Shoes, Breasts and Sex-Ed
Bound by Fate Shitpost Number 1
Shoes, Breasts and Sex-Ed
There’s no way I could even try and write these little posts as actual chapters with a straight face or without breaking down from laughter so here they are in condensed transcript format. It’s the best I could do.
THESE ENTRIES ARE IN NO WAY CANON OR CONNECTED TO ‘Bound By Fate’ AND FOR VERY GOOD REASON.
[Scene: Cobbler Workshop at the Castle]
Corrina: I really don’t see why this is a big deal, Azura. If anyone needs shoes, I think it’s you.
Azura: Except I’ve traveled around the world and been exposed to tons of different climates so my body has adjusted to the various temperatures. Plus, what if you step on something sharp?
Corrina: The same could be said about you.
Azura: When did you start going barefoot?
Corrina: Ummm… I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t.
Azura: Wait, what?
Corrina: I think I’ve been shoeless all my life, actually. I remember having a dream of a different world where everyone’s feet looked like tiny circles too. The weird part was that the design of that world was incredibly similar to our own… well, far as landscape goes.
Azura: Interesting. Perhaps we are an evolved species.
Corrina: Maybe. But it was just a dream after all. No point in taking it seriously.
Azura: Indeed. Now, would you like boots, greaves, or something more casual?
Corrina: We’re still on this?
[Scene: Azura is in her room, rubbing at her chest.]
Azura: Ugh… why do I have the flattest chest in the army? Corrina’s exactly my age but she has more than… an ironing board… I feel like my only defining feature is my hair… and my eyes… I feel so inadequate compared to my wife...
Kana: Mommy?
Azura: Oh, hello dear. What do you need?
Kana: My chest started to grow! Look! There are these weird round bouncy things now! What are they called?
Azura: [sobs]
Kana: M-mommy? Mommy, don’t cry!
Azura: [Even my daughter has a bigger chest than me… oh the humility of it all.]
[Scene: Private Chambers; Corrina, Azura, Kana and Shigure are all present]
Corrina: O-okay you two… I think you’re both old enough to learn about the ‘birds and the bees’ now.
Kana: Huh? What are the birds and bees doing Mama?
Shigure: M-mom, I don’t think I’m…
Azura: Better late than never, Shigure.
(One hour later)
[Kana and Shigure are hugging each other, crying tears of despair.]
Corrina: Perhaps we were hasty.
Azura: Perhaps we were.