Chapter 12
Sitting there against the apartment door of the woman that she’s been in love with for years, Lexa can’t seem to keep her heart from racing. It’s practically pounding a tattoo against the inside of her chest, and if she weren’t so worried about something else at the moment, then she might be afraid of having a damn heart attack right about now. She doesn’t know how long that she’s been sitting there in the hallway with her back propped up against Clarke’s door, but she does know that she looks like a creep. It’s probably been close to an hour that she’s just been sitting here. She can’t really remember. She doesn’t really care. She would wait forever. Lexa only just hopes that Clarke will listen to her at all.
Two weeks.
It’s been two weeks since her almost marriage to Costia Daniels. Two weeks since Lexa called of the wedding because she finally realized that she’s in love with her best friend and has been for years. She doesn’t know if their friendship is forever ruined or not, but Lexa has to do this. She has to tell Clarke how she feels. They can’t continue like this. Like they’ve been doing. Ignoring the longing looks and lingering touches from each other. It’s always so damn confusing. It’s time to shed some light on everything. It’s time to come clean.
Lexa is knocked out of her thoughts by the sound of heels clacking down the hallway. The hall is wide and long, with around eight apartments on the floor alone. Needless to say, that the sound of the heels on the tile floor is echoing around her and into her ears. She feels her heart jump up into her throat when she sees the owner of the loud shoes turn the corner.
Clarke.
Her blonde hair is down, cascading over her bare shoulders. She dawns a stylish tank top with a pair of black slacks, and of course, heels. Lexa sees that Clarke hasn’t yet noticed her, as she sits stupidly on the ground in front of her best friend’s apartment. Clarke is preoccupied as she digs for something in her purse. Most likely her keys.
Lexa moves to stand up. She feels her knees shake and her hands tremble, and she honestly doesn’t know why she is this nervous to talk to Clarke. To talk to her best friend. She wipes her sweaty hands on the
thighs of her dark, skinny jeans and that’s when it happens.
Blue eyes look up to meet her own and she hears the clank of a set of keys hit the floor. It’s like everything is happening in slow motion and Lexa literally feels sick in this moment.
“Lexa.” She hears Clarke’s angelic voice say after a moment, and Lexa thinks that she’s never heard anything so sweet. She closes her eyes for a split second and she almost gets lost in her thoughts before the blonde speaks again. “Lexa? What are you doing here?”
Green eyes pop open. She had almost forgot that this is real. This is her reality. Lexa opens her mouth as if to speak, but then closes it. She has no clue where to begin and she feels like a complete and utter fool.
Every word that she had practiced inside her mind for the past two weeks, just disappeared.
“Is everything okay?” Clarke asks, since clearly Lexa forgot how to speak.
The brunette wipes her hands on her thighs again and nods, taking a step closer but immediately freezing when she sees Clarke tense. “I – umm… “ Lexa clears her throat and moves one hand to the back of her neck to rub. “I was in town and wanted to –“ She shakes her head and lets out a nervous chuckle. “I needed to see you.”
The two women just stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, until someone walks past them and it knocks Clarke out of her thoughts. The blonde clears her throat and bends down to pick up her keys that she had dropped a few moments ago. “Is this a bad time?” Lexa asks, and the fact that her voice is so small and terrified does not go unnoticed by Clarke.
“Actually,” Clarke starts as she walks closer to her apartment door and to Lexa. “I was just dropping some things off. I’m going out for dinner.” She lies.
“Oh – yeah, right. Of course.” Lexa replies awkwardly, stepping out of the way so that her friend can open the door. She did not think this through. She should have contacted Clarke before just showing up like this. Yet another strike against Lexa fucking Woods. Clarke steps into the apartment, but only for a second. She comes back out and shuts the door, adjusting her purse on her shoulder and giving Lexa a shy look. “May I walk you?” Lexa asks meekly and Clarke gives her an unsure look. “I mean – I can just walk with you to wherever you’re going. I’ll be in town for a while, so whenever you want – we can have dinner or, you know… something.”
“Don’t you have work?” Clarke asks, and she immediately hates how cold and uncaring she sounds. “I mean, are you still on vacation or something?”
