Chapter 6
Lauren just wants to go home already.
She slept terribly and woke up with a sore neck, apparently all the teachers simultaneously decided to pile on the weekend homework, and she's pretty sure some students were making fun of her during her english class today.
To top it all off, Tori is out sick and Ally had to leave early for a dentist appointment.
Lauren doesn't quite feel comfortable around the others just yet without Ally or Tori nearby, so she avoided the cafeteria and decided to eat lunch in the courtyard.
Shutting her locker door, Lauren rolls her neck as she heads down the hall towards the parking lot, thankful that it's the end of the school day and aching to take some painkillers for the headache that's forming.
As she nears the exit, she hears what sounds like yelling outside. Pushing through the doors, Lauren steps through and sees a group of students in a circle surrounding what seems like a brawl. The last thing Lauren wants to do is get involved in something that idiotic, so she begins to make her way towards her car when she catches a glimpse of one of the fighters through the crowd.
Her heart drops, because it can't be, can it?
When Lauren gets to the crowd, she doesn't think twice about pushing through to get to the front. There, she comes face to face with some punk kid and Camila in an altercation.
Some of the students are cheering, egging them on, while the rest are filming it, for Snapchat most likely. Lauren rolls her eyes, because she has no idea how she survived going to school with these dumbasses for three years.
Her attention is shifted back to the fight when she sees the boy wind up for a left hook. She clenches her eyes shut because she doesn't want to see Camila get hit, but when she opens them again, the boy is pinned down on the ground with Camila on top of him, holding his arms behind his back. She watches as the girl leans down, whispering something into her ear. Camila pauses for a moment as if waiting for something, then releases him as she stands up, watching as he backs away from her.
The swollen eye and bloody, busted lip on the boy make it clear who won the fight, and Lauren can't help but feel relieved that Camila is escaping with only a cut on her cheek.
Lauren watches as Camila stares the boy down, daring him and his friends to try anything. The girl smirks in amusement when they walk away and the crowd begins cheering her name. Gazing around the circle, Camila does a double take when her eyes lock with Lauren who is staring at her with an unreadable expression. Lauren can see the mood shift happen in Camila as her brown eyes widen and she suddenly seems way less confident than before.
Feeling a sense of satisfaction at the girl's reaction, Lauren turns around and begins to make her way through the crowd. She ignores Camila's call for her name as she heads towards her car.
"Lauren!"
She arrives at her car, searching through a pocket in her bag to unlock the doors. The vehicle beeps as Camila calls for her name again.
Lauren is about to step into the car when she feels a hand on the back of her shoulder, not grabbing her but instead intended to get her attention.
"Lauren, please, wait."
"What do you want, Camila?" Lauren asks, refusing to face the girl.
"Wait a second, please. It wasn't what it looked like."
That comment irks Lauren. "Oh, so you weren't just beating that boy up?" she sarcastically asks as she whips around to scowl at Camila.
"Just let me explain. Please?"
Glancing down at Camila's hands, Lauren notices the girl's knuckles are red and slightly bloody, and the small gash on her cheek hasn't stopped bleeding yet.
Lauren hates that she doesn't have a backbone, that she's too optimistic about giving people second chances. "Did you drive yourself here today?"
Camila furrows her eyebrows. "What?"
"How did you get to school today?" Lauren is about two seconds from giving up and leaving because she is getting more exasperated by the minute.
"Uh, Normani drove me here. Why?"
Ignoring the question, Lauren rolls her eyes as she gestures towards the passenger seat. "Get in."
"What? Why?" Camila repeats.
"Just get in the car, Camila!"
Usually Lauren would feel a little more intimidated speaking to Camila like this, but she's frustrated and annoyed and she just wants to go home, damn it.
Camila opens her mouth to speak again but Lauren slams the driver's door closed before she can talk. She starts the car and buckles up as Camila makes her way around the car, confusedly climbing into the passenger seat.
Lauren begins backing out but halts in the middle of the parking lot when Camila just sits there.
"Put your seatbelt on."
"Huh?"
"I'm driving, this is my car, we're not going anywhere until you buckle yourself in!"
