My Best Friend's Wedding

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Clarke had to continue repeating this mantra, in her head, the entire evening. This was going to be a long night. She’s starting to think that going to a club, on the night before her best friend’s wedding, was a tremendously senseless idea. The alcohol that drowned her body earlier in the day, was long gone from her system and she really, really needed another drink, but Raven and Octavia were watching her like a hawk.
They haven’t let her have anything else, and she’s starting to think that they won’t actually allow her to drink when they go out later. She was definitely going to need something, though, and she was sure that her friends would eventually understand and break.

Her she is, almost twenty-eight years old, sitting on the edge of a hotel bed, her drunken stupor wearing off, and she’s on the verge of tears because of a damn crush. She thought that she left all of this drama back in high school, and a little bit in college, although she would never admit it. Clarke’s hands are clammy and she’s wringing them together, trying to focus on anything but the one thing that she should definitely not be thinking about.

“Clarke.” Octavia’s voice pulls her out of her reverie, and the blonde’s head shoots up to look at her friend, who had just exited the bathroom. Clarke isn’t stupid, by any means. She can see when someone is looking at her with pity and remorse. She feels like such a child. This kind of thing isn’t supposed to happen to her. Up until two weeks ago, she had her life together, and not much of a care in the world, except for when the next time that she would be able to see her best friend would be. “Stop tugging at your dress, babe.” Octavia throws her a small grin. “You’re going to stretch the hem.”

Clarke hadn’t noticed that she was, in fact, stretching the hem of her dress that was clinging to her mid-thigh. The material feels restricting, and she would really rather just wear nothing at all, but she knows that that won’t happen. She removes her hands from her dress, as Octavia had commanded ever so softly, and places them on her knees. Her legs are fidgety and she bounces them off of the floor like a child who was too impatient to wait on anything.

“Are you okay?” Octavia asks, startling Clarke again, coming up to her side, when, once again, the blonde was lost in her own thoughts. Clarke looks up to meet her friend’s eyes and shakes her head, but she refuses to cry. She will not cry anymore over Lexa Woods.

“What am I supposed to do, O?” She asks, but she knows that there is no way for anyone other than herself or Lexa to answer that question. No way in hell. “I can’t – she wants to talk tonight. What could she possibly want to talk about? And I know that it’s something important, because Lexa does not go to clubs, much less on a night before a big day.”

“I can’t answer that.” Her friend answers honestly, as she wraps her small arm around Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke leans her head over, laying it on top of the shorter woman’s shoulder. Her hands, moving on their own accord, back to the hem of her dress before Octavia swats at her hands. Clarke lets out a small chuckle at her friend’s antics. “Clarke,” Octavia breaks the silence again. “Tonight and tomorrow,” She exhales audibly, and Clarke is too afraid to look up, so she keeps her head right where it’s at. “Might not go the way that you want it to. There’s a good chance that Lexa, this time tomorrow, will be married, and it won’t be to you. You know that, right?”

Clarke huffs, and eventually does lift her head up to look at Octavia. “Of course, I know that, O. I’m not stupid. My chances are slim to none, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“You can tell her.”

“No.” Clarke replies instantly, not bothering that her voice raised a couple of octaves. “This isn’t on me, now. I can’t jeopardize what’s left of our friendship.” Clarke throws her hands up in the air and groans. “Hell, I’ve probably already fucked it up, with a little help from Lexa. I mean – what has happened to us? Two weeks ago, we were – everything was fine. Great, even. I feel like I’m in some bad dream. A nightmare, and I can’t wake up.”

“I know.” Octavia says quietly, her hand, now, rubbing small, calming circles into Clarke’s back. She is in such a tough predicament. She’s friends with both Clarke and Lexa, and she hates to see them like this.
Hates to see their friendship in such shambles, but she can’t interfere. She won’t. They are both adults, and if they’re meant to be, then they will be. “You will work it out. Somehow, at some point, you and Lexa will work it out. You always do, don’t you?”

“It’s never been like this, O.”

“Well,” Octavia sighs, removing her hand and leaning back on the bed “I believe in the both of you.” Is all that she says before the hotel room door opens and Raven steps through, and holds up a bottle of tequila. Octavia rolls her eyes and Clarke claps once before jumping up and meeting Raven halfway. They weren’t going to keep her from this. Not tonight, when she needs it the most.

“You’re a Saint, Raven Reyes.”

“This, I’ve been told.” The Latina woman grins from ear to ear, before pulling three paper shot glasses out of her purse. Clarke and Octavia, both, give her quizzical looks, but she shrugs it off. She always comes
prepared, and she doesn’t need a lecture about it. She pours them all a shot, but Octavia refuses hers and Clarke gladly takes it for her. Raven holds hers up in the air, being a little bit dramatic about the whole
thing, but Clarke finds it funny. It helps to take her mind off of other things, when Raven is being silly like this. “To friends!” Raven cheers, before tossing her cup back, and Clarke does the same, only with two.
The liquid burns her throat, in the best way, as it makes its way down.

