This.
...
“Oh my god, Niall, no.” Louis laughs out as Niall starts to pair him up with some of the worst people in school. You see, prom was coming up and Louis didn’t have a date. He didn’t feel like going in all honesty, I mean, he was never going to find a date and watching other couples makeout doesn’t sound so great. Plus he’s gay. Which he’s pretty sure everyone knows by now.
“What about the dreamy Harry Styles.” Niall sing-songs, doing a twirl and almost knocking Louis and a few others over in the process. Laughing and shaking his head, Louis smacks him over the head.
“You’re on something, I swear.” Louis rolls his eyes whilst opening up his locker.
“How?! I mean think about it, Lou.” The serious look Niall gives him actually kinda scares him a bit. Giving Niall a glare, Louis slowly shuts his locker and shakes his head.
“Niall. Stop it, no way am I asking Harry fucking Styles to prom. For fuck sake, he’s straight and isn’t he taking that Taylor girl?” The small boy whispers loudly to him as Niall rolls his eyes into the back of his head, faking a yawn.
“No. Actually he hasn’t asked anyone to go yet. You’re just scared because you couldn’t get him to take you,” he looks at Niall, bewildered at what he had just said.
“He has a girlfriend Ni. And fuck you. I could easily get him to fuck me by the end of this year,” a glare is all Niall gets from Louis.
“Wanna bet on it?” Niall holds his hand out to him with a smirk.
“Okay. I bet you I can get Harry Styles to fuck me.” Louis places his hand in Niall’s and shakes them once before letting go, “Now can we get to class, please?” Louis looks at him as he stuffs his books into his bag with a sigh, striding off with Niall by his side.
...
I hadn’t even started on trying to get Harry’s attention, if I’m honest. He probably doesn’t even know who I am. Well, I hope he doesn’t - I’ve already embarrassed myself enough in front of him.
The thing is, I need him to notice me. If he doesn’t then I’ll owe Niall $100. I don’t have 100 fucking dollars! I’m broke!
“Heyyyyy.” I hear Niall’s thick irish accent from behind me, disrupting my mental breakdown. I then feel his hand on my shoulder. I make an audible sigh and over dramatize it by flipping my hair slightly.
“So, you got onto him yet?” I ignore him as I put my books away, wanting to get into the cafeteria as fast as possible. I turn to look at him, on my right, and see Harry, Zayn and Liam with a few others from the football team heading towards us. I see him take notice of them and start poking me.
“Niall, shut the fuck up.” I whisper at him trying to hide behind my locker but instead I’m pushed (of course I’m fucking pushed) into Harry. Inside I’m dying. I feel the redness take over my face.
“Oh my god, sorry.” I squeak out, removing my hands from where they were on his perfect chest. I hear Niall cackling beside me and I internally grimace as I slowly look up to Harry. I see a slight smile on his lips as he then looks around us, so I do the same. I notice that the hallway is now empty (besides a few scattering people) and so I look at the clock on the wall. Fuck Niall, he’s probably gone getting food just like everyone else, the fat ass.
“Erm…?” I hear his deep voice hum out as I shoot my head up to look at him.
“Sorry.” I mutter out as I start to get even more flustered with myself. I place my hands across my chest and stand there about as red as a fucking tomato.
“No, it’s fine. Sorry about that. Gotta go but I guess I’ll be seeing you around?”
I’m guessing that was a rhetorical question as he then started to walk away, still facing me, as he asked it. I swear I saw a smirk on his face but I passed it off as just me being stupid.
And, yes, I know. ‘Fuck this story,’ is most likely what you’re thinking, because yeah it is most definitely cliche and just, ew.
...
“Niiiiiiiiiiiii.” I pout at him as he starts to tease me.
“I’m sorry, Lou.” He gives me a sympathetic look.
“No you’re noooooot. Who’s gonna sit with me in chemistry now?!” I wave my hands about and almost hit something.
