Promises
"It's a simple hunting trip," Clarke promises a reluctant Lexa, "we need the meat and could use some fresh air."
Lexa looks skeptical, her vision scoping the forest and assessing the temperature. "A storm is coming, Clarke. We should pass."
"Please," Clarke pleads as she tests the weight of her spear in her hand, "we've been stuck in meetings all day. Don't you remember how much fun hunting used to be? You used to be so much more adventurous and daring. Now we're boring."
At this, Lexa's brow arches playfully. "Is that so, niron? You think I am boring?"
Clarke grins, knowing exactly how to push Lexa's buttons. "I think that you're getting old, Heda. I bet I can catch more prey than you." Lexa growls lowly, but her eyes show nothing but teasing excitement that sends shudders up and down Clarke's spine.
"Fine," Lexa says in a sultry tone, retrieving her bow and arrow, as well as her sword. "I accept your challenge, Wanheda."
===
It's a simple hunting trip. They both catch a few hares and a squirrel a piece, but Clarke's ambitions grow from the smaller fauna to the more taxing animals. Lexa warns her that it is getting late and they should head back, but Clarke feels adventurous. She flashes Lexa a toothy grin, one that she knows her wife would never be able to resist, and just like that, Lexa reluctantly agrees.
The thing is, it was a simple hunting trip.
Until suddenly, it wasn't.
Clarke was walking alongside Lexa in one minute, and then next she was being flung across the forest floor. She lays there now, staring up at the sky and wondering how the sky is so… blue. Her body feels numb, and there are sounds of shouting and screaming coming from around her, followed by thuds and rumbles of the ground shaking beneath her. Clarke gasps as everything starts to come back into motion, and a fiery lance of pain crawls down her spine. She tilts her head to see Lexa screaming at her from across the clearing, green eyes wide with fear and adrenalin as her hand grips her sword.
And that's when Clarke sees it.
A massive, lumbering black bear with ragged fur and a foaming mouth, its eyes are deliriously red, and its teeth sharp and stained with blood, staring back at her with a ravaging hunger laden clearly in its gaze. Clarke's heart kicks up into her throat and she suddenly can't breathe. Her stare is fixated on the sight of this terrifying beast stalking towards her, growling with menace.
"Clarke!" Lexa screams as Clarke watches her charge forward. "Clarke, run!"
The bear whips its head around as Lexa launches herself at its body, her sword slicing through a thick patch of black fur. The animal howls and diverts attention from the dazed blonde, now more occupied at the commander trying to gut it dry. Clarke watches, tears in her eyes, as one of its massive paws swipes at Lexa's front, sending her sprawling out a few feet away.
Lexa's sharp scream of pain is what brings her back to her senses.
Rising to her feet, Clarke hastily grabs at her spear that had been knocked out of her grasp when the bear attacked her. She takes a deep breath, trying to steady her aim as she watches the bear loom over Lexa, raised up on its hind-legs as it roars in anger. Lexa rolls out of the way as it comes down with its extended paws, barely missing being trampled by the beast. Clarke lifts the spear and steadies her aim, using all of the knowledge Lexa had taught her about throwing javelins to make her shot.
She does it when the bear is least expecting it, the harsh edge of the metal blade wedging into its left haunch. The bear yowls and writhes, turning its head frantically to try and wrench the wooden spear free. Lexa takes its misery to her advantage and scrambles over to Clarke. The younger woman's vision is blurry and the sound around her head is foggy, but she makes out Lexa.
"Clarke," Lexa gasps as she approaches. Clarke can see black blood mixed in with a dark crimson splattered on her coat. Lexa's face is coated in the latter, making her look like a wildling. She grabs at Clarke's arm, dragging her away from the bear.
"Clarke," Lexa chokes out as she turns her head over her shoulder to see the bear staring in their direction, "we need to run."
"Lexa," Clarke splutters over her name. Her legs feel like jello and she can't move. That's when she looks down and she sees it.
Her right leg is broken.