“Come on.” Clarke says, grabbing her purse and Raven and Octavia’s hands, pulling them towards the door. “Let’s get this night started. I need more alcohol, and someone to dance with.” Raven and Octavia exchange worried looks, but Clarke already has them halfway down the hallway.

“Shouldn’t I text Woods the address and time?” Raven asks, knowing good and well that Lexa had wanted to meet them there, so that she could speak with Clarke.

Clarke shakes her head ‘no’, as the three women enter the elevator and Clarke hits the ground floor button. “Wait until we get there.” She says firmly. “I need some time to get a little more alcohol in my system before I see her.”

“Are you sure, Clarke? Woods said that she wanted to talk to –“

“I’m sure.” Clarke interjects, and nothing else is said about that, at least, not until they’re at the club.

//

When Lexa enters building of the dance club that Raven had texted her the address to, the first thing that she notices, is that it’s really, really crowded. This is definitely a hot spot on the weekends, and she already feels a case of claustrophobia washing over her, and it doesn’t help that she’s only minutes away from seeing Clarke again.

Seeing Clarke, this morning, had really been a damper. Not that seeing Clarke was a damper, but the fact that her friend was, clearly, upset about something, and Lexa had to find out what it was. If this was about her, then she had to fix it. She knows that her thoughts and feelings about Clarke are dangerous, and she would never cheat on Costia, but she won’t risk her friendship. She has to work things out with Clarke.
Tonight, preferably. She’ll already have way too many other things on her mind tomorrow.

When she makes it through the lobby, and into the main area, she realizes how dark it is, and that seems to make things even worse. She tries to think of something else, rather than the place that she’s in. She can’t have a panic attack. Not now. Not when there’s too much to be said. Raven had texted her and told her that she paid for them a VIP booth, towards the back of the building, and told Lexa to find them. She makes her way further and further into the room, before she finally spots Octavia sitting in the booth. A small amount of relief washes over her at the sight of someone familiar and it grounds her, thankfully.

“Woods.” Octavia grins when she spots Lexa walking into the booth and plopping down on the bench beside the shorter woman. “It’s about damn time you got here.”

“Yeah.” Lexa shrugs. “Sorry. Traffic was a bitch.”

Silence washes over them, and Octavia starts to feel extremely awkward with the whole situation. She watches Lexa, as her green eyes scan over the dance floor, clearly looking for someone in particular. Octavia knows that she’s looking for Clarke. “So,” Octavia says loudly, so that Lexa could hear her over the pumping music in the room. “Tomorrow’s the big day, huh? Are you excited?”

Lexa smiles a sad sort of smile at her friend, once she finally pulls her eyes from the dance floor. “I can’t believe that it’s actually happening.” A small chuckle comes from her lips, and Octavia watches her intently. “It’s just – it’s weird, right?”

Octavia laughs and pats Lexa on the back. “It’s definitely weird seeing you get married, Woods.” And she tries to choose her next words wisely, not wanting to piss off Lexa, and cause her to go storming out of the club without talking to Clarke first. “Especially to someone like Costia Daniels.” Lexa’s eyes scan over Octavia’s face, searching for something, something that she’s not sure what it is. She isn’t mad at Octavia’s words. She understands completely, because Octavia and Clarke have only just met her, and Lexa will definitely admit that Costia has been a major bitch the past few weeks. She really hadn’t been like that before.
Of course, her fiancé, every once in a while, would have some sort of outburst, but who doesn’t?

“I know.” Lexa settles on. “I know that Costia has been a little ornery since you’ve met her.” Octavia gives Lexa an amused look with her eyebrow raised, and Lexa chuckles. “Okay. A lot ornery, but she’s not like that all of the time, O. She’s actually fun to be around, most of the time.” Octavia nods, urging Lexa to continue, and almost feels as if Lexa is trying to convince herself of all of this. “I love her.” Lexa says, her eyes scanning back over the room, and then back to Octavia. “I do, it’s just – I always thought that this would be a stronger feeling, you know? Does that make sense, or am I just crazy?”

“You’re not crazy.” Octavia smiles, and places a reassuring hand on Lexa’s knee. “It’s just – have you ever thought that maybe,” Octavia takes a deep breath. It’s now or never. She could do this. For her friends. For Clarke. “You love her, but you’re just not in love with her?”

Lexa’s eyes go wide, but only for a moment before they are back to normal and she looks down at her hands that are twisting in her lap. She nods her head. “I have thought about that.” She admits, and Octavia looks at her in confusion. She was not expecting this kind of admission, especially one so calm and collected. “It’s just… I don’t have anything, much to compare it to, O, and I don’t want to end up alone. I can see myself being with Costia, and we can work on our relationship as it grows.” She moves to wipe her sweaty palms on the thighs of her jeans and then looks back to her friend. “I’ve only ever been in love once, in my life, and we both know how that turned out.”

