Just when you fixed me you broke me
Camila's P.O.V
These past few months have been the best of my life. I never thought that life could ever be this amazing. For the first time in a long time I feel happy. Not because I’m one year closer to getting out of this place but because I finally found a person willing to spend time with me.
She’s absolutely gorgeous. In fact she defines the word . Every inch of her is breath taking but her eyes. Gosh her eyes. I always seem to get lost in those beautiful orbs of green and blue. She’s exceptionally smart too and I don’t think there could be anyone more intellectually stimulating. She can go one for hours talking about any subject. Even if she talked a lot of crap I would listen to her all day. Her voice is so mesmerising
I still remember our first kiss. And every subsequent kiss after that. She took my breathe away with each one. I’ve never felt closer to anyone than when our lips touch. She was always so gentle and loving. Just how I always imagined it to be.
I love the way she holds my hand. It’s like she’s letting me know that always be there. Or every reassuring kiss on my temple or cheek. Those little things like running her hand through my hair or or drawing circles on my wrist are the things that make my heart beat faster.
I’ve never had anyone like me or love me before. And I’ve never had anyone to love. But I’m pretty sure that every time I’m with her , it’s love that I feel. The idea has always scared me somewhat. I’m afraid to lose it once I finally get it. I don’t think I’ll ever want to give this feeling up. It warms me up inside. Nothing compares to the feeling of being wanted , appreciated , adored and loved. Maybe I’m a fool for thinking about this so soon but this is something unavoidable. Something so overwhelming. Something that has to be shared. I’m finally going to be able to utter those 3 words to someone. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I tell her that I love her. Just the thought of it sounds so good. This will be the best moment of my life.
Laurens P.O.V
I’m so fucking confused. I’ve let this carry on too long and it’s consumed me. If my friends ever find out about this I am totally screwed. They’ll never accept this. Accept me. Imagine the school’s hottest bitch with the school loser. Two girls none the less. I’ll be the talk of gossip for weeks. I’ll lose my reputation. I can’t have that.
This sucks. How can something that feels so right be so wrong. I’ve ben taught to love unconditionally and freely but I’ve been taught that love between people of the same sex is wrong. It’s so contradicting. Love should have no restrictions. I shouldn’t feel bad about feeling this way. Wait I love her? Yes I do , I really do. But I can’t. My parents aren't accepting of this. Society isn’t accepting of this, heck till about four months ago I accepting of this. Should I let this fear prevent me from something so beautiful?
Beautiful. That is exactly what she is. Those beautiful big brown eyes. I was drawn to her the moment our eyes met. Over the past four months I’ve grown more attached to her than I’ve ben to anyone before. Despite all the things telling me not to pursue her , I did anyway. She’s special. She accepts me for who I am and I really feel safe with her like nothing else matters.
Except everything else does matter. I’m supposed to be ruthless. I’m supposed to have the hottest most popular guy at school on my arm. Ill end up marrying this guy and I’ll make my parents proud. I’m not supposed to have a soft spot for some orphan girl. I’m Lauren fucking Jauregui . I can get anything and anyone I want.
I have to come to a decision. I very bad decision. I just have a feeling that this is going to end up being one of, if not the worst decision of my life. Either way I’m letting someone down. I just have to hope for the best now.
Camila’s P.O.V
Lauren texted me half an hour ago to meet her. Any hesitation and worries about telling her i love her have disappeared. I’m going to our bench with a new found sense of confidence. I got changed into the best dress I have with my special white bow atop my head. This moment has to be perfect. When we look back on this one day I always want her to remember me like this. The new person I am and not the broken girl I was. She’s so special ,she’s changed me so much and she deserves something special. I bought a single red rose as a symbol of our love. I only hope this gesture isn’t too cheesy.
Lauren’s P.O.V
The last time I’ve felt this nervous is when I had a cold and had to sing at my 7th grade talent show. As I see her approaching the only thought I have is how difficult this is going to be. She has this face eating grin on her face , this sparkle in her eye, a jump in her step. She looks like the happiest person on earth. My heart feels so heavy because of what I’m about to do.
“ Camila. Wow you look absolutely ". I mentally curse myself for not being able to hold that compliment back. I can see a blush creep on her face as she replies with a simple thanks.
“ Look Camila. I have something to tell you and it’s something really important. I’ve ben doing a lot of thinking about us “ . Ugh. The way she smiles when I talk about us.
“ Uhm. I have to be fair. I have to be completely honest with you “ I can see how she takes a breath and clutches something tighter behind her back. Fuck here it goes. “ Whatever this is ,it needs to stop. It’s over .“ Her face contorts into one of confusion. “ You were just an experiment. I was merely toying with you all this time. The only reason I chose you was because you were the easiest girl to manipulate. I knew how vulnerable you were and I used this to my advantage to make you do and feel anything I wanted. I never truly wanted to be with you. You were just some lonely pathetic girl to ease my boredom. “
Lies.lies.lies .
“ But I’m over it now. I don’t ever want to see your face again. I don’t ever want to talk to you again. You can’t approach me ever again. You can’t look my way ever again. I want absolutely nothing to with you. I realised you were a waste of time. If you ever tell anybody about what happened I will deny it and laugh in your face. What we had meant nothing to me nothing at all. “
It meant absolutely everything to me.
“ So I need you to get over this. You’re the equivalent of a charity case and I was nice enough to give you something we both know you’ll never get in your life again”
She hasn’t said anything during my entire rant but as silent tears roll down her cheeks she finally opens her mouth to say something. “ I love you “. She says as she extends a single red rose my way. And I don’t think my heart can contain anything after that. I have to run away before she sees my face. Fuck you Camila Cabello. Fuck what you do to me.
Camila’s P.O.V
After she runs away the rose drops to the floor and so do my tears. My heart plummets to the pit of my stomach before breaking into a million pieces. I don’t think I’ve eer felt this kind of pain before in my life. My whole body feels numb and my chest feels tight. I can’t even begin to comprehend what she said. I don’t understand. I was so sure that she was happy and that she loved me. This must be what heartbreak feels like. It hurts. It really hurts. This hurts more than the time I had to spend a weekend alone in hospital . Worse than when the couple who were supposed to adopt me and save me ended up having a baby and stopped visiting me. Even worse than when the only nanny that liked me died. I
How could I be so stupid to think that anyone could love me. I’ve been let down and left so many times how could I possibly think that this could be any different. But no matter how she feels about me I still love her. With all the itsy bitsy broken pieces of my heart. And because I lover her ,I won’t be mad at her. All I can do is watch from the sidelines and be happy for her when she finds that person. Gosh that person will be so lucky. They better treat her right because she deserves the world and more. Damn Lauren Jauregui. Just when you fixed me you broke me again.
Lauren P.O.V
I locked myself in my room and cried myself to sleep that night. I was so glad I got to get away before she got to see the look of regret on my face because I love you Camila and I’m so fucking sorry that I never had the chance to tell you. It’s to late and it had to be done. I’m to much of a coward to fight for you,to make you money. You serve someone who can. Right now my reputation is too important. I can’t believe I let myself be another one of those people who have let you down. I was too scared to finally do the right thing for a change and I’m really sorry. I had to say those things to make you hate me. A reason for you to see that you have to let me go. I hope one day you can forgive me because none of it is true. Maybe one day we can be together . When I can be half as brave as you.