“Uff.” I turn around to see Harry Styles pinning a poor boy to his locker. Well, the guy wasn’t exactly a ‘nerd’, actually the guy was a fit athle-
“Harry for fuck sake lemme go-” I watch as Harry’s fist collides with his face. I hear a grunt come from the lad and then he’s thrown onto the floor where harry starts to hit and kick him. The next thing I know is that he’s being dragged away by a teacher as he swears and curses at the guy on the floor - who I think was Liam Payne?
I had never seen Liam get into a fight. He was normally laid back and wouldn’t let anyone disturb his peace (also a bit of an asshole) but maybe that wasn’t sooo… true?
I shake my head slightly and grab my chem book before turning to where Niall was stood with my mouth halfway through saying something. I let at a groan, as I notice he’s left me, and mutter under my breath as I set off to Chemistry.
“Louis, earplugs out.” I hear the teacher and I roll my eyes, snagging my earplugs out and opening up my text book. I fucking sky rocket as I see Harry stumble into the room with his lanky limbs. The teacher turns to him and Harry goes to apologize but is cut off by him.
“Just take a seat, Styles.”
Harry takes a quick once over the room and I look to my right and see that I’m the only one sat by myself. I scream internally but just gape at the seat as if it just killed me and yet saved my soul. I turn towards the front and see Harry striding towards me. I mutter a ‘fuck’ under my breath and place my eyes towards my notebook and my laptop as I write down some notes.
The only thing I hear next is ‘partner project’, ‘person beside you’ and ‘five weeks’, causing me to openly gawk at the front and for my head to snap up. I groan and realise that Harry heard me. I blush and look down.
“So I was definitely right when I said I’d be seeing you again, beautiful?”
“Erm I guess.” I fumble out, causing me to bang my knuckles against the table as I stutter and wince as I drop my pencil. I go to pick it up and bang my head and I groan as I cover my face with my hands because holy fucking shit I am the most embarrassing human being.
“You okay?” I can just hear the smirk in the way he says it.
“Mhm. Sorry.” I lift myself up and sit back in my chair with a flushed face.
The rest of the lesson goes pretty smoothly and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be the only one doing this project but then he asks for my number and I’m pretty proud that this potato, right here, got partnered with a fucking god.
...
‘When u wanna meet for project? ~H'
‘I can do tonight ?’
‘Lemme ring u. ~H’
It was probably the shortest conversation I’ve had but then he called me so, of course, I answered.
“Hi, beautiful.”
“Hi. We erm could meet at mine at 6pm?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Text me your address, baby.”
“O-Okay. See you in in an hour then. Bye?”
I hear him say bye back and end the call. I didn’t mean to but I squealed and texted him my address. I then proceeded to hurry into my bathroom. I quickly washed my body as well as shave my legs, face and my… down below? Once I was done I climbed out and grabbed my phone, clicking onto Spotify and starting my music. I dry myself off and run the towel through my hair. I pull on my sexiest panties and climb into a pair of leggings and a short, black and tight af top. I fiddle with my nautical belly button piercing as I bend over to grab my mascara. I put some on carefully and add some highlight and contour to the mix.
I hum in satisfaction as I plug in my hairdryer. I grab my brush and proceed to blowdry my hair straight. Once it’s in my usual fringe I flop onto my bed and grab my phone. 5:54pm. I start to pull out my textbook and laptop with my written notes and spread them out onto my bed. I quickly check my twitter, instagram and reply to a few of my snaps.
My phone then rings, displaying “HARRY” across the screen. Swiping it to the right, I place it to my ear.
“Hey.”
“I didn’t know whether to knock or not but I’m outside.”
“You could’ve just knocked,” I giggle, “I’ll be right down.”
I sigh and throw my phone onto my bed and then hurry down the stairs. I unlock the door and smile as I let him in. Locking the door behind him, I explain how my parents are out.
“So…” He drags out awkwardly, causing me to shake my head as I almost forgot why he was here.
