This canvas is going nowhere and somewhere at the same time. It depicts an abstract piece, a messy image of confusion and annoyance, a swirling mixture of cluelessness and comprehension, ironically enough.
She put down the palette and brush to take a long breath.
Clary understands why Izzy is so upset, but she doesn’t get why her girlfriend declined to stay with her in the same room.
Last night, Isabelle actually slept separatedly from her.
No, she thought, of course I’m not upset. Why would I be? This is completely normal.
“Normal, huh? Really.” A deep, quiet voice sounded behind Clary, a voice she had memorised in her mind.
“Hey.”
“Hey, biscuit.” Her bestfriend is leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. “So,” Alec entered the room, grabbing a nearby chair and sat beside Clary, “you think this is ‘completely normal’? Because I myself can’t qualify...all these as that.”
Clary took another breath. “I know. I guess all these are just...too much to take in such a small amount of time, right? But I’m so happy you’re back. I swear, even for one moment, I never ever thought you’re dead. That’s just like... impossible.”
Alec chuckled. “You’re right. That’s because I’m immortal, biscuit. I kill, but hells no, I can’t be killed. By the way, I missed your paintings.”
“You hatemy paintings.” Clary said, rolling her eyes. “You have like, zero appreciation for good art. Magnus will be sooooo disappointed.” She joked.
“Don’t- donneven get me started on M-Magnus Bane.” Clary would like to tease him some more, but her bestfriend is blushing. Alec Lightwood is blushing.
“You totally banged. Didn’t you?”
“Stop it! I order you biscuit! I–I’m–”
“I knew it. Oh god, my instincts are incredible, I love myself.” Clary was laughing now, Alec’s face a contortion of annoyance and veiled shame.
“Anyways, so you love my sister.” Now it’s Clary’s turn to blush.
“Yes, Alec. I do. I love her so much, I don’t know if I’m actually alive or dead right now. I love her so much I’m almost as mad as my biological father.” Clary sighed. She does love Isabelle so much.
“Oh metaphors, spare me.” Clary can’t help but smack Alec’s arm.
“It’s a simile.” Clary mumbled.
“Aw! What was that for?!”
“I was being serious!”
“So? Whatever, grammar nazi, you’re being cheesy. I hate it.” Clary can’t help but roll her eyes. Again. She hasn’t done this intense eye rolling for eight years now.
“Alec, you hate everything.”
“Clarissa, no, I don’t.”
A grin crept up Clary’s face. “Of course. You don’t hate Magnus, you loooooove him, don’t ya’?”
Clary watched as Alec grasped for a smart reply, but I won this one. Ha ha. Take that Lightwood! “I–I’m leaving.” Alec stood from his chair, now walking towards the door.
“Take care of my sister, Fray.”
The door shut, and Clary was once more left alone in the middle of her painted world. “For as long as I breathe.”
Isabelle is scrunched against the black sofa in her room when her blonde-no, golden-haired brother entered her room, without knocking, holding quite a list on his hand.
Izzy did not mind.
“Okay. The flowers, no worries, they are not tulips, are all settled. You really wanted green roses, is that right?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Right. Okay. The drinks, err, Magnus assured me they’re just fine, we don’t need to knock our heads over it, his words, not mine. And you sure you’re letting Jon keep the ring?” Jace looked up from his list with one brow raised, and it looked so un-Jacelike Izzy had to tell herself no, she can’t laugh now. But she did smile.
“Of course! Jace, Jonathan loves Clary almost as much as I do, he won’t fail me, he can’t.”
She can feel now the enormity of what she’s planning, and damn, it feels good.
That good feeling, stopped immediately when she saw her brother’s face.
Her other brother. Alec Lightwood, in all his tallness and glory and assassin-y aura, strided across the room in three swift steps.
“So?”
“No worries, Izzy. She hasn’t got a clue. She’s pretty upset I think.” Isabelle reflected on what her brother just said. “Upset?”
