Chapter 3
Lexa and Clarke were currently sitting by the coffee shop in silence. Clarke was thougthful and Lexa didn’t want to disturb the girl, so she decided to take a look at the place. The lights were low, there were some tables by the end of the hall, which Lexa thought would be good for studying, she was already planning on coming to the place only for study purposes. It wasn’t crowded, maybe because it was still a new place in town. After a few minutes taking the place in, she looked at Clarke, the girl seemed lost, her eyes were unfocused, and Lexa couldn’t help but being angry at the jackass of Clarke’s boyfriend. She was hoping that Clarke would add an ‘ex’ to the title. Lexa didn’t knew much about Clarke’s relationship or about Clarke as a person, but if the few hours they talked were anything to go by, Clarke was probably an amazing human being.
“Your coffee will get cold.” Clarke said taking Lexa out of her reverie. Her voice was cracking but her face still had a smile. A weak one, but a smile nonetheless.
“I don’t mind. I’m not much of a coffee person.” Lexa said nonchalantly. Clarke only hummed and got back to her bubble. Lexa never considered herself as a talkative person, she was always guardaded, only talking when necessary, as her parents had taught her, but right now, seeing Clarke with a deep frown on her face, eyes still red, maybe it was time to start praticing the art of talking to other besides Murphy she thought. “Hum... So, what is your last name? Murphy was smart enough not to tell me. My father always said that it was polite to know someone’s full name, don’t ask me why, I don’t know. But if you don’t feel like saying it, that’s okay as well. Oh and how old are you? We talked about a lot of things the other night but I guess we just skipped the basic...” Lexa stopped and took a breath, that’s what usually happened when she talked, she didn’t had a filter so she just rambled. But in that moment it was worth it because Clarke was giving her a real, wide smile.
“I didn’t knew you were much of a talker.” Clarke smirked at Lexa and for a minute they forgot about cheating exes and cold coffees, “My last name is Griffin, I’m 18, and this theory of your father makes no sense at all. Unless you want to stalk me on my social medias.”
“Oh! No, please! I didn’t meant that I’m sorry.” Lexa blushed and Clarke was laughing hard at her, “Great, now you must think I’m some kind of creep.”
Clarke stopped laughing but still had a smile on her face, “I know you’re not a creep, relax. I was just messing with you.” Lexa smiled at her and they both went quiet for a minute. Clarke was the one who broke the silence this time, “Thank you.”
For a minute Lexa was confused, but she remembered why they were here. It would be great, perfect even, the atmosphere, Clarke’s company, she was making a fool of herself everytime she opened her mouth, yes, but Clarke was smilling and apparently forgetting about the world outside as well, “You don’t have to thank me, Clarke.”
“I do.” Clarke let out a breath and continued, “Thank you for not pushing me to talk, I’m really grateful you’re the one who went after me. Bellamy and Octavia are great, but they’re a lot sometimes, and I don’t know if I’m ready to talk. Not yet.”
“You have to take your time.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just... It always happens you know? I should be used to it by now, but it never gets easier.” Clarke explained but Lexa was even more confuse, she wanted to ask so many things, but it wasn’t her place. They were acquaintances, and Clarke would feel pressured to tell details of her life to a complete stranger, and by the things Clarke had said, she hated the pressure. So Lexa just nodded at her.
They left the coffee shop and were now walking towards the campus. It was past 5pm and the air was chilly, “Is it always this cold in this town?” Clarke asked Lexa while squeezing her arms around herself.
“I wouldn’t know the answer to your question because I’m not from this city.” Lexa said and shrugged off her jacket to put it around Clarke’s shoulder, “But you can ask Murphy or Bellamy about this, because you clearly will need to go shopping and buy some coats.” She teased Clarke and bumped their shoulders.
“Asshole.” She smiled at the brunette and sighed, “thank you, though. And for your information, I do, in fact, have coats. It may be surprising I know, but I have lots of them.”
“That’s really surprising if we consider that this is the second time my jacket is on your body.” Lexa said and winked at Clarke. She enjoyed the moment to take a look at the smaller girl. Clarke had the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever saw, but that was obvious. There were some pink at the ends of her hair, maybe the result of a rebel phase. Lexa couldn’t help but notice the habits the other girl had showed in their evening together. Clarke would causally chew on her nails, or rub her hands over her face, when she talked about things that were an sensitive topic. Lexa always had this habit of analyzing the other, it was one of her many flaws.
