i'll crawl home to her.

Kara writes three letters to Lena in a row, Lena doesn’t have the chance to reply promptly. She’s swept up in school, in taking on new electives and furthering herself - that, and she has nothing to say back to Kara, not yet.

She wants to reply, wants to send three separate letters back, imagines the way it would make Kara’s eyes light up if she did. But Kara was the only interesting aspect of Lena’s life, and without her, things are as dreary and mundane as they always had been before her.

Lena tries to be excited for Kara, and truthfully, she is very happy that Kara got to have a home and a family. Kara writes of how big their home is, how Alex decorated for her (even if she hasn’t entirely warmed up to being seen with her at school), how she gets to help Eliza cook dinner because she ‘can't live off take-out’ when she leaves - its stinging, if Lena is honest, because while she wants the world for Kara, the universe for Kara, Lena wants to be a reason for her happiness, too.

She responds after the fifth letter, keeps them all stacked in a neat pile in the bottom drawer of her dresser. She takes her time, makes sure to loop each of her words so Kara can read them. She answers Kara’s questions, asks her own in kind, and all in all, its successful - Lena doesn’t cry.

She posts it, and prays that Kara doesn’t lose herself in this new world, that she doesn’t forget Lena along the way.

Kara loves the Danvers. Loves their generosity, their kindness. She loves that Eliza holds her close, that Jeremiah gives her space when she needs, that he’ll make her a mug of cocoa with extra marshmallows if she doesn’t want to talk about it.

She loves Alex, who talks to her about the stars and asks if they’re just as pretty up close, teases her to ask if Lena is prettier. Kara can’t answer, decides it's too hard a contest and throws a pillow at a laughing Alex for making her choose.

They take Kara to the zoo when she asks, because she’s only seen domesticated animals on Earth, and she gets to feed the giraffe and point at a gorilla scratching itself and say “it's you” to Alex, who clicks her tongue and pushes her into a railing - Kara humours her, falls back, acts human. She fits in here, now, with the Danvers.

She has a family, one that will laugh at her jokes, won’t correct her if she speaks Kryptonese in times of stress, who ask about Rao and how things worked back on her planet, who genuinely show interest in her and spend time with her and love her.

Kara isn’t sure what she did to deserve them, just that she gushes about them to Lena, and hopes that Lena doesn’t think she’s doing it on purpose.

Lena finds it difficult to respond to all of Kara’s letters. She’s not good with words - sure, she can snipe and drawl and have a quick wit - but to express herself, verbally? It’s tricky.

It was easy with Kara, she could hold Kara’s hand a certain way and Kara would know exactly what it all had meant. She could lie in silence with Kara and Kara would just know to scratch at the base of Lena’s hairline, to soothe her.

Lena can’t do that with letters, because I miss you doesn't seem like enough anymore.

It's a gaping kind of miss, the kind that weighs her down, the kind she feels in the pit of her stomach, the kind that leaves her gasping for air in the dead of night because she can’t cry, not again, not over something she can't change.

She writes to Kara one in four times Kara writes to her, and Lena hopes Kara doesn't notice.

Alex is lying half on top of Kara, stomach across Kara’s lap, when she asks Kara what it means to like girls on Krypton.

Kara’s hand stops scratching at Alex’s back, and Alex rolls over, shimmies up to sit with her knees over Kara’s instead, to look at her when she responds.

“I’m not sure,” Kara says eventually. “On Krypton, things were decided by a match.”

“Like a matchmaker?”

Kara shakes her head, thinks of how to explain it in English.

“It’s like, how compatible you are, in every aspect.” Alex tilts her head, so she keeps going, tries again. “I think it's similar, sort of, to how humans are. Here, people are usually compatible because they meet through social circles, like, a party. You share interests with them, so you have something to talk about. They have a job, so they can provide. They’re attractive to you, so you will have attractive children who will also then mate.”

“Wait, hang on,” Alex’s voice is bubbly, laughter barely contained as she leans forward. “You mean people are hot on Krypton because you’ll have a better family line, and not because you want to sleep with them?”

“We don’t really,” she flushes, swallows. “Desire isn’t really a thing. We mate to keep the Kryptonian lineage strong.”

“But that’s totally different here, right?” Alex prods at her shoulder, because Kara is starting to close in, feel embarrassed. “Like, Clark has probably had a girlfriend, right?”

“I don’t know, it’s not like I’ve really asked Kal about it,” she shudders at the idea, mouth turning sour. “I know that attraction here is different, maybe. It hits harder, it’s not so much a system here as it is a feeling. Normally, we would think about our matches, and only then would we share ourselves with them.”

“I’m guessing Lena was different.”

Kara nods, “Yeah.”

“And the fact that she’s a girl, would that have mattered on Krypton?”

Kara scrunches her nose, “Would it matter here?”

Alex sighs, shrugs her shoulders, doesn’t look at Kara when she says, “sometimes.”

