Fragments

“Gwen, hello. ‘Di ko na kaya. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I need to talk it out,” Colet tells one of her best friends over the phone.

Maloi had just stormed out of her condo unit a few minutes ago, leaving her with another broken heart—as if her heart could break any more.

“Okay, gets. Tawagan ko ‘yong dalawa. We’ll be there. Gusto mo ng drinks?” Gwen asks.

“No, masakit pa rin ulo ko. Pero bahala ka."

“Oh wow, nag-inom ka ba? Hold that, tell me later. Sunduin ko ‘yong dalawang ulupong. Bye,” Gwen drops the call, not waiting for a reply.

Colet slumps onto her sofa, exhaling a heavy sigh, hoping to wash away the mixed emotions taking control of her. From anger to shame, to longing and hurt—she can no longer tell the difference between these feelings. They’re blending together, clouding her ability to think clearly, as if she had ever really given herself the time or space to process everything that had happened in the past two years.

Colet had just gone ahead with it, truth be told, drowning herself in work as if hoping it would keep her going until she reached the point of indifference.
But no—recently, it’s been haunting her too much, making it impossible to ignore.

It took her two whole years to realize that what she was doing to keep moving, to keep living, was no longer working. It was time to face this the way she should have right from the start.

“Dude, the hours you’re pouring into your work are mind-boggling. Hindi na nga enough ‘yong tanong kung natutulog ka pa ba o hindi,” Mikha tells her after chugging down her first bottle of beer.

Jhoanna loudly grabs a packet of chips, opening it disastrously, making a mess of the setup in the center of Colet’s living room—where they are sitting in a close circle, as if about to start passing candles in a retreat.

“Shet, sorry sa kalat. Anyways, totoo rin. Uuwi ka lang para maligo at matulog. Buti nga, nagagawa mo pang maligo,” Jhoanna adds.

Gwen punches Jho’s left arm to stop her from being unserious.

“Aray, Gwenny. Ano ba? Namiss mo ba ‘ko?”

“Namiss, namiss kitang sapakin,” Gwen retorts, making Jhoanna pout to irritate her more.

Colet just watches them, clinging onto the good feeling—finally, something warm in her heart. It’s been a while. Gwen, Mikha, and Jhoanna are her three best friends, her ride-or-die, her constants. The four of them have this kind of friendship that runs so deep, to the point where each would go to the ends of the world for the other.

“What? I love my work,” Colet tries to defend her infamous workaholic tendencies—one of the root causes of the breakup.

“Oh yeah, you love it so much na nag-work ka pa rin the day after Maloi kicked you out of the house,” Mikha says. “Remember? You stayed sa bahay namin after that, tapos I couldn’t find you in the morning. I don’t even know how you got that suit you were wearing in court.”

“I have what we call an ‘Annie,’” Colet replies.

“Kawawang Annie,” Jhoanna laughs, “naging Lalamove courier for weeks para lang makuha lahat ng gamit mo sa unit n’yo ni Maloi.”

“Nakakatawa pa ‘don, two weeks after na yata bago maitanong ni Annie kung naghiwalay na ba kayo. Sobrang inosente,” Mikha adds.

Gwen, always the silent listener with a few but impactful words to shed, drops: “Yeah, mahal mo ‘yong trabaho mo. Pero si Maloi ba, mahal mo talaga?”

Colet froze, like a deer caught in the headlights. Mikha and Jhoanna fell silent, observing the exchange.

“Oo naman, why are you even asking?” are the only words Colet can come up with in response.

“I’m saying, from the looks of it, you didn’t love her enough to balance your work and personal life. She even reached a point where she begged you to make time for her, di ba?” Gwen argues.

“Wait lang, ha.” Colet straightens up, looking ready to engage in a debate. “She kept telling me before that it was okay. That she understood. She promised me she’d always understand. Kasi work ‘yon—I was doing it for us, for the twins,” Colet says.

