New Year's
Holtz wakes up on the last day of the year thrumming with excitement. It’s not even the upcoming new year that’s giving her butterflies, it’s the fact that today her beautiful, amazing girlfriend is officially moving in with her. She rolls over in bed and pokes Erin excitedly.
“Psssst!”
Erin groans in response.
“Erin. Erin. Guess what.”
“I’m going to call off the move if you’re going to wake me up at the crack of dawn every morning,” Erin murmurs sleepily.
“It’s only—” Holtz checks the clock on the beside table— “5:14! That’s not the crack of dawn.”
“It is. It totally is.”
“Okay, but you’re moving in today! How can you sleep when you’re moving in today! It’s too exciting!”
There’s a moment of silence, and Holtz wonders if Erin has fallen back asleep. But then there’s a rustling of sheets and shifting of weight in the bed as Erin rolls to face Holtz. “It is very exciting,” Erin says softly. “I can’t believe I’m going to live here tomorrow. And I get to wake up next to you every day.”
Holtz beams, even though Erin probably can’t see it in the dark. “So, now that you’re awake anyway…should we get a head start?”
“No, Holtz. Kevin and his friends aren’t meeting us with the truck until 8:00. Everything is packed already. Unless you’re suggesting carrying boxes over on the subway, there’s nothing we can do yet. So, we might as well—”
“Make breakfast? Plan out where your stuff is going to go? Go have sex in your apartment one last time?”
“I was going to say go back to sleep.”
“Fiiiine. Boring.”
“Tonight is New Year's Eve! If you expect me to stay up until midnight, especially after an exhausting day of moving, then you need to let me sleep now.”
Holtz considers that. “That’s fair. I’m going to go play with the kids, then, because there’s no way I can fall back asleep now. I’m too excited.”
Erin makes a noise that sounds vaguely agreeing, but mostly just sleepy. Holtz pushes herself out of bed and slips out of the room, ready to start this day even if Erin isn’t. She just hopes it’s going to be as great of a day as she’s built it up to be.
-
Erin wakes up at the much more reasonable hour of 7:15 AM. Holtz is not in bed, but Erin’s not concerned. As she stretches, she considers showering for a moment, but she showered last night and she knows she’s only going to get sweatier and dirtier as the day progresses. Besides, she’ll be able to enjoy a nice warm shower or bath a lot more once all the heavy lifting is done; literally and figuratively.
She washes her face and brushes her teeth in the en suite bathroom and wanders into the living room once she’s changed into some comfortable moving clothes. She freezes as she passes the threshold.
Holtz is sitting on the floor in the living room surrounded by the chinchillas’ disassembled habitat scattered across the floor, wood shavings all over, and her girlfriend tapping a rubber mallet on the floor in a contemplative tattoo.
“Um, Holtzmann? What the hell is going on?”
Holtz jumps up wearing only the shirt she slept in, and some old boxer-briefs.
“Good morning my auld lang syne!”
“That doesn’t even make sense—”
“I’ve decided to do some redecorating!”
“Now?”
Holtz looks a little guilty. “Okay, I know I should've done this sooner, but I think I was a little too generous in my calculations earlier. There’s no way we can fit any of your stuff in here with the children’s cage taking up three quarters of the square footage.”
“True.”
“So I decided to make room! Literally!”
Erin tilts her head for a moment to consider that. Realistically, she knew a while ago the cage needed some renovations, but she didn’t have the heart to ask Holtz to downsize. She crosses the room and grasps Holtz hands gently. “We could’ve made it work, you know. You didn’t have to do this.”
Holtz looks down, pink colouring her cheeks bashfully. “I don’t mind making space. These little fuzzballs used to be the only thing that really mattered to me.” She glances over at the travel carrier where Erin can hear the chinchillas skittering. “I’ll admit that I’ve spoiled them. But now I have you, and I love you almost as much as those dumb little rodents.”
Erin laughs a little.
“So to welcome you into the family, we’re willing to make the sacrifice,” Holtz says, squeezing Erin’s hands for good measure. She lowers her voice and leans in a little. “They’re totally cool with it. I asked,” Holtz continues after a beat. “Except Higgs, but he’s always been the jealous type; try not to take it too personally,” she finishes with a wink.
Erin’s really laughing now. “Thanks, Higgs,” she says to Holtz, leaning in for a quick kiss. When they break apart Erin retreats to the kitchen to scrounge together something to eat. She decides on instant oatmeal (Peaches n’ Cream, because they’re the only packets left after Holtz ate all the Maple and Brown Sugar, and Cinnamon and Sugar) and mumbles around a mouthful: “So what exactly is your plan here?”
“I dunno yet!” Holtz cracks the mallet down over another tunnel. Erin jumps a little. “I was thinking I’d pick away at this while you go with Kevin and the boys to your old place!”
Erin’s face falls a little. She’s sure she looks extra pathetic with her cheeks stuffed full of cereal. “You’re not going to help?”
“I will, I promise! But I should really finish this first. I think I’ll have it done by 10:00, so I’ll meet you there?”
Before Erin can protest, the apartment buzzer goes off. She jumps a little at that, too. Her nerves are terrible when she’s feeling stressed.
“That’s Kevin! I’ll go let him up!” Holtz says, bolting toward the door.
“You have a receiver here, Holtz! You don’t need to go down every time!”
But Holtz has already disappeared down the hall, leaving the front door gaping in her wake.