“Oh shit yeah. Erm I set everything out upstairs.” I start up the stairs with him following behind me. I jump onto my bed and pat beside me as I watch him close the door and scratch the back of his neck awkwardly.
“So, what do you wanna start with?” I turn my music down slightly and look to him as I flip a few pages and pull up a new document on my laptop.
“I’m not really bothered.” I look up to him and raise an eyebrow. I shake my head and mutter out an okay as I start to type up our first paragraph as he slowly sits on the edge of the bed. I place a few images onto it and create a plan.
“Something like this?” I look to him and suddenly become nervous and I think I’m sweating like a fucking sinner in church. I probably look like a melting snowman. He nods his head and let’s out a sure.
Crossing my legs and turning so that my full body was facing him, I say, “Do you even know what we’re supposed to be doing?” He chuckles nervously and shakes his head.
“Wow...” I whine and tilt my head back slightly in annoyance. I look back to him and catch him staring but I just furrow my brow. I think back to the bet with Niall.
‘Fuck it.’
“Would you-” I’m cut off by a ding from my phone. I look to it and then shut it off as I look back to the god in front of me. I shake my head and sit in a slightly awkward silence.
“Can we do somat else right now? Like, I can’t be arsed to do this.” He suddenly says, making me nod my head hesitantly.
“Like?” I raise my eyebrows as I look up to him.
“You’re gay.” I now sit there looking taken aback and very confused. I nod my head and cock my head to the side.
“And-” I’m cut off by his lips on mine. I widen my eyes and watch as he pulls away. I fish mouth for a moment before I realise what he did and how he’s now stumbling over an apology. I look at him and lean in, cutting him off his rant, as my lips connect with his. I wrap my fingers into his hair and lean back. I push the papers, books, and laptop to the end of the bed as I pull him on top of me.
“Harry…” I whisper out as he starts to nibble along my jaw and neck. I feel him start to take off my pants and I start to feel like I’m dreaming because what the fuck? I have a fucking fit ass boy on top of me that is supposedly straight - right now I really don’t give two shits about minor details. Well that is until I feel him pull completely away from me. I lean up onto my elbows, slightly confused, until I see him taking off his shirt.
“Are you gay?” I raise my eyebrows and make eye contact with him as he smirks. If I wasn’t lay down I would’ve fell to the floor because goddamn.
“What do you think, baby?” He leans back over me and is grinding down into my crotch as I whine and let out the breathy response, “Well you have a girlfriend so either pan or bi or like-”
Aaaaand shit. I think I ruined it with that because all I feel is him tense and pull away, pulling his shirt on.
“Wha-”
“I shouldn’t have done that.” He pulls on his trainers and hurries out of my room. I quickly pull my leggings back on and hop out my room, trying to chase after him.
“What the fuck?!” I get to the door where he’s trying to unlock it.
“I have to go.” I roll my eyes and place a hand on his chest as I manage to squeeze between him and the door.
“Why?” I look up at him and try to block the door as much as possible.
“You just said it. I have a girlfriend.” He looks scared and I’ve never seen him like this before.
“Harr-”
“Please just let me out.” He tugs on his hair lightly and shakes his head as he squeezes his eyes shut. I lick my lips and lean up so that I’m on my tippy toes. I place a hand on his cheek and lightly brush my lips against his.
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her… or you…”
...
The next day I’m wearing some white pumps, black jeans and a baby blue cropped top with a denim jacket. I strut into school with a little makeup on (eyebrows fleeked, cheekbones cut, highlight popping and lashes looking full af) and meet up with Niall.
I felt way more confident today. Especially after last night.
I don’t understand why last night has made me feel more confident (and sore, oops…) but it did. It might’ve just been how good it was and the fact he didn’t leave straight away. Like, we watched a movie and cuddled and all these stupid butterflies need to fuck off.
I head to my locker, as usual, meeting Niall.