Fastening her belt, Camila seems to finally take the hint that Lauren has no patience right now and opts to keep her mouth shut. The car ride back to Lauren's house is dead silent; not even her music is playing. She grips the steering wheel harder, trying to calm herself down before she has to converse with Camila.
Finally pulling into the driveway, Lauren shuts the car off and exits, snatching her bag from the backseat. She's just about to shut the door when she notices Camila hasn't gotten out of the car yet.
"Well? What are you doing? Get out of the car," Lauren snaps, huffing loud enough for Camila to hear.
She watches from the corner of her eye as Camila hurriedly unfastens her seatbelt and steps out of the car, rushing to catch up with Lauren as she makes her way to the front door. Lauren continues the silent treatment as they enter the house, removing her shoes and grabbing some water and Advil from the kitchen before she makes her way upstairs.
Knowing that Camila is blindly following her makes Lauren smirk to herself because for once she feels like she has the upper hand.
Tossing her bag onto the floor, Lauren pops two pills into her mouth and downs some water. She heads into her en suite bathroom to pee, shutting the door and not caring about leaving Camila feeling awkward and alone by herself. Once she's done, she pulls out her first aid box and sifts through it until she finds what she's looking for.
Lauren walks back into her room to find Camila still standing uncomfortably in the same spot she left her.
"For fuck's sake..." Lauren mumbles to herself, but she can tell Camila heard because the girl's eyes widen at her cursing. Walking over to Camila, Lauren guides her to sit on the edge of the bed. She sets the things in her hands down and takes a seat next to Camila.
"What are you doing?" Camila asks quietly, hesitantly, because she's definitely picked up on Lauren's mood by now.
Lauren essentially has two known states of mind to Camila: nervous, or cheerful, so to see the girl pissy and irritable has Camila doing whatever she wants.
Pulling out a gauze, Lauren dabs some rubbing alcohol onto it and leans in towards Camila.
"Hold still."
Camila does as she's told, hissing when the cut stings from the alcohol.
"Sorry," Lauren murmurs apologetically because she probably should have warned the girl. "It's going to hurt," she warns as she presses the pad to Camila's cheek again, trying to disinfect it as much as possible.
Camila sits still for most of it, only flinching a couple of times. Lauren finishes by wiping the wound dry, layering some antibiotic cream on it, and covering it up with a small bandage.
When Lauren finally pulls away, Camila has gone quiet and stares at the floor instead of making eye contact.
"I'm sorry," Camila whispers.
Lauren waits to answer, taking one of Camila's hands in hers as she starts wiping away the dried blood from her knuckles.
"For what?"
Camila sighs, rubbing her eye with her free hand. "For... what happened earlier."
Thoroughly cleaning Camila's hand, Lauren purses her lips as she reaches for some ointment. "Are you sorry that you beat that boy up, or are you sorry that I caught you doing so?"
"Both. I'm sorry for both. I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me, and I wish you hadn't been there to see it happen."
"So that's what that was? Someone pissed you off?"
"I... yeah," Camila answers remorsefully, sucking in a quick breath through her teeth when Lauren starts cleaning the other hand with the rubbing alcohol.
Lauren doesn't reply until she's completely finished with Camila's knuckles. "To be honest, I'm a little surprised that you apologized."
Camila chuckles quietly without any actual humor. "I had this whole explanation planned to defend myself, but... then you made me feel guilty for even thinking about using it."
Raising her eyebrows up in surprise, Lauren peeks a quick look at Camila before continuing to tidy the medical supplies up. "How did I do that?"
"'Cause you took care of me."
"Well, I wasn't just going to leave you there looking like you had just come from a fight club."
"If you thought I was bad, you should have seen the other guy," Camila attempts to joke.
Lauren arches one brow up at Camila, pausing from where she was heading towards the bathroom.
"Too soon?" Camila asks with a grimace on her face.
Lauren nods but offers a soft smirk before making the rest of the way to the bathroom.
"Hey Lauren," she hears from her bedroom.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
Walking back into her room, Lauren looks at Camila who is still perched at the foot of her bed.