“Well Clary thinks you’re mad at her or something. That is from what I’ve heard her murmuring a while ago. And–she’s painting.”
“Oh shut it, Alec. Upset isn’t the word, worried is.” Jace chided Alec, but Isabelle heard none of it.
Clarissa is painting. It worried Izzy a bit, but she isn’t gonna get distracted. Today is a big day. Today is our big day.
“Well? We still on for today?” Jace asked.
“Hey lil’ sister. You can do this, okay? I might have been away, but I know you’re still the same Izzy, you’re still that little girl who never breaks head even in the hardest of times. You will do great.” Her brother emphasized each word so clearly, she started to believe it herself.
She loves Clary, that much she knows for certain, never any trace of doubt on that. But is this the right time to bring it up? Is this time just as okay as the others? Now that Alec has just been back to them?
It’s too much. For such a long period of time, and just right when Izzy started to feel settled down, just when she decided that she is gonna be okay again.
Just the time that Izzy knew that she can already let go of the pain that’s been holding her for five years, comes the brand new bouquet of now-everything-is-gonna-go-wrong-again flowers.
Izzy hates flowers.
But too much or not, nothing’s gonna stop Izzy Lightwood from telling the world how much she loves Clary Fray.
God, that sounds cheesy.
Clarissa Fray is not painting.
Now, she sat on her bathtub, eyes closed, feeling the soft warmth of her very much needed bubble bath.
Just feeling.
The past night was so crazy and fast, she never had any proper time to think. Well she isn’t actually sad, but she isn’t exactly happy either.
Mostly because she feels like Izzy’s ignoring her. She isn’t ignoring you, doofus. She’s just as shocked as you are.
Clary tried to let the bath calm her nerves, but it isn’t working.
At times like this, when she’s alone, whenever her surroundings go dead quiet, her mind gets too noisy, deafening her with thoughts of Isabelle.
She doesn’t mind.
Other people might find relaxation in their own ways, through reading, or sleeping, or just by casually sitting in their favorite chair, coffee mugs at hand, staring as the sun creeps up the sky.
But for Clary, Isabelle was her very own version of those blankets that hug you just right, not making you too warm, not letting you go cold. Isabelle was the right amount of sugar in your black coffee, not making it too sweet, not letting you taste too much bitterness. Isabelle was the much needed rain shower during summer, the kind that makes you want to get out of the house, the kind that makes you stand in the middle of your lawn, not caring if your neighbor stares, you just really need to feel the water on your face, every single drop of this summer rain.
Izzy has always been her peace, her calm, her safe space in this too loud of a world. Izzy is just what she needed.
When they first met at college, Clary saw Izzy as everything not her- confident, bubbly, bright, ecstatic.
Beautiful.
She’s always been content with herself, with the quiet, the loneness. Clary has always thought of Isabelle as the one person who might actually be the embodiment of anti-Clary, that’s why it was such a surprise when it was Isabelle who asked her if she wanted to get coffee, sometime?
She said yes right away, praying she did not sound too eager.
She didn’t.
That memory is one very vivid recollection that always crosses Clary’s mind when she thought of her girlfriend. How she managed to get Izzy to be her girlfriend, she got no idea.
She loves the quiet, classic piano concertos, Izzy’s all about loud bass thumping and techno-party themed pop songs.
She loves the calm, soothing sight of green, Izzy’s the greatest fan of black she’s ever met.
She loves the warmth of the freshly brewed coffee, Izzy might just be that gorgeous poster girl for the bright colored smoothies you buy in convenience stores.
She doesn’t know how she deserved such blessing, but Clary doesn’t care.
When she began to fall in love with Isabelle, she began to understand that they were never opposites of each other- they were a perfect match, completing each other, just like that right amount of warmth you need when it’s one of those chilly winter nights.
Clary was blue, and Izzy was the brightest red she’s ever seen.
Purple never looked so good.
Not that she’s worried, but Isabelle noticed that Clary hasn’t gone out yet.