“Hii.” I smile at Niall and smirk a little, “Oh, and you now owe me $100.” I laugh as he furrows his brow at me. He then realises and slaps his locker shut with an, “OH MY FUCKING GOD! LOUIS WILLIAM TOMLINSON YOU-” I quickly slap a hand over his mouth and shush him as I flush red, everybody's eyes now focused on us.
“I’ll tell you later holy shit.” I sigh and hurry off to english.
Once it get’s to lunch, I had almost forgotten about meeting Harry. Groaning, I bought a bacon sandwich and hurried out to the art block.
Once I was there, I walked into room 104 and placed my bag and sandwich onto a table and sat there. I frowned as I glanced around the room. Shaking my head and sighing, I start to eat. My head shoots up as I hear the door open and I see him walking in, with his curls bouncing a little.
“Hi.”
“Oh, hey.” He smiles and walks up to me, removing the sandwich from my hands and placing it onto the table. He smirks down at me as hovers over me so that my back was against the table and he was firmly placed between my thighs.
“Last night was great. Fucking phenomenal,” a grunt, “And today, fuck, look at you. Wanna fuck you so bad right now.” He licks his lips and I blush as he kisses me slowly.
“Maybe I can come yours? We can do some ‘homework’?” I giggle as I use my fingers as air quotes. He chuckles and nods his head in approval, giving me one last peck before he moves away from me.
“See you tonight then, beautiful.” He winks and strides away, leaving me breathless.
...
I knock on his door twice before he answers. It’s about 7pm and in all honesty I should be doing my essay right now. He opens his door and I greet him with a smile, but I only get a watery, fake smile back. I frown and step a little closer, “Harry, what’s wrong?” He shakes his head.
I frown harder. I quickly lean up and place my hands onto his cheeks, whilst he wasn’t looking.
“Harry, talk to me. Please.” I bite my lip and he shakes me off.
“Leave me alone.” I raise my eyebrows at his now aggressive tone. I go to speak again but he just repeats himself, voice cracking.
“I don’t like you, okay? Fuck off, faggot.” I step back and frown as I feel the tears burning my eyes. He narrows his eyes and I don’t know what to do. I feel the burst of wind as he slams the door shut. I just stare at the door for a while.
What the fuck?
I walk home and I end up breaking into tears as I drop onto my bed. I know shit happened waaaaaay too fast. But I felt different with him. Fuck my heart, it always seems to betray me…
...
In all honesty everything about this is- was moving too fast. I hardly knew him. But he seemed broken in a way. Kinda like me.
I wake up at 6:30AM as usual and get in the shower. I don’t even feel like I want to go to school. In all honesty, I’m scared. What if he had told someone? But he wouldn’t. I mean, he wouldn’t want people to know he liked a guy. To be honest I’m more scared of him. I’m scared for him.
I need to talk to him today. I’m gonna make him stay behind in physics and I’m gonna talk to him. For sure.
I huff as I swing my legs off the edge of the bed and walk over to my vanity. Leaning down to look at myself, I shake out my hair as I groan at the dark circles now adorning my face. I huffed softly, sitting down on my pink chair. Clutching my concealer, I apply it under my eyes and then apply mascara and fill in my eyebrows.
I straighten my hair as well as placing a big grey sweater with leggings on. Slipping on my black converse, I gave myself a once over before I grabbed an apple from the kitchen table and ran out the house, backpack secure on my back.
I had my earplugs in as I entered school. Paying no one any attention, I went straight to my first class.
By the end of the day, I was fucking exhausted. Niall wouldn’t stop pestering about some party and i reallyyyy didn’t want to go.
We all know I went anyway, of course.
...
I’m wearing some raunchy ass shit as I walk into this party. A snug white belly top, booty shorts, black converse and my classic denim jacket. In all honesty, so many people stared. I was liv-ing.
Aaaaand then, obviously, I saw Harry. Red solo cup in hand, he catches my gaze and I look away.
Okay, so, Niall fucking adored Liam. I don’t know why but he did. He was head over heels for the jock. Liam had them big brown puppy eyes that had any guy or girl swooning, if i’m honest. He was also openly bisexual. Which made Niall fall even deeper.