“Oh – umm…” Lexa knows that neither Raven nor Octavia has filled Clarke in on what happened. That Lexa did not, in fact, get married to Costia two weeks ago. “Richard, my boss, told me to take as much time as I needed off. You know, to clear my head…”
Clarke turns to lock her apartment door and hums to herself. “Something wrong?” She asks, knowing that she could never be so cold to Lexa. She could never ignore her and pretend like she didn’t have even the slightest feelings for the green-eyed woman.
“No.” Lexa only half lies. “It’s fine, I just needed to make a trip out to the city and the boss gave me the go ahead.” Lexa grins when Clarke turns back around to look at her. “Might take in a couple of Yankees’ games while I’m here, if you’re interested.” Lexa knows that Clarke can’t resist a good baseball game. Especially the Yankees.
Clarke hums again, and it draws Lexa eyes down to her full plump lips and over to the beauty mark that rests just above them. The blonde turns to walk down the hallway, and Lexa feels her heart sink again as Clarke walks off without her. When Clarke makes it about halfway down the hallway, she turns her head and looks at Lexa. The brunette thinks that she spots a hint of a smile tug at the corner of those lips she had been staring at just a second ago. “Are you going to walk me or not?”
Lexa thinks that she’s never moved that fast in her life to catch up with someone.
//
Clarke cannot believe that she let her wall that she had built up, already be knocked down a little bit by Lexa. She’s imagined what their first conversation would be for the past two weeks. She’s played so many different scenarios in her head, it’s ridiculous, but none of them were of Lexa walking her to a place to meet friends for dinner. (Clarke had most definitely lied about that one, but she didn’t know what else to do.) She couldn’t be left alone with Lexa at her apartment. Not yet. She needed more time to think… That or she’s just terrified about everything could pan out.
The sun is beginning to set as the pair of friends round the corner towards the restaurant that Clarke had told Lexa that she was meeting Wells. She still has no idea as to what she’s going to do when she gets there. She decides that she’ll just wing it.
“How’s the art business going?” Lexa asks awkwardly as the two of them continue to walk. The brunette has been fiddling with her hands behind her back for the past three blocks. She can think of nothing but reaching out to touch Clarke. Reaching out to hug her best friend and apologize for being such a fucking idiot.
Without looking, Clarke answers quietly. “Good. It’s going good.”
Lexa hums not knowing, really, how to respond.
Silence washes over them again, and Lexa has never felt more uncomfortable in her life. This is Clarke. Her best friend for the past decade. Since when has she let a little awkwardness stop her from being honest with her best friend. (Since forever, Lexa thinks to herself.) She’s been lying to herself about her feelings for Clarke for ages. She thought that she had gotten over them, but clearly she was wrong.
Lexa lets out a nervous chuckle and finally, finally Clarke’s gorgeous blue eyes look up to meet Lexa’s own. “What’s so funny?” The blonde asks with a quirk of her brow.
“This.” Lexa replies softly as she looks back down to her feet as they walk. “I think that we should talk, Clarke. I – I can’t handle this. You’re my best friend, and I can’t continue to not have a real conversation with you.” Lexa stops when she realizes that they are in front of the restaurant where Clarke said that she was meeting Wells. “It’s been killing me the past two weeks. This silence.”
“It has me too.” Clarke responds so softly that Lexa almost misses it. Almost.
Lexa looks to Clarke again, and she thinks that she spots a shimmer of a tear in the cerulean eyes that have haunted her dreams for the past few years, but especially in the past two weeks. Lexa chooses not to say anything about the tears, though. “I have to tell you something.” Clarke quirks an eyebrow again, insisting that Lexa continue with what she has to say.
The brunette nervously fumbles around with her fingers and rocks back a couple of times on her heels, before inhaling deeply. “I didn’t get married.” She finally says, and she said it so quickly and quietly that
Clarke obviously didn’t hear her.
“What?”