Erin just sighs. She gobbles down what’s left of her oatmeal and pours her coffee into a travel mug. She takes a deep breath and pushes up her sleeves. She’s got a long day ahead.
-
Holtz arrives down at the entrance to her building and sees Kevin standing there bouncing on his heels.
“Kev! Hey, buddy!” She looks around him. “Where are these strong friends of yours that are going to help us move?”
“You’re right here!”
She chuckles. “No, I mean your other friends. The ‘really muscular’ ones who you said can do all the heavy lifting today.”
“That’s you, boss!”
Holtz blinks. “Kevin. Are you telling me that you don’t have a group of guys that are coming here today to move Erin’s heavy stuff? I mean, I fully acknowledge that I could probably outlift any one of them, but I can’t do it by myself.”
“You don’t have to do it by yourself, boss. I’m here! And my other strong friends, Abby and Patty!”
“You don’t, by any chance, have other friends named Abby and Patty, do you? Or do you mean the Abby and Patty that you work for? Because I don’t see them.”
Kevin taps his finger on his chin and looks around. “You’re right. Did you tell them that we needed them today?”
Holtz stares for a moment, then pulls her phone out of her back pocket and dials Abby. The call goes to voicemail, which probably means that she’s still asleep.
“Hey, Abs,” Holtz says after the beep, “there’s been a little mix-up. Kevin doesn’t have friends coming after all, so we’re going to need you and Patty a little earlier than we told you. Come by Erin’s apartment as soon as you can.”
She calls Patty, too, who sounds very unimpressed when she answers but says she’ll come.
After that, she turns her attention back to Kevin. “Where’s the truck you said you’d bring?”
“What truck?”
“The truck. For moving? You said you could get us a truck.” Holtz pauses. “But I’m…assuming…that’s not…happening…”
She only has to wait a few seconds to see his confused face before turning on her heel and heading back inside, not even checking to see if he’s following. As it turns out, he is, and when she bursts in through the door of the apartment, Erin waves.
“Morning, Kevin!”
“Erin, we have a situation.” Holtz’s eyes drift to the floor behind Erin and she mentally kicks herself for choosing today of all days to dismantle the chinchillas’ cage.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“As it turns out, there are no friends, and there is no truck.”
“What?”
“I’ve called Patty and Abby, and they’ll be at your apartment as soon as possible to help out. I think between the five of us we can still manage. I’ll leave all that—” She gestures at the floor— “to deal with later, and I’ll go rent us some sort of moving van right now while you take Kevin and go meet the others at your apartment.”
Erin blinks. “Okay…”
Holtz grabs her coat and salutes Erin. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
She ducks outside, walking fast, already searching on her phone for the nearest rental place. Not wanting to waste any more precious time, she opts for a cab instead of taking the subway.
She arrives at the rental place some time later and pops into the office, which is surprisingly busy. While she’s waiting in line, she calls Erin.
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe, how are things there?”
“Well, Patty’s still not here, and Kevin won’t stop saying these weird observational statements that sound almost like ominous premonitions, and it seems like there’s a lot more stuff to move now that we don’t have extra help, and I’m kinda freaking out right now…”
“Breathe. It’ll be okay. It’s still early! We have tons of time to get it all done and still have plenty left over for celebrations tonight. But speaking of how much stuff there is, how big a truck do you think I need to get?”
There’s a pause. “I don’t know. You’ve been here…there are still a lot of boxes. And the couch. And the bookshelf. And the coffee table. And the bed. And…it’s a lot, okay? Err on the side of too-big.”
Ah, yes, the furniture. According to Erin, having no furniture in a living room is ‘unacceptable.’ Who knew? And as for the bed, they decided that Erin’s was of considerably better quality than Holtz’s, so they’re swapping them out.
“A 16-footer, maybe?” Holtz is staring up at the board that advertises all the truck types.
“Use your judgement. I gotta go, though, because Patty just showed up.”
“M’kay. Love you,” Holtz replies absentmindedly, then hangs up.
She’s up next anyway, so she steps up to the counter. She decides that the 16’ truck is probably fine, even if it means that they need to do multiple trips.
An excruciating amount of time later (it’s been years since Holtz last rented a vehicle, and she’d forgotten how much of a production it is), Holtz is driving in the direction of Erin’s apartment and hoping that they won’t have any more hiccups for the rest of the day.
When Holtz arrives with the truck, she is delighted to find that most of the heavier boxes are already sitting outside Erin’s building. She does not, however, spot any of her friends.
“Guys?” she says, clambering out of the truck. She walks around, swings the back open, and grabs the nearest box off the lawn. Without taking the ramp down, she starts loading. She’s almost to the truck with her second box when she hears a faint shifting above her somewhere. She also notices an unusual shadow looming over. She looks up just in time to spot three quarters of Erin’s mattress suspended through Erin’s bedroom window a storey above.
“Incoming!” Kevin shouts before apparently giving it the final shove.
“Kevin, no!” She hears someone shout milliseconds after—she’s pretty sure it’s Abby—but the mattress is already tumbling down. Holtz yelps, drops the box she’s carrying, and runs around to the side of the truck. She presses her body as close as she can to the side, covers her head with both hands, and prays.
The mattress lands with a resounding flop on the sidewalk, springs up half a foot in the air, and ricochets onto the front steps of Erin’s building.
