Chapter 11
Camila: hey! did u have fun today?
Dropping her phone back onto her bed, Camila furrows her brows as she towels herself dry. She had texted that to Lauren over an hour ago when she got home from the pool party because she didn’t get a chance to ask Lauren in person. The girl was in a deep conversation with Zayn while Camila herself was preoccupied with Ally’s story of how she broke things off with Troy because he didn’t turn out to be the guy she thought he was (and Tori looked about ready to murder Troy during Ally’s spiel).
It’s unlike Lauren to go too long without answering a text message unless she’s sleeping, and seen as it’s only 7:00, Camila highly doubts that she is. She’s not going to think too hard on it though; Ally and Tori are probably occupying Lauren’s time and in between that, showering, and getting dinner, Camila assumes that the girl is just honestly too engaged at the moment.
Except, when it hits 11:00 and there’s still no word from Lauren, Camila does get a little concerned. She contemplates calling the girl but before she can, her phone rings, Zayn’s contact name flashing across her screen.
“Hey, what’s up?”
Zayn doesn’t even offer a greeting. “Are you with Lauren?”
“No… why?”
“It’s just… earlier she… fuck!”
“What are you talking about?” Camila demands, because Zayn is starting to make her panic. “What happened to Lauren? Is she okay?”
She hears a huff through the line and begins nibbling on her bottom lip in worry. “Physically, she’s fine. Emotionally, not so much.”
“What the fuck did you do Zayn?!”
“Nothing, nothing! God, I didn’t do shit!”
“Then explain to me what the fuck is going on!”
Zayn shuts a door on the other side of the line and she’s assuming he just locked himself in his room. “Okay, so after we were done swimming, she came up to me saying she had to talk to me about something. And she kept like, looking at you so I honestly thought she was going to admit something to do with you. But then she… fuck… she…”
“Spit it out,” Camila urges.
“She said that she has a crush on me.”
Camila goes silent, halting her earlier alarmed pacing as she flops down onto the edge of her bed. Running a hand through her hair, Camila squeezes her eyes shut, because this was not how it was supposed to go.
“Mila?”
“I… what did you say?”
This time Zayn goes silent for a moment. “I said that… I told her that… this is– this is why she’s upset right now. Because I had to tell her that I didn’t like her like that anymore, even though I totally fucking do.”
“Hold on. You said you liked her?!”
“It was before you told me you liked her! And fuck, I thought I told you,” Zayn explains desperately. Camila wants to be upset with him, but she knows it’s not fair to be.
“But why is she so upset?”
Zayn exhales loudly through the phone. “I had to tell her that we couldn’t be anything, and when she asked why, I couldn’t exactly tell her that it’s because you fucking like her. Now she basically hates me, Mila, because I’m trying to be a good friend here and keep your secret.”
Guilt starts building up in Camila’s gut, because Zayn isn’t even wrong. He had to lie to Lauren and make himself come across as the bad guy because Camila is too chicken shit to just tell Lauren she likes her. Granted, Camila is pretty obvious about her feelings but Lauren is most likely not used to that kind of attention so Camila can’t really blame the girl for not recognizing it as flirting.
Camila also understands that for Lauren to admit something like that to Zayn, it must have taken a lot of courage on her part. So for Lauren to work up the nerve to confess her feelings to Zayn only to be shot down, especially if Zayn had already confirmed earlier that her feelings were returned, just makes Camila feels really bad, because she put one of her best friends in a terrible situation and practically forced him to hurt Lauren.
She hears Zayn sigh over the line again and it makes Camila realize something. He had agreed to not get involved with Lauren romantically because of Camila’s feelings for the girl, and that in itself was one thing. But for Camila to ask him to continue to do so when Lauren at least returns his feelings… that doesn’t seem fair. Why should he be forced to stay away from someone he likes just because Camila likes them too? It’s one thing to have feelings for that person first, but it’s another thing altogether when that person doesn’t return them.