Sadness rushes over Octavia’s face, and she knows that she’s not able to hide it as well as she would have like to have had. Lexa moves to place her hand on top of Octavia’s and smiles at her. “O, it’s okay.” She says. “I’m fine. I’m happy. I just - I need to fix my relationship with Clarke. She’s my best friend.” Her eyes roam back over the dance floor, still not finding Clarke among the throngs of people. “I can’t lose her.”

“You won’t.” Octavia replies. “Clarke loves you.”

“What’s up, bitches!” Raven exclaims as she comes barreling towards Lexa and Octavia in the VIP booth. Lexa and Octavia split apart and laugh, because, clearly, Raven wanted to sit between the pair. “Why are you both sitting over here like two grandmas?” She teases, obviously drunk.

“Because some of us have to be the responsible ones, and keep you two drunkies from causing too much trouble.” Octavia replies, not teasing at all.

Raven completely ignores Octavia’s comment all together, and looks at Lexa with a wide grin on her face. “Woods, I need to see you dance. ASAP.”

“That’s most definitely not going to happen, Reyes.” Lexa replies, laughing at the pout that takes over her new friend’s face. “Have you seen Clarke lately?”

“Yeah.” Raven shouts, much too loud, even though the music is still blaring through the speakers. Lexa is already getting a headache. “She’s right –“ Raven looks across the dance floor and then points to a section right below the DJ booth. “There.” Lexa looks, and finally spots a familiar head of blonde hair, and then she sees another blonde. Way, way too close to Clarke for her liking. “She’s been dancing with that hot chick for a while now.” Raven says, taking a sip of her drink and kicking her feet up on the table in front of them. “I see lots of hot sex in their very near future.” She grins, before Octavia slaps her in the back of the head. “Ow! Shit, O. I’m just saying, they’ve been practically dry humping each other all night, and Clarke is drunk as shit.”

“Why did you let her get this drunk?” Lexa asks, trying not to sound as angry as she really is. She knows that it’s not necessarily Raven and Octavia’s fault, but she doesn’t like the fact that something is bothering the blonde.

“She’s a grown ass woman, Woods.” Raven says, taking another gulp of her brightly colored drink.

“Yeah, and clearly, she’s upset about something, if this morning says anything about that.” Lexa snaps back.

Raven scoffs and stands up. “Yeah. Something, alright.” She groans before making her way back out onto the dance floor. Lexa is right behind her, however, she’s not following Raven, she’s making her way towards Clarke, trying to hold back the bile from seeing Clarke dancing like that with some stranger, and if Clarke’s dress is anything to go by, she is clearly looking for some action tonight.

Before she can make it all the way to the blonde, she sees Clarke taking the other blonde’s hand and guiding her off of the dance floor, in the opposite direction. Lexa lets out a huff, and follows, thinking that they were probably just going to the bar for another drink or something. What she finds, when she catches up to them, though, is not at all what she wanted to see.

The woman that was dancing with Clarke, now has her pushed up against a wall in the back hallway, hand up her best friend’s dress, and tongue down her throat. Clarke’s hands are on the other woman’s ass, gripping and pulling her closer into her. The woman’s mouth, finally, leaves Clarke’s and starts to descend down her neck, her collarbone, and then onto the tops of Clarke’s breasts. Clarke’s eyes are closed in pleasure, and therefore, hasn’t seen Lexa, yet.

Lexa, at first, feels sick, and then the sickness turns into sadness. Her stomach turns, and she feels her heart break a little more with each kiss that they share, and each moan that she hears Clarke let out. Lexa knows that she has no reason, whatsoever, to be jealous. Clarke is not hers, and she is getting married tomorrow to a woman that she loves, but she can’t help but wonder, if Clarke is thinking about Lexa kissing her like this. Lexa feels sick to admit, that the previous night when she was in bed with Costia, all that she could see was blue eyes and blonde hair, and she feels like the most awful fucking person in the world.

Soon, that sadness and jealousy turns into anger. Into rage. And Lexa knows that she shouldn’t… she really, really shouldn’t, but she makes her way further down the hallway, until she’s pretty much, right beside the two blonde women. “Hey!” Lexa yells, loud enough to be heard over the music, and both women look up to see her. Of course, Clarke recognizes her right away, and her eyes go wide. The other woman just looks pissed that this girl just interrupted her steamy make-out session.

“Who the fuck are you?” The woman snaps, not removing her hand from under Clarke’s dress, and Lexa’s blood boils at the sight.

“I’m her best friend.” Lexa replies, not realizing how completely stupid and irrational she sounds. “And who the hell are you?”

“Niylah Castle.” The woman answers, and then a sly smile moves across her face. “Did you want to join in?” She asks somewhat teasingly, but somehow, Lexa thinks that she’s serious. “I don’t mind sharing.”