“Kevin, what were you thinking?!” This time, she knows it’s Abby yelling. When she feels it’s safe, Holtz glances up at Erin’s bedroom window. Erin’s hands are the ones she sees first, tugging Kevin away. She can also hear a faint tirade of scoldings echo from indoors; all of which don’t seem to phase Kevin in the least. She can tell he’s smiling dimly as Erin rants.
“Er-bear?”
The lecture ends abruptly and Erin hangs out the window, eyes searching frantically. “Holtz? Holtzmann? Oh my God, are you okay?”
Holtz has to wave to help Erin spot her. “All’s good down here! No harm no foul!”
Holtz can see Erin’s shoulders sink with relief. Then Erin’s biting her bottom lip. She’s biting it hard like she did right before she punched that vlogger a few months ago.
“Erin!” Holtz warns, but Erin’s already whipped around and yelling, twice as furious as before. She can’t make out exactly what Erin is saying, but it’s fast and it’s loud, and Holtz knows she needs to get up there before her girlfriend kills their secretary.
It doesn’t take long to clear the stairs, especially when she takes them two at a time. By the time she reaches the bedroom, Abby and Patty are both restraining Erin as she thrashes toward Kevin.
“—And even if it wasn’t just Holtz down there, it could have been a cat or a dog or a kid! What is wrong with you?! Do you think anything through? Do you ever think anything through!”
Holtz brazenly puts herself between Erin and Kevin, the latter of which is literally backed into a corner and seems very close to crying.
“Erin—Erin, Erin!” Holtz coaxes, trying not to be too amused by the sight of a livid Erin Gilbert. Her cheeks are burning, her hair is wild. Why is it so hot? Holtz keeps it together enough to continue. “It’s fine! We’re fine! No one was in the way, everyone is okay. I’m here and you’re fine.”
Erin stops thrashing almost immediately when she spots Holtz. Holtz can see her relax in Abby and Patty’s grip. Holtz also sees Erin’s bottom lip quiver for maybe half a second before breaking free and all but collapsing into Holtz’s arms.
“Oh, thank God.”
She’s squeezing Holtz so tight it hurts, but Holtz doesn’t mind. Obviously, it’s what Erin needs right now.
Patty and Abby walk toward Kevin and retrieve him from where he’s—good God he’s actually cowering—and lead him away.
“Come on, big guy,” Patty soothes. “Let’s give them a minute.”
“Yeah,” Abby agrees, patting his shoulder, “we’ll go find you a juice box or something.” Then the three of them are gone.
“You okay?” Holtz asks after a few minutes.
Erin sniffles a little in response. “Yeah, I’m just really glad you’re here. I hate moving.”
“There, there,” Holtz coos. “Everyone hates moving, baby. It’s what they make you do for eternity when you go to Hell.”
That earns a small chuckle from her girlfriend, and as Erin relaxes, Holtz is able to move away a little.
“I’m sorry, I’m just a little stressed right now.”
“You wouldn’t be my Erin if you weren’t a little stressed,” Holtz says earnestly with a lopsided smile. There’s a beat. “Uh, why did Kevin throw your mattress out the window?”
“Oh that,” Erin scoffs. “The mattress and box spring won’t fit down the stairwell.”
“Whaaaaat?”
“Yeah!” Erin says with a humourless laugh. “We tried for forty minutes straight! They just can’t make that last bend by the landing.”
Holtz is stunned. “But how did it get here in the first place?”
Erin laughs again in the same humourless way, throwing her arms up for effect. “I don’t know! I had it delivered one day and it was just here when I got home from work!”
Holtz examines the box spring, which is leaning against a wall. “The staples look crooked. See how the lining is frayed? I bet they took these support beams off so the opposing beams could bend—like a slinky!”
“Oh yeah,” Erin says, running her hand along the edge. There’s pause before she continues: “Do you think you can you do it again?”
“Can I do it again!” Holtz repeats sardonically. “Give me one minute, I’ve got my tool belt in the van!”
-
The whole process takes about half an hour. Stripping the lining was actually the hardest part; it’s quite an ordeal to pull the lining off without ripping it more than necessary. Once that’s finished, Holtz just pries the beams apart with a hammer and chisel.
Between the two of them, they get the box spring down the stairwell without much of a problem at all once it’s disassembled.
When they’re on the ground level, they find that their other companions have loaded up the van with pretty much all of the other, larger items. They’ll have to take the couch and the (disassembled) box spring on their second trip, along with a few other odds and ends.
All parties agree that Erin and Kevin should keep as much distance from each other as possible, so Erin takes the Ecto 1.2 with Patty and Abby, and Holtz takes Kevin in the truck.
They beat Holtz and Kevin, and Erin lets them into Holtz’s apartment—her apartment, she realizes with a start—and gets another pot of coffee brewing. They’re going to need it.
“What the hell happened there?” Patty asks.
Erin follows her gaze to the disassembled hutch strewn across the floor. She sighs. “Holtz decided to rebuild the cage so it takes up less room.”
“On the day you’re moving in?” Abby crouches by the travel carrier, where the chinchillas are still housed and making a lot of noise. “Hey, sweeties, how are you?”
“Yeah, don’t ask me what she was thinking. You know Holtz. She doesn’t always make rational decisions when she’s overexcited.” Erin pauses. “I love her anyways, though.”
“Hey,” Abby says, still peering through the door of the carrier, “what’s up with Marie? She’s looking a little droopy.”
