You are sitting on Jaehee’s comfortable bed, your legs crossed. Her bedroom is very tidy and amazingly warm, unlike the air outside. It’s a Friday evening, the day of your weekly dates with your best friend, when you can catch up on everything that's happened the previous week.
But it’s not an ordinary Friday evening; in a few hours, Jaehee is going to open her own coffee shop, the place she's been dreaming of ever since Jumin's coffee project. You can see how nervous but excited at the same time she is, watching her fast movements.
This is going to be Jaehee’s day, but you will be by her side, sharing the moment with her and giving her moral support. It’s a big day for you too, because you're also a huge part of this dream, more or less. You're going to work there as soon as you finish your studies in a couple of months. It will be your place too. And you just can’t wait for this moment.
She finally sits down in front of you, still talking excitedly about the last adjustments she made when you were at university. Her eyes are shining and she’s blushing from excitement, so you need to look elsewhere to avoid being too obvious, staring at her beautiful face, so relaxed and happy at the moment. You wish you could always see her like that.
You smile thinking about the fact that in a few months the lack of spare time will stop being a problem in your friendship; working with Jaehee means seeing her every day and being able to see and hear most of the exciting stuff going on in her life.
“I’m sorry I’m talking so much… But you know how long I've been waiting for this to happen”, she blushes again and you just giggle. Her excitement is infectious. “I am pretty sure it’s because of you that I feel like a teenager again, looking brightly into the future…”, she says, looking very dreamy and you hope you really did contribute to her marvelous mood. “But anyway, let’s remember why we're here… Give me your hand”.
You give your right hand to Jaehee. She takes it into her own, cold and delicate, and then puts it on her knee before grabbing a small bottle of red nail polish from the cabinet and starting to put the first coat on your nails. She bites her lower lip in concentration, her short, light brown hair covering up her reddened cheeks and amber eyes. Her motions are fluent and almost professional. Once she's done with your first hand, she looks at you with a beautiful, radiant smile and grabs your other hand.
You decide, for what feels like the hundredth time, if not more, that Jaehee is the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen. The feeling isn’t new, and yet you still feel bad for falsely exaggerating the feelings you have for each other, even in it’s only on your head. One of the reasons for that is the fact that being best friends with Jaehee is the best thing you’ve ever experienced and you would never want to lose that.
You've known each other for more than half a year now and you’ve never been so happy. You and Jaehee clicked immediately and ended up spending more and more time together each week.
It's so strange to you how flattering and nice it is to have someone so close to you. You take care of each other; your messenger is full of questions and answers the likes of “Did you eat dinner?” or “I hope you slept at least 6 hours this night”. You love the fact that she’s the first person you see a message from every morning, and you send her the last text of the day late at night. You understand each other without words, share similarities in your movie taste and the love towards coffee. You’ve never cared for anyone as much as you do for Jaehee, and you feel like the feeling is mutual. Each of your ideas, be it going out or making something to eat, is the right one, knowing how similar your tastes are.
This situation would be ideal if only you and your feelings were as sincere as hers. You 're well aware that ever since you first saw her face you've known, deep in your heart, that being just a friend isn’t all you want to be with Jaehee. You're reminded about this fact every time you see her smile, hear her voice, feel her velvet hand on yours, or hug her when you’re sad. You know you can’t look at her for too long because it’s hard for you to keep your mind away from forbidden thoughts, like how her small, rounded lips would feel on yours or how her voice would sound if you’d touch her in all the right spots…
You feel your cheeks starting to burn so you keep your eyes low, trying not to focus on how nice the touch of Jaehee's hand on your own feels.
“I was really happy to hear that everything in our cafe is ready. I can’t wait until tomorrow to see everything and meet our friends. But most of all I'm excited to be able to work with you after I graduate”, you say instead, watching nail polish dry on your free hand. She smiles at your words and pats your hand lightly.
“I almost can’t believe this… I'm going to have my best friend in the world working alongside me everyday. Finally, all of my dreams are coming true”, she said, her clear voice warm. “Thank you for making it possible”.
You smile lightly, staring down at your knees, trying not to show how her saying “friend” caused your heart to skip a beat. Even knowing that friendship is all this is, hearing Jaehee saying it over and over makes you feel special.
“It is only possible thanks to you. And as I've told you a thousand times, I'll always be by your side”.
Suddenly, you feel the absence of her hands on yours. You definitely feel much colder than before.
Your nails are done and you look at them, at the perfect layer of shiny red color. Jaehee sits next to you, resting her back against the wall.
“Thank you, Jaehee… You're always so much better at this. Maybe you should open a nail salon instead”, you say jokingly after a short while, and finally look at your friend, softly smiling and so pretty in the warm glow of candles and overhead lights. It looks as if her amber eyes are made of liquid gold, you think. She giggles and you feel warm again.
“I am so glad you decided to stay here tonight. I will definitely need you to calm me down when we're up tomorrow morning”, she says, tucking a strand of her short hair behind her ear in a nervous habit.
“I am happy to be of help”, you say, smiling. “I will prepare hot cocoa for you before you go to sleep and I am pretty sure it will help you calm down...”
She hums with content and closes her eyes. You don't even try to fight the urge to put your head on her shoulder. You feel her lean against on you and decide that this moment couldn't be more perfect.
“My my, I completely forgot! I've got something for you!”, you remember after a long while, jump to your feet and with a huge blush creeping down your neck take a small, red box out of your bag.
“You know you don't have to ever buy me anything…”, she says with a small smile, calm and yet embarrassed.
You sit in your previous spot and look at her with slight irritation. You are way too stressed about all of this to listen properly.