Lexa huffs and looks back up to Clarke, deciding to stand tall and be honest with Clarke for once. “I didn’t get married, Clarke. I couldn’t – I didn’t marry Costia.” It takes a couple of seconds, but Lexa notices the exact moment that the words work their way into Clarke’s brain. Her blue eyes widen and her lips part slightly, and then a look of confusion washes over her. Followed by one of anger.
“You what?” Clarke practically shouts, and Lexa looks around at the people walking around them, staring. Clarke grabs a hold of Lexa’s face and turns her to look at her again. “What do you mean that you didn’t get married, Lexa?” The shorter of the two women drops her hand when she realizes how tightly she was holding on to Lexa’s face, and how closely she had stepped in to her.
“I couldn’t go through with it.” Lexa answers and her eyes search frantically over Clarke’s face trying to find something, anything, that would tell her what Clarke was thinking. She found nothing. “I love Costia, but I – I wasn’t in love with her. I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t do that to myself or to y –“ She stops herself, and her heart starts to pound inside her chest.
“How am I – why has no one told me this?” Clarke asks, her anger and hurt evident in her voice. “Why am I just finding out about this, Lexa?” The way that Clarke practically spits her name causes Lexa to cringe. “What? I’m not important enough to know that my best friend didn’t get married two weeks ago when she was supposed to?”
“Clarke,” Lexa breathes out. “Please. You’re causing a scene.” Clarke’s voice had most definitely caught the attention of the few patrons that were gathered outside the eatery, but the blonde clearly didn’t care.
Clarke lets out a loud, sarcastic laugh and then grabs a hold of Lexa’s wrist and pulls her around the corner to an alleyway beside the building. “Is this better? Is this what you want? Tell me!”
“Why are you being like this, Clarke? I needed time, okay?” Lexa throws her hands into her hair and then runs them across the front of her face. “Jesus Christ. That wasn’t an easy thing for me to do, especially on the day of our wedding. I – I never thought that I would be that person.”
“Well, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”
“Why are you so fucking mad, Clarke?” Lexa argues back. The loudness of her voice takes Clarke aback this time. “Yes, you’re my best friend. Yes, I probably should have told you before it even happened, but I didn’t and I can’t go back and change that. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and you’re the first person that I’ve wanted to talk to this entire time. You’re the only person I’ve wanted to talk to.”
“So, what? Now you’re ready to talk? Talk about what, Lexa? You want to talk about feelings?” The sarcasm and anger is a constant flowing force, and Lexa has never seen Clarke this frustrated. This agitated.
Lexa lets out a sarcastic laugh of her own. “Oh. That’s rich coming from you, Clarke. Why don’t you talk about YOUR feelings for once?” Lexa knows that there is something going on between the two of them now, and it’s not just one-sided. It’s not just her. Clarke rolls her eyes and turns her back towards Lexa, leaning her hands against the side of the building and taking a deep breath. “No?” Lexa starts in again. “So, what should I do, Clarke? Should I just go back and beg Costia to take me back? Would that make you feel better, if I just go back and beg her to marry me?”
“No!” Clarke yells, turning around to face Lexa again, and she gasps when she realizes how close they are to each other. She takes a second to gather her emotions and wits. Standing this close to Lexa after so long should not be this big of a deal, but it is. Lexa always has this effect on Clarke, and Clarke has the same effect on Lexa. “No, Lexa.” Clarke says again. Her voice is so much calmer and smoother. It’s almost as if it’s a whole other person talking now. “I don’t want you to do that. You were clearly not happy with her. You deser – you deserve to be happy.” A pause. “You deserve the world.”
The two women watch each other closely, trying to find out where the other one stands, but it’s Clarke who breaks the silence again. “I should go.” She really has nowhere else to be, but Lexa doesn’t know that. She just needs a little more time. A little more time to think about everything, before she can have another conversation with the brunette. “I, um – I have to meet Wells. I’m late.” Lexa nods her head slowly and looks down at her shoes in defeat. “But - I do want to talk to you.” Clarke says, bringing her hand to rest on her best friend’s shoulder. Lexa looks defeated and that’s not something that Clarke is used to seeing.
She feels terrible. Awful, really, for the way that she just treated the other woman. “We need to talk.”