“You can tell them apart?”
“Of course. Can’t you?”
“Holtz can’t even tell them apart. The woman who calls them her children.”
“Okay, well, I can tell them apart, and Marie looks sick.”
“Shoot.” Erin crouches by the carrier as well. “Oh, she does. Oh God. What if one of Holtz’s chinchillas dies on the first day I live here? I’m supposed to be their parent now, too! What if she blames me and asks me to move back out and breaks up with me and—”
“Erin. Whoa. Chill, girl.” Patty comes over and stands behind them. “That won’t happen. Why don’t you take the thing out of the cage and see what its deal is?”
“She’s not an it,” Erin says indignantly.
“Come on, you just said you can’t tell them apart. You’re gonna get on me for misgendering the rodent?”
“It isn’t an acceptable pronoun for any gender.”
“Guys. Stop arguing. We might have a real problem here.” Abby has taken Marie out of the cage and is holding the ball of grey fluff carefully.
“Oh God. What do we do? Should we call Holtz?” As if on cue, Erin’s pocket starts ringing. She fishes out her phone to see that it is, in fact, Holtz. Is she psychic? She hits accept. “Hello?”
“Hey. Don’t freak out.”
“How’d you know that I was in the middle of freaking out?”
There’s a pause. “What? You haven’t even heard what I’m about to say. That’s why I said not to freak out. In advance. Why are you already freaking out if I haven’t even said that we were in an accident?”
“Because of Ma—WHAT?”
“We’re okay! We’re both okay! Parking accident! Nobody’s injured! The back of the van…can’t say the same.”
“Where are you?” Erin’s already halfway out the door, and she can hear Abby and Patty calling after her.
“Downstairs. But don’t—”
“I’m coming down.”
“Erin, no—”
“Please keep talking on the line with me so I don’t freak out.”
“Okay. I’m fine, I promise. So is Kevin. I just backed into a telephone pole when I was trying to parallel park this beast of a vehicle. So, obviously, we’ve got a bit of a problem there.”
“Holtz…”
“I know, I know. But in my defense, Kevin was supposed to be my lookout.”
“No, I’m not chastising, I’m just…you could’ve gotten hurt. For the second time today.” There are tears in Erin’s eyes as the elevator takes her down.
“I’m okay, Erin. I’m totally, 100% fine. I’m mostly just wondering what the hell this means in terms of the rental and stuff. I’m probably going to have to fork over a shit-ton of cash for this.”
“I’m just about there. I’m going to hang up now,” Erin says as she pushes through the front door of the building. There’s the van, and Holtz and Kevin. Erin breaks into a run and envelopes her girlfriend tightly when she gets there.
“Erin,” Holtz squeaks out, “Erin, I’m fine. See? This is getting a bit ridiculous. We can’t keep meeting like this.”
Erin lets her go and steps back, wiping her eyes.
“Shit, are you crying?” Holtz says.
“Yes. You were in a car accident and I hate moving and everything is falling apart and one of the children is sick or something and I’m scared and I hate this. I hate this so much.”
“Wait, what? Back up. One of the kids is sick?”
“Marie.” Erin sniffles. “Abby’s got her. We were just trying to figure out what was going on when you phoned.”
“Are you sure it’s Marie?”
“Well, I don’t know! Abby seems to think so! I can’t tell them apart!” Erin wails.
“If it’s Marie, then we don’t need to be scared. She likes to play sick a lot to get more attention.”
“I thought you couldn’t tell them apart either?”
“Not by sight, but by personality? Absolutely. Abby can tell them apart by sight.”
“Well, you’d better go upstairs and make sure. I’ll stay here and figure out…this.”
“I’ll be back in a jiffy.” Holtz darts forward for a kiss and then disappears, and Erin is left with Kevin and the damaged van.
“Kevin,” Erin says through her teeth, “You’ve nearly killed my girlfriend twice today.”
“I’m sorry, boss. I get my directions mixed up. I thought she was going forwards.”
Erin squints. “From now on, the rest of the day you don’t do anything without someone’s permission and supervision. Got it? Nothing at all.” She doesn’t have the energy to yell at him again.
He nods.
Erin turns her attention to the van. One of the back corners is completely crushed in. Holtz is right, she’s probably going to have to pay a lot for damaging a rented vehicle. Erin shakes that thought from her mind. That’s a problem for later. Right now, though, something occurs to her. Experimentally, she unlatches the back and tries to pull the door up—and it doesn’t budge. The frame of the back has been dented so badly that it’s warped and they won’t be able to move the door. Now what? How are they supposed to get her stuff out of the back?
She’s beginning to think this day is cursed.
-
Upstairs, Holtz retrieves Marie from Abby’s hand. “How is she?” Holtz asks, holding the chinchilla up close to get a good look.
“I don’t know, Holtz, she doesn’t look well,” Abby says, worrying her brow.
“Patty, could you be a doll and pass me some chin pellets?”
“What?”
“The mouse food,” Abby clarifies.
“Um, excuse me, Marie is a chinchilla. But yes, the mouse food. It’s in the cupboard beside the fridge, Patty.”
“Alright baby, Patty’s gotcha.” She finds a few pellets, and passes them to Holtz. Holtz holds one directly in front of Marie’s face, even pushing it against Marie’s nose a little.
Marie is not interested at all. Holtz feels a faint concern garble uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. She tries to feed the chinchilla for a few more minutes, but nothing changes.