“Okay. But how about you? Did you even understand where she was coming from? Bakit nanglilimos na siya ng oras from you?” Gwen throws back.

“Hey, ‘nanglilimos’ is such a strong word,” Colet retorts.

“But that’s exactly how it was then, dude. We saw how Maloi basically begged you to come home in time for dinner,” Mikha interjects.

“And how it even led to Maloi asking us three for help. She wanted us to talk to you about it, but before we even could, that night happened,” Jhoanna adds.

“What?” Colet asks, confused. This is the first time she’s hearing about this.

“You didn’t know that part? Yeah, because you literally ghosted us after what happened that night,” Mikha says. “Dude, kaming tatlo na ‘to, ah. You just sent us freakin’ emails explaining what the hell happened. It was such a detailed report admitting to the workaholic bit, denying the cheating allegation. Pero hindi mo man lang kami kinausap personally. You were such a lawyer there. And an asshole.”

“Asshole talaga,” Jhoanna follows up immediately. “I even went straight to your office when I heard. Tapos si Annie, na wala ring alam, was asking me to book an appointment to talk to you. Kasi busy na raw masyado ‘yong days mo. Hayop yan.”

“And this is the first time in two years, Colet, that you are finally talking to us about everything,” Gwen says. “You constantly shoot us down whenever we mention it to you every time we get together. Kami na ‘yong napagod to even initiate.”

Colet feels cornered. Left with no air to breathe, no chance to defend herself. Oh, the feeling is so familiar—Maloi refusing to give her the opportunity to explain, never listening to anything she had to say that night.

Colet has a flair for words, for explanations. She can even get away with murder with how good she is at making things clear for others. Hence, the career she pursued. But that specific night, when Maloi threw her out of their house—and her life—was the first time ever that she wasn’t given the chance to make things right.

With her defensive instincts kicking in, she says, “Okay, sorry if I didn’t talk to you personally. Ang gago ko dun, yes. Wala akong ibang kinausap. I was so lost, confused, angry, hurt, and disrespected. Lahat-lahat na. Sabay-sabay. I did the only thing I knew how to do.. work.” Colet pauses, drinking the beer she’s been cradling since they started the circle.

“And I didn’t have a choice at that time, you know that. I was handling a huge case. I couldn’t drop that even if my life was basically crashing down,” she continues.

Mikha, Jhoanna, and Gwen just listen, not saying a word, because this was the moment they had been waiting for; Colet finally pouring her heart out, allowing herself to break open.

“Besides, it all happened in one night. Like, what the hell? Ang problema lang namin was me working too much, and the next thing I knew, I was cheating na? Niloko ko na siya just because I was busy with work?” Colet continues, her eyes now threatening to release tears.

“I tried to explain. I asked her to listen to me first. Putangina, lumuhod na ako, begging her to let me speak. You saw that, Mikhs. You were there. She just lashed out at me, na parang ‘di ako ‘yong taong—her words—mahal na mahal niya.” Colet stops, catching her breath.

“Doon ako nilamon ng galit. I wasn’t given the chance to defend myself. And you know how much I value integrity tapos ako pa ‘yong magloloko? No. I never cheated on her. Kaya ako nasaktan nang sobra. Kasi of all people, siya pa talaga ‘yong hindi nakinig sa akin. Mas naniwala pa siya sa kung sino mang nagsabi noon sa kanya,” Colet continues.

“That’s why I went back to work as if nothing happened. I snapped, I was consumed by anger. Even if I wanted to try and fix things, you saw how she was that night, Mikhs. She was so sure that I fucked us up. So no, para sa kaunting respeto na lang sa sarili ko, I did what I did after. I shut it all off,” she finishes, surprising even herself with how much lighter she feels.

Silence envelops the group for a moment, letting them absorb everything that had been left in the dark for years.

It was Gwen who finally spoke. “Okay, Cols, since you’re finally opening up, I’m calling for a bagsakan session.”

“Oy, wait lang, kaya ba niya? She’s too emotional right now,” Mikha counters.

