Unsteady

It’s only been three days since Ashlyn got home from the hospital. She has yet to press send to any text she’d want to send Ali but of course, she found herself getting nervous. On top of that, Ali had not sent her a text asking if she was doing okay or if the baby was fine. It had her wondering. Ali had spent most of the next day taking care of Jaxon while doctors and nurses were passing by to check on Lily and Ashlyn. When Ashlyn was discharged, Ali had given her a big hug and as their eyes met, a spark definitely lit.

She felt as though the whole way Ali and her met was a one time deal; something that wouldn’t come back because it was too good to be true. After Melanie passed away, a lot of things weren’t so great anymore and Ashlyn constantly told herself that the good things were out of her control; a superior force of chance.

But she found herself increasingly thinking of this beautiful brown-haired, brown-eyed woman that helped her tremendously through the birth of her child. Ali was the first person she thought of in a way that was more than a friend since Melanie’s passing. Maybe it was time to start moving on and meeting a wonderful woman.

And so, Thursday afternoon, she finally sent a text.

It was only to see how she was doing, since she was the only thing on her mind besides the newborn and Jaxon.

Ashlyn: Hi Ali, how’s it going?

It takes a good 3 hours to get a reply from Ali. Ashlyn finds herself busy feeding Lily, bathing Jaxon, napping with the both.

Ali: Hi! Ashlyn! I’m so sorry I haven’t texted you. I’ve been super busy doing long shifts and tomorrow is my first day off since. I’ve been meaning to text you; I’ve just been super tired and it slipped my mind… several times. L

Ashlyn wakes up with a sudden ding she hears from her phone. Ali.

Ashlyn: It’s okay. I hope all is well with you and work.

Ali: Yes! How are you? How’s my man, Jax? How’s Lily?

Ashlyn: I’m fine, Jax is… jealous and Lily is having a hard time latching for feeding time :/ So she ends up really whiny and crying because she’s hungry! I try and try and she just won’t.

Ali: I’m sorry, honey. I can stop by tomorrow if you’d like? I mean, if that’s cool with you. I also got trained in the NICU and have some experience with helping new moms.

Ashlyn: Oh, that would be helpful. 608 Harper St. 11 am?

Ali: I’ll be there.

And with plans made, Ashlyn has a peaceful smile on her face. A single mom with two children: a toddler and a newborn. It’s hard but she’s handling it and she may soon have help.

Friday

At 10:30 in the morning, Ashlyn is rushing to get showered and ready, something she hasn’t done in the passed few days. She managed to shower once or twice since she got home with Lily. Thankfully her shower doors are glass and she can watch Lily sleeping peacefully in her carrier.

As soon as Ashlyn steps out of the shower, she gets a text from Ali saying she’d be there soon and she’s on her way. Already?

So she gets ready. She slips on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, puts her hair up in a ponytail and brushes her teeth. She decides to put on a bit of make up to look somewhat presentable in front of this beautiful woman.

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rings and Jaxon runs from the play room to the front door. He checks the side window and sees Ali and knocks so that she sees him.

“Momma! Ali!” He yells excitedly and she yells back from upstairs.

“Oh, Jax. A minute, please” Ashlyn finds herself easily getting frustrated with the little one just because she has her hands full. She carries the carrier down the stairs, sets it on the floor beside the couch and jogs to open the door.

As she opens the door to Ali, pushing a loose strand of her away from her face, she accidentally bumps into Jaxon, who is standing behind her leg.

“Oh! Jax! Would you watch it?!” She unintentionally raises her voice and Jaxon goes running off before she can even welcome Ali into the home. Ashlyn realizes her error and runs her hands on her scalp. Fuck, she whispers.

Ali just walks in and takes Ashlyn into an embrace. She rubs her back and Ashlyn wants to cry so hard but holds the feeling in her throat. She mumbles her apologizes to Ali and Ali pulls away.

“Ashlyn, don’t. You’re stressed. It’s normal. You wanna go talk to Jax for a minute. I’ll watch Lily” She peeks behind Ashlyn to see Lily sleeping in her carrier.

“Thank you” Ashlyn walks towards the playroom behind the living room and sees Jaxon sitting in a corner, crossed-arms.

“Jaxon, baby. I’m sorry.” She kneels in front of him and takes him in for a hug. He immediately cries and hugs her at the same time.

She sits him on her lap and rubs his back. She’s ready to cry again.

“Talk to me, Jaxy.” She pleads and looks down at him.

“Momma don’t like me. Just Lily” He looks down at his fingers.

“No, baby. That is absolutely not true. Lily just needs some help right now. She is a tiny little baby and she can’t walk or talk or do anything like you can. But you’re always my favorite little boy, okay? I promise. Just tell momma when you don’t feel included. You can even help momma with Lily. Whatever you want, munchkin.” She kisses his head and hugs him tighter.

“I want Ali come help like she do at the hospital. Ali play with me and we have fun. Nobody forgot me.” He looks up at Ashlyn, which breaks her heart.

“No. Nobody is ever going to forget you. Ali is here to help today, okay? It’s going to get better, honey.” She kisses his head and gets up with him in her arms. “Come see Ali, baby.”

Ashlyn is carrying a cute little Jaxon who is still in his alligator pyjamas and he hides in Ashlyn’s neck.

“Hi Jax!” Ali says and gets up from leaning next to Lily.

“Do you want to come see me?” Ali puts her arms out and Jaxon copies her, motioning for her to take him into her arms.

“Ali” He says quietly in content.

“Somebody loves you” Ashlyn mouths.

Ali nods happily and kisses his head.

Lily wakes up and begins whimpering before her wailing cries and Ashlyn gets her out of the carrier.

“Yep. It’s lunchtime for this little one. If she eats.” Ali sees the distress in Ashlyn’s eyes. Ashlyn sits on the sofa behind them and starts preparing to feed her.

“Do you want me to try and help?” Ali offers.

“If you want” Ashlyn says.

“Jax, can you prepare a game? I just need to help momma for a few minutes.” Ali puts him down and he nods and runs off into the back room.

“Okay, so, you’re going to have to see my boobs but we’re all women here so…” Ashlyn lets herself trail off and she lifts her shirt. Ali sits beside her.

“I don’t care at all, Ash” In fact she may, since she also finds Ashlyn quite the attractive woman.

Ashlyn is wearing a grey sports bra, which she lifts up and places her breast for little Lily to latch onto and Ali immediately sees the problem.

“Ash, hun, hold her neck up a bit more” And so Ashlyn fixes her positioning.

“She still won’t latch” Ashlyn jumps to conclusion.

“Just hold on. May I?” Ali reaches towards Ashlyn’s breast and the baby and Ashlyn okays it with a nod.

Ali gently places Lily’s mouth towards the nipple, which Ali’s hand gently brushes and Lily latches. Ali smiles.

“It’s all about positioning, momma” Ashlyn thanks her and lets Lily nurse.

“I’m gonna play with Jax a bit, that okay?” Ali begins getting up and Ashlyn nods smiling.

She’d be perfect, Ashlyn thinks.