“Abby, could you hold her for a minute?”
“Sure, Holtz,” Abby replies, voice gentle.
Holtz walks around to examine the chicken wire and pine travel case where the others are still held. She makes sure there’s no plastic or other inedibles in the cage. It’s clear, so she takes a walk around the perimeter of, nearly tripping over the rubber mallet she used to disassemble their previous residence. She realizes that she left it a little too close to the cage and picks it up to examine the head. She misses it at first glance, but on her second look she can see a few small nibble marks along the face.
“Shit, she chewed my hammer.”
“Can’t those things eat anything?” Patty asks bluntly.
“Well they will eat anything, but it doesn’t mean they should. She could have a blockage. I’m going to give her a belly rub.” Holtz gently lifts Marie from Abby’s gentle grasp and sinks down to the floor to get to work. “Abby, do you remember how to make the liquid food?”
“Yes,” Abby says confidently.
“Great. There’s some in the same cupboard where I keep the pellets. Can you mix some up for me, please?” Abby nods, and Holtz turns her attention toward Patty. “Peppermint Patty, can you please go grab my heating pad out of the closet in the bathroom?”
Patty claps her hands in the affirmative. “I gotchu, boo.”
Erin appears a moment later and looks around the apartment. “How is she?”
“She ate something she shouldn’t have. I’m going to see if I can get her to pass it on her own before I take her to the vet. It hasn’t been too long, so she’s not in any danger right now.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Erin asks. Holtz shakes her head no.
“I think we got it covered, Er-bear. Thank you, though.”
Erin looks worried, but nods with confidence. Holtz watches as Erin rushes by Abby in the kitchen and retrieves powdered sugar, granulated sugar, some twine, some oil, a whole box of matches, some balloons, and a plastic turkey baster.
“Uh, Erin? Whatcha doing?” Holtz asks, still massaging Marie. Patty has returned and is searching for an outlet to plug the heating pack into. Abby’s got the blender running and is searching the fork and knife drawer; Holtz guesses she’s looking for a syringe.
“Well, the door on the van is stuck—”
Holtz feels the colour drain from her face.
“But it’s okay!” Erin assures over her armful of materials. “I’m gonna fix it: Holtzmann style.”
Holtz feels a smile tug at the corner of her mouth. “Awesome.” She pauses for a moment and watches as Erin makes her way back to the door. “Wait! Wear my goggles! If you’re doing anything Holtzmann style, you need the proper equipment.”
“Right.” Erin agrees. She puts her armful down, and walks over to pluck Holtz’s goggles off the top of her head where they sit. Holtz can feel Erin’s hand linger there for a beat or two, then Erin kisses the very crown of Holtz’s head. “Good luck with Marie.” Erin says softly into Holtz’s hair.
Holtz is really smiling now, hands working nimbly still. “Good luck with the truck. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”
Erin steps away, so Holtz can see her again. Erin is grinning wickedly. “I can’t make any promises!”
Holtz watches from her spot on the floor as Erin transfers all of the materials into a reusable grocery bag and slings it over her shoulder. She even does her best impression of Holtz’s trademark two-fingered salute before retreating down the hall.
Holtz smiles warmly, then shakes her head a little to refocus on her task.
“Okay, Patty. Let’s get that heating pack over here. Abby, is that syringe ready?”
-
Erin returns to the busted van with her arms full to find Kevin standing exactly where she left him, much to her relief. She sets down all her supplies and surveys them. She doesn’t have an actual plan in mind. Unlike Holtz, who knows what she’s doing, Erin doesn’t have a clue. She’s just going to channel her inner Holtzmann and hope for the best. Generally speaking, her plan is to create a small to medium sized poof in the hopes that it will…well, she’s not actually sure what it might do, short of potentially lighting all her belongings on fire. But she’s got to try.
She takes a balloon and instructs Kevin to hold it, and fills the inside with some oil using the turkey baster. Then, she dusts the outside of the balloon in powdered sugar, which she knows is flammable. Then she places the whole contraption on the corner where the metal is bashed in and uses the twine to semi-station it in place. Finally, she runs a line of twine from the balloon to the ground in front of her, so she can light it without getting too close.
She instructs Kevin to stand way back, pulls Holtz’s goggles down over her eyes, and strikes a match. Sending up a little prayer to the gods of physics, she holds the match to the twine and then runs backwards.
She watches the flame travel up the line in the direction of the balloon, and suddenly regrets taking measures into her own hands. Why did she think this was a good idea?
Then the flame hits the balloon, and the whole thing ignites in a large fireball. Erin yelps and stumbles backwards further, even though she’s plenty far away.
“Did you mean to do that?” Kevin asks.
“I don’t know what I meant to do! Now what! The truck is on fire!” Erin is panicking, and she’s panicking hard.
“Did ya try a crowbar?”
Erin spins around at the sound of Holtz’s voice. She’s standing there with a crowbar slung over her shoulder, a fire extinguisher tucked under her arm, and an easy smirk on her face.
“Holtz!”
“That’s what they call me.” She strides forward, dropping the crowbar on the ground with a clang and lifting the extinguisher. She releases a stream at the back of the truck. “They also call me ‘always prepared.’ Lucky for you, I have extinguishers for every class of fire. Class F? Check aaannnd mate.”