"Of course."
Now that Camila has apologized and Lauren's headache and frustration have temporarily subsided, she starts to feel her nerves coming back because here she is in her house, in her room, alone, with Camila.
What was she thinking?
"Um, do you want– are you thirsty?"
Camila furrows her brows at the abrupt shift in mood. "Yeah, I could use some water."
"Okay, well, uh, follow me."
Lauren leads the way back to the kitchen, suddenly feeling very awkward around the girl.
"What do you want? We have orange juice, sod—"
"Just water, thanks," Camila says as she takes a seat on one of the counter chairs.
"Right." Grabbing a bottle from the fridge, Lauren slides it towards Camila and leans against the opposite counter as she fiddles with her shirt nervously. Camila takes a sip with her eyes still focused on Lauren.
"You okay?"
"Huh?" Lauren asks, her head snapping up.
"Are you okay?" Camila repeats with a worried expression on her face.
"Yeah, yup, I'm good."
Capping her water bottle, Camila gestures for Lauren to take the seat next to her. "Come here."
Lauren doesn't make eye contact as she sits down, instead choosing to stare at the counter and bite her lip nervously.
"Of course I'm sorry about what happened earlier, and I feel so stupid for doing that in the first place. But... I hate that you had to witness it. I know situations like that make you uncomfortable, and I regret putting you in that position."
Lauren mumbles something but it's so quiet that Camila doesn't catch it.
"What was that?"
"I said," Lauren says, briefly looking up at Camila. "I hate violence. I hate seeing people hurt, whether emotionally or physically. I... I hated seeing you hurt..."
Gently placing her hand on Lauren's arm, Camila squeezes it softly to comfort the girl. "I want to stop, Lauren. I want—" she shakes her head vigorously to clear her thoughts. "—I need your help."
"What do you mean?" Lauren asks, keeping her eyes trained on the fox inked on Camila's bicep. The girl doesn't have full sleeves; instead, the tattoos are scattered around on her arms, each one a separate picture from the others.
"Help me change, become a better person. I'm not... I'm sure you know about my reputation. And while some of it is bullshit, a lot of it is true. I know that if anyone can kick my ass into gear, it's you."
Finally making eye contact, Lauren glances up with a bewildered expression. "Why not Zayn, or, or, Normani or someone?"
"Because," Camila mumbles with a slight shrug of one shoulder. "You're special."
Lauren gnaws on her lower lip as she stares into Camila's eyes, feeling her stomach flip at Camila's words. "Okay," she finally says. "But... on one condition."
Camila nods for her to go ahead.
"You have to help me too."
"What do you mean?" Camila asks with a tilt of her head.
"I'm sure you're aware, that, um, I have some, uh, social issues."
She holds her hand up when Camila goes to speak, quieting the girl momentarily.
"Shy would be an understatement, but... basically what I'm saying is, I want you to, uh, help me, you know, come out of my shell so to speak..." Lauren trails off, raising her pitch towards the end of the sentence as if she was asking a question.
"You want me to help you with your confidence?" Camila simplifies Lauren's request.
"Y– yeah, that's what I meant."
Furrowing her brows, Camila scratches at her scrunched up nose. "Are you sure you want me to help you with that? I don't know if I'm the best person to ask... maybe you should ask Zayn," Camila says, more bitterly than she intended to.
"No, he's... I know I act kind of, uh... awkward around you, but you make me feel, like, good about myself."
Camila smiles softly. "Yeah?"
"Uh huh." Lauren sucks up some nerve and removes Camila's hand from her arm to intertwine their fingers. She sees Camila's smile widen and praises herself for working up enough courage to cause it.
"Then I would be happy to help you."
~~
Lauren takes Camila home soon afterwards. They find out that they only live about a three minute drive from each other, and Camila gives Lauren a hug and whispers another thank you right before she exits the car.
After powering through a majority of her weekend homework, Lauren finally takes a break, choosing to go lay on her bed and relax after her long day. Her parents are having dinner with one of Taylor's friend's family while Chris is staying over at a friend's house for the weekend so Lauren has the house to herself for a couple more hours.