Jhoanna says, “Kaya niya ‘yan. Kayanin niya. She owes us. For the past two years, we’ve been walking on eggshells around this. And besides, tinawagan niya tayo, which means she needs us. She needs this.”

“Also, walang pwedeng tumanggi when one calls for a bagsakan, remember? That’s our code,” Gwen adds.

Bagsakan session. A friendship code they came up with when someone needed a real hard talkdown—good or bad. If someone needed a reality check, if someone needed to be told straight to their face, they called a bagsakan session. No holds barred, no filter, no limit. One could say whatever they wanted with the assurance that nothing would break their friendship afterward. They could argue, fight, say things beyond what was acceptable; a safe space for them to bare it all, especially the painful ones. And this became the glue that held their strong, honest bond together ever since.

“I should have called one way before pa so this is really long overdue,” Gwen continues.

Colet takes a deep breath and says “okay, bawal tumanggi. I honor our code. Go, take it all out on me.”

“Hindi ka talaga nag-cheat kay Maloi?” Jhoanna begins, not even letting a second pass.

“Hey! Hindi ‘yan nag-cheat. I sooo believe her on that,” Mikha interjects.

“Hindi ikaw tinatanong ko, Mikhs. And yes, naniniwala rin naman ako na hindi ‘yon kayang gawin ni Cols. Pero my journalist hat is on right now. I need to confirm—did you cheat on Maloi?” Jhoanna presses.

Jhoanna may be the most comic of the four, being the youngest, always clowning around whenever she gets the chance. But when things get serious, she transforms; exuding an energy that says you don’t mess with her, you cannot lie to her, because she can see right through you.

“No, I never cheated on her. I wrote it all in the email, remember?” Colet answers confidently.

“Yes, I remember. Every single detail. Pero I want to hear it from you—right now,” Jhoanna challenges.

“Hindi ako nag-cheat. It was a setup, a fabrication. The online messages, the phone logs daw—those were all manipulated. The photos of us together having dinner were just meetings about the case. Then that one photo of us hugging—that was when we found the evidence that would win us the case.” Colet answers.

“Come to think of it, I saw everything too. Everything na pinadala nila kay Maloi, Aiah and I saw it. And I could tell from the screenshots—they were obviously edited,” Mikha says. “Kaya I’m still confused why Maloi believed them so easily.”

Gwen says, “You have to see it through Maloi’s eyes. They’d been having problems, with Colet being absent at home a lot. Tapos, makikita mo ‘yong ganon? I doubt anyone could think rationally, especially when anger takes over first.”

“I saw those materials too,” Jhoanna says. “I even offered to have them verified, investigated. But Maloi just told me na magsasayang lang ako ng oras kasi she already believed it. She concluded that the reason Colet never had time for them was because she was giving it to someone else. She was so done with Colet that I don’t think she ever looked at those materials again after that first time.”

“See? She was so sure I could do it. Sarado na agad isip niya. And when I think about it, nasasaktan ako, then nagagalit ako—it was a cycle for me for the past two years. But recently, mas nangingibabaw na ‘yong lungkot kasi tangina, what the hell happened?” Colet says.

“You didn’t send her an email like what you did to us?” Jhoanna asks, genuinely trying to cover all angles.

“No, and why would I?” Colet responds.

Silence falls once more, letting the four breathe for a moment. Only the soft sounds of traffic outside fill the space.

“Try again,” Jhoanna finally says.

“This time around, baka kalmado na siya. Come clean since you never even did that after. Try your best to talk to her and explain. Fix this,” she adds.

“She was just here kanina, di ba? And we ended up fighting again. We’ve done nothing but fight since she kicked me out. She always lashes out at me agad. I know galit na galit siya sa’kin for what happened. So how can I even start trying to explain? Sarado na talaga ‘yong isip niya. And honestly, may respeto pa naman ako sa sarili ko,” Colet counters.