Lexa nods and Clarke retracts her hand.
“I’ll call you, alright?” Clarke says softly.
“Yeah – yes.” Lexa replies nervously, the skin of her shoulder still burning from Clarke’s touch. “I’d like that.”
Clarke nods. “Okay. We’ll talk soon.” And with that, Lexa leaves Clarke’s side and the blonde makes her way into the restaurant, skipping the food altogether and heading straight to the bar.
//
It’s late. Too late. Clarke has been rolling around in her bed at the apartment for the past two hours, and she cannot seem to find sleep. It’s been two days since Lexa showed up at her door step and told her that she, in fact, did not marry Costia. Clarke’s mind is still blown. How could Lexa not have told her? How could Octavia or Raven not have told her? The emotions in her head keep interchanging between anger, sadness, and confusion. At this point, it’s mostly confusion.
Why did Lexa call the wedding off last minute? It was obvious that Lexa wasn’t happy with Costia, but Clarke can’t wrap her mind around what finally made Lexa make that decision, and why it took her best friend two weeks to come clean to her.
Clarke flips around in her bed, once more, and reaches over to grab for her cell phone on the night stand. She knows what she wants to do. She knows who she wants to talk to, but she keeps putting it off. What will she say? How can they get passed all of the confusion between the two of them? And all of the mixed signals?
She knows what she wants. Clarke knows. But what does Lexa want? If this would have happened ten years ago, it would have been quite obvious what Lexa would want. She was in love with Clarke. That was
obvious. They brunette had even told her so, but at the time, Clarke couldn’t tie herself down.
Oh. How she wishes that she would have tied herself down to Lexa then. There has never been anyone else for her. Clarke was just too crazy to see that.
Before she knows it, Clarke is typing out a message and hitting send. She doesn’t even notice the time is one-thirty in the morning until after she sends it.
Clarke (1:32AM) – Are you up?
Clarke waits for what feels like an eternity, and she’s about to give up, thinking that Lexa was already asleep, before she sees the three small grey dots light up at the bottom of the screen.
Lexa (1:37AM) – I am. Is everything okay?
Clarke, unknowingly, grins to herself because of course Lexa would immediately check to make sure that she is okay.
Clarke (1:38AM) – Physically, I’m fine. It’s my head that’s fucked up.
Clarke (1:39AM) – I’m sorry that it has taken me this long to contact you.
Lexa (1:40AM) – You have nothing to apologize for, Clarke.
Lexa (1:40AM) - I feel like I should be apologizing to you for the rest of our lives.
Lexa (1:41AM) – I should have told you about calling off the wedding before it even happened.
At Lexa’s words, Clarke’s heart begins to flutter. She’s knows that it’s ridiculous and childish, but when Lexa says ‘our lives’, she can’t help but imagine a long and happy life with her best friend. That’s what she wants, but why is she still so afraid to tell the brunette that?
Clarke (1:42AM) – You definitely should have told me.
Clarke (1:42AM) – But, I can’t stay mad at you forever.
Clarke (1:42AM) – You know that.
Lexa (1:44AM) – You very well could, but I’m glad that you’re not mad.
Clarke (1:45AM) - I didn’t say that I was no longer mad.
Clarke (1:45AM) – There will have to be lots of spoiling going on.
Clarke smiles to herself, knowing that Lexa is already rolling her beautiful, green eyes at her, but smiling nonetheless.
Lexa (1:47AM) – Then spoiling there shall be.
Lexa (1:49AM) – Let me start making it up to you tomorrow? I have tickets to the game.
Clarke (1:53AM) – Have I ever refused a Yankees’ game?
Lexa (1:53AM) – That’s my girl.
There it is again. That damn flutter. Damn Lexa Woods and this effect that she has on Clarke.
Clarke (1:57AM) – Goodnight, Lexa.
Lexa (1:59AM) – Night, Clarke. Sleep well.