She checks her phone because she hasn't looked at it since she started studying and sees a few texts from Zayn, Camila, and several from the group chat she's in with Tori and Ally.
Quickly asking how Tori is feeling and how Ally's appointment went, Lauren checks on Camila's message next, which was sent about an hour ago.
Camila: i didn't get to tell u this today but u looked really cute :)
Lauren blushes, grateful that Camila isn't here to witness her reaction.
Lauren: Sorry I didn't reply sooner, I was trying to get my homework done. But... thanks(: You didn't look half bad yourself
Something about texting the girl has Lauren feeling more confident than if she were speaking to her face to face. She supposes it's the fact that she can hide her reactions and that she also has time to gather her thoughts and come up with a reply.
Camila: that almost sounded like a compliment :O and why am i not surprised... u have to maintain ur spot as the future valedictorian, of course
Lauren: You don't know that I'll get it for sure
Camila: please, lauren, my little sister knows it, and she doesn't even know what a valedictorian is
Lauren furrows her brows at the message, completely missing the joke.
Lauren: You talk about me to your sister?
The ellipsis signaling someone is typing appears for longer than normal, but when Lauren receives Camila's text, she's confused because the girl's message wasn't long enough for how long she was supposedly typing.
Camila: i mean yeah here and there
She's not going to let Camila get away with it that easily.
Lauren: Liar. How much do you really talk about me with her?
Wishing she could see Camila's reaction to her bluntness, Lauren instead rolls onto her side when her arms start hurting from holding the phone up.
Camila: i was going to lie to u again, but all i had to do was imagine ur pouty face and i knew i couldn't. the truth is... a lot. she really wants to meet u
The last sentence surprises Lauren. Camila's sister wants to meet me? She doesn't have much time to ponder over it because she gets another message.
Camila: fuck lauren, how did u manage to do that? i would never usually give up that information even if dinah threatened to beat me. because she's actually really strong
Lauren: I don't know(: Must be magic
The next response comes almost instantly.
Camila: i know. it's cause ur special. even the universe wouldn't be able to say no to u
Lauren: Not true. I've gotten plenty of no's before
Camila doesn't start typing right away so Lauren switches over to her chat with Zayn.
Zayn: hey, what are you doing tomorrow? we were thinking of meeting up at the mall or something, maybe grabbing dinner?
Lauren: That sounds like fun. Who's going?
Zayn: Tori said she's still sick, but Ally said she's down to go. Dinah and Normani are actually the ones who came up with the idea. and I believe that Shawn and Ari are going too.
Lauren: And Camila?
Zayn: fuck I knew I forgot to ask someone. I don't know how I forgot about her
Lauren: Don't worry about it. I'll ask her. We're texting right now actually
As soon as Lauren presses send, she gets a notification from Camila and immediately taps on it.
Camila: well those people were clearly missing out. what a bunch of dummies
Lauren: Lol dummies? :P By the way, everyone is going to the mall tomorrow. Are you going?
Lauren gets a text from Zayn but ignores it momentarily when she sees Camila typing.
Camila: depends
Lauren: On what
Camila: if ur going
Lauren: Why would it depend on me?
Camila: cause maybe i want to see u
The blush is back and Lauren drags a hand over her face as if she could rub it away.
Lauren: Well maybe I'll only go if you're going
Camila: well then. looks like we're at an impasse
Lauren bites the tip of her tongue between her teeth in an attempt to hold in her grin. She quickly checks the message from Zayn, ignoring it when she sees it's just him acknowledging her previous text.
Lauren: Now you're the dummy. You going to come or not
Camila: ur the only one who could make me come
Widening her eyes, Lauren chokes on air at Camila's text. She may be shy, but she doesn't live under a rock. She's not sure whether Camila noticed the hidden innuendo in her message or not, but it would have been hard not to.
Lauren: So I'll see you there then right good awesome okay see you then
She doesn't really realize that she's text rambling until she accidentally hits send.
Lauren: Sorry I don't know what that was
Camila: aha ;) so you did catch on to it
Lauren: Catch on to what?