"Jok!" Lexa swears as she follows Clarke's gaze, before glancing over at the snarling bear. "Okay… okay, we need a new plan…"
Clarke isn't really listening anymore because the bear is growling again, kicking out its back paws in the preparation of a charge. She grips Lexa tightly and lets out a cracked yelp of distress. Lexa immediately follows her gaze, eyes widening as she looks between the both of them, and then, with a glance of resignation, over Clarke's shoulder with a wince. Lexa gulps nervously.
"I'm sorry, Clarke." Lexa whispers the words so quietly, Clarke barely hears them over the thudding of the charging bear.
The next thing she sees is that beautiful sky as the air is sucked from her lungs when Lexa shoves her forward. The last things she hears is Lexa's agonizing scream and the ferocious roar of the bear as it approaches them. There's pain, so much pain.
And so she falls, down, down, down.
Then, there's nothing but darkness.
===
Clarke wakes with a gasp to blood in her mouth and a weight atop her. She struggles under heavy barrier while coughing out the blood. She rolls and wriggles until she manages to shift underneath the cold weight. As she wrenches free, she feels the scratchy texture of fur brushing against the cut in her cheek. Her eyes flit open in fear, her vision blurry as she struggles to make out her surroundings. It's dark, bare for the spilling light of the moon shining overhead. She kicks away the furry object with her good leg. Letting out a pained grunt, she manages to finally free herself from the captive hold under which she'd been placed.
And then, Clarke looks up, only to stare into wide, black eyes.
The bear.
The bear is right in front of her and it's dead.
Its mouth is open, blood still leaking out from the puffy gums. Clarke gags when she sees the glint of metal protruding from the back of its neck and through its throat. Flecks of fleshy muscle and veins lay ripped up around the entrance of the lethal wound. Clarke swallows the vomit and blood in her throat as she slides away from the dead beast, her chest aching with each breath.
Wait. The sword. Lexa's sword, to be specific.
Lexa.
Clarke nods her head up frantically, her eyes desperately searching for the commander in the darkness. She crawls away from the bear, ignoring the lancing pain in her leg as she slides through the muddy earth. She looks around for some sort of life, for the tall and slender form of the brunette, but she can't seem to find her. Clarke gasps again, tears filling her eyes as she looks to the bear. She reaches up with a dirty hand to swipe away at the salty drops, but it only smudges her vision even more.
"Lexa?" Clarke calls out once she's found her voice. It trembles and quivers, but it's there. "Lexa! Where are you?"
Silence answers back.
"No," Clarke gasps in a shuddering breath. "No, no, no… oh God, no!"
Clarke manages to get to her knees and crawl around the bear. She searches for what feels like hours until she finally hears a noise. She snaps her head upwards, her eyes keening for something that could be a hint towards the Commander's location.
But, what she gets is better than a hint.
What she gets is the actual Commander.
Clarke's lungs twist in agony when she sees Lexa's crumpled form laying a few feet from the bear, her body tangled in some roots. Her eyes are open, shining with fear and shock as blood burbles out of her mouth. Clarke stumbles forwards, trying to ignore how heart-wrenching Lexa's gaze is. She makes it over towards the Commander quickly, but when she arrives, she halts.
There's a root, approximately two feet long, impaling the Commander's side. Clarke gasps as Lexa's head subtly shakes, only to draw more blood out from the corner of her lips. Clarke slides in to the part of the brush not obstructed by spiny roots and grabs for Lexa's hand. She squeezes it in her own trembling one, trying to provide some semblance of comfort to the injured woman.
"It's okay, I'm here, we're okay," Clarke sobs as she sees Lexa's chest stutter, "hang in there, love. Don't pass out on me, Lex."
All that leaves Lexa's lips is a stuttered, "Clarke."
"I know," Clarke says as she swallows down her fear, "I know. I'm going to get us help. We can't be far from camp. I'll get Indra."
"Nou," Lexa whispers, her voice slurring as she switches into her native language. "En ste nat, Klark. En…en's…"
"No," Clarke breathes out as Lexa gurgles on her own blood. "I will find help. Just… we need a plan."