“How did you know—”
“Babe, you left with an armful of flammable materials and said you were gonna fix it Holtzmann style. How could I not know what you were planning on doing?”
Erin pouts as the flames are smothered. “I didn’t think of a crowbar. At all. Why did I think lighting it on fire would help?”
Holtz shrugs. “Were you thinking that the metal would be easier to move if it was heated?”
Erin hesitates. “Sure.”
Holtz chuckles.
Something occurs to Erin. “Marie! How is she?”
Holtz turns to her with a grin. “She’s gonna be just fine. It’s a good thing Abby noticed when she did!”
Erin feels herself relax in relief. “Oh, thank goodness.”
Holtz sets the extinguisher down and picks up the crowbar. “Let’s see what we’re working with.”
She manages to get the corner bent back into place with ease, and pulls the door up with a triumphant whoop. Erin is relieved to see that all her belongings are unscathed from the fire incident.
They call down Patty (Abby stays up with still-recovering Marie) and the four of them start unloading the truck. They manage to get a solid procession of boxes going up to the apartment, then the smaller furniture, then the mattress (which mercifully goes up easily). They move Holtz’s mattress out into the living area and lean it against the wall. Holtz wants to salvage parts from it before taking it to the dump. Erin’s not exactly sure when that’ll happen, and in the meantime it’s slightly in the way—but she’s not about to argue. Once that’s done, Holtz takes Kevin to go pick up the box spring, couch, and remaining few items while Erin, Patty, and Abby start unpacking (or at least organizing boxes into rooms).
Erin is moving a box into the kitchen when her phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Hey. So. Don’t panic.”
“Holtzmann.”
“Shh, shh, no. We have a little problem. Your couch…is no longer here.”
“What?”
“The couch? The one we left outside your building? No longer here. Most likely stolen. Although, I must say, it does require a lot of dedication to steal a couch. Colour me impressed.”
Erin’s hand goes to her temple. “Fuck.”
“Erin! Such potty mouth. Anyway…there’s nothing we can really do except load the rest of this stuff up and come back.”
Erin groans. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I’ll see you later…and be safe, please.”
“Righty-o!”
Erin hangs up. “There’s a bottle of wine in the box marked ‘food.’ First one to find it gets my undying gratitude,” she announces with a long sigh, then gets back to work.
-
Holtz gets back later than expected—about two hours later, and the sun is almost gone. So is most of Erin’s wine. There wasn’t as much of a surplus as Erin might’ve wished, especially after rationing it amongst the three of them. At least she’s feeling much more relaxed about everything as a result.
Between Abby, Patty, and Erin, pretty much everything is organized and stacked. They’ve already started unpacking the kitchen stuff between (conservative) sips of wine.
Holtz appears in the doorway, biting her lip and looking a little unsure. All Erin feels is relief. She rushes over and hugs Holtz. “There you are! Where have you been?” Erin pushes away and looks around a little. “Where’s Kevin?”
“Kev volunteered to stay back and clean your old place!” Holtz announces proudly. Erin suspects maybe volun-told by Holtz might be more accurate. Erin watches as Holtz’s eyes search, maybe even assess, the apartment briefly before she speaks again. “Abs?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you mind picking him up on your way home? Erin’s old landlord says he wants us out with the key in the mailbox by seven tonight. I definitely don’t trust him to remember that on his own, and I’d go myself, but I don’t really want to run up anymore miles on the van.”
“No problem, Holtz.”
“You’re not staying for New Years, Abby?” Erin asks. She didn’t officially invite Abby and Patty over for celebrations, but assumed they might stay anyway.
Abby laughs. “I love you both very much, but once I’m done here, I’m taking a long hot bath and staying in bed until Tuesday morning.”
Erin’s face falls. “Patty?”
“Sorry baby, Patty’s got big plans. I’ve got tickets to the casino and I’m gonna hit the jackpot tonight, I can feel it!” She claps her hands together with confidence. Then Patty’s face shifts. “Oh damn, what time is it anyway?” She shakes her watch out from under her sleeve. “Oh shit. It’s gettin late. I gotta go, girls.”
Abby hums in agreement. “Yeah that’s not a bad idea. It’s almost 5:30.”
“Wait!” Holtz shouts, lunging past Erin to block the doorway, even though neither Abby nor Patty has moved. “Before you two leave, can you help me with the last few things in the truck? Ten minutes, tops.”
“Oh yeah!” Erin agrees. “Lets all go!”
“No!” Holtz shouts again, turning on her heel to face Erin. “You should stay here and uh…clear some space!”
“But there’s already lots—”
“Erin. Baby, just stay here for a sec, ‘kay?”
Erin tilts her head suspiciously. “What did you do?”
“Nothing!” Holtz replies too quickly. “Just um. Just trust me, okay?”
Erin huffs a little, crossing her arms, but resigns. It won’t be long until she finds out, anyway.
The three shuffle down the hall: Patty and Abby grumbling a little about agreeing to help in the first place.
A few minutes pass, and suddenly Erin hears a lot of shifting, bumping, and a few muffled curses through the closed door.
“Erin, can you do me a solid and close your eyes really quick?” Holtz calls from the hall.
“Seriously, Holtz?”
“This is the last surprise this year, baby. I promise! Please?”
Erin sighs heavily and covers her eyes half-heartedly with one hand.
“Okay fine. My eyes are covered.”
“Are you sure?”
“Holtzmann, I’m so tired.”