//
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Clarke is awoken from her sleep by the loud thumping on her apartment door. She closes her eyes only to open them once more when the thumping resumes. She groans as she rolls over to her side and reaches for her cell phone to check the time. It’s already nine in the morning. She never sleeps this late, but she is most definitely glad to have had the sleep. Sleep has not come easy to her over the past couple of weeks, and she’s happy to know that she makes her own work schedule or else she would be terribly late for another job.
The banging on the door starts again and she finds herself shouting into the empty space of her apartment. “I’m coming!” She lets out another groan and swings her legs off of the side of her bed. She wonders who the hell is banging on her door at nine in the morning. Octavia is out of town, along with Bellamy, and Wells is in London on a business trip for the firm.
The floor of Clarke’s apartment is concrete and cold beneath her warm feet, and she practically sprints through her apartment, completely forgetting that she is only wearing a pair of short shorts and a tank top with no bra.
When she reaches the door, she sets to unlocking all of the latches and deadbolts that Lexa had installed for her a few years ago. The brunette had told her that she would feel a lot better knowing that Clarke was locked up tight in her apartment while living alone. Once the door was finally unlocked, Clarke cracked the door and looked outside.
“Lexa?” Her sleep-rasped voice says quietly into the hallway, and she opens the door a little further. The brunette grins at her softly and lifts up a bag of something that smells amazing.
“Is it too early to start the spoiling?”
Clarke chuckles shyly, but then opens the door wider and steps aside to allow her best friend in. “It’s never too early to spoil me.” Lexa hands her the bag and they make their way into the dining area of Clarke’s place. “What is this?” The blonde asks as she starts rummaging through the take-out bag.
Lexa shrugs and sits down at the small table in the corner of the room. “I stopped by to grab you some breakfast on the way here.” Clarke eyes her best friend in suspicion.
“Lexa.” The brunette hums when Clarke calls her, and she avoids eye contact because she knows that she’s been caught. Clarke pulls out a glorious looking croissant and a small plate of smoked salmon, followed by a bowl of fresh fruit. It’s her favorite breakfast. “This food is from ‘LaFayette’.”
“And?” Lexa questions, trying to play dumb. “I thought that that was your favorite breakfast place? Has it changed? I can go get you something –“
“’LaFayette’ is nowhere close to here.” Clarke interrupts with a smile. “Did you go all the way across town to get this for me?”
There’s a bit of silence and Clarke’s grin widens when she sees the blush start to make its way down Lexa’s long neck. “Maybe.” The brunette practically whispers.
Clarke takes a seat in front of her friend at the table and looks at her fondly. “You didn’t have to do this.” She says. “But thank you. I haven’t eaten there in ages.”
Lexa nods and watches her best friend tear into her very expensive breakfast. Not that Lexa didn’t have the money to blow on stuff like that. She does, and she would gladly spend every time that she has to her name, in order to make Clarke happy. “This is just the beginning of the day.” Lexa says after a minute or so. “If you want, I have a whole day planned out.”
Clarke’s blue eyes look up to meet Lexa’s and the brunette tries to not watch the blonde’s lips as she chews. She thinks that she eventually sees a knowing smirk on Clarke’s face, but ignores it. “I think that I’d like that.”
//
It’s been two hours.
Two hours since Clarke and Lexa left Clarke’s apartment and made their way to Yankee Stadium for the game. Unlike most sporting events, Clarke could not keep her focus on the game. Her thoughts ran rampant through her mind. Her own thoughts and ideas polluting her brain and making her feel physically sick.
Lexa had still not brought up the fact that she called of her wedding with Costia. Or why she had.
Clarke fidgeted in her stadium seat and crossed her ankles in front of her; her popcorn and soda long forgotten as it sat between she and her best friend. The brunette beside her must have noticed all of Clarke’s movement, because after a few more moments Lexa turned her head to her friend. “What’s on your mind?”
Clarke looked over to Lexa with widened eyes, wondering how the taller woman always seems to know when something’s bothering her. “Nothing.” Clarke answers too quickly and shrugs her shoulders as if she has no idea what Lexa is talking about. “Just watching the game.” She continues, turning her eyes forward once more to watch the game.