As if intent on making things worse, a rumble comes from the skies above. Both Clarke and Lexa look up, apprehensively watching as clouds start to form over head. The light of the moon soon gets obstructed and Clarke's worry intensifies. She glances back down to Lexa, only to see a sad expression of resignation laden on the older woman's face. Lexa's eyelids are drooping with fatigue, and Clarke knows that she's desperately trying to keep them open at this point.
"Klark," Lexa rasps softly, "Klark, gon we. Ban ai op. Ai… biyo moba, ai niron. Ai gonplei ste odon."
Clarke's face sets into a stern, determined frown. She grips Lexa's hand tighter, her voice low as she growls, "nowe, Leksa."
Something flashes in Lexa's eyes, something that Clarke knows feels too much like sad acceptance muddled with worrying hope. Clarke looks back up at the sky and sets her jaw. "It's going to rain soon. We need to get you to cover." Clarke instantly regrets the words when she looks back down, because she knows that moving Lexa right now could result in her instant death. But, she also knows that if she doesn't move them to adequate shelter, she will die of the cold or even worse, an infection. Lexa nods slowly.
"A rocky ledge," Lexa chokes out, nodding her head to the space across from them. "Dry. Provides… cover."
Clarke nods and looks to the slaughtered bear beside them. "We can use the furs for warmth. First, we need to move."
Lexa sets her jaw determinedly when Clarke turns back to her. Both of their gazes go to the piece of wood sticking out from her abdomen. Lexa's eyes flit down to the awkward angle of Clarke's broken leg, and even Clarke doubts if they can do it. Not wanting to think about what ifs, Clarke thinks of the easiest way to move Lexa without incurring more blood loss. She sighs, glancing up.
"I have to break the wood," Clarke croaks as she glances to the splinter, "this… this is going to hurt, sweetheart."
Lexa takes a breath to steady herself, before she shuts her eyes and nods. "Do it."
Clarke doesn't bother warning Lexa when she reaches out and suddenly wrenches the wood in half. Lexa's scream is bloodcurdling, but Clarke pushes through as she wraps her arms under Lexa's torso and ease her upwards. It takes half a minute for her to snap the bottom half off, leaving the majority of the wood still inside. The two of them roll to the ground, with Clarke taking the brunt of the collapse so she can steady Lexa's trembling body. The Commander cries, her frame growing hot and feverish with the pain. More blood trails its way down her chin, sliding alongside her neck to paint her skin black.
"Almost there," Clarke encourages with a shaky smile, "just one last push, Heda. Stay with me, love. We're almost through this."
"S-Sha," Lexa gasps out as she lets Clarke pull her up. The two of them stumble over towards the rocky outpost, with Clarke's broken leg nearly collapsing under the weight of both of them. They get there eventually, sliding in as a crumpled heap. Instantly, Clarke bites down her own agony so that she can situate Lexa against the inside of the wall, leaving her upright. After placing both of Lexa's hands on the area around the wound to help stem the bleeding, Clarke rushes out to retrieve the furs off the bear.
Clarke skins a patch of unbloodied fur from the bear after taking the sword out from the bear's neck, holding back her gag as she gathers enough to keep them warm until the storm passes and help arrives. While she's out, she gathers some twigs and rocks for a fire. She returns to the cave with the items, her eyes casting their gaze worriedly over to where a pale-looking Lexa watches her.
"How long will the storm last?" Clarke asks as she makes preparations for the fire. She needs to keep Lexa awake and talking.
"Don't know," Lexa slurs in a tired mumble, "depends on… clouds… rain…"
"Hey," Clarke says as she abandons her fire pit and scrambles over to Lexa's side, "don't fall asleep. I know you're tired but I need you to stay awake. You're losing too much blood right now, Lexa, and I need you to stay awake. Do you hear me? If you love me, you'll stay awake. I need you, Lexa, and I need you because you are everything to me and I love you so, so much. Please, fight for us." Lexa doesn't reply in the form of words, but she lets out a pained grunt to let Clarke know that she's trying her best. Clarke reaches down for the older woman's hand and squeezes it, drawing a soft gasp out of Lexa. Clarke's eyes water with tears as she sees the pain festering in those green depths. Lexa's mouth parts and she starts to cough, her lungs wheezing with the effort.