Is she mad at her? Is she really upset?
If there ever was a time when Izzy Lightwood wanted to cry, this would actually be close to it. But no, not now, she ain’t got time for tears.
However, she got time for all these planning. Her head’s already killing her with the bunch of calls, plus the very goal of not letting Clary know something’s up is almost rubbing up on her.
Almost.
Last night, she almost proposed to the girl she loved most, and angels above, was she so ready for it.
Isabelle have thought of it for as long as she can, and she only knows one thing, one absolute truth above everything else: she most definitely would want to spend the rest of her life with Clarissa Adele Fray.
The girl with paint blotches on her hands, always in that messy ginger bun, with one hand holding her bag, the other holding a coffee cup - Isabelle had always been curious about her.
She’s so unlike every other girl she’s seen, met, been friends with, and so, she stood out.
She plucked Izzy’s deepest interests.
Clary Fray was the stereotype of shy kid, with serious artist complex - but Isabelle was fine with that.
So when she saw Clary on that coffee shop two blocks away from the university, she never hesitated for one second when she walked up to her, and asked her, “Would you wanna get coffee, you and me, sometime?”
Thank the angels above, she said yes.
No amount of caffeine has ever made her this high.
And so from that moment onwards, Isabelle Lightwood learned how to fly.
Clary was peacefully walking down the staircase of the great Morgenstern manor when she noticed the chaos that’s going on around her.
“Uhm, what’s up?” She meekly asked a young man carefully arranging what seems to be green roses. Her favorite.
“Uh, a party ma’am. I heard it’s for the prodigal son? Or brother? Something like that.” The man politely answered her.
Oh, Alec. Of course.
She nodded to the man, just before she started making her way through the busy crowd. She tried to look for that familiar black head of long, full waves, but to no luck, she can’t find it.
She can’t find her.
Is Isabelle avoiding her?
Izzy was staring at that familiar red bun from atop the stairs, her head full of awe, as usual.
Awe, it’s always the first feeling that creeps up on her whenever she sees Clary Fray. Yes, even before the love.
Because funny might it sound, but Clarissa Fray is really awesome.
She’s wearing a familiar green dress, yes, the one she was wearing during that coffee meeting. It felt like a really wild wave of déjà vu.
And so, what butterflies? She felt the whole zoo in her stomach. I swear, this is like falling in love all over again.
It was like reaching euphoria at the top of the roller coaster, just to be taken down by surprise, your soul still lingering at the top.
It was like as if you know what was already coming, but realized you don’t once it did come.
Izzy loves that feel of thrill, that dull throb of excitement deep within her veins, stemming from drumming flesh that is her heart.
Falling in love with Clarissa Fray has its perks, and boy, does it feel good.
The visitors came just after about nine, and Clary was surprised some of her few friends from the university showed up.
Even Isabelle’s Council friends were here.
They talked some, and though it feels like they know something she doesn’t, Clary admits it was good to see them.
She just sat at a stool near the table at the corner of the room, oblivious of being noticed. The party for her bestfriend, dang, was it something.
Clearly Isabelle has planned this, because it was screaming her name all over the room.
The room has Clary Fray written all over it.
Gold carpet, green roses, silver tabletops - Izzy played by her favorites. She knew Clary loved the classic, and so she dealt with them.
Of course, with the occassional touch of black.
Because what color is more elegant than the absence of light, itself?
Clary felt a small smile crawl up her face.
They might have not talked for the last hours, but sure thing, Izzy does not forget about this redhead.
She saw Alec walked up to the makeshift stage, looking like he just swallowed a pug.
Ew, what kind of analogy was that?
He awkwardly walked up to the microphone, and the room, the world, came to a halt.
Her bestfriend is giving a speech.
Oh God.
Alec tapped the microphone, and slightly lowered himself to level with it. “Uhm,” he slightly chuckled.
“Hi,” A murmur of hi’s back was all over the room, and suddenly, it was silent again.