Lexa literally growls and walks further, pushing Niylah off of Clarke. “Lexa!” Clarke yells, clearly dumbfounded and furious over the entire situation. She pulls her dress down further, so it’s not bunched up around the tops of her thighs, but Lexa is ignoring her. Her green eyes are set on Niylah and the way that she is laughing devilishly at her. “What do you think you’re doing?” Clarke asks, nudging Lexa on the arm, harder than she should have, but Lexa doesn’t flinch.

Niylah lets out an evil, yet sarcastic laugh as she approaches Lexa. “Clarke,” The woman says, her eyes not leaving Lexa’s. “I think that your ‘best friend’ here, is a little jealous, don’t you?” Niylah moves to where she can grasp on to Clarke’s ass again, and Clarke jumps at the contact, clearly put off by it now.

Lexa is quick to slap the woman’s hand away, and then she grabs at Clarke’s wrist, and tries to pull her away. “Come on, Clarke. We should leave.”

“Why aren’t you at home with your wife, Lexa?” Clarke spits, clearly full of alcohol and anger. “Why did you have to come and ruin my fun, huh? This has nothing to do with you, so back off.”

“Clarke, come.” Lexa urges. “Now.”

“Oh.” Niylah grins again, making Lexa’s stomach churn once more. “She will. That is… if you’ll ever leave.” Clarke shoots Niylah a glare and Lexa’s growl is back. Clarke tries to ignore the heat of arousal she gets from the sound. Lexa pushes Niylah again, and Niylah, then takes a swing at the brunette. She lands it, knocking Lexa backwards a few steps. Her lip is busted, and bleeding. This should look lovely in her wedding photos.

“Niylah!” Clarke yells, and goes to push the woman for hitting Lexa, but Niylah knocks her out of the way and back into the wall. That was her next mistake, because hitting Lexa is one thing, but pushing Clarke… that’s a whole other level. Lexa charges for her, ignoring Clarke’s screams for them to both stop. Lexa lands her first swing, giving Niylah a busted lip to match her own. Her next, knocks Niylah down completely, but before she can do anything else, Clarke is grabbing her arm and dragging her down the hallway and out the exit door.

“What the hell was that, Lexa?” Clarke yells, dropping Lexa’s arm and shoving her up against the brick wall in the alley way. Clarke is furious, if not a little bit confused. Okay. A lot confused, and Lexa, even though she was full of rage a moment ago, now looks terrified. Lexa feels like she can’t speak. She can’t even look at Clarke, because she knows that she had no right to do what she just did. She had no right to step in and interrupt whatever Clarke had going on with Niylah. “Lexa!” Clarke exclaims, pulling Lexa out of whatever trance she’s been stuck in for the past several seconds. “I asked you a question.” The blonde says, the hand that she has grappling onto Lexa’s jacket, is shaking in anger, and maybe something else too.

“I – I just,” Lexa stutters, shaking her head, and trying to come up with some sort of reasonable reply to Clarke’s question, but she comes up short-handed. There is no reasonable response. Fact of the matter; Lexa got jealous. “She was - that girl was – shit!” Lexa huffs, looking down at her feet, before Clarke pushes her again, causing her to look back up. “I don’t know, Clarke!” She’s angry now, too, but not a Clarke. She’s angry with herself. She’s an awful human being, and she doesn’t deserve Clarke or Costia.

“There has to be some reason that you decided to interrupt and harass us.” Clarke replies through gritted teeth. Her eyes are narrowed and she looks a little overwhelmed by whatever all of that was. “What was it, Lexa? What were –“ Something hits Clarke in that moment. Something that she never would have imagined would happened… just happened. Lexa was jealous. Clarke’s heart starts to pound in her chest, and she can feel the vibrations from it in her ears. Of course, Lexa had told her that she was jealous when she found out about Clarke and Wells’ ‘engagement’, but this… this is different. Something about this feels more real. “Were you jealous?” She asks, and this time, her voice is softer than it was before. She isn’t yelling like she had been. She isn’t yelling like she wanted to be doing. Her blue eyes start to roam over her best friend’s face, searching for something, anything. Clarke steps back a few steps, and lets go of her hold on Lexa’s jacket. She waits for what feels like forever.

“No, Clarke.” Lexa answers, shaking her head again, and then looking down at her feet. “I was not jealous. I was just – I don’t know. I didn’t like the way she was touching you.”

Clarke is back to seething now, and she’s, now, more confused than ever. “You didn’t like the way she was touching me?” The question comes out with a sarcastic, yet annoyed, chuckle. “That’s great, Lexa.” Clarke says with another laugh, throwing her hands in the air, and turning to where she can’t see Lexa. She can’t bear to look into those green eyes right now. Even though she’s mad and upset, Clarke still gets lost in them, and she can’t focus. She doesn’t need that right now. “That’s really fucking great.”

At this point, Lexa is finally able to pull herself from the wall, but she doesn’t dare get nearer to Clarke. She knows when she’s not wanted. She’s not stupid. At least, in this moment she isn’t. “Clarke –“ She says, and it’s only above a whisper, and she’s not even sure if Clarke had heard her. “I’m sorry – I didn’t mean for that to happen. It’s just –“ She takes a deep breath, and tries to get her breathing under control, although she knows that that’s not really possible at this point. “I – I knew that something was bothering you, Clarke, and I – I didn’t want you to make a mistake.” That was the truth. Too bad that it wasn’t all of it.