"Ssh," Clarke soothes, though her voice trembles. "We just gotta make it through the night, hodnes. Stay with me."
Lexa nods again, her gaze starting to glass over as she stares at Clarke. While Clarke knows that Lexa will put all of her strength into the fight to stay alive, she knows that the wound is fatal. If they can't get help soon, there's a real chance these next few days will be Lexa's last. The thought is enough to draw a sob from her trembling lips, but she chokes it down and forces a smile.
"We can do this," Clarke whispers as she kisses Lexa's feverish, clammy forehead. "Ste yuj, ai houmon. Fight it, Lexa."
Lexa swallows, her eyes set in a determined expression. "For you, Clarke, anything."
"Promise?" Clarke asks in a cracked voice. Lexa's eyes well with tears and she answers with another slight nod.
"Promise."
===
Promises are meant to be broken, and Clarke realizes it when two hours into the drizzling rain, Lexa falls unconscious.
===
Promises are meant to be broken, and Clarke hates it is when Lexa seizes twice as dawn starts to creep over the hills.
===
Promises are meant to be broken, and Clarke denies it when Lexa's breath stutters to halt just as the clouds start to part.
===
Promises are meant to be broken, and Clarke sobs it to Lexa's motionless body as warhorses charge through the forest.
===
Promises are meant to be broken, and Clarke accepts it when Indra sadly gazes down at her Heda as she finally passes out.
===
Promises are meant to be broken, but what Clarke doesn't realize is, not this promise.
===
When Clarke opens her eyes, she finds herself laying not on a cold hard ground, but on downy furs and soft sheets. She blinks against the gentle sunlight that filters in through the blinds of the room in which she sleeps. She wants to feel comforted by the feeling of the familiarity of her sheets from her room in the capital, specifically the sheets she shares with Lexa. Tears burn in her eyes as she catches the familiar scent of Lexa coming from the pillow upon which her head rests. She gulps in a shuddering breath, her lungs aching and her head spinning with the heady smell of pine and lavender, the staple scent of her houmon.
And then it hits her.
That's all she's got left.
If only she had listened to Lexa and kept her voice down in the forest. If only she had listened when Lexa told her that it wasn't safe to hunt. If only she had listened when Lexa pleaded for her to move quicker. If only she had listened to Lexa.
If only… and now…?
Clarke feels bile curl up in her throat as she turns onto her side. She scrambles to find the empty metal bin that she kept underneath the bed, just in case of an excess of alcohol intake at a party. She heaves up whatever is left in her stomach for God knows how long she'd been unconscious. Her ribs strain and crack with the effort, adding to her miserable, aching, defeated pain.
After she's finished, Clarke sets aside the bucket and stares up at the ceiling with tears prickling her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she whispers to the warm air of the room, "I'm sorry, Lexa."
"For what?" A soft voice answers back. Clarke's eyes blink open to see Raven standing in the doorway, her eyes bloodshot and worried. Clarke's lips tremble and her mouth parts as she struggles to sit up. Raven shakes her head and reaches her side in a matter of seconds, her firm hand easing Clarke back down. Her dark gaze is sympathetic and gentle, unlike her timid smile.
"I did this," Clarke croaks as more tears spill from her eyes, "I got her killed."
"Nearly," Raven nonchalantly corrects her with a nod, a hesitant smirk playing at her lips. "You nearly got her killed, yes."
Clarke is about to scream at Raven when her mind catches up on the words. Raven bites her lip and smiles wider.
"That's right, Princess. You nearly got her killed," Raven says in a light-hearted voice. "But she isn't dead yet. That woman is immortal, remember? Or at least close to it, I guess. Either way, she's still alive and kicking. Roughed up and sore, and the worst patient your mother has ever seen, which includes me by the way. She's worse than me, Clarke. And that's saying something."
Clarke honestly isn't paying much attention to Raven as she continues to ramble, mostly because she's still caught up on the first two statements. Lexa isn't dead? But then in the cave, when her breath stopped, when Clarke held her motionless body…?
