Quinn unlocked her phone and began scrolling through her phone. She was bored. It was finals week. She had been studying for hours and she had earned a break.
The blonde quickly grew bored of her phone and threw it to the side. There was no point in procrastinating. She had a lot to do in a short period of time.
Quinn let out a heavy sigh and pulled her laptop toward her. She still needed to write two papers and study for her history of theater exam. But it was only three pm. She had plenty of time.
“Alright, Quinn. You can do this,” the blonde tried to motivate herself.
Rather than writing a thesis she found herself aimlessly scrolling through her files. It wasn’t productive, but at least she wasn’t writing a paper. After a few rows of scrolling she came across a file she had never seen before. It had an odd title. ‘R’
Quinn clicked on the file and watched as the powerpoint symbol jumped on her dock at the bottom of the screen. The program opened and a picture of her and Rachel filled the first slide.
Her first reaction was to close the presentation. This was not something she should be looking at. It had been five years since she had a civil moment with the brunette. They had ended on bad terms. The type of terms where Quinn had to block the brunette on every form of social media.
The blonde scrolled to the little red button on the top left of the screen and hovered for a moment. She should close this. No, she should delete it. Forever. Forget about it.
But she couldn’t. Something inside of her mad her continue to move her mouse to the top of the screen and hit file, present.
The picture of them filled the entire screen and Quinn’s stomach dropped to her toes. Rachel looked so happy. The brunette was sat in Quinn’s lap, her arms wrapped around the blonde’s neck pressing a kiss to her cheek and Quinn had a bashful look on her face. It was the first day they had come out as a couple and Kurt just had to have a picture of them. It was always Rachel’s favorite.
Quinn hit the space bar and another picture came up. But there were words in the bottom corner. ‘I don’t want this summer to ever end.’ The two girls were at the beach. Quinn had Rachel over her shoulder and the brunette smiled at the camera under the blonde’s arm. The blonde smiled at the memory. Rachel wouldn’t get in the water so she picked up her girlfriend and threw her in the water. Rachel didn’t think she would actually do it. But she learned not to challenge the blonde after that day.
She hit the space bar again. Another picture. It was the hammock in Rachel’s backyard. The two girls would sit there for hours talking and giggling and cuddling until the air became cool. They would only go inside when the mosquitoes started to bite.
Space bar. It was a screen shot of Rachel’s phone. ‘I’m scared, Quinn. I don’t want to leave you. I want to be with you forever.’ She had sent that a week before she went away to school. They both left but they were an hour apart instead of five minutes. And i was hard on both of them. But especially Quinn.
Space bar. Space bar. Space bar. Picture after picture after picture. Screen shots, group pictures, notes she had scanned.
By the end the blonde was smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. She had forgotten most of these things had happened. She had forgotten how happy Rachel had once made her.
Quinn went through the powerpoint at least three more times before she finally minimized it and sat back in her chair. A small smile still spread across her face.
The blonde had gone through so much because of that girl. Most of it bad. Fights, break ups, being outed, betrayal. they had it all when they started, but by the end neither woman saw the same girl they had fallen for. They were strangers trying to hand on to something that had died. And Rachel thought nothing of it. She set Quinn aside and assumed she would always be there when it was convenient.
She hated Rachel. She wanted to kill her. No. She wanted to hurt her. She wanted to make her hurt the way that she had hurt Quinn. At least she thought that was what she wanted.
She had been so angry for so long. She questioned everything. Had Rachel ever loved her at all. Was this all a game. Did it actually happen?
She knew it had. But she pushed everything so far down it felt like a distant dream. It hurt less when it didn’t feel real.
She had so many memories but no one to remember them with. She had so many things she wanted to say that Rachel would never listen to. She wanted just one more day to show Rachel something, anything to make her feel closure. To make her understand what she had done.
But as Quinn sat at her desk smiling at her screen she felt a weight lifted off her shoulders. She felt at peace.
The past five years had been about being angry. About healing. But something Quinn never considered was that to heal she had to remember why they had started this mess in the first place. She had to remember why she had fallen for Rachel. And when she looked back to the first summer they were together Quinn could feel nothing but happiness.
The blonde pulled up the powerpoint one last time and looked at the first picture again. It was the first time she had looked at Rachel and not feel like she was going to throw up. And that was the first step to really healing. It was forgiveness. Forgiving herself for punishing herself for so long. And forgiving Rachel for-everything.
“Thank you, Rachel.” Quinn mumbled to herself.
She could finally admit to herself that she didn’t regret loving Rachel. Even though they were over every good moment they had was still good. No matter how bad it ended.
She wasn’t in love with Rachel anymore. But she loved Rachel. She always would. She didn't need to punish herself for that. She didn't need to feel guilty. She needed to hold onto it and cherish every good memory she had of the love she once had and move on from the pain holding her back. And thanks to Rachel's love of powerpoint she finally felt like she could.