“I’m really rethinking being friends with you. You’re way too witty”
“I hate to break it to you, Griffin, but I am awesome and really seletive of my friends. The proof of that is Murphy, he’s the only friend I have and this come with perks. So I would be honoured if I were you, because I’m a pretty great friend” Lexa said with a intensely sigh and Clarke just laughed at her (another thing that Lexa notice on her new found acquaintance, was her laugh, but she was trying to drown her gay self, because the thought of having another friend besides Murphy was quiet exciting).
“Why is it a perk? And why do you only have Murphy as a friend, you look like those popular girls from high school.”
At that Lexa laughed, little Clarke knew that she was named the most awkward creature, yes creature, from her school, “Let’s just say that Murphy is the only one who gets me, and I’m not much of a people’s person, he just stuck around because we were friends for too long.” Lexa smiled at the mention of her best friend, yes they had arguments all the time, but he still was the only sense of family she’s ever had, “So, if you’d be my friend, you wouldn’t have to worry about other friends, because I only have Murphy, and Murphy has everyone.”
“Awww, are you jealous?” Clarke teased and grinned at Lexa. “If you insist so much, I’ll be your other only friend, I’m honoured.”
“First of all, I don’t get jealous, and second, you’re on trial, I’m very sensitive and anyone can hurt my feelings, but you seem nice enough.”
“You’re an ass, I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Clarke scoffed but laughed.
Lexa insisted on walking Clarke to her dorm, and when they got there, reality came crashing on Clarke and Lexa noticed by the look on those blue eyes.
“Hey, I’ll give you my number, if you need anything, just call me, okay? Lexa said softly as she wrapped her hands around Clarke’s wrists. She took Clarke’s phone and typed her number on the contact list already sending a message to herself to save Clarke’s number later.
“Okay. I’ll see you... tomorrow?” Clarke said with a sad smile on her face.
“Yeah, sure. Have a good night, Clarke.” Clarke smiled at her, took a deep breath, and entered her room.
Of all the scenerios Lexa had for this day to end, this wasn’t one of them. She was glad to be able to make Clarke laugh and forget about Finn and she was happy about having a possible new friend. Murphy will be so proud of me.
“Hi, Clarke” Raven said awkwardly while bitting her lips. The girl had no idea that Finn Collins was her new roommate’s boyfriend. She wasn’t that kind of person, but she also knew that she wasn’t at fault here. It was Finn who came onto her, it was him who made a move, and even though Raven had said no, she still felt a little bad because of Clarke. “Listen , I’m so sorry, I had no idea. I swear on my nipple's rings.”
At that Clarke chuckled, “Raven, you have nothing to be sorry for. The cheathing asshole does.” She meant every single word. She wouldn’t be one of those girls who thought the other girl was guilty.
“He really is an asshole.” Raven sighed and tried to shake the tension off,but curiosity got the best of her, “How long have you two been together?”
“Since we were 14. High school sweethearts and whatnot. I really thought we would go somewhere you know?” Clarke closed her eyes and the anger came back. They’ve been together for four years, it was unbeliavable. He wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, but everyone in her family seemed to like him. Everyone except Luke. Clarke opened her eyes and tried to stop her wandering mind. “Rae, I think I’m going to bed. I’ll probably deal with Finn tomorrow but I just need some rest. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Goodnight, Clarke.”
“Goodnight.”
“Okay, where have you been the whole evening?” Murphy was trying to get some info out of Lexa but he wasn’t succeding in that field. “Or better yet, with who you spent the whole evening?”
“None of your bussiness.” Lexa scoffed at him while looking down at her phone. Clarke hadn’t texted her and she was kind of worried about the girl. She probably doesn’t care enough to give me some feedback. She thought to herself. Making new friends was already a tiring task, she couldn’t deal with this, she didn’t knew how to deal with this. Clarke hadn’t texted her and she was already freaking out. Lexa shook her head and turned her attention to Murphy. “So, are you gonna tell me what happened with Bellamy?”
“If I tell you what happened, will you tell me how was your evening with Clarke?”
“Why are you assuming I was with her?” Lexa raised her eyebrows at Murphy trying to act not surprised. Gay people and their intuitions.
“You see, my darling, I can read you like a book. And I saw you checking her out at the party.”
“Don’t. Don’t go there. I’ll stop you right here, right now.” Lexa stood up and pointed her finger to Murphy, “I’m trying really hard to make new friends, so don’t put things in my head. Stop.”
Murphy was trying to contain his laugther but failed miserably, “Alright dear. But why are you trying to make new friends? What’s wrong with me?” He sighed dramatically and feigned hurt.