“Okay, okay! We’re coming!”
Erin can hear the door swing open and crash against the wall behind it. Erin winces a little and hears Holtz curse. She hears more shifting, then nothing.
“Holtz?”
“Open your eyes!” the engineer declares.
When Erin does, her mouth drops open in shock.
“You bought me a new couch?” She’s flabbergasted. They’ve already spent so much on Christmas, now this? It’s too much. She’s just about to say so when Holtz cuts in.
“Actually, I didn’t.”
Erin feels a little relieved. She really appreciates such gestures, but Erin Gilbert is nothing if not practical. The couch is obviously designer. It’s a rich aubergine with a velvet upholstery, the accent pillows are a burnt orange and olive green. If it’s used, Erin can’t tell. It’s in excellent condition with no visible damage or flaws.
“Well where did it come from, then?”
“My storage unit! I’ve had this for years…thought now was as good as time as any to break it out.” Holtz pauses. “Do you like it? I know the colour is a little different—”
Erin doesn’t let her finish. “Holtz, I love it!” She walks over and kisses Holtz on the cheek. “You have excellent taste, love.”
“You’re living proof,” Holtz answers with a wink.
Erin can’t help but giggle a little at that. She kisses her again, this time on the lips, and Abby has to clear her throat to refocus them.
“Sorry Abby,” Erin says, even though she’s not really sorry at all. “Where’s Patty?”
“Right!” Holtz says. “PATTY!” she hollers down the hall.
It’s not long before Patty backs into the apartment from the hall dragging something behind her and muttering grumpily under her breath. “...too old for this shit.” Patty trails off and turns around to present her cargo. “Alright love birds, here it is!” Patty splays her arms out for effect. “You owe me big time for lugging this thing up all by myself; the two of you!” She points accusingly at Erin at Holtz. “You’ll be paying for Patty’s lunches for the next month and half at least.”
“Thanks Patty! We love you!” Holtz says brightly. Patty wipes her nose to hide her smile.
“Ah, who am I kidding? You skinny ass bitches didn’t have a chance with this chair. It’s a lot heavier than it looks.”
Erin’s mouth is agape again. Patty brought up a matching arm chair with the same rich velvet texture as the couch, but in a striking burnt orange like the accent pillows. It has its own accent pillow in purple to match the couch. It’s obvious to Erin the two were purchased as a matched set.
“Wow, I can’t believe you were keeping these gorgeous pieces in storage, Holtz! They’re amazing! We should repaint the walls and trim to match them better! And maybe in the kitchen we can—”
“Erin, I love that enthusiasm, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
Erin surveys the living room/kitchen area. The chinchillas’ cage is still in shambles. Holtz’s old bed is taking up an entire wall. Boxes are tucked into every nook and cranny, and the chair and couch are sitting directly in front of their door, barely past the door jam.
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. We’ve got a lot of work to do first.”
“Well!” Patty says. “I think I have contributed enough today! I’ve got at least ninety minutes of work to do here,” she gestures widely at her face and continues, “before I can get anywhere near that casino. Happy New Years you crazy kids!”
“Patty, I’ll take you.” Abby offers, reaching in her purse and pulling the keys for the Ecto shortly after. She slides past the couch to join Patty in the hall. “Night Erin! Night Holtz! Good luck with…all this.” And she slips out of view.
“Brunch tomorrow?” Erin calls in their general direction before they’re too far away.
“Yup!” Abby hollers back quickly and simply.
“You’re buying my mimosas, Holtzy!” Patty confirms.
Erin looks and Holtz and Holtz looks at Erin. Then the two look at the apartment.
“Champagne?” Holtz asks.
“Champagne,” Erin answers.
-
After dragging the couch further into the apartment, the two of them collapse onto it and pass the bottle of champagne back and forth between them like the classy folks they are.
“This is a very nice couch,” Erin says.
Holtz looks sideways at her. “Yours was nice, too. I’m sorry it got stolen. We had some good memories on that couch.”
Erin sighs. “Oh well. To new beginnings and new couches.” She raises the bottle.
Holtz snorts. “I think you gotta wait until midnight for the toasts, babe.”
“I keep forgetting it’s New Years Eve. Why did I think moving today was a good idea? We should’ve done it yesterday.”
Holtz hums. “Probably. But look, we did it!”
“There’s still so much to unpack!”
“We don’t have to do it tonight. We can do it next year.” Holtz winks.
“Okay, but the cage does need to be done tonight. The babies are probably getting unhappy about being in the travel crate all day.”
“You’re right. Gimme five minutes and then I’ll get to work on that. We could take them out for a bit and—”
“Lose them? Come on, Holtz. This apartment is a death trap right now, even for humans.”
Holtz sighs. “You’re right, as always. That’s why I didn’t have any furniture in here, before, you know? So they could roam out of the cage and I didn’t have to worry about them. I might have to—hmmm.” Holtz breaks off and looks up at the ceiling.
“What are you thinking?”
“I’m not sure. I’m trying to think of space-saving designs that still give them lots of room. Do you think I could build a cage that goes overhead? I wonder if—” Her mind is picking up speed, now, mapping out the layout of the room.
She takes one more swig of champagne and then leaves the bottle with Erin. She gathers up the offending mallet and sets to work.
