Chapter 1
“Laura it has been nine months you really need to start at least thinking about dating”, LaFontaine huffed, annoyed by their friend.
“I know, it’s just… God! Seven years, and she left like that, how do I suppose to feel now? How am I supposed to go out there and be open to something new?”, Laura paced through the room.
“I don’t know, you just have to, I guess, you can’t spend your life wallowing”, LaFontaine stated.
“I don’t think I can. In every girl I’ll see her and I hate that”, dirty blonde explained.
_________________________
“Don’t you think you had enough cupcake?” said silvery voice next to Laura.
“You had enough!”, she replied childishly.
“Yeah, that answers my question”, the voice declared.
”Why do you even care?”, Laura asked with a defeated tone in her voice still looking at her glass.
“Well, you don’t seem like the type that frequently visits this kind of establishment, so I don’t want you to hurt yourself by drinking too much.”
“Fine, I’ll have water”, a tipsy girl said, “and I might be a regular here, you don’t know me”, she said weakly.
A person next to her chuckled, making Laura look up, realizing that next to her stood the most beautiful girl she ever seen. Pale skin, big dark eyes and leather pants, “Oh God, those leather pants”, Laura thought, “Snap out of it you idiot, girls got you into this mess”.
“Sure, you look like you belong in a bar like this, especially with that sweater you are wearing”, brunette stated.
“What’s wrong with my shoes?” Laura looked down at her white Strappy shoes.
“I said sweater, but the same can be said about your shoes”, stranger teased.
“What’s wrong with them? Not punk enough for this place?”, the blonde tried to sound rude, but she just seemed so lost.
”Yeah cutie, not punk enough”, brunette agreed and took a sip of her beer.
They stayed like that, leaned on the bar, watching people move around, greet each other, hug, kiss, spill drinks. After a while Laura spoke, “You are right, I’ve never been here before, just needed to escape my usual route”.
“I get it, we all run away from something, but nobody warns us that we cannot escape the demons in our heads”, the stranger next to Laura spoke with a somber voice.
“That’s deep broody… deeeeeep…”, blonde teased. “But you are not mistaken, I cannot escape myself, ergo vodka, lots and lots of vodka…”, she added.
Brunette puts down her beer and said in a serious tone, “Alcoholism is not the solution, whatever is making you drink I bet there are better ways of dealing”.
“My almost fiancé left me nine months ago, she said I’m too committed to my job, who says things like that?! Seven years… I knew we haven’t had a great romance, but it was safe, comforting, and peaceful, we loved each other enough…”, Laura stopped for a moment, thinking about her life, ”and I’ve been thinking, going over our relationship, torturing myself with it, and the only thing I realized is that if she couldn’t stay with me who else will…”
She stopped for a while looking at a brick wall at the far end of the room. “… I hate questioning my life like that, so cheers stranger!”
They drank, both of them, and for a while they fell into a comfortable silence until brunette noticed Laura taking fast sips of her beer, then she spoke, turning towards the blonde.
“Look you’re struggling, okay? And you’re allowed to. Because, cupcake, the Universe is huge, and it’s arbitrary and uncaring. You know, one moment you can get sucked into a Hell pit and the next moment you can get pulverized by a meteor, and really in the grand spectrum of things it’ll mean nothing. You know, people will leave you, they will hurt you, life is like that sometimes.”
Laura looked up, straight into dark and deep eyes of a stranger next to her, “If this is your cheering up speech, it needs a little work”, she said with a heavy smile.
”Give me a break, I was never in a position to comfort somebody like this.”
They both chuckled, looking at each other. “The point is, if nothing means anything than the only thing that means something is what we make. You know?”, the stranger asked.
“Yeah, I know”, Laura said while nodding, she stopped drinking for a while, analyzing words she heard, “Thank you stranger, I didn’t realize I needed to hear something like that …”, with that she stood straight up, stumbling a bit, “Could you please call me a cab, think I’m ready to go home”, tipsy girl confessed, receiving a nod and a comforting smile from the brunette.