“Nothing’s wrong with you. I’m just trying to expand my network. I can’t have only one friend for the rest of my life, you know?” Lexa said with a sad voice, it was a sore spot. She was not kidding when she said she was terrible at making friends. “Anyway. Yes I was with Clarke, but we only had coffee and that was it. No gossip for you, sorry.”
“Eh! I guess I’ll have to ask Octavia or Raven about it later.” He said and stood up yawning. “So, I’m gonna go to bed, I’m tired.” Murphy laughed desconfortably and leaned down to kiss Lexa’s head.
“And where do you think you’re going? We had a deal!”
“I’ll have to break that deal, darling. See you tomorrow.” With that he locked his door and left a dumfounded Lexa in the couch.
“I can’t believe this asshole.”
The next morning Clarke woke up with a dull ache in her chest. She knew she would have to talk to Finn. It was better to do it sooner, so she could move on. And with that on her mind she left her dorm room and went to find Finn.
She found him by the campus’ pool and as soon as their eyes met, the boy gave her his best puppy look. Here we go.
“Honey, hi! How are you? I’ve been trying to talk to you since yesterday.”
“Are you seriously acting like nothing happened?” Clarke asked and she was impressed by the boy’s stupidity. “Or do you just think I’m dumb enough to forget what you’ve done?” She was already getting worked up. She could feel her breathing quickening and her eyes were betraying her.
“Clarke, will you really believe that girl? You’ll really listen to her? C’mon, we’ve been together for 4 years.” Finn said in that tone that always got him away with everything. The same tone he used to ask for Clarke’s forgiviness when he would mess up during the worse years of her life.
“I want to ask you something, and if you’re honest with me, then I won’t listen to Raven.”
“Okay. Shoot.” Finn smiled and thought he got Clarke right where he wanted.
“How many others, Finn?” Clarke’s voice cracked because by the look on Finn’s eyes, she had her answer.
“I- Clarke. I- I-, um,” He couldn’t look at Clarke’s face. Embarassement eating him alive. They had a long relationship, he loved her, this couldn’t be the end, “Look, Clarke, they didn’t meant anything! It’s just since what happened with your brother, and all that time you were in your own little bubble,” Clarke flinched at his words. She knew he never understood what she was going through, but hearing him say it like this, it hurt. “I’m a man, Clarke. I have needs! And you were the one who couldn’t satisfy my needs It’s your fault! You can’t dump me.”
Clarke tried to remember the breathing exercices her terapist had taught her. One two three, in , four five six, out. Her mind was spinning right now. He was really blaming her for everything. How the fuck can he do this? “I can’t listen to your voice anymore, Finn. Fuck, I can’t even look at you. You’re really blaming me for being an uncaring, selfish, out of control, asshole?” Tears were streaming down her face at this point. He was just another person who would always blame her for things. She couldn’t do this anymore, “Fuck you, Finn. Go to hell. I don’t wanna see your face ever again.”
“Clarke, c’mon. Let’s talk about it.”
“FUCK YOU!” She yelled, and at this point the whole university knew about their fight. “Don’t you ever talk to me again.” At that, she turned around and left him standing there, with fake tears rolling down his face.
Octavia spotted Clarke across the campus with a unfocused look on her face. She was worried sick about her best friend since her fight with Finn, and on top of that she had spent her whole evening with someone else. She felt betrayed. But right now she was jogging towards Clarke to try and get some information out of her.
“Hey, Clarke! Wait” She reached her and the blonde turned around. Clarke had the saddest look on her face. It has been a while since Octavia saw the other girl like this. It has been exactly one year. One year ago Clarke had decided to stay off her medication, and she proved to everyone she was doing better. But this Clarke that Octavia was seeing, was the one who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. “Honey, talk to me.” Octavia held Clarke’s hand and took her to a corner, where no one could see or heard them.
“Why does this keeps happening, O? Why is everything my fault?” Clarke couldn’t hold it together anymore, she cried on her best friend’s arms, nont even caring if someone could see her. “He said it was my fault. He said all the girls he slept with was my fault. How is that true?” Clarke’s whispered and Octavia tried really hard to not let go of her and go find Finn just to punch the hell out of him.
“He’s an idiot. It’s not your fault. Let’s go to my room, we can talk better in there.”
“I don’t wanna talk. I wanna sleep. I’m so tired, O.” Octavia’s heart broke at the sight of her friend. This girl is the most smart, humble, caring, loving, supportive, and all of the good things in the world, but how can the universe give so much shit to her? Octavia wondered. The girl really needed some break. Her goal right now, was to make the blonde forget about the scumbag, but later, she would kill said scumbag.