At least in this case, Zayn and Lauren have mutual interest, whereas Camila’s been pining from afar for much too long. She knows that she’s had plenty of opportunities to act on her feelings, but she wasted so much time not doing anything about them.
Maybe her chances are finally up.
“Mila, you still there?”
Zayn’s voice breaks through Camila’s disheartening thoughts.
“I– yeah, yeah, I’m here. Listen. I’m… I’m sorry. I hate that I put you in this situation and just like… I know it’s, you know, my fault with all of this, and…” Camila’s always been bad at apologizing to people, Lauren apparently being the only exception. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to make you stay away from her, so… you don’t have to worry about covering for me. She’s into you and she’s like, the greatest fucking person in the entire world, so I won’t be mad.”
Zayn’s quiet for a moment, so Camila uses that as a chance to get her emotions in check, knowing that she’ll have to see a lot more heartbreak in the near future.
“Don’t be so hasty, Mila.”
“What?”
“Lauren doesn’t know that you have feelings for her. Maybe she only feels this way about me because I said something first.” There’s another sigh through the speakers as Zayn pauses for a second. “Look, out of everyone, you've been showing her the most attention, you're the one putting in the most effort. So there’s a possibility that she feels something for you too. You won’t know, though, unless you say something first. My rejection probably erased what little confidence Lauren had in admitting her feelings to anyone, so at this point it’s up to you to fix that.”
“Zayn, no I can’t make you–“
“I’m not going to pursue Lauren, okay? I know how much you like her, and maybe you love her, maybe you don’t, but that’s got to count for something, right? It’s obvious that she means the world to you, so for fuck’s sake, do something about it.”
And then to lighten the heavy mood that had settled over them, Zayn adds: “And stop being such a fucking pussy. God, it’s embarrassing to be seen with you sometimes.”
“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Camila asks rhetorically, continuing before Zayn can butt in. “The best asshole anyone could ever ask for.”
“Yeah yeah yeah,” Zayn chuckles good-naturedly.
Camila laughs back. “Love you, jerk.”
“Mhm. Love you too—” he says back, and because he’s Zayn,”—pussy.”
When they finally hang up, Camila already feels a little better. Honestly, she sometimes feels like she takes Zayn for granted, because no matter what, he always looks out for her. She knows that she owes him a lot, but she’s determined to make it all up to him somehow, at some point. For now, she just has to focus on what the fuck she’s going to say to Lauren.
It’s too late right now to go see the girl, and she doesn’t want to do this over the phone, so Camila surmises that she’ll go visit Lauren tomorrow. And hopefully, she can figure out how to fix this situation.
~~
When Camila wakes up the next morning, there’s still no reply from Lauren so she can only guess how the girl is feeling. Camila knows that most people probably wouldn’t take the rejection as badly as Lauren likely has, but then again, most people aren’t Lauren. The bullying coupled with Lauren’s personal issues equal some self-confidence problems that Camila wishes she could make go away.
To Camila, not only does Lauren have a beautiful appearance, but her soul is also one to be admired. Camila adores the other girl’s personality and quirks, her habits and ticks, every single little thing about her appeals to Camila. She believes that Lauren deserves only the best things in life and wants to protect the girl from any harm, whether physical or emotional.
Which is why Camila needs to sort this out. Because not only is Lauren hurting, but also because Zayn took the bullet that deserves to be lodged in Camila’s chest.
She knows what she has to do, she knows what needs to be said. She’s just not sure if she can.
Fiddling nervously with her fingers as the line keeps ringing, Camila huffs when she’s finally sent to voicemail. If Lauren didn’t answer her texts, it was likely that her calls weren’t going to be answered either, but it was worth a shot either way.
Camila doesn’t want to just show up at the girl’s house unannounced, so she decides to try Tori next. Thankfully, the girl picks up on the third ring.
“Hey, Camila. Is everything okay?” Tori asks, because they don’t usually contact each other.
“Yeah, um. I’ve just been trying to get a hold of Lauren, but she isn’t replying or picking up.”