Swiftly switching to Zayn's chat, she sends him a message confirming that Camila will be there (even though she didn't outright say yes) but the girl's comment has Lauren's mind reeling a little bit. She hopes that by playing dumb, Camila won't call her out on her reaction to that text.
Camila: i'll see u tomorrow, lauren ;)
Turning over onto her stomach, Lauren buries her face into her pillows and groans loudly. She regrets not removing her glasses first, but when she turns back over again, she can't help but smile at the ceiling.
Even though Camila made Lauren thoroughly blush, she's still excited to see the girl, especially after the agreement they made today.
Not only that, but she'll get to see everyone else who are slowly becoming her friends, and Zayn who might possibly become something more.
Lauren sends a quick text off in her group chat, asking if Ally and Tori want to video chat because she wants to share her happy mood with other people.
~~
Even though Lauren had been ready to crash earlier on, she feels hyper now and doesn't really want to sleep just yet. It's a little after eleven and she's already said goodnight to her parents so she knows that they won't disturb her.
Locking her door just in case, Lauren heads over to her walk-in closet and flicks the light on. She bypasses her usual outfits and crouches over the unorganized pile in the corner that she knows her mom never checks (she keeps it cluttered on purpose; her mom hates dealing with their messes).
Lauren slides the top layer off and grins when she sees the bag she uses as her hiding spot.
Carrying the bag over to her bed, Lauren searches through it until she feels the smooth material she's looking for and pulls it out. Her leather jacket still looks new because she's never worn it out before but she promises herself that one day she will.
Laying it down carefully on the bed, Lauren reaches back into the bag, yanking out the rest of the clothing. She sorts the articles into tops, bottoms, and others until everything is organized.
Lauren pretends, just for a moment, that she's laying her clothes out to pick an outfit for their mall day tomorrow, and instead not just wishing she could be doing that. She doesn't have the self-confidence to show up in something totally unlike her (according to other people, anyways) and she honestly doesn't know if she ever will.
It's not a huge collection, the secret style of clothes she has, but it's something she's built up over time of trips to the mall. She'll usually end up finding something she likes while browsing for other stuff and sneaks off to try it on and buy it when no one is paying attention.
She doesn't really know why she continues spending her money on them if she's never going to wear them. Perhaps it's the brief satisfaction she gets, or the hope that maybe one day she'll be brave enough to try something new. She wonders for a quick moment if this is what Camila could help her out with: working up the courage to take a risk.
But then she thinks about what would happen if people found out. Maybe people would start ridiculing her, making even more fun of her than they already do. The thought has her gut twisting sharply and she quickly throws away the idea of anyone ever finding out.
It's safer if she keeps the secret to the confines of her bedroom walls. When she's home alone or it's late at night and no one will disturb her. Only then is she brave enough to try them on, wondering if someone would finally be attracted to her.
Her thoughts momentarily drift to Zayn's admission of his crush on her. While she accepted it without much consideration that Saturday, probably due to her adrenaline rush and excitement, now that she's thinking about it again, she starts to question the integrity of his confession. In the back of her mind, she can't help thinking that her first few weeks back in school are all one big joke. A giant prank that Austin or maybe Brad set up, recruiting their friends to humiliate Lauren. She wonders if one day she'll walk through the school doors only to come across everyone laughing at her for falling for their trick.
Thoughts like these are what makes Lauren shrink back in on herself, losing what little self-assurance she had. They cause her to doubt the sincerity of the people around her, to question everyone's motives. Which, in turn, sends Lauren spiraling into skepticism and anxiety.
Lauren hates it when she gets like this, but she can't stop her thoughts from going there.
When she had originally pulled the bag out, she had planned on trying on a few outfits to entertain and indulge herself, but now she just feels bitter about it.
Roughly shoving the clothes back into their bag (but being gentler with her jacket), she hurls the bundle into her closet and kicks the door shut angrily. Lauren turns off the lights and throws herself into bed, curling up under the covers that she pulls up to her chin. She glares resentfully at her bathroom door while wishing her stupid self-deprecating thoughts away.
Lauren finally falls asleep nearly two hours later to troublesome dreams.
~~