“I am a grown woman, Lexa!” Clarke spits, turning and finally facing her friend again. “You don’t get to decide whether I make a mistake or not! It’s none of your concern!”

“It is my concern, Clarke!” Lexa bites back, but then her face turns solemn again, and as bad as she wants to look away from Clarke’s face right now, she can’t. “You’re my best friend, and – I just - I feel like something has changed between us. I feel – I just need –“

“Lexa.” Clarke says, suddenly scared of her own voice. “I am still your friend, but you can’t – you don’t get to do –“ Clarke waves her hand in the air, gesturing at nothing in particular. “Whatever it is that you just did in there. If I’m with someone and – if they’re touching me or kissing me – that’s not any of your business. Not anymore.”

Lexa knows what Clarke wants to say next. ‘You’re getting married tomorrow. Shit like this can’t happen anymore.’ Lexa feels defeated for some reason. She is defeated, and Clarke is looking at her like she’s defeated, which doesn’t help matter at all. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” She says softly, and feels some tears start to swell in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. This isn’t about her. She can’t make this about her any more than she already has. “I’m so, so sorry. I just – I want what’s best for you, and I’m sorry.” She walks closer to Clarke, and to her surprise, the blonde doesn’t move away. “Please – please just forgive me. I’m sorry – that was – it was so fucking stupid, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Clarke knows that Lexa begging and pleading like this, is a big deal for her. She doesn’t do it. Hardly ever, and the fact that she’s begging for Clarke’s forgiveness, now, makes Clarke know that Lexa really is sorry for what happened. She knows that she’s probably being way too forgiving, but she can’t help it. Not when it’s Lexa. Not when Lexa is standing in front of her, looking at her like this. With wide, almost terrified eyes that seem to glisten with tears that shine in the moonlight. “Lexa.” She says, taking a step forward, and looking up to her best friend. “It’s okay. I – I forgive you, okay?” When Lexa looks at Clarke like she might actually explode from relief, Clarke almost wants to smile, but she refrains. She moves closer, and Lexa does the only thing that she knows to do. She wraps her arms around Clarke and pulls her in for a hug.

“God, Clarke. I’m so sorry.” She says into the blonde’s hair. “I’m such an idiot.” She feels Clarke let out a chuckle into her chest, and another small amount of relief washes through her.

“You know,” Clarke starts in without pulling back, because she doesn’t want to see her friend’s face right now. She’s starting to feel a little embarrassed about the whole situation with Niylah. “I’m sort of glad you came, now. I wished that you would have done it in another way, but she was starting to get a little too rough for me.”

Lexa pulls back then, and looks down at blue eyes. “She didn’t hurt you, did she?”

“No.” Clarke shakes her head to match her reply. “I could have handled myself if she did, though.”

“I know.” Lexa sighs. “It just – It pisses me off.”

Clarke releases her hold on her friend, and runs her fingers through her blonde hair with a sigh. “I know, but what you did pissed me off too, so let’s just try to move on from that, okay?”

“Okay. Lexa exhales. “Are – are you ready to go back to the hotel? I can walk you.”

Clarke hums and nods her head. “Yeah. I need to walk off some of this alcohol anyway. Will you text Raven and Octavia?”

“Yes.” Lexa answers, now hoping that when they arrive back at the hotel, Clarke will be, more or less, sober, and they can actually talk about what’s going on with them. She can’t go into the next day thinking that
Clarke hates her, or just doesn’t want to hang out with her anymore. That would be devastating and tragic, and she doesn’t know if she would be able to live through something like that. When she gets back to the hotel, she’s going to talk to Clarke.

It’s now or never.

//

Lexa and Clarke finally make their way into the hotel, where they’re both staying, and they are both still, for the most part, quiet about the night’s events. Lexa feels like such an asshole over the whole ordeal, and what’s even worse, is Clarke seems to be distant still. Lexa only has herself to blame. She’s pushed Clarke away, not really meaning to, but also, not really knowing what else to do. It hurts to be this near to her blonde, best friend. It hurts to not be able to kiss every smile or every frown from her face, like she used to, all of those years ago, and in this moment, Lexa realizes that she has to come clean to Costia about her feelings for Clarke. She’s known that it wasn’t fair to her fiancé, this entire time, but now… now it’s getting ridiculous. Maybe she’ll feel better when she’s able to tell Costia that she was, in fact, right about her feelings for the blonde. Maybe, after Lexa apologizes, Costia will forgive her and then things can be okay again. She wouldn’t feel like this huge asshole, pining after a woman that she can’t have. Costia will be furious, there’s no doubt, and she absolutely has a right to be, but Lexa has to tell her.