//

Kara waits until Alex is asleep before she climbs out the window, settles herself on the roof. The Danvers don’t have a chimney, so she hovers for a bit, thinks of maybe flying two towns over to see Lena.

She wouldn’t make it, Midvale is pretty far from Star City, and she knows it would be selfish to leave without a note, without letting anyone know.

Things are different in Midvale, somehow louder and brighter and she’s not as good as focusing as she used to be, her eyes sting a lot more and her ears are sore when she goes to sleep. The roof helps, above ground level, things are are quieter, more bearable.

Jeremiah is waiting in Alex’s doorway when she flies back in, crooks a finger at her and Kara thinks she’s in trouble until he rests his hand between her shoulder blades, ushers her through the hallway into her own room. She hasn’t slept in here yet, keeps all her new clothes and books in here, but always sleeps with Alex, with company and comfort.

She sits on her bed when Jeremiah does, by his side, and he lets out a low breath.
“It’s still kind of lonely here, isn’t it?” He asks.

Kara nods, because she knows he’s not asking if they’re a family, if she has friends. She knows he’s asking that, if given the chance, if it was a fact that everyone would be safe, that she wouldn’t be home.

“I miss everyone,” she replies, and she’s sick of mourning, of having to leave things behind.

“I know, kiddo,” he reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a pair of glasses. “I know it’s been rough, with all this happening, with you adjusting to everything still. You’re doing really good, you’re getting so much better with controlling your powers.”

“Thank you,” and she means it, takes the glasses from him, rolls them over by the frame. “What are these?”

“Well, Clark told me that there were some things that are harder to control, like the vision and hearing. He said the hearing gets easier, that you can learn to block it out or tap in,” he points at the glasses. “But these? They’re lead. Clark said you can't see through that. So, I thought, if you wore these, then your eyes wouldn’t hurt so much.”

She beams at him, throws her arms around his neck and holds him tight. She’s learned, mostly, how hard she can hug without hurting, thinks that might be one of the most useful things she’s learned yet.

When she pulls back, she bounces, slips the glasses on.

She thanks Jeremiah until she falls asleep. And in the morning, when Eliza tells her they suit her, and Alex says she doesn’t look like a complete nerd, Kara thinks she feels something a lot like relief.

The first time Lena meets Lillian, Sophie cannot make it up to her room in time to warn her.

The woman knocks but does not wait before walking in, dressed head to toe in monochrome, stalks to where Lena is sitting against the foot of her bed, and waits for Lena to look up at her.

“Um, hello,” Lena says, puts down the essay Kara had sent her for proofreading. “Who are you?”

Her stare is pointed, appraising, and Lena feels the need to stand, to prove some sort of worth in front of this woman.

“Lillian Luthor,” she extends her hand, gloved in leather, and Lena takes it. “I have an offer for you.”

“Let me guess,” Lena drops Lillian’s hand, begins to drawl. “I’m either up for a scholarship of some kind, or I’m secretly a princess and you wish to take me to Genovia.”

Lillian humours her with a smile. “While I’m more than certain you’re apt for a scholarship, that is not why I’m here.”

“Then why?”

“I’ve looked at your record, Lena, and have talked to Sophie.” She presses down the lapels of her coat, smoothes the pockets. “You’re smart, very smart. You, though improperly, are willing to beat down those who oppose the people you care for. You exceed expectation within your classes, and are quite pretty. For an added bonus, we won’t even need to change your name.”

Lena furrows her brows, shakes her head. “What are you talking about?”

“I - and my family, of course - wish to adopt you,” she cuts in on Lena’s interruption, Lena left slack-jawed. “The papers are ready to be signed. You would be given anything you desire, no matter the cost. You will go to a private school, get the education you deserve, one that challenges you. You will have vacations overseas, or in the very comfort of your backyard, if you prefer. You will have a brother, and he will love you and teach you and guide you.”

“Wait,” Lena holds up a hand, Lillian stops with a quirk of her lips. “I’ll have a brother?”

“Lex,” Lillian nods. “He’s brilliant, Lena. And he would love if you could join us, if you would become part of our family.”

Lena’s heart picks up at the word. She has had a taste for family, yearned for it since she came here, to have people to come back to, who will support you, humour you, love you.

“Family,” she rolls it on her tongue, it's sweet, sticks to her teeth like candy. “Our family.”

Lillian seems more proud than elated, but Lena cannot bring herself to analyse it.

She thinks of Kara, in that moment, of being held kilometres in the sky, with arms secure around her and Lena wants so badly to feel like that again that she tries to emulate it when Lillian holds out her hand and she takes it, this time walking out with her.

Lena forgets to tell Kara that she had been adopted.

Kara cries into Alex’s shoulder after a month without replies, and Alex tells her that she deserves better, that she should just forget all about Lena.

Kara tries to forget Lena. Tries to the very bone, flies until the wind hits her cheeks so hard they cut, goes to the junkyard and throws cars against each other until her muscles are burning.

She heals quick enough that nobody asks questions.