She quickly makes the decision to only get the cage back together and then modify it at a later date when the apartment is less chaotic. Soon, the hutch is connected back together and the children are spread out happily. Marie looks no worse for wear from her mishap earlier. She makes sure they all get a treat for their patience all day.
She stands back and surveys her handiwork, then goes and hunts down Erin. She’s in the bedroom, staring down at the still-disassembled box spring.
“Can you fix this next?”
“On it.”
Holtz gets that put together again, and the two of them heave the mattress on top of it.
“We have a bed!” Erin flops down onto it.
Holtz joins her. “That’s all we need.”
Erin gives her a shove. “I dunno, I might need some food.”
“I’m starving,” Holtz agrees. “Should we go eat? There’s those leftovers from the other night in the fridge.”
“Ready-to-eat food? Sounds perfect.”
After they eat, they pick away at some more boxes, trying to get as much stuff put away as possible. Erin hangs her remaining clothes in the closet and makes the bed with the quilt Holtz got her for Christmas. Watching it all unfold is giving Holtz the happiest little butterflies.
Erin must feel Holtz watching her, because she turns around. “What?”
“This is so real, you know? You’re here. You live here. You’re staying here.”
Erin crosses the room with a smile. “Forever, or at least until we outgrow this apartment.”
“I’m really happy.” Holtz takes Erin by the waist.
Erin leans in to kiss her forehead. “I’m really happy too, Holtz.”
“Whaddya say we call it quits for tonight and get our New Years Eve on?”
“I say that sounds like a great idea.”
They grab the champagne bottle and some snacks and curl up on the bed.
“It seems like such a shame to not be out on the couch,” Erin comments. “Are we going to move the TV out there now that there’s actual furniture in the living room?”
“Sure. Not tonight, though. Trying to get the cable all hooked up is not something I want to deal with just yet.”
“Of course. I was just wondering.”
They turn on the Times Square coverage for a bit, but quickly get bored. “Who are any of these artists? Is this what the kids are listening to these days?” Holtz says.
Erin laughs. “You sound like such a grandma.”
“Me? You’re like, a decade older than me!” Holtz scoffs.
“A de—I am not a decade older than you! How old do you think I am, Holtz?”
Holtz shrugs. “I don’t think any of us really know how old you are.”
“You are ridiculous.”
“Okay, grandma.”
“You’re the grandma! At least I know who—” Erin squints at the TV— “Fergie is.”
“What? The terrifying furry things? Are they performing?” Holtz nearly bolts off the bed.
“Fergie, Holtz. Not Furby.” A pause. “But yeah, those things are terrifying.”
“Can we watch something else?”
Erin nods and flicks through the channels before landing on some sort of movie. They watch in companionable silence, with their hands clasped on the bed between them. Holtz is absentmindedly rubbing her thumb on Erin’s hand and digging into a bag of chips with her other hand.
“Can you pass me the champagne, babe?” she says.
Silence.
“Babe?” Holtz looks over at Erin, and a smile spreads across her face when she realizes that her girlfriend is fast asleep. She chuckles and turns her attention back to the movie.
At five to midnight, she gently jostles her awake. “Erin? You gotta wake up. I’m not gonna pull a creepy Prince Charming at midnight.” She hesitates. “Is that who kisses Sleeping Beauty awake? I’ve never been a fan of princess movies.”
“Wh-time isit?” Erin slurs, rubbing at her eyes.
“Just about midnight. You have to wake up long enough to celebrate, then we can sleep. Kay?”
“M’awake.” She struggles to sit more upright. “How long’ve I been asleep?”
“An hour? Two? I can’t remember. The movie ended a long time ago.”
“Wasn’t watching it anyway.”
“Clearly,” Holtz teases. “We gonna watch the ball drop?”
“I’dun have balls.” Erin’s eyelids droop.
Holtz pokes her in the side. “Funny. Stay awake, love. Let’s get on our feet so there’s no temptation to fall back asleep, okay?”
She pulls Erin up and off the bed so they’re both standing in front of the TV. Holtz changes the channel back. Erin is leaning on her a little bit. She yawns loudly.
“I love you, Holtz,” she says into Holtz’s hair. Her voice is a bit muffled.
Holtz’s arm is sturdy around Erin’s waist. “I love you too, Erin.”
“No, really.” Erin stands more upright, sounding definitely awake. “I love you. So much. This year had a lot of good things—reuniting with Abby, meeting Patty and Kev, saving the city—but meeting you was the best part of it all. Hands down. Don’t tell the others I said that.”
Holtz feels herself getting choked up. “You were the best part of my year, too.”
“Just think—we’re going to get all of 2017 together. Not just a few months.”
“What are we waiting for, then? Let’s get this puppy started.”
The countdown has started in at 30 seconds.
“Do you have any resolutions?” Holtz asks.
“To let you be the one who fixes things. I learned my lesson with the fire today.”
Holtz laughs.
“You?” Erin adds.
Holtz hushes her and points at the screen, which is down to 11.
“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4—” They both turn to look at each other simultaneously as they chant. Holtz’s lips curl up in a smile. “—3, 2, 1!”
“Happy New Year,” Erin whispers.
Holtz reaches up to stroke her thumb along Erin’s cheek, and leans in to kiss her softly. She pulls away just far enough to be able to see Erin. “Happy New Year.”
“The year feels pretty great so far.”
“Best one yet, I’d say.” Holtz leans back in to kiss her girlfriend again. Oh, yes. She can’t wait to see what the year is going to bring.