Anyway, back to my unfortunate mid life crisis. I hadn’t talked to him in school. He skipped physics and chemistry just to avoid me. It pissed me off. I decide to just go for it - I have nothing to lose anyway. I take a deep breath and strut over to him.
“Follow me. Now.” He widens his eyes, a bit taken aback, but I just narrow my eyes as I turn away and go upstairs. I go into one of the empty bedrooms and sit on the bed, watching him walk in thirty seconds later. I watch as he slowly shuts the door, avoiding eye contact.
“Lock it, please.” He finally looks at me as he nods. He silently locks it. I walk over to him.
I place a hand on his chest as he stares down at me. Slowly, I place my other on his neck as I lean in closer.
“Don’t you know that it’s rude to stare?” I mutter as i bite my lip.
He surges forward, catching my lips with his. I moan instantly and kiss back, pulling him to the bed with me. The kiss was full of lust, hunger, and passion. He wanted this and so did I, but I needed to talk to him.
I pull away.
“Harry, what- why did you slam the door in my face?” I whisper, choking up a little. What he said hurt me. So much.
“I’m sorry…”
“That’s not an answer, haz.” I shake my head, completely removing myself from him.
“I-I don’t know. You scare me. You’re so perfect and beautiful. I’ve never liked a guy before, not like this.” He looks at me and I feel like crying. Fuck. I lean in and wrap my arms around him, tightly. I pull away a bit so I can kiss him.
We sit on the bed just kissing for about 15 minutes. I loved the feeling of his soft, plump lips on mine. After everything he seemed to make me feel safe. I hardly knew him but I could feel my heart betraying me again. Or maybe this time my heart was right. I couldn’t guess.
We jump apart as we hear a crash downstairs. I hear a scream from Niall and quickly rush downstairs. I push the crowd that’s formed around him away, crouching down as I approach him.
“Niall, what the fuck happened?!” I shout as people start to raise their hands in defense. I glare at Liam and Zayn who are smirking to themselves.
“You’re both so sly,” I stand up and poke my finger into Liam’s chest, “Go fuck yourselves, you selfish bastards!” I huff as I walk over to Niall, helping him off the floor. Harry hooks one of Niall’s arms over his shoulder and I do the same. We both walk him out and harry places him in the backseat of his car.
“Want me to drive you home?” He stands in front of me as I lean against the passenger door.
“You don’t have to…” I mutter and look at him from underneath my eyelashes. He smiles softly.
Slowly, he leans in closer.
“I want to…” He kisses me, light and quick, before pulling away sheepishly. I blush and kiss his cheek, climbing into the passenger seat, Niall in the back. He drives us to the dormitory where he helps me carry Niall to his room.
Once Niall’s discarded onto his bed with a duvet over him, I sigh.
“Haz…?” I bite my lip as I walk closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Yeah?” He looks down at me as he places his hands on my hips and our foreheads together.
“What even are we?” I look down. I get scared, “I mean like you have a girlfriend and like I know I shouldn’t expect anything from you but-”
He kisses me. Hard.
“No.” I shake my head and pull away, taking a step back as well. “I want an answer.”
“I don’t know…” He mutters as he goes silent. He huffs and stands up aggressively. “It’s just, I’m not- I’m not a fucking fag. Not like you. And you can’t make me one.” He tugs on his hair and storms out, leaving me speechless and hurt - once again.
...
Harry turns up to my gym lesson, a week from the last time we spoke.
“We need to get away and talk.” He has his hands in his coat pockets and backs me up against the wall. It was so close to being the weekend. I only had to get through gym but now Harry’s here and ruining things yet again.
“What do you mean?” I whisper frantically. I feel like I resemble a deer caught in headlights.
“That we need to talk…?” He frowns and looks at me closer.
“Jesus. Fuck, okay, I broke up with my girlfriend ‘nd I know what I want now, Lou. I want you.”