“Oh,” Tori says, inhaling before continuing on. “Something happened at the pool party yesterday – Ally and I have no idea what – but it’s left Lauren pretty upset. We’ve just been trying to distract her for the past sixteen hours.”
“Well, uh, I may know what’s bothering her. Is it okay if I come over? I might be able to help you guys out.”
“You do? What is it about?”
Camila scratches at her chin, knowing she can’t back out now. “I think it would be better if I explained it to Lauren in person first.”
“Yeah, sure, that’s understandable. Come on over whenever. You know where she lives?”
“I’ve been there once or twice.”
~~
It's only when Camila knocks on the front door does she start to feel the nerves rising in her stomach. She contemplates turning around and leaving but the door swings open before she can take a step.
“Hey, Camila,” Ally greets with a soft smile. “Come on in.” The girl moves to the side to allow Camila entry, obviously already knowing the reason for why she’s visiting.
“Thanks for stopping by. Lauren’s been more quiet than usual but she won’t tell us what’s wrong.”
“Well, I hope I can help out. I hate knowing that she’s upset.”
“If anyone can make her talk, it’s you.”
Raising her eyebrows at Ally, Camila tilts her head in confusion. “What makes you say that?”
“Trust me,” Ally says with a slight giggle, then leans closer as she lowers her voice. “Between you and I – because Lauren would be pissed if I told you this – the girl seriously adores you. For example, she always manages to find a way to bring you up in conversation. It’s funny because she thinks she’s being subtle about it, but she’s honestly not. She really cares about you; both Tori and I can tell.”
This information surprises Camila, because while she knew that Lauren appreciated her to some degree, she didn’t realize just how much. Even if her romantic feelings aren’t returned, it’s nice knowing that Lauren values their friendship.
“Is she okay to talk right now?”
“Yeah, we were all just watching a movie in her room. I came down to grab a drink when you knocked. Follow me.”
Ally leads Camila up towards Lauren’s room which she already knows the way to, even though she’s only been here twice. When they walk through the doorway, she finds Lauren sprawled out on a beanbag at the foot of her bed while Tori is propped up against the headboard, a gap next to her where Ally was clearly sitting beforehand.
At the commotion coming from the door, both Lauren and Tori turn towards the other girls, but Camila only sees Lauren and her adorably disheveled hair. The television screen lights up Lauren’s face, making the fading bruise around her nose seem more prominent.
The girl’s eyes widen in surprise when they land on Camila, and she sits up hurriedly as she nudges her glasses up her nose.
“C– Camz, what are you doing here?”
Camila steps further in, seeing how Lauren doesn’t even notice Tori pause the movie and leave the room along with Ally.
“I came to see you, of course.”
“You wanted to see me?” she says, standing up from the beanbag as Camila approaches. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
Camila shrugs. “It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” Lauren admits shyly, taking a seat on the edge of her bed as Camila sits next to her.
“Yeah?” Camila says fondly with a smile, reaching forward to smooth down Lauren’s wild hair. She feels her heart jump at the pink cheeks and precious look on the girl’s face.
As much as Camila wants to admire Lauren’s happy expression, she came here for a specific purpose and she knows that she needs to address it before she chickens out and bolts.
“So, I heard that you weren’t feeling too well.”
Lauren glances away, avoiding eye contact. “It’s, uh, it’s nothing.”
Knowing that Lauren most likely will be hesitant in admitting anything, Camila decides to bite the bullet and jump straight into it. “Zayn called me.”
“Oh,” Lauren says, a frown beginning to form on her face. “He shouldn’t have done that.”
“You know why he did that, right?”
“He thought it was funny?” Lauren guesses with a bitter shrug of her shoulders.
“What? No, of course not,” Camila quickly gets out. “He cares a lot about you, Lauren. He called me because he was worried about you. He knew that you left unhappily and he wanted to make sure that you were alright.”