Lexa notices how quickly Clarke has started to move through the lobby of the hotel, towards the elevator. She wonders what’s going on with her friend, as she follows her into the elevator. “What’s going on, Clarke?”

“Hmm?” The blonde hums, looking up to her friend perplexed face. “Oh – umm – I’m – uh, on a deadline.” Clarke says, and her drunk self, instead of mentally slapping herself, literally slaps herself, causing Lexa to laugh out loud, and Clarke can’t hide the fact that she loves that sound more than anything in the world.

“A deadline?” Lexa teases. “So am I, Clarke.” She says. “I’m getting married tomorrow. What’s your hurry?” Shit. Why did Lexa have to remind her that she is, in fact, getting married tomorrow.

Clarke shakes her head, trying to forget about the damn wedding. “Oh – I just really, really have to pee.”

Lexa grins again. The kind of grin that does something to Clarke, and she has to try and put some distance between them, because we all know what happens in confined spaces when Clarke is drunk. “My room is closer. You can use the bathroom there, before catching the elevator to the top floor, back to your room.”

Clarke knows that she should, most definitely, not go to Lexa’s hotel room, but the alcohol swimming around in her head, tells her otherwise. “Okay. Thank you.” She replies with a sweet smile.

Once they’re on Lexa’s floor, the two exit the elevator and Clarke practically starts sprinting down the hallway. Lexa laughs again. “Clarke, where are you going?”

“I have to pee!” Clarke yells, and Lexa flinches because it’s like one in the morning, and her drunk, best friend is running through the hotel screaming that she has to pee. Lovely.

“My room is this way, Clarke!” Lexa yells as quietly as she can, and laughs again when Clarke immediately turns around and starts running the other way. Lexa is right on her heels, because she has the room key.
She fumbles with it a second, and Clarke is bouncing up and down, gripping tightly to her friend’s shirt. The door, finally, swings open and Clarke jumps through the threshold, slinging her purse down into the floor, and making a b-line to bathroom.

Lexa props herself against one of the walls, her finger hovering over her fiancé’s name on her phone. She has to talk to Costia, and she’s terrified of what will happen. Clarke, flinging the bathroom door open, and letting out a loud, relieved sigh, breaks Lexa from her thoughts. “Feel better?” Lexa asks, and Clarke nods her head. “Do you, uh – would you mind waiting in the hallway for me? I need to make a call Costia really quick, before she goes to bed, and tell her goodnight, and then I can walk you up to your room.” Lexa would never call Costia this late to tell her ‘goodnight’, but she had to come up with something. She plans on asking Costia to meet her early tomorrow, so that they can talk in person.

“Lexa,” Clarke huffs, clearly irritated. She can walk herself. She isn’t a baby. She lingers a little longer, not far from behind Lexa, waiting to see if Lexa is serious about walking with her. Clarke lets out another puff of air, and crosses her arms when Lexa pulls the phone up to her ear. She doesn’t really see Lexa calling Costia this late to tell her ‘goodnight’, and it’s very unsettling to the blonde. This is all far too real, and she doesn’t know if she can even go through with being in this wedding.

“Clarke – please.” Lexa groans, turning around and nodding towards the door. “I’ll be out in a second, okay?”

“Yeah.” Clarke says, irritatingly. “Yeah, okay.” She turns, grabs her purse, and makes her way out of the room. She has the right mind to go on without Lexa, but she knows, in the back of her mind, that she doesn’t really want to do that. Clarke leans up against the door of Lexa’s room, outside in the hallway, and lets out a very audible sigh. Her head is hurting, but she finally feels the alcohol, in her system, start to slowly slip away. She slides her back down the door, until she’s sitting on the ugly, cheap looking carpet of the floor, with her back leaning against the door. She brings her knees up and lies her head down on them.

After a moment or so, she hears someone walking down the hallway, so she looks up to see and elderly man making his way into the room across from Lexa’s. “Hey.” She says to the man with a polite smile, and he smiles back at her, nodding his head and sticking his keycard into his door. “You wouldn’t happen to have a cigarette, would you?” Clarke doesn’t smoke. Not officially anyway. She just does it every once in a while, when she’s been drinking. If it weren’t for Lexa, she probably would have taken it up as a habit a long time ago, but Lexa absolutely hates smoking.

To her surprise, the man smiles at her, once more, and digs a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. “Here you go.” He offers her one, and places the box back in his jacket before pulling out a lighter and lighting it for her.

“Thank you.”

“Are you okay?” He asks. “Do you need me to call someone for you?”

“No, no.” Clarke answers. “I’m fine. Just waiting on a friend.”

He smiles again before she thanks him once more, and he heads into his room. She closes her eyes as she takes the first puff, and runs a hand through her long, tangled hair. When did her life become this rom-com of a movie? Actually, scratch that, it’s just the comedy, or maybe even like a drama. Yeah, yeah. It’s a dram-com, and she’s not loving it.

She can’t believe that she actually came to Chicago with the intent of breaking up her best friend’s wedding. Who does that? Who does such bad things, to someone as honest and loveable as Lexa Woods? Clearly, Clarke Griffin does.