"Abby was a few paces behind Indra," Raven explains when she sees the confusion and shock on Clarke's face. "She had the medical kit and managed to perform a rather impressive triage to get the Commander back into a decent fighting state so she had a chance once we got back to Polis. You passed out before any of it. Lucky for you we took the truck, but also that you guys fell literally meters away from the Southern Gate, right where the medical facilities are. You hit a massive stroke of luck, Princess."
"Where is she?" Clarke gasps, tears stinging in her eyes. She tries to swing her legs off the bed, but Raven stops her again. The good-natured smirk is wiped clean now, and is instead replaced with a serious frown. Clarke trembles and Raven sighs.
"It's not that simple," Raven murmurs gently, "she's still in ICU, or whatever Grounders call their ICU. She tried to get up and find out about where you were and if you were okay. In the process, she ended up nearly tearing through one of her major arteries. Abby just barely got the bleeding stemmed and Lexa almost ruined all of it. Your wife is a stubborn ass. A stubborn ass with good intentions who loves you a lot, but an ass nonetheless. She's going to be okay, but no one is allowed in just yet." Clarke feels torn between wanting to punch Raven and wanting to hug her, and despite wanting tangible proof of Lexa's survival, she knows that Raven is right. If it's as bad as she says it is, seeing Lexa right now could only make things worse for both of them.
"Anyways, you should sleep." Raven's voice is mirthful and pulls her from her thoughts. "You're resting for two, Griff."
Clarke nods tiredly, her eyes glancing down to her stomach as she takes a deep breath. She looks back up to Raven, unable to ask the question that burns through her mind. Raven seems to get the non-verbal cue and offers her an affirming nod.
"Abby checked you out. The baby is fine," Raven tells her with a smile, "she's going to be a stubborn ass, like her mother."
For the first time since waking up, since seeing Lexa's assumedly dead body, Clarke allows herself a small laugh.
===
Clarke is allowed in a few days later, when Lexa's condition stabilizes and her leg heals. Luckily the break had been clean, and all she required was some crutches (which Raven gladly lent her) and a cast. She maneuvers around the hall of the medical facilities she and her mother had helped build after the war with the Ice Nation a few years ago. She and Lexa have been married for only two years, but their love has seen decades of different spirits and lives, of different times and different places.
Their love is timeless. Eternal. Immortal.
"Good to see you actually pay attention to orders," Abby snorts as Clarke walks into the ward where she'd been told Lexa was resting. Clarke manages a half-hearted smile at her mother, who looks both exhausted and proud at the same time. She comes up and wraps her arms around Clarke's shoulders, drawing her in for a hug. She kisses Clarke's crown and sighs warmly.
"She's gonna be up soon," Abby tells her with a soft smile, "she's in the second room."
Clarke nods and limps past her mother, eager to see her wife after so long of being apart. She braces herself for the image behind the curtain as she pulls it back. She keeps her stare glued to the ground even after the barrier is gone. She needs a minute.
And then, a moment later, Clarke can't hold back as she glances up.
Lexa looks smaller and thinner, more like a girl than a fearsome and ruthless commander of thirteen clans. Her facial features are relaxed and smoothed, causing something in Clarke's chest to twinge amicably. She doesn't hesitate to take a seat next to Lexa's bed. She leans her crutches up against the wall before plopping in the seat at Lexa's bedside. She reaches forward and takes her wife's hand in her own, holding it softly before raising it to her lips so she can dust a rain of soft kisses to those scarred knuckles.
"Mm," Lexa mumbles thickly in her sleep, her brows furrowing adorably, "not now, Titus."
Clarke suppresses a giggle as she continues her gentle kisses. Lexa groans again, shifting in her sleep.
"Titus, give me my hand back," Lexa continues to sleep talk in a grumpy mutter. "Titus, no. My hand belongs to Clarke."
"Is that so?" Clarke whispers, watching as Lexa twitches and whines softly in her sleep. "It's true, hodnes. It is yours. I am yours."
Lexa seems to relax at that and Clarke's chest bursts with an immense amount of adoration for the woman laying before her. It takes a few more protested grumblings before Lexa's eyelids begin to flicker open, revealing glassy green eyes. Clarke smirks as she notices the immediate effects of morphine kick in, especially when Lexa sees her and breaks into a dopey, widespread grin.
