Chapter 11
Olivia watched the early morning sun peak through the curtains and highlight the other woman’s face. They had been seeing each other again for two weeks and it often didn’t feel real. It was the first night Alex had stayed over and Olivia couldn’t deny that it felt nice to wake up next to her again after so many years. It hadn’t been immediate after her break up with Rafael. Olivia refused to let herself rebound back to Alex but as the weeks passed she could not deny her feelings for the woman had resurfaced. Olivia wondered if she was crazy for trying again with Alex. They had been on and off again for so many years. Their relationship had failed many times for various reasons. The first two times they broke up it was because Olivia was unwilling, or unable, to admit and accept that she was interested in a woman. While she didn’t think herself to be homophobic lingering shame from what she heard growing up took over and made her struggle with her sexuality. Then for years Alex was in and out of Olivia’s life, and when she left for D.C. a few years ago Olivia was sure that was the end but it wasn’t – it never was. Somehow, they always kept coming back to each other.
Olivia watched as Alex slowly opened her eyes. “Hmm, I love weekends where we can sleep in.” Alex threw an arm across Olivia’s waist and curled up close to her.
“It’s six in the morning and Noah will be up any minute.” Olivia replied with a chuckle. “Sorry, no sleeping in anymore. Do you mind watching for Noah while I shower? I should have time before he gets up but just in case.”
“Oh, yeah. Sure.”
When Olivia came out of the shower she was surprised to hear noises coming from the kitchen and even more surprised when she saw Alex, whom she had never seen cook before, making breakfast. Well, attempting to. Noah was sitting at the table while Alex was frowning at something in a bowl. “I … I was going to make pancakes but …”
“You don’t know how?”
“I thought I did.” Alex replied. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine, thanks for trying.” Olivia smiled. “Why don’t I take over?”
“You cook now?” Alex went to the coffee pot and filled two mugs.
“You can’t only eat take-out when you’re a Mom.” Olivia smiled. “Are you busy today or can you come with us to the park?”
“The park sounds great.” Alex smiled and slid onto a chair. Olivia smiled at the woman and wondered how she could have once written the woman off.
---
2011
The past few days had been hell for Detective Olivia Benson and she was feeling the physical and emotional exhaustion. She sat at her kitchen table, surrounded by unread newspapers, and the untouched Thai food she had picked up on the way home. It had been her intention to pick up one of her favourite dishes to see if she could get herself to eat something yet it sat there getting cold, untouched. When her intercom buzzed she barely had the energy to walk across the room to answer it. The only reason she did was the hope that it was Stabler who had not returned any of her calls since the shooting. “Yes?” Olivia spoke through the intercom.
“Olivia?” It was a woman’s voice. It was a woman’s voice she had not heard in nearly a year. It was a woman’s voice she thought she may never hear again. It was a woman’s voice she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear again. “It’s Alex.”
Olivia still wasn’t convinced that the woman was back even after opening the door. “When did you get back?” Olivia said in way of a greeting.
“This morning.” Alex replied. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Olivia could feel her anger at the woman start to subside and she hated that. She wanted to stay mad at the woman who had broken her heart and then showed up over a year later as if nothing had happened. The two sat on opposite ends of the couch.
“They’ve asked me to come back to SVU. I start tomorrow.”
“Is that why you came back?”
“No, I was already planning on returning. The D.A.’s office heard and asked if I’d take up my old position since you don’t have an ADA right now.”
“Well, I guess I’ll see you at work then.”
“Liv, can we talk? I hate the way we ended things.”
“You.”
“What?”
“It’s the way that you ended things. You’re the one who wanted our relationship to end. That was your choice.”
“Liv …”
“No, Alex. You don’t get to do this. You get to come back, again, and pretend that everything is fine, again.” Olivia stood up and walked towards the door. The last thing she needed, on top of everything with Stabler, was to deal with a surprise visit from Alex. Olivia opened the door. “I think you need to leave.”