“I’m a horrible person.” She says out loud, to the empty hallway around her, as she takes another puff of her cigarette. She didn’t know how bad that she really needed one until now. She closes her eyes again, resting her head on the door behind her, and just attempting to clear her mind. She just hopes and prays that these feelings, these unrequited feelings, that she has for her best friend will just go away. She just wants it to pass. It hurts too much.

When she opens her eyes, and twists her arms a little, on her knees, her elbow brushes up against something in her jacket pocket. Her eyes go wider. She had almost forgotten. How could she have forgotten?
Clarke puts her cigarette into her mouth, holding it there with her lips, while she digs deep into her jacket pocket and pulls out a small square box. The box. The one that Lexa had given her to hold onto for the wedding. She’s been carrying it around with her a lot; afraid of leaving it somewhere unattended.

In a very, very weak moment, she pops the tiny, velvet box open, and looks at the ring for about the thousandth time. It’s very simple, but one of the most beautiful rings that Clarke has ever seen. She can’t see Costia wearing a ring like this. She thinks that the girl would much rather have something big and gaudy than something so simple. Clarke takes the ring out of its slot and holds it up in the air, examining it, while knocking the ashes of her cigarette into a water bottle out of her purse. In, yet, another moment of feebleness, she brings the ring, slowly, to her other hand, and slides it onto her ring finger. It’s a little tight, but it fits better than she thought it would.

Clarke holds her hand up, twisting it, and marveling at the look of it on her finger. She really needs to get her shit together. This isn’t her ring. It’s Costia’s. Lexa’s fiancé’s. She immediately goes to remove it, but… shit – it won’t come off. “Oh no, no, no…” Clarke groans. “This cannot be happening.” She pulls and twists. Twists and pulls, but nothing. It won’t come off. “This is just really, really not my night!” She says louder than she should have. She wants to cry. She feels the all too familiar tears start to swell up, but she denies letting them fall. She will just have to work on the ring later, and hopefully Lexa won’t notice it on the walk to her hotel room.

She takes one more large puff of the short cigarette, and leans her head back on the door, and the next thing that she knows, the door is swinging open and she falls backwards onto her back, barely holding onto the lit cigarette in her hand. Of course, it’s Lexa coming out of the room, and for some reason, she looks scared and upset all at the same time. Clarke wants to ask what’s wrong, but from the look on Lexa’s face, she doesn’t want to talk about it.

Lexa looks down and sees Clarke lying flat on her back with a cigarette in her hand. She crouches down, not saying anything, refusing to look into Clarke’s eyes, and takes the light from her hand. To Clarke’s surprise, Lexa turns and puts the cigarette out on the floor behind them. Clearly, Lexa has zero fucks to give at this point, and Clarke, again, refuses to ask what’s going on. “I want you –“ Lexa utters, and there’s a bit of a bite to it, as she finishes putting out the light. “To quit this shit.” She turns her head to finally meet Clarke’s eyes, but just barely, before looking away again. “It’ll kill you.”

“What happened?” Clarke whispers, not really meaning for the words to come out at all. “I mean –“

“Nothing happened.” Lexa replies, trying to put on a brave face, and it’s pretty much the truth. She’s just terrified of her conversation with Costia in the morning. She is most definitely not going to sleep tonight. “I’m just tired, and nervous for tomorrow.” And I’m crazy, Lexa thinks to herself. Crazy for asking for someone, that I didn’t truly love, to marry me.

To be fair though, she thought she was in love, but when she got around Clarke again, and her feelings for the blonde flared up, she realized that what she and Costia had wasn’t love. Not true love, and Lexa is an idiot and an asshole for keeping this going for so long. She wants to cry, but she doesn’t. Not here. Not with Clarke, because she wouldn’t be able to hide this from Clarke.

“I’m so glad that you’re here, Clarke.” Lexa mutters, still kneeling down by her friend’s side. Clearly, Clarke has no thoughts of getting up, off of her back. And Lexa is glad that Clarke is here, even though it’s hard at the same time. She’s just glad to have someone here that she trusts without a doubt. Someone that she knows will be here for her no matter what happens.

Those words sting in Clarke’s chest. Can she do this? Can she tell Lexa, now, after that, that she really just wants to go home? That she doesn’t think that she can be here for this wedding? This fucking sucks. The whole situation. Dram-Com at its best. Before Clarke can say anything, she sees green eyes flicker to her hand. More specifically, the hand that has Costia’s wedding ring on it.

Great!

“Is – is that – is that the ring?” Lexa stutters out. She doesn’t raise her voice. She’s not mad. Just surprised. Why is Clarke wearing the ring?

Clarke slings the hand over her face. “Oh, god.” She groans. “I just – it –“ She lets out a stupid, nervous chuckle, and furrow her brows to where her forehead becomes all wrinkly. She lifts the hand up, showing it to Lexa clearly. “I – I try –“ She wants to cry. She seriously, just wants to cry herself to sleep right now. She feels like the biggest fool. “I – I tried it on and it – it won’t come off.”