_________________________
3 MOTHS LATER
Laura walked into a bar, she got drunk in 3 months ago, she was never a big drinker so that day stayed printed deeply in her mind, and not only because of a hangover she had the next morning. She remembered deep and warm eyes of a stranger, soft words and shy smiles, Laura hopped she would bump into that helpful person once again.
Bar was not crowded, there were a lot of empty tables, and blonde saw a familiar figure leaning on the wall at the far end of the room. She slowly walked towards brunette and spoke, “Hey stranger”.
Brunette pealed here eyes from a label on a beer bottle and smiled when she saw who was standing in front of her, “Hey cupcake”.
“It’s Laura”, blonde offered.
“Carmilla… I wasn’t sure you would remember me…”, said the other girl.
“Of course I remember you, it’s not every day that gorgeous, mysterious stranger gives you world’s best cheer up speech.”, Laura offered, earning a chuckle from Carmilla.
They stood again, looking at each other, surrounded by pleasant chatters of people, when Carmilla spoke, “So is it stepping over boundaries if I ask you how you been?”
“I’ve been good, creating new habits, I finally understand that Danny and I were not a fit for each other, we didn’t share a passion for writing, for life itself, we didn’t have same principles… and I just over shared”, Laura stopped herself.
“It’s okay cupcake, you are cute when you are rumbling.”
Laura felt her cheeks burn after hearing that.
“So any new love affairs? Are you getting back to the dating scene?”, Carmilla’s voice was light and happy, blonde could tell that the other girl is teasing her.
“God, no, I’m not completely insane. That is not for me, I figured I’m better off alone…”, Laura admitted. “So on the other less gloomy note, I would like to buy you coffee and thank you for what you did for me all those months ago.”
“You don’t need to do that, I did what anybody would do”, brunette stated.
“Still, I appreciate it and its been bugging me for a while”, Laura declared and gave a hopeful smile to Carmilla.
“Okay, let me give you my number so you could text me time and place”, said Carmilla typing down her number in Laura’s phone.
They meet up two days after bumping into each other in the bar. Carmilla let Laura choose a place for their meet up, and blonde choose alternative, small coffee shop in a hidden part of a city centre. The cupcake/Coffee shop was easy to locate and Laura was even easier to spot, she was wearing a white shirt with giraffes on it, glasses and she was chewing up the pen while reading something, the whole situation made Carmilla smile.
After their greetings and coffee orders they sat down and Laura spoke, “so I have a confession to make”. Carmilla frowned, not saying a thing, letting the other girl continue with her declaration. “I know who you are”.
“I’m glad cupcake, it would be weird for you to meet people you don’t know for a coffee”, Carmilla said teasingly
”Carmillaaaaaa”, blonde said it almost seriously.
“What is it cutie?”
“I love your stories, your books are something that kept me awake every time you published a new one… I think “Regrets, I’ve had a few” and “Long Goodbyes” are my two favorite stories of all times, and I’m fangirling I’m sorry”, she lowered her eyes, avoiding Carmilla’s stare.
“Don’t apologize, it’s adorable… and I’m glad you love them…”, brunette reassured her and then she spoke again trying to make Laura feel comfortable, “So you know what I do, what do you do for a living?”
“I write for Silas magazine”, the blonde said proudly.
“Wait, wait, wait, you are Laura Hollis? The Laura Hollis?”, Carmilla almost jumped out of her seat, looking intensely the blonde sitting in front of her. She received a nod and continued speaking, “I love your work! That story about contaminated waters was eye opener”. Laura beamed at this, so the other girl continued talking, “I guess, I’m your fan just like you are mine.”
_________________________
It’s been almost seven months since they had that first coffee, and since then Laura talked to Carmilla every day, they texted, had coffee, watched movies. They were slowly becoming great friends.
Laura ignored how clingy she had been around Carmilla, always searching for some kind of physical contact, a hug, a touch. She knew the other girl was becoming a part of her new routines and habits, and it made her feel anxious and happy at the same time. The blonde was not stupid, she knew that her feelings for gloomy brunette were not just friendly, but she was convinced that being with Carmilla would hurt her.