Lexa huffs and sits up a little straighter, turning more in her chair to face Clarke. The baseball game has been long forgotten on Lexa’s part. If she’s honest, she hasn’t paid attention the entire time that they’ve been there. She can only think about Clarke. Telling Clarke how she feels about her. That’s all that she wants to do, but she can’t seem to make the words come out, and it never seems to be the right time. “I call ‘bullshit’ on that, Griffin.” Clarke turns back to her, whipping her hair around in the process. Her eyes are wide and then skeptical as blue searches over Lexa’s stoic face. “I call ‘bullshit’.” Lexa repeats herself.
“Excuse me?” Clarke responds, turning more towards her friend.
“Tell me what’s on your mind.” Lexa answers and then her voice goes softer. “It’s me, Clarke.” She says. “I’m your best friend.” Clarke doesn’t mean to, she really doesn’t, but she scoffs and then chuckles sarcastically.
The brunette looks a little taken aback by the look on Clarke’s face. It’s anger. It’s… hurt.
“I need you to tell me what the hell is going on, Lexa.” Clarke finally says, her voice much stronger and angrier than she meant for it to be. “You show up after two weeks and tell me that you called off your wedding…” Clarke huffs again. “If I’m you’re ‘best friend’, then why am I just now finding out about it, huh? Why didn’t you call me when it happened? Why didn’t you tell me before I –“ She stops herself, and makes herself look away from the green eyes that are boring into her own. “Before I left?”
Lexa looks at her best friend long and hard. Clarke is angry with her. That much is very evident, but she sees the tears start to form in the blonde’s eyes. “Clarke – I didn’t – I –“ She stutters, but nothing comes out.
She doesn’t know what to say, and in that moment, Lexa wants to crawl into a hole and die. Clarke looks at her once more, and when she sees that Lexa isn’t responding, she gets up and leaves.
Clarke leaves her there.
And before Lexa can even register what’s going on, Clarke is gone out of her sight.
“Shit!” Lexa exclaims, startling the older couple that had been sitting beside them, clearly listening to their entire conversation. Lexa jumps from her seat and stumbles up every step of the stadium to chase after her friend. When Lexa reaches the corridor, she’s happy that she tries to stay in such great shape, otherwise she would be about to keel over by now. Her head is on a swivel as she looks around, but has no luck in finding Clarke. “Clarke!” She yells, causing everyone to turn around and stare at her. She couldn’t care less. All she can think about now is Clarke. “I’m such a fucking idiot.” She murmurs to herself as she runs to the right, looking for her nearest exit.
She finds one quickly and is stopped at the gate by a large man with quite possibly the longest beard she’s ever seen. He works at the stadium. She’s seen him there before, but she really doesn’t have time for him so she tries to step around him, only to be blocked once more. “You wouldn’t happen to be running after a pretty blonde, now, would you?” His voice is powerful and raspy and Lexa can feel herself gulp at just how big this man is.
“Actually –“ She doesn’t get to say anything else before the man speaks again.
“She looked very upset.” He says, and Lexa shakes her head and looks down at her feet. She’s ashamed. She never meant to hurt Clarke. Never meant to make Clarke feel as if she didn’t matter to her, because it was quite the opposite in fact. Clarke is everything to her. She’s her entire world, and that’s exactly what she should have told Clarke back in the stadium. Back in their hotel in Chicago two weeks ago. “She took a cab.” The man continues after a moment, but this time his voice is softer. He must have noticed the defeated look or maybe it was the small tears rolling down Lexa’s face. Lexa looks back up to him and starts to open her mouth, but once again he stops her. “Heard her tell him to take her to the nearest park.” He shrugs. “Must have wanted to walk it off.”
Lexa’s lips turn up a little at that, because that’s exactly what Clarke likes to do when she’s upset, but then her grin falls and she remembers why her best friend is upset in the first place.
“Nearest park is just a few blocks down that way.” He uses his thumb to point behind him. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you just – you look trustworthy. So, you better fix whatever it is you did to that pretty woman.”
Nodding, Lexa steps past him and starts towards the way that the man had pointed before she turns back to him. “Thank you, um –“ She realizes that she doesn’t know his name, and he must notice because he gives her one in return.