“Then that’s it. Ano pang pinag-uusapan natin rito? Ano pa’ng minumukmok mo diyan?” Gwen asks nonchalantly. “Eh ikaw rin naman sarado na isip mo about trying again.”

That stung.

Colet has been feeling so sad and alone lately, longing for Maloi and the twins to come back—to let her come home. Slowly, it’s eating her up. Maybe it’s the passage of time, the sudden lighter workload, or the twins rapidly growing up. She’s not sure, nor can she pinpoint when it all started. She just knows that, all of a sudden, after two long years, she’s experiencing everything she once tried to run away from.

Jhoanna says, “Also, hindi mo pa naman talaga sinubukan ayusin, di ba? After that night, parang tinanggap mo na lang ang desisyon ni Maloi. You went back to work, drowning yourself in it like nothing happened.”

“What do you think Maloi got out of that? For sure, it only validated her belief that you did cheat on her since you acted unfazed,” Gwen adds.

“May point,” Mikha agrees. “You got lost in the chaos. Literally lost in two years—no one was able to reach out and hear your side. Let’s be real, you ran away with your anger. Maybe this time, just do it. No buts, no lawyering your way out of it. Unless you want to live the rest of your days in regret.”

Colet has no words to respond. She feels it in her heart—her friends got to her. They put into words everything she had been struggling to process.

“Oh Cols, what would you do without us?” Gwen teases.

Colet, finally stripping away the counterarguments her mind instinctively forms, lets herself accept what her friends are telling her. She sees it now. She understands.

She was hurt. She was angry. She ran away.

She only ended up proving that her workaholic tendencies were a problem, and in the process, failed miserably at disproving the cheating accusations. Everything became a mess. And in the middle of it all, Colet never really fixed herself—let alone the situation.

“Okay…” she exhales. Her friends grin triumphantly.

“Grabe, sobrang rare talaga na tinatanggap mo lang ‘yong sinasabi namin. Maiiyak ako kasi ang dalang mangyari ‘to,” Jhoanna teases, trying to lighten the mood.

“Sabay tayo umiyak, Jho. Game,” Mikha joins in the joke.

“Mga boang…” Colet mutters, but there’s a small smile on her face now.

“This is good, Cols. Just try. And try hard this time. ‘Wag ka sumuko na lang basta kahit pa sigaw-sigawan ka,” Gwen says.

“Basta ‘wag ka muna sumigaw pabalik, ha!” Jhoanna adds. “Shut up ka na lang muna. Kaya mo ba ‘yon, attorney? O kailangan pa kita busalan?”

Colet punches Jhoanna’s arm, making her curse as if they weren’t just having a deep conversation minutes ago.

“Bobo ka kasi,” Jhoanna scolds, nursing her arm.

“Okay! Bagsakan session, commences here. Thank you for your cooperation!” Mikha exclaims.

Gwen opens another bottle of beer and passes it to Colet. The group continues into the night, catching up and just being the best of friends.

Maloi POV | IM Messaging

Colet Vergara [11:14 PM] 

Hi Loi, I’m messaging to say sorry for what happened kanina. 

I didn’t mean for us to argue. Thank you for going here to make sure I’m okay.

I’ll pick up the twins this weekend.

I’m planning something spontaneous sana since bakasyon naman nila. 

Thinking of taking them to Boracay. If okay lang sa’yo?

Maloi Ricalde [11:20 PM]

Okay lang. Do what you want.

Colet Vergara [11:21 PM]

Could you come with us?

Maloi Ricalde [11:30 PM]

Bakit ako kasama?

Colet Vergara [11:31 PM]

Please?

Maloi Ricalde [11:45 PM]

I don’t know what you’re getting into.

Pero no, Colet.

Bakit ako sasama sa’yo?

Colet Vergara [11:46 PM]

Please?

Maloi Ricalde [11:48 PM]

I said no, di ba?

Ano bang point nito?

Colet Vergara [11:49 PM]

Maloi, please?