So in a moment like this, when Carmilla was forced by her older sister to go out on a date, Laura found herself in a bar drinking her 4th glass of gin tonic. Trying to dull a physical pain she was feeling just thinking about Carmilla and anybody else, and she was trying to drown her thoughts as well.
Her phone rang, interrupting her in a mid sip, “Heyyyyyy”, Laura answered a little bit too enthusiastically.
“Cupcake are you drunk?”, a voice asked, not worried just curious.
“Noooop…”
“Where are you?”, Carmilla was now serious.
“Someplace cool”, Laura offered.
“I’ll be there in 20.”
Laura just puts down her phone, not expecting Carmilla to actually find her. So she took a swing of her drink and walked to the pool table, finding some guys to play with her.
Carmilla found her there, leaned on a pool table, trying to hit a ball. She didn’t want to disturb tipsy blonde so she just gently asked, “So what’s the occasion?”
“I just wanted a drink”, Laura replied, not looking up.
“Sure”, the brunette didn’t believe her, cause she knew Laura doesn’t drink. Carmilla wanted to get to the bottom of this when Laura interrupted her.
“How did you know where I am?”
“Face it cutie, I know you”, Carmilla’s voice was playfully, still watching Laura play, but walking over to her side of the table. “Wild horses” started playing on the speakers and Laura sobered in a moment, she dropped her cue stick on a table and looked seriously at Carmilla. “Dance with me”, and brunette just nodded and took her hand. They swayed slowly, Laura’s head on Carmilla’s shoulder, her hands on the other girl’s back.
“You wrote in one of your stories that you know what kids did back for kicks in 1698, tell me…”, Laura said moving her head so she could look Carmilla in the eyes.
“Waltzing was fun back then, it had a resound scandal”, she said plainly.
“How is waltzing scandalous?”, Laura was asking again, her hands slowly roaming over Carmilla’s back.
“Well partners were face to face”, Carmilla said, pulling Laura closer and grabbing her hands, “chest to chest. All that whirling.”, she let Laura twirl and then pulled her closer once again, ”back in 1698 it may as well have been sex”.
For a few seconds they just stood like that, hand in hand, body pressed to another body, their eyes burning holes into each other. Laura cleared her throat, barely saying, “it sounds like fun”.
_________________________
Muffled guitar riffs and some kind of hissing woke Laura up. She stayed over in Carmilla’s guest room since she was too drunk to go home last night. And even with a hangover blonde could catch a smell of something tasty cooking in the kitchen. She was careful not to be seen and heard. Carmilla was making waffles by the look of it, just wearing a large red shirt and flannel PJ’s, she didn’t dance to the rhythm of the music but she hummed a melody.
“So you still didn’t tell me why were you drinking last night”, the brunette said not looking up to meet Laura’s eyes.
The blonde just shrugged, “no reason”, and continued to watch Carmilla move through the kitchen.
“LAURA”, the brunette was narrowing her eyes and looking up.
“CARMILLA”, Laura mockingly said other girl’s name, trying to avoid the asked question.
Carmilla’s expression softened and she offered a small smile, “You can tell me anything, you know?” It was more a declaration than a question.
“I know.” the other girl responded softly.
“So why don’t you?”, came a question from Carmilla, it was said in a soft voice, like she was afraid she might scare Laura if she said it louder.
“Soon”, Laura said.
_________________________
They got back to normal, Laura would work, Carmilla would write, and when they had free time they would have coffee, watch movies. Carmilla even took Laura to her cabin outside of the city. They talked about books, drank wine, made plans about going to Paris.
And then it happened again, only this time Will, Carmilla’s brother set her up with some friend of his. Laura tried to keep herself busy that night, but she caved under the pressure of thoughts about her friend and her date. She put her black sweater on, the only one without any kind of print on it, and walked out of her house.