“Why would he care though? He admitted that he had a crush on me, then when I told him I did too he shot me down. And… and he didn’t even give a good reason why!”
Taking a deep breath, Camila knows that she has to do this. She can’t let her friend take the fall for her when he’s already done so much. Zayn deserves to have his name cleared and Lauren deserves to know the truth — even if Camila is scared shitless right now.
“He did that because… well, because he was covering for someone else.”
If the situation were less significant, Camila would take the time to find Lauren’s confused head tilt absolutely adorable.
“I don’t understand.”
Camila sighs shakily. “Someone that Zayn is close to has a crush on you, and out of respect for their feelings — since they’ve liked you for a really long time — he is not going to pursue you. That person didn’t want you to know about their crush, though, so Zayn wasn’t able to use that as his explanation for why he turned you down. In turn, he had to come across as the bad guy to keep his friend’s secret.”
Lauren stares at Camila silently in slight shock, her eyes wide and jaw open as she tries to absorb and process Camila’s words.
“I… I don’t– this is…” the girl stutters out, her hands laying motionless on her lap.
“But,” Camila continues. “This person realized that for Zayn’s sake and yours, they need to come clean. They need to be honest.”
Finally, Lauren gets ahold of herself and swallows thickly before she speaks. “So then, why are you here?” she asks, but Camila can tell that the girl most likely knows the answer. She just wants confirmation.
“Well… this is me being honest.”
“You–“ Lauren starts, cutting herself off and holding her breath as she stares at Camila.
“Yeah. I like you, Lauren.”
The girl sits there gazing at Camila, unlike her wide eyed staring from before. She has an expression on her as if she’s piecing things together, trying to make sense of this new information.
Camila starts getting uncomfortable because Lauren is just watching her and she admitted something that she’s honestly really nervous about. She doesn’t want this admission ruining their friendship and chasing Lauren away. The girl is finally a constant in Camila’s life and if she lost that… she doesn’t want to think about it.
Shifting on the bed, Lauren sucks in a breath, glancing down at her fingers for a moment as she fiddles with them. “So all this time… you’ve been flirting with me?”
“All this time,” Camila confirms with a chuckle. “I’m a little surprised that you didn’t pick up on it, to be honest."
“I didn’t want to assume anything. Plus, I’m not really all that good at recognizing it,” Lauren replies as she blushes.
Camila knows that the next question is coming before Lauren even asks it. “How long have you liked me?”
This time it’s Camila’s turn to blush. “A really, really long time. Since… since the first time I saw you. In our freshman year.”
~~
Walking through the double doors, Camila knows that this year can be different. She’s at a different school, she’s in high school now, these people don’t know her, and she can convince everyone that she’s not someone to be fucked with.
She’s not going to let people treat her the way they did in middle school.
Her first day goes by pretty uneventfully and nobody bothers her at all. In fact, her first run in with someone occurs because she herself initiated it.
Students begin flooding the halls as the dismissal bell rings. Camila is maneuvering her way through the crowd to get to her locker when she notices something out of her peripheral and turns around to see books scattered on the dirty linoleum floors and someone crouched down to desperately pick them up before they get trampled on. Nobody is helping this poor girl, and at a quick glance it seems as if some even find her predicament amusing.
Camila had really been trying to avoid confrontation but she’s not just going to stand around and leave the girl to fend for herself. Marching the few steps to the wall across from the lockers, Camila approaches the girl, bending down to begin helping her collect her belongings.
The girl doesn’t notice Camila at first, too preoccupied in locating all her things, but as she turns around grab some loose papers that are littered on the floor too, she squeaks in surprise when she spots Camila kneeling next to her with the worksheets already in her hands. When Camila sees the girl’s face, however, she completely forgets what she was even doing in the first place.
In the back of Camila’s mind, she recognizes how cliche this moment is; she swears she’s seen it in every chick flick ever. But she honestly can’t help it because surely, she’s witnessing the face of an angel.
This girl has to be the most beautiful human being Camila has ever seen. She’s only fourteen, but she’s sure of it.