I frown in confusion, “Are you fucking kidding me? You insulted me!” I push at his chest and angry tears sit in my tear duct, ready to fall.
“Lou, I’m sorry-”
“No fuck you. Fuck you, okay? You can’t just use me when you need someone and then boot me to the curb and insult me when something goes wrong.” I weakly place my forehead against his chest, hands on either side. A single tear slips down my cheek, leading the others into a flood onto his coat.
“I know, I’m sorry. I… didn’t mean to do that to you and I never will again. I know I can’t explain myself and I’m sorry but it’ll take time for me to explain.” He wraps his arms around my shoulders and kisses the top of my hair. I cry harder and grip onto his chest, and the fabric there, harder.
“I need you.” My voice breaks. I sob harder and he just holds me, as if he can hold me together.
When we eventually pull away I’m wiping my eyes with the sleeves on my shirt and he’s watching. “I can’t do this.” I shake my head and move out from in between him and the wall. I grab my gym stuff and give him one last look before I walk out of the locker rooms and out into the hallway. I sprint down the empty halls, tears staining my cheeks, until I reach outside. I look at the building fully before I walk away from it, not looking back.
I’m never going there again.
…
I moved school. I’m now almost 18. Fuck, what happened?
I wake up to the sound of my alarm buzzing. I groan and rub at my eyes, wincing at the pain in my wrist. I sigh.
Climbing out of bed and grab some shorts, I run down the stairs to greet my mum.
It’s a saturday in the middle of summer. I was happy. The past 6 months of my life have probably been my happiest. I grabbed some pancakes and ate them, then running upstairs to take a shower. I had to be in out for 10:00AM.
I walked under the warm spray of water, feeling the steam fill up my lungs. I loved this. When I could let myself relax. I smiled to myself and washed my hair and my body. I climbed out and wrapped a towel around myself.
I dried myself off and then pulled on some shorts and a tight top, wrapping a hoodie around my waist. It was his hoodie. I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out.
Anyway, I then set off on my tasks for the day; shopping with Perrie, redecorating and buying new furniture for my apartment.
I was moving out of my mum’s house. I had rented out a small apartment near school. One bedroom, kitchen, living room, small dining space and a little box room.
Me and Perrie met up at 09:5AM and we set off to the department store. We bought a shit ton of cute new furniture. After we got it all to the apartment we then went shopping for clothes. It was about 02:00PM when Pez had to go. Her sister needed her to look after her kids. I carried on shopping for myself.
“I see you kept it then.”
I froze.
No. No fucking way. My shoulders tensed and I shook my head.
“Well I contemplated burning it but then why waste such precious material?” I turned around. Fuck. He looked good. His hair was longer. It wasn’t up to his shoulders but it almost was. He had a bandana wrapped around his head, black skinny jeans and a button down shirt on. My knees felt like they were about to give. I blushed and smiled at him.
“I see… I missed you.” He scratched the back of his neck and it reminded me of all them times when he’d get nervous. The first time he came round, when he asked me out on a date…
“I missed you too.” I whisper and look to the ground.
“I-I’m bipolar. I didn’t want you to leave me. I treated you like shit, Lou, and I’m so fucking sorry. I was scared. So fucking scared of telling you how I felt that I hurt you. I loved- love you.” He takes a deep breath at the end and I can hear the knot in the back of his throat. My eyes start to well up and I take a shaky breath. He was bipolar. That explains so much. So much.
“I’m sorry Hazza.” I wrapped my arms around him and dug my face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, one of his hands resting in my hair. He smelt of apples and cinnamon. God, I missed that smell. “I love you too.” I mutter into his shirt.
He pulls away and I begin to protest but then his lips are on mine; I freeze. I start to kiss him back, my hands tangling into his hair.
“Let me start over?” He asks, hope in his green, green eyes. I nod with glassy eyes as he takes a deep breath. He smiles:
“Oops!”
“Hi.”
~fin.