didn’t want to see her again. And Lexa decided she didn’t want to either.
But of course, Lexa was not fooling anyone, not even herself. The girl sighed as she held her hand in the air to call for a cab.
She recognised the car as soon as it parked next to her, and she made a small smile at Lincoln to great him. Lincoln smiled back noticing the stoic facade Lexa had put on her face, and didn’t try to make conversation with her because obviously she didn’t want to talk today. Lincoln made her give him her destination, and he didn’t have to put the address of Lexa’s loft in his GPS anymore. He began to drive, and increased the radio’s volume. Soon, a calming melody was filling the car.
If I fall, can you pull me up?
Is it true, you’re watching out
And when I'm tired, do you lay down with me?
In my head so I can sleep without you?
Lexa leaned her head against the window, watching the buildings scroll in front of her eyes.
And hey, hey
without you there’re holes in my soles
Hey, hey
let the water in
Lexa’s mind was full of images about a certain blonde, sleeping on her bed, sleeping on the couch, smiling back at her, or watching her son run in the grass. Her mind was full of images with Ayden too, when they had played games, eat together, that moment when she had awoke feeling him snuggling in her bed, or the many times he had slept on her chest, his nose buried in her neck.
Where ever you've gone?
How, how, how?
I just need to know
that you won't forget about me
Where ever you've gone?
How, how, how?
I just need to know
that you won't forget about me
Lincoln stopped the car in front of Lexa’s door, and Lexa obviously gave him more money than needed. They nodded at each other, and Lexa got back inside. She closed the door, and leaned on it for a few seconds, taking a look at her loft which was a lot emptier than the day before. She took her coat off, threw her shoes in the shoes’ basket –yeah, in France her and her family had a huge basket to put their shoes into- and got into the kitchen to make something to eat. She noticed the dishes in the sink. Tonight, she would be eating alone. She opened the fridge, to close it a minute after. Lexa’s wasn’t hungry. She spotted the newspaper, this piece of crap which had made Clarke run away, and passed a finger on the pictures.
“Don’t forget about me”, Lexa whispered.
Then, she threw the newspaper in the bin, and got into her bedroom, completely exhausted about her day.
She was now lying on her bed, closing her eyes. But suddenly, a certain smell reached her nose. Clarke’s sent was all over the sheets. Lexa buried her face into the pillows. And for the first time in a while, Lexa was feeling alone.
And I get lonely without you
And I can't move on
And I get lonely without you
I can't move on
Move on...
A single tear rolled down Lexa’s cheek. Sleep was hard to find that night.