"Clarke," Lexa hums as she beams over at the younger woman, "Clarke, you took my hand!"
"I did," Clarke confirms, trying and failing to hide her smirk. Lexa grins again, laying her head back on the soft pillow.
"Your fingers are small and soft," Lexa murmurs as she glances down to their intertwined palms. "They feel good in my hands."
"Better than Titus?" Clarke can't help but jest, holding back a laugh when Lexa's brow screws up and she scowls.
"Way better," Lexa drawls lazily, her eyelids drooping with fatigue. "Your hand is the only one I want to hold."
"Oh yeah," Clarke whispers, moving Lexa's hand from her lips to rest gently on her stomach. "What about hers?"
At this, Lexa's foggy gaze seems to clear marginally. Tears well up in the brunette's eyes as she follows the path of her arm to Clarke's stomach. An explosion of radiating affection bursts through every sore muscle in Clarke's body when she sees the awe and shock in Lexa's expression. Those long fingers lightly stroke over her belly, trembling as they feel the subtle bulge.
"Hers?" Lexa gasps softly, gazing back up to Clarke. "Our… she is… we did it?"
Clarke smiles and nods, unable to stop her tears from dripping down her cheeks. "We did, baby. Or should I say, our baby."
"Ai yongon," Lexa breathes out in awe, her own eyes unable to hold back the tears. "We are having a child. A daughter…"
Clarke doesn't think that anything could ruin the moment, but then Raven crashes through the curtain, smirking proudly.
"I call dibs on being the Godmother," she chirps as she grins at the couple. "I need a new assistant, anyways." Clarke frowns.
"Our baby is not going to blow things up with you, Rae."
"But Lexa here promised me that she would give me her first born if I stopped making all her candles go boom," Raven says with an arched brow, glancing over to the drug-addled Commander giving her a befuddled, and rather sheepish look. Clarke glances over to Lexa, who tries to cower under the protection of her blankets to avoid Clarke's stare. The blonde rolls her eyes and sighs.
"Fine, but no bombs."
"Ten bombs."
"No."
"Five bombs."
"Raven, no."
"Fine, one bomb."
"Raven."
"What about a firecracker," Raven pouts as she gives Clarke her best puppy-dog eyes. "Just one small little firecracker?"
Clarke rolls her eyes again and sighs, waving her hand noncommittally at her best friend. Raven beams and tries to fist bump Lexa in celebration, but the Commander simply looks to her knuckles with a befuddled expression. This causes Raven to burst into a fit of giggles, which only exacerbates Lexa's confusion. Clarke gently strokes over Lexa's stilled fingers on her stomach, drawing her attention away from the excited mechanic. Lexa's gaze softens and reverts to, as Raven coined it, "Commander Heart-Eyes".
"Well," Raven says as she regains her composure, "that's my cue to leave. Don't die again, Commander. Next time it happens, I'm pretty sure Wanheda here will bring you back to life to kill you herself. Get better soon. I miss my best friends." Lexa doesn't even pay her any attention because her gaze is still trained on Clarke. Raven simply rolls her eyes and stands, sending Clarke a wink.
"I'll be back with some grub after y'all finish your eye-fucking, or eye-making-love, or whatever you sappy nerds do. Later kids," Raven grins as she waves over to Clarke before disappearing out of the room and sliding the curtain shut. Clarke sighs happily, glad that they're both back to their comfortable presence. Clarke looks into Lexa's hazy gaze and can't help her own dopey smile.
"What are you looking at, Heda?" Clarke asks softly, her thumb stroking over the fine hairs on the back of Lexa's wrist. Her wife waits a few moments before smiling back up at Clarke, her expression holding no walls or restraints. It's just pure, true Lexa.
"You are the most beautiful person on this planet," Lexa whispers gently, "and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you."
Clarke blushes, tears welling in her eyes again. She clears her throat and smiles at her wife, her lips trembling.
"Promise?" Clarke asks, her voice hitching. Lexa's gaze softens even more as she nods and smiles.
"Promise."
===
Promises are meant to be broken, Clarke knows, but not Lexa's, not now, not ever.