“Thank you everyone, f-for coming, it-it means so m-much. I’ve really, really been away, but now, I’m home. Thank you-f-for celebrating that with us.
“I am not really much for speeches but I’d like to take these m-moment to, well, thank,” a couple of gentle laughter resonated through the crowd, “the most important people in my life, my family.
“Izzy, lil’ sis. Thanks. For that slap when you saw me alive and kicking. Hell, that was a real wake up call.” More laughter. “I love you. C’mere.” Clary watched as Alec stepped slightly away from the microphone to hug-
Isabelle.
She was wearing that black dress she wore during that coffee meeting. This is the dèjà vu of dèjà vus, Clary thought.
Scratch fireworks. This felt like a volcanic eruption. Every millimeter of her frail body was ignited, ready to blast away like rocket ships preparing to launch into the vast expanse.
Izzy remained at the stage, while Alec carried on his speech.
“Jace, dude. Thank you, first and foremost, for taking care of Izzy all those years. You’re a real player.
“What’s the second?”
“Second, no, nothing. Just gimme a hug.” Chuckles further echoed in the room, as Jace and Alec did that bro thing with their hands and pulled each other into a tight bear hug, slapping each other’s backs.
“Okay. Uhm M-Magnus. You deserve the most special thanks of the night, I think.” Cheers sounded from the crowd as Magnus took it upon his judgment to join Alec on the stage and stood beside him, his tall, lean body slightly angled, his head tilted to the side, his arms crossed, clearly listening to what Alec has to say.
This just made Alec redder than he presently is. “M-Magnus, if it weren’t for you, I, I wouldn’t be here. I would be back to my family. And I, I’m deeply grateful that I met you. So, thank you. From my heart.”
Screams escaped from the crowd when Magnus moved so near Alec’s face, just to reach the microphone himself for a few words.
“You still owe me a date.”
Yep, screams still.
“Y-yes. Yes I do.” They pulled into a hug, and Clary uttered a silent thanks they didn’t kiss right there. Not that that would be a bad thing.
“Okay. Lastly, uhm, I thank, where’s my bestfriend? Yeah, yeah she’s right there. Come up here, Clary.” A light followed her through the crowd, and like her bestfriend, Clary isn’t a fan of spotlights. And so she kept her head down.
Alec assisted her as she climbed up the stage, his face clearly veiling something beneath it.
“Clary, thank you. Not for a slap, not even of taking care of Izzy, though I’m sure you did great at, not also for taking me back home, but for so selflessly welcoming me back with the widest embrace your tiny arms could afford.”
“Oh shut up.” She replied, smiling.
“Just, yeah, thanks for not giving up on me.” A few cheers was heard from the crowd as they hugged, Clary having to tiptoe just to reach Alec’s neck.
She felt him whisper something in her ear.
“Stay up here, biscuit.”
This is it.
“Again, thank you guys, I’ll say let’s enjoy the rest of the night, but here’s my sister and my best friend for some words.” Alec flashed a shy smile at the crowd as he went down, Izzy slowly walking towards the center of the stage, taking the microphone off its stand.
Clary looks wonderstruck.
She is, too, wonderstruck.
That’s what they did to each other, but Isabelle has to focus on her agenda for the night.
“Hey guys!” A series of whoooos came from their visitors. “Y’all received the invitation right, yes, of course. So this, is part two.”
The room was dead silent.
Clary is confused.
What is happening?
Isabelle walked towards Clary, her girlfriend in an unveiled face of confusion.
Good, she has no clue.
Izzy started uncovering her heart.
Isabelle was in front of her.
Isabelle is gonna talk to her.
“Clary. Hey.”
She smiled. “Hey, you.”
Isabelle cleared her throat.
“I knew last night was crazy, but we’re used to crazy, right? Sorry I didn’t sleep with you last night, and it’ll sound petty but, it’s because I was planning this.”
Clary smiled at her girlfriend.