“Gustus.”
“Thank you, Gustus.” She says before offering him a sweet smile and running towards the park.
//
Clarke had gotten out of the cab and practically sprinted around the small track that this park had to offer. She has been to it a couple of times before, but just in passing. It’s beautiful, really. Trees and flowers everywhere, all encircling a large fountain in the middle of the park area. After a while though, she spots a gazebo on the opposite side of the way that she had entered and she makes her way there. Her heart and mind are going ninety-to-nothing, and she can feel a few more tears trickle down her pale face.
Damn, Lexa.
Damn, Lexa and the feelings that she gives her.
Clarke wanted her best friend to answer her. She wanted Lexa to answer her and tell her how she feels for once in her life, but once Clarke starts to think… she’s done the same thing to Lexa for the past decade.
She knew, in the beginning, that Lexa loved her… but time has passed and they’ve grown to be close friends. The best of friends, and she never even imagined that Lexa might love her again. Might still love her.
She reaches the gazebo and places her hands against the railing, leaning over and attempting to catch her breath. Moments pass and she looks back up to look over the lovely park that she’s found herself in. Lexa would love it. The brunette would love all of the gorgeously colored flowers and trees and the way that the entire area is shaded by how big they are. She smiles when she imagines Lexa’s smile. She can’t be mad at Lexa. Not really. Not when she’s been lying to the other woman and herself for so long. Clarke has no right, but she still deserved to know that Lexa didn’t marry Costia.
Her eyes continue to skim across the park, when they land on something moving chaotically through the park. Down the pathway. Disturbing all of the people on their leisurely strolls.
Lexa.
She would be able to notice that hair flopping around anywhere. The brunette doesn’t see her. Not yet. Clarke sees how upset that Lexa clearly is, and she also sees how badly that she’s panting. She must have run from the stadium, but how did she know that she was here?
Clarke’s thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Lexa’s voice. “Clarke?” Their eyes lock and Clarke feels her heart stop.
Damn Lexa Woods.
“Clarke.” Lexa says again, but this time it’s much softer because she’s closer. She’s now standing beside her best friend. The woman that she loves. “I’m so –“ Lexa tries to catch her breath and Clarke really wants to laugh because it’s quite comical watching Lexa struggle like this, but she refrains. “I’m so, so sorry.” She finally manages to get out. “I didn’t – I should have told you. I should have told you about all of the doubts that I was having about the wedding. About – about my feelings.”
“Yeah.” Clarke says softly, nodding her head and look Lexa directly in the eye. “You should have told me.”
“Can we – can we talk now?” She feels stupid asking. Obviously, Clarke wants to talk or she wouldn’t have gotten so upset at Lexa for not responding earlier at the ballpark. “I mean – have you – do you have a minute?” Really, Lexa? Really? Have you got a minute? Nice one, asshole. She mentally slaps herself.
“Yeah.” Clarke says, and Lexa can tell that her friend really wants to laugh at their awkward ness. The brunette feels sick. Physically sick. Like, she thinks that she might possibly die. This is it. This is when she finally tells Clarke about her real feelings. About how they never really went away. The two of them lean over the railing in the gazebo.
“Okay.” Lexa breathes out and leans back up, because she can’t stand still. She’s walking around in circles and practically panting like she is still worn out from her run. She’s not. She’s just nervous. And possibly dying of a heart attack. “I, uh – I have to say this quick or I’m going to have a massive coronary and you’ll never hear it, and – you – you just have to hear this.” She really didn’t mean to speak that out loud, but she did. Nothing that she can do about it now. She wriggles her hands together and feels the sweat forming there before looking at Clarke once more.
Clarke walks closer to her friend, a small smile forming on her lips at how hysterical Lexa looks right now. The brunette is never like this. She is always the epitome of calm and collected. Not now, though. Now she looks completely wrecked. “Calm down.” Clarke says softly, but Lexa shakes her head and moves her hands up to her own neck and into her hair. She looks crazy. She knows. She actually might think that she’ll hyperventilate. “This is, by far, the dumbest thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life.” She says, and then decided to correct herself. “These past two weeks have been the dumbest time of my entire life.” She swallows and looks to her feet. “I can’t do th –“ She starts, but immediately looks back up into blue eyes and she knows that she has to. She wants to. “Oh, but I’m gonna…”
Clarke is looking at Lexa with a look of pure confusion written in her features. “Lex?” She says quietly, as if they were in a crowded room of people. “What’s wrong?”
