It was a rainy day, and Raven would have found it funny that it corresponded so well to her mood, if she wasn't in fact so fucking depressed. The worst was, she did not know what to do about it. She had lived through so much in the year that had passed, she felt like an entirely different person. She had always thought she would go through everything with Finn at her side, but of course he had to go off and die! And she had no grave to go to, no prayer to give for his spirit's safe passing to the next shore.
She did not know what she felt. She was not sure it was grief anymore. Guilt, though, she had plenty of. Guilt because she could not help resent him. Even when he was dead. Even when he'd sacrificed his life a first time for her on the Ark, knowingly saving her knowing it would kill him. No Council would have let him survive after he wasted three months' oxygen. After she wasted three months' oxygen. But she could not help resenting him for betraying her, for going with Clarke the first chance she had. It made it all worse that he knew the Ark would have to come down, that Raven would join him on Earth eventually. He had no scruples. She resented him for how he made her hate Clarke at first, how he made her get into that freaking competition with her for his attention, when that attention couldn't hold a day in spite of years of friendship and love. Most of all, she resented him for blowing a fuse going after Clarke, and killing all these innocent people. She loved him, and she hated him. She did not want him to die, he was her friend and brother and lover - but she hated him because he brought it all upon himself and left her no choice, no option to save him. He got himself killed and she could not save him as he saved her.
And now it had been a year, and she felt guilty for all the days she did not think about him, for all the little things she enjoyed, for all the happiness she got in spite of him.
A gentle hand on her shoulder interrupted her thoughts, and a gentle voice called her attention.
"Looking at the rain won't make it stop, love."
When she did not answer, or move, Anya stayed there, a comforting presence, even if she did not know it.
"It's today, isn't it?"
Raven turned around this time, surprised that Anya remembered. Anya didn't say anything more, but squeezed her shoulder, and Raven buried herself in her arms, trying to flee from her thoughts, to find shelter from all the grief. But she'd been trying so hard to repress all these emotions, to stop the thoughts about Finn, the memories, the tears, that as soon as Anya started rubbing soothing circles on her back, she could not hold back the tears any longer.
Anya stayed silent as Raven shed all the tears she had been keeping to herself; trying to offer what comfort she could, even though she knew there was nothing she could do to really ease her lover's pain. She knew Raven loved her, but she was conscious that a small part of her would always love Finn, and Anya could not bring him back, just like she could not stop his execution. She did not like the man, nor did she think it was unwarranted, but for Raven, she would have tried. But the world was unfair and the innocent had to bear the guilt of others. All she could do was make sure Raven did not bear hers alone.