“Okay.”
Izzy smiled back at her.
“When I, when I first saw you, you were painting Jace.” Laughter erupted from the crowd, as Jace instinctively stood in his glory, waving an arm to their visitors.
“I thought then, you were so...beautiful. Sure, your hair was in that familiar messy bun, with little hairs falling on your freckled face, your hands covered in a myriad colors, one foot hoisted up your chair. You were so focused, on those brushstrokes, on your subject. I thought, I wanted someone to look at me like that too. And so, you intrigued me. So much.
“The second time I did see you, you were in this coffee shop two blocks away from school. You were wearing that dress,” Izzy pointed at her dress, “and I was wearing this.” She touched her obsidian dress. “Cool right? Like dèjà vu. Well, you were alone, just quietly sipping your coffee, staring outside the window. It was raining, and you never looked more beautiful. I knew then that I had to talk to you, because, well, I really wanted to know you. Can you imagine how happy I was when you said yes for coffee?”
Clary let out a gentle laugh, though she was confused, she was enjoying this.
“Yes. I was scared I sounded too eager.”
“You did.”
Clary’s eyes widened as the people laughed, Isabelle laughing along with them. “Kidding. No, you didn’t. But still, it was more than I hoped for. And yes, I knew you. Those countless coffee dates, I couldn’t ask for more. But you brought me more, Clary. You gave me more than I deserved.”
Clary’s hearstrings tugged at Isabelle’s words.
“Those times were my hardest, you knew that. Alec...well, went MIA, and we all thought he was, uhm, gone. At first I was grateful for the company, but I realized, I was thankful for something more. I was, am thankful for your presence, thankful that you are always there. I can’t even remember a moment without you, you were always by my side, even during the bad days. Even during our darkest nights. Your hugs redefined what safety meant to me, your kisses, gave a whole new meaning to what bliss means. I am thankful for you, Clary. You were the first person to know me, to accept me as I really am, the first person who knew, who took it upon themselves that I deserved their love. Their attention. You always knew just what the right words were, and I’ve never felt so...complete. All those missing pieces, those holes inside my heart, you filled them, you filled me with so much love. For the first time in years, I am flawlessly happy. You are far greater than the brightest stars, Clary Fray. You are the brightest light, you are that calmest shade of blue I had always longed for. You are my vast sky, always looking down on me wherever I go, always watching out, always protecting. You are my universe, Clary. And for the billionth time, I am proud to say, that I love you. I love you, Clary.”
A silent tear fell down Clary’s face, but for the first time in the last hours, it was of happiness.
Izzy was crying now, too. If crying calmly is a thing.
“Jon? Come up here and gimme that thing I asked you to keep.”
Clary watched as her little brother, Jonathan, climbed up a stage and dug somethig from his jacket’s pocket.
It was a tiny black box.
“Thank you, Jonathan.” Izzy hugged her brother, visibly whispering something to him. “You’re a real player. Thanks, lil’ dude.”
“No prob, Iz.”
Isabelle turned back to her, her eyes teared up, but still looking as gorgeous as ever.
She’s Clary’s universe, too.
“Clarissa Adele Fray, I love you so much, I hope you’re aware of that.” Laughs from the crowd.
“Will you marry me, Isabelle Sophie Lightwood?”
The room fell into a deep silence. Clary actually felt scared they’ll hear her thumping heart.
She smiled so wide, tears racing down her cheeks, and hugged Isabelle so sudden, so tight she felt like she’ll break.
“Of course, you dummy. Yes, yes I’ll marry you.”
The crowd cheered and clapped as the two sealed off their engagement, this new, beautiful something that they agreed upon. They broke off the hug as Izzy, now crying hard, slipped the ring through her finger. She slipped one on Izzy’s too, and at that moment, they are officially engaged.
Back then, Clary can’t believe that Izzy is her girlfriend.
Now, Clary can’t believe that she’ll marry the woman she loves.
Soon.