It’s weird, scary even, how calming Clarke’s voice is to Lexa. She takes a deep breath in and then exhales after a few seconds. “Clarke – I “ Another deep breath in and then out. Don’t be sick, Lexa. Don’t be sick.
Clarke is looking at her with all of the care in the world and she’s never felt so sure of anything then what she feels in this moment. Other than sickness. “I love you.” A small sob leaves Lexa’s throat and she scolds herself internally.
Clarke’s smile immediately drops. Not in disappointment, but in disbelief. What? Did she hear that right? That was a different ‘I love you’ than she and Lexa were akin to saying to each other. That was something different entirely.
“I’ve loved you for nine damn years and I – “ Lexa steps a little closer and luckily Clarke doesn’t step back, although Lexa still cannot tell what Clarke is thinking. “I’ve just been too arrogant and – and scared to realize it, and well…” Something close to a nervous chuckle mixed with another sob escaped Lexa’s throat this time and she feels her whole body shaking. “Well, now I’m just scared, so… I realize that this comes at a very inopportune time.” She lets out another nervous chuckle and she feels a tear fall down her cheek. Clarke is still standing there with her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. Her breath is coming to her quickly now as well. Lexa can see her chest rising and falling frantically. “I know that we’ve been in a weird place lately, and I just called off a wedding, but – this” She uses a finger to point in between she and Clarke. “This is why. I thought that I had gotten over my feelings for you, Clarke. I really thought that I had, but I was wrong.” She says and steps forward again. Clarke closes her mouth and looks directly into Lexa’s green eyes. “I was so fucking wrong, Clarke, and I just – I have this really huge favor to ask of you.”
She takes one of Clarke’s hands in her own and is so happy that the blonde doesn’t pull away. It could be because she is stunned into silence and in some sort of shock, but Lexa will take it. “I choose you, Clarke.”
Lexa says softly, and she realizes that it’s not really a favor that she’s asking her friend… until it is. She rewords herself. “Let me love you, Clarke. Let me make you happy, because – God, Clarke – I swear, you make me happier than anyone else in this life ever could.” She realizes she’s crying now, but she doesn’t care. This is Clarke, and she deserves the whole truth. “And I realize that I have been such a damn fool and you can –“
Lexa is interrupted by Clarke’s lips on her own and she is completely taken off guard by it. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke and pulls her in tightly when the blonde’s arms do the same to her. Lexa thinks that she could die happy now, because this kiss…. This has to go be a good thing, right?
Clarke’s hand cradles Lexa’s lower back and Lexa’s move up to blonde tresses. They both swear that they hear a whole damn orchestra playing in the background, because this… this is how it’s meant to be. They are meant for each other. They are meant to be together.
Lexa pulls back, finally, because she realizes that they both need air and the two of them just stare at each other in disbelief. “I love you, too, you idiot.” Clarke grins and brings her back into another kiss. “I love you so much, Lexa, and I – I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you before.”
“I can’t believe you were going to let me get married.” Lexa tries to joke and Clarke slaps at her arm.
“I can’t believe that you were actually going to marry someone other than me!” Clarke jokes back, not realizing what she’s said.
Lexa looks at her with all of the love in the world and smiles. “Are you saying that you would marry me, Clarke Griffin?”
Clarke’s face turns red and she grins before slapping Lexa’s arm again. “I would say that that is not completely out of the question, Miss Woods.” She leans in to peck Lexa on the lips who gladly accepts it. “But, what do you think this is?” Clarke grins. “Some nineties’ rom-com?”
The pair of friends pull each other into another tight embrace and kiss each other until the sun goes down. Best friend. In love.
Now, that’s how it’s supposed to be.