“Jaehee, please, I wanted to do it and I did it, the end”, you are sitting facing each other now and you smile lightly. She looks at you while you try to collect your thoughts. “I wanted to give you something meaningful for the most important day in your life. You've waited for so long, you've been patient and hard-working and… And now you’re here. Your dream is coming true. And I am here too, so proud of you. I want to celebrate with you! It’s not much; unfortunately I don’t have as much money as Jumin or Seven and couldn't get something big, but… When I saw this it made me think of you and that's why I wanted to give it to you”, you place the box in her lap and decide that you aren't strong enough to watch her open it. “I thought it might be a good idea to give you a necklace, because I've seen you wear them a lot… I hope you like it and that you wear it sometimes and that it always reminds you that you are so, so, so very important to me…”.
You aren’t prepared for tears dropping from Jaehee’s eyes when you look at her after the short, quiet moment.
“Jaehee, no, no, no, please don’t cry! I didn’t want you to be sad because of me!”, you exclaim in panic, crumpling your skirt in your hands before placing them on Jaehee's knees.
“This is the most beautiful present I've ever gotten...”, she sobs, taking the small, golden pendant in her delicate hand. You notice how gingerly she's holding it to look closely at the tiny coffee cup hanging on a subtle chain. Tomorrow’s date is engraved at the bottom of the pendant.
“I… Ahh…”, you stumble on your words, not knowing what to say as you see more tears running down her cheeks.
“This is… so perfect. I just… can’t quite contain all the emotions I’m feeling right now…”, she says really quietly and you understand her all too well, as you are also overcome with emotion. “Thank you so much… I will always wear it. A present from you… This is so precious...”
You feel your cheeks burns. You scoot a little closer, hesitantly.
“Please, don’t cry. I wanted to give you that, because you like coffee so much and you’re about to open your cafe… and that pedant is so cute and pretty, just like you...”, you say as you take the necklace into your own hands and place it around her neck, carefully closing the tiny clasp in the back.
Even crying, she looks so beautiful it takes your breath away, especially because she's crying out of happiness you caused her. The necklace beautifully brings out the amber of her eyes. You smile lightly at her and with both shaking hands try to wipe the tears running down her cheeks.
Then you realise... you are very close to her. You've never been this close to her before and seeing her face so close to yours is terrible for your heart. You try not to look into her eyes, but it’s not possible. Especially now that she begins to cry even more, placing her hands on top of yours.
“What did I do to deserve you?”, she says quietly, your hands still cupping her small face gently. “How do you always know what to say to bring you even closer to my heart? How can I ever repay being so close to someone as perfect as you?”, she breathes slowly, trying to calm down. You laugh lightly.
You ask yourself the same questions in your head, knowing that trying to say something aloud would be disastrous for you. How do you deserve her? Why is she so beautiful? Why can’t you take your eyes away from her?
Why is the only thing you want to do right now to kiss her lips?
“But the worst thing is…”, she says once she finally stops crying, so quietly that you can barely hear her. You want to move your hands away from her cheeks, but she’s holding them in place with her own. “You are so perfect and yet... Why can't you see how much more than a friend you are to me? And why did I allow myself to think about this? Why did I need to think about my feelings and decide that friendship just wasn't enough? Why am I saying this now when I know it will end our friendship that is everything I need right now?”
You stare at her intently, feeling as your heart might just stop any second now. Did you hear her correctly? Did she just say that…
“My god, please, don’t be scared of me now”, she says, still holding your hands, but stronger now. She’s looking at you, with guilt in her beautiful eyes and shiny tear droplets on her long eyelashes. “I don’t know why I said that, it was unnecessary, and I don’t want to scare you away, but the pendant, and everything you've done for me is too much, and these feelings are too much, and I understand if you don't want to be close anymore, but at the same time there's nothing I want more than that, and I am scared that when I let you go now you’ll never come back…”, she rambles, and it is so unlike Jaehee that you need her to stop.
So, you stop her.
With a gentle kiss.
It's nothing more than a gentle touch of the lips, but you can feel every muscle of your body tense and then release. Her lips are chapped and salty, and amazing.
“Shhh…”, you say against her lips. You hear her surprised gasp, but don’t give her the time to think. You touch her lips with your own again, and again, and again. “I’m not going anywhere”, you says quietly and crack open your eyes slightly to see her face. She’s smiling brilliantly through the tears.
Your first kiss is delicate, the second is sweeter, your lips lingering on Jaehee’s, caressing them gently. When she takes her hands away from yours to embrace you tightly and pull you close, you begin to land kisses on every inch of her reddened, tear-streaked face, not leaving any pale freckle untouched. You caress her soft hair, kiss her eyelids, her small nose, everything you can reach, feeling so content and full of so much love towards this woman, more love that you could ever imagine to possibly have inside you.
“I will be always with you”, you say between light kisses, listening to her quiet hums. “My feelings for you are too strong to ever leave you. I want to always be here, by your side, to be able to kiss you and tell you how much you mean to me and hear the same things from you”, you say, not even knowing where you got the courage to do so. You stop kissing her just to take in her dreamy eyes and red cheeks.
She pulls you close, embraces you even tighter, puts her nose in the crook of your neck and breathes in deeply. Her fingers comb through your long hair, still shaking slightly, but gradually growing calmer. You are so happy that you can’t stop smiling and keep on hugging her tightly.
“I want that so much”, she sighs. “Please, don’t wake me up from this dream. Everything I wanted is coming true”.
“I won’t even try”, you answer, caressing her back lightly with the tips of your fingers. “Because your happiness is mine”