Laura lost track of time, she drank and chatted with people, but she still thought about her brunette friend, her brunette friend that was standing at the entrance scanning the bar. And she approached the blonde when she finally saw her.
“How did you know I was here?”, Laura asked.
“Well, since I haven’t found you at your apartment, I called Perry and you weren’t there, so I figured out you are hiding here”, Carmilla explained plainly.
“Stalker much?”
“What’s wrong Laura…”, Carmilla asked in a low voice, “Please tell me”, she pleaded.
Blonde waved off with her hand and huffed, “Nothing’s wrong”.
Carmilla still stared at her, eyes never leaving Laura’s face, “fine, I’ve been thinking about somebody and I’m terrified”.
Carmilla wasn’t expecting this kind of thing troubling her friend. She thought that maybe one day, when Laura gets over her fear of commitment, that they could try and be together, cause they were so good together, they fitted into each other’s lives. But obviously Carmilla was wrong since Laura already has her eyes, or heart set on somebody. This hurt brunette more than she was willing to show, but all she wanted was for Laura to be happy and if that other girl is making her happy, Carmilla was willing to never let her feelings get in the way.
“Why are you terrified?”
“Cause”, Laura paused and gave an honest but scared look to her friend, “Carmilla, you have the power to destroy me”.
They both just stared at each other, Laura concentrating on a color of Carmilla’s eyes, while the brunette stared at the journalist’s trembling lip.
“I would never do that to you cupcake…”, came in a thick voice, and Carmilla finally looked Laura in the eyes, “is this why you were here last two times I was out on a date?”, Laura just nodded. “Jesus, Laura, we have to work on your communication skills”. The blonde just looked at her with a confused look. “This”, Carmilla waved her hand in front of Laura’s face, “all of this wallowing and brooding, I was thinking you were turning into me…”.
“Come here”, she pulled blonde into a hug, ”I want to take you out, on a date, and I want to show you that you are safe with me, that I won’t hurt you, leave you, make you choose between your job and me, your friends and me, I’ll support you. I will love you the way you desire to be loved”.
Laura squeaked and buried her head into Carmilla’s neck, with a smile on her lips.
_________________________
Laura (5:12): Why am I nervous this much?
Laura (5:12): Why am I telling you I am nervous this much?
Carm (5:14): breathe cupcake, it’s just me, I won’t bite
Carm (5:15): at least not on a first date ;)
Laura (5:16): tease :P
Carmilla picked her up around 7pm, giving Laura a box of cookies, saying the blonde would appreciate them more than flowers. They got to Carmilla’s place and climbed to the rooftop of the building.
“You really go all out, don’t you”, blonde teased.
“Only for you Laura, only for you”, Carmilla replied, giving her a wink.
They sat down on a blanket surrounded by pillows and a bunch of sweet things, like cookies, hot cocoa, and juices, there was even a pizza. The projector was playing a movie, but the girls were too wrapped up in each other that they haven’t even paid attention to it. They talked, cuddled, Carmilla talked about stars and Laura gently stroked her hair, listening everything brunette had to say.
_________________________
Their date ended when it was too cold for them to be outside, and Carmilla walked Laura to her place. Standing outside while blonde looked for her keys in a bag.
“You wanna come in? We could watch a movie, talk some more”, Laura smile, her voice filled with flirting.
“Cupcake…”, Carmilla had to fight with herself about this, “you know that’s not what we’ll do”, she offered a smile, “and I want to do this right”.
“Carmmmm”, Laura whined and pouted, “We are both adults, I think you don’t have to worry about my innocence”.
“I know, I just really, really want to do this right”, she said, pulling Laura slowly in for a kiss. Laura’s hands automatically reached for the other girl’s shirt, pulling her even closer, until their bodies were pressed together.
“Mmmmmm, you sure I can’t make you change your mind?”, blonde asked again a little bit more flirty, touching Carmilla’s belly trough her shirt.
“Good night cupcake”, Carmilla said, leaving chaste kiss on Laura’s lips.