Chapter 8
They say that seing is beliveing but i dont think that i can trust my eyes anylonger they really dont do the best for me in my times of need ant thos i think will only get worse as my time of need increases and what i need to belive in to survive becomes larger and larger but again this is what i wonder can we really all be so civil that the lord shall not come for us in our time of need and shall save us. shall our sins be sans' from the record of humanity will god forgive us for what we have done bolth good and bad will he forgive us for being so hedonist as searching for love. in the end none of us will know and none of us will truly belive in what we see and in this time we need to go forward and proclaim to god that he needs us and he needs our love to truly exist on this planet.
But i would be lying if i were to say that i was a religious man im anything but really, i never have belived and god and im pretty sure that i never will based on how if he was real there would be no reason for him not to help us in our time of need and that if he didnt help us why souyld we be praying to him anyways. but my entire family is roman catholic so i have to keep up aperases. they already hate my awsome short mowhawk thinkg and they hate how im always tring to sell people convetion ovens they say that its the work of satan but what do they know it just cooks meat so much faster than a normal oven. in the end i really think i know why people tell me to tee-pose. its becuase they need somone that they can belive in they need somone that they can go to in there time of recucitation and they need somone who can hit that pose better than anyone before.
REALLY THO i have loved a woman before her name was samantha and this could be for any number of reasons but she left me... i swear i didnt cheat on her it was the grandma who climbed onto my dick i didnt stick it. anyways the time for her had passed and the only thing i could think of was if she could ever take me back so in a moment of weakness i called her "hey, its been a while i was wondering if you were still up for that drink?"
"what do you want asshole" she growled throught the phone at me.
"i Just want to take you out for that drink that you called rain check on first at your party, then at the funeral, and then at the old persons home", thining about it i realised she really probably didnt want to see me ever again if it was in her power and i belived that it was.
she responded will a cold fury "yea but after this were donezo, if you make one more mistake i swear to GOD i WILL KILL YOU PATRICE" The dial tone had become my best of freinds in this time the dull humming sound almost like the content purr that a cat makes when you feed it good food on a monday moring letting it sleep on the armrest of your car all day long.
noting that she had actually given me a chance i knew that i could not screw this up "after this were donzo" cept running through my ears and really in this time i had noting else to say. not wanting to give up on myself i got ready,"what should we wear out because you know that she will notice anywayss" she probably wouldent but you cant quiet interal musing quite as well as you can be shut down by your ex wife telling you that shes not taking half of your money but four and a half fithes of your money.
that really killes the vibe and the mood that i tried to build up in my head at that moment but i knew that i was over as soon as she found me balls deep into the floor remodling contracter... wanst my fault she slipped on the floor and slid right on anyways.....
the people of the world just dont get my plight i guess. actually i knew this to be true and anyone who said that the dissatifaction i had in my life was do to nothing buy my own faults would probably be right but i dont think that i would be the one to admit that to them they didnt control me and i didnt control them and that could be there falt but it probably was mine.
notcing that i had just spent a sold five minutes thinking about how i fucked up one of my marrages was sad enough but i think what was sadder is that i had only been able to change my trousers and nothing else and like a speed demaon a ripped through my clothes finding a new outfit within thirty seconds. a nice cashmear sweater that felt like elk skin when you touched it. and my old knock of army jacket that was sitting on the side stand of the coat rack. also i had on this hella fly hat that was a mix between a bowler and a tophat im not sure why i bought it in the first place but it was one of the best decitoins that i had ever made and thinkin about it i dont think that i ould ever regret it untill te end of my days even i i were to die the next day or in a hundred years there was only one thin that i could be certain of and that would be that my bowler hat was hella fly.
running out the door and down the streets of westbrook was one of the many things that i find myself doing on a regular basis im not so sure why im alwasy runing late but i quite very much would like to fix it even tho i dont think that that would be possible, in my time and in my experence i think that what i do in times of need is not very needed but definitly wanted by most people i have this odd ability. to perform very well under stress and let me tell you it is one of the most amazing trates that you can have. this is from many reasons but most of all its becuase i can average my results i can spend almost not time doing somthing but go hella hard and then not mess up or i can work really hard but mess the shit up.
and i had made it barley on time i had made it to the bar anad that's when i saw it. i saw her there stainding regaly in front of me he hair up in a bun frenching the serving girl. i had a heart attack
not even kidding
i literaly died