Lexa wants to smile at her best friend, because she looks adorable with her drunken pout, but for some reason, Clarke really seems to be upset about this. About something. Lexa doesn’t miss how glassy her blue eyes become.

And Lexa, being the romantic, dumbass that she is looks down at her best friend. Both serious as a heart attack in the moment, and Lexa reaches for the hand of her best friend, that’s wearing her fiancé’s wedding ring. Lexa pulls Clarke’s fingers apart a little and brings Clarke’s ring finger up to her mouth. She slides the finger in all the way and starts to suck the ring off of Clarke’s finger.

Clarke, still lying flat on her back, in the middle of the hotel hallway, is about to have a coronary. Her heart is beating out of her chest and she feels her longs constricting, and she can’t breathe. Not really. Lexa’s beautiful, green eyes never leaves hers as she sucks the ring off of her finger, bringing it all the way out of her mouth.

When Lexa finally lets go of Clarke’s hand, the blonde brings her hand to her chest, and holds it tightly there, using her other hand to rub at the ring finger that was just in her best friend’s mouth. Oh my god. That just happened. She still hasn’t gotten her heart under control, and right above her, Lexa is feeling the same thing. She should not have done that. Shit. She just keeps digging herself into a deeper hole.

Lexa moves her eyes up and away, looking anywhere but at her best friend. She stands, offering her hands to Clarke, who gladly takes them, and is pulled up by strong arms. Lexa hands the ring back to Clarke, who is finally on her feet, and the blonde quickly puts it back into its box. Her cheeks are red from embarrassment and something else.

“Ready to go?” Lexa asks with a small smile, and Clarke can only nod. They walk back down to the elevator and make their way up to Clarke’s floor. The ride is quiet, and a little bit awkward. Clarke can tell that something is wrong with Lexa, and vice versa. Once they’re on Clarke’s floor, and make their way down the hallway, to stand in front of Clarke’s door, Lexa looks up, finally and smiles again.

“Do you – uh, do you maybe want to order some room service?” Clarke asks, and she’s not sure why she’s doing this. “Or something? I mean we could stay up and watch movies or whatever.”
Lexa smiles again, but she shakes her head ‘no’. “I really – I just think that I need to be alone right now. Tonight.” Lexa utters nervously, looking down at her feet, and really, really wanting to take Clarke up on her offer, but she knows that she can’t. She knows that she shouldn’t. “Th – thank you, though.”

“Yeah.” Clarke runs a nervous hand through her hair. “Yeah. No problem.”

“I’ll – I’ll see you tomorrow, though, right?” Lexa asks nervously, as if, for some reason, she already knows the answer. Her chest tightens and she feels like she might be sick.

It’s Clarke turn to look down at the floor, her nerves raking through her body like a freight train. “Actually,” Clarke whispers, too afraid to look up into green. “I, um – I think that –“

“You’re not coming.” Lexa mutters into the space between them, and it’s not a question. She knows it. Clarke, her best friend, isn’t coming to her wedding. She feels sick, and she stands strong, trying to keep her knees from buckling. Lexa feels her hands start to shake and she sticks them into her jacket pockets to keep Clarke from seeing them.

“Lexa, I –“

“No.” Lexa interjects, and takes a deep breath, trying to will her tears from falling, but it doesn’t work. A couple slip past her, but she ignores them. Maybe Clarke will ignore them too. “No, Clarke. It’s – it’s okay.” She shakes her head, and tries to hold back her sobs. “I, uh – fucked this up.” She continues, knowing that she did. She fucked up their friendship. Their relationship, or whatever this was. The best relationship that she’s ever had. She fucked it up. She’s been so hot and cold with Clarke, and with Costia. She doesn’t deserve either of them. “I understand.” She shakes her head again, not knowing what else to do. She lost. She lost everything that has ever been important to her, because she couldn’t get her shit together. “I, um… I understand.” She repeats, still trying to hold back her sobs, and when she is finally able to meet blue eyes, she sees that Clarke’s crying too.

She can’t believe that this is happening. She can’t believe this is over. At least, it feels over. Their relationship, their friendship, everything. All of those years gone. Just like that. She wipes at her face. “I’m sorry.” She cries, and she sees Clarke shake her head and look down at the ring box still in her hands. The blonde hands the box over to Lexa, with a deep inhale of breath. Both of their hands are shaking as the box is passed between them. Lexa looks up, one more time, not knowing when she will see this face again. Not knowing if she will see this face again.

Lexa, using all of her strength and willpower, leans in, one final time, and places a kiss to Clarke’s cheek, and while her lips are there, a sob leaves her throat and she shakes before pulling back. She nods at Clarke, with one of the saddest smiles that this world has ever seen and says. “May we meet again.” Before turning, and walking down the hallway. Away from Clarke. Away from her best friend. Away from her true love.