Her hair is long, wavy, and brown, nearly brushing the floor when she leans forward to pick something up. She’s got plump, pouty lips, and her green eyes are so bright they’re practically glowing. There are black framed glasses sitting on her nose and freckles dotted across her cheeks and right under where the glasses are sitting.
“Sorry,” the girl gets out nervously, and if Camila wasn’t so distracted by her voice, she might wonder why exactly the girl is apologizing.
Camila shakes her head slightly, attempting to ground herself long enough to form a reply. “A– are you okay?”
“Um, yeah, I’m… yeah I’m fine,” the girl stutters out as she continues to gather her things, accepting the papers Camila hands to her.
“Did someone bump into you?”
“Uh huh, it was just an accident though. It’s… I’m okay,” the girl says as they finish picking up her belongings. “Th– thanks for helping me.”
Standing up from their place on the floor, she offers Camila a smile so sweet that she feels her stomach flip. Camila watches the girl walk away and only then realizes that not only did she not get her name, but she’s still crouching in the middle of the hallway for no reason.
She doesn’t talk to the mystery girl again for a while, but Camila certainly doesn’t forget about her.
~~
Lauren ends up asking her a couple more things, like who else knows, or how Zayn feels about it. Camila answers as best she can, a majority of the time with a blush on her face because Lauren is making her feel flustered with all of the questions.
They finally hit a lull in the conversation where it seems like Lauren is satisfied with the answers and Camila has no idea how to fill it. Lauren is just watching her, an unreadable expression on her face and Camila has honestly never felt so unnerved before.
“Was there, uh, something else you wanted to ask me?” Camila asks as her gaze flits around because she can’t look Lauren in the eyes right now.
“No, I’ve asked everything. I’m just…” she trails off, still just staring at Camila.
“Just what?”
“Just… I can’t believe that you like me.” All of a sudden Lauren is looking bashful, and Camila doesn’t get how this girl can go from confident to shy in two seconds.
Shrugging a shoulder, Camila smiles softly at Lauren. “I really do. Because you’re so amazing and I can’t get enough of you,” Camila murmurs, figuring that she’s already put herself out there this much; what’s a little further?
“You’re really sweet,” Lauren replies as she nudges her glasses up her nose.
“Well, something about you brings this mushy side out of me.”
“I like it. I like that side of you.”
Camila finds the nerve to reach out and grasp Lauren’s hand because if the girl hasn’t run away yet, she must not be totally put off by Camila’s crush. “It likes you too. All of me likes you.”
Lauren gives Camila’s hand a squeeze and she figures that now is as good a time as any to get the logistics out of the way.
“I hope that this doesn’t change anything between us. I don’t expect you to return my feelings or do anything about this information. I really enjoy being around you and if friends is all we’ll be, well, then…” Camila sighs to herself because this isn’t easy but she’s not going to force Lauren into a relationship. “I’d be okay with that. As long as I get to be around you.”
She’s hoping that Lauren doesn’t catch the fact that her happy expression isn’t completely genuine because the last thing that she wants is Lauren agreeing to give them a try out of pity for Camila’s feelings.
If they’re going to be a thing, it has to be 100% real.
“I appreciate that. I know that you would never pressure me to do anything. I still want us to be close though, because even though I don’t feel the same way you do about me, I…” Lauren trails off, her cheeks heating up with a blush.
“You what?” Camila prompts with a squeeze to Lauren’s hand.
“You’re… I find… I think that, um, you’re, uh… attractive,” she practically whispers out, biting her lip sheepishly.
“Lauren Jauregui, did you just admit that you think I’m hot?”
Lauren smacks Camila’s arm gently at her teasing tone as they break out into light giggles.
Once they both quiet down, Lauren sighs quietly as she turns to Camila. “Thanks for telling me. And I’ll try not to be so oblivious anymore.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll work on that,” Camila responds with a grin.
“Sounds like a plan.”
~~