//

Lena tries to forget Kara. With all her might, throws herself into learning French and German and Italian, into tinkering with Lex in his own personal garage, into sitting and talking and holding oneself like a Luthor.

Her head throbs and all too often she is reminded she’s human, Lex will leave her two aspirin and a bottle of water on her nightstand with a note that reads: ‘Father will notice if you steal another one of his Merlots, just ask me next time’.

//

Both try, though neither really ever prevail.

It's been two years since Kara has talked to Lena, two and a half since she’s heard her or seen her or touched her and sometimes it's too much, makes Kara ache in a way that reminds her of when she first landed, of when she was scared and vulnerable and alone.

She goes to Alex’s room, knocks on the door, leans against it when Alex doesn’t reply right away.

She can hear Alex on the other side, quiet, breathing. Kara lifts her glasses to check if she’s already asleep.

Alex is on her bed, curled up. Alex is crying, and Kara doesn’t think twice before she comes in, breaks the doorknob on the way.

“Alex,”

“Don’t,” Alex sniffs, wipes at her nose with her sleeve. “Damn it, Kara, it was locked for a reason.”

She walks towards Alex, puts the doorknob on her desk, stops before her bed and feels her gut curl when Alex shifts away from her.

“I’m sorry, about that,” she points to Alex’s desk, and Alex scoffs and turns her head. “Hey, talk to me.”

Alex faces her then, and Kara has to remind herself not to leap forward. Alex’s eyes are red raw, bloodshot and her hair has been pushed back so much Kara can almost see where Alex’s fingers have pulled through.

“I - no,” Alex’s bottom lip juts, quivers. “Just. Just go, Kara.”

“Okay, so don’t tell me what’s wrong, but,” Kara reaches out, slowly, takes Alex’s hand and waits for Alex to let herself be pulled up. “I wanna cheer you up.”

Alex laughs, shakes her head. “Good luck with that.”

Kara walks to Alex’s window, tugs Alex with her. She climbs onto the sill, steps back and hovers, hands out for Alex.

“C’mon, this is how I clear my mind.”

Alex looks backward, over her shoulder, before mumbling something as she takes Kara’s hands.

Kara doesn’t take them very far, just holds Alex up and flies upwards until Alex squeaks.

“Does this always work?”

Kara drifts, takes them slowly above the park near their house, over the lake.

“Sometimes,” she says, doesn’t mention the difference in speed, the way she makes herself hurt to stop hurting - it sounds stupid, redundant. She doesn't want to scare Alex.

Alex sighs, squeezes Kara’s hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Kara shrugs, ventures a smile at Alex. “I get that you don’t always wanna talk, same as I don’t always want to.”

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts,” and they both laugh at it, snort and forget, if only for a moment. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, just let me be there for you - and maybe let me fix it, if I can.”

Alex shakes her head, “I don’t think this one can be fixed.”

“Why not?”

“I - I had a fight. With Vicky,” Alex says, and Kara lets out an ‘oh’. “Yeah, it was big this time. We were both really mad. I said some things, mean things. I don’t blame her if she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.”

Kara stops moving, tries to keep Alex grounded despite how high they are in the air.

“Don’t you want to be friends anymore?”

The wind hits them, strong and fast and Kara has to spin them so she gets hit with the force of it. Alex shivers, and Kara wishes she’d reminded Alex to bring her coat.

“I don’t, I don’t know,” Alex’s face goes dark, eyes pointed and her lips purse and Kara doesn’t know what it means, hasn’t ever seen it before. “Can we go home now? I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Kara nods, “Of course.”

//

Kara takes them back, lets Alex through the window first.

She doesn’t even bother to think of going to her room, kneels down to pull the mattress she’s claimed from underneath Alex’s bed but Alex grabs her hand, pulls Kara into bed with her.

Alex cries into her shoulder and Kara doesn’t ask why, just holds her until she wears herself out, falls asleep tracing circles on Alex’s back.

She pretends not to notice the way Alex and Vicky avoid each other the next day at school, ignores how it feels so familiar.

Lena is very grateful to have Lex, to have a brother, someone who understands - or tries to when he cannot, someone who listens and doesn’t tell her to quieten down when she rambles about her ideas, who asks about the orphanage and tells her that he wishes they’d found her sooner.

Sometimes she wishes the same thing, until the muscle memory of Kara pummels into her chest, burrows there and doesn’t let go.

She tells Lex about Kara, when Lex comes down from college for the weekend. They’re tinkering together on a battery Lex claims ‘will last for months, Lena, maybe years’, when he hands her the wrench and asks her if she had any friends before becoming a Luthor.

It takes her a moment, to collect the meaning of what Kara had been, to decide if friend was the operative term, if saying anything more than that would upset Lillian if she were to find out.

“One,” she answers, pulls her words together slowly because she’s learnt that, as a Luthor, execution is key. “Her name was Kara, she was adopted a few months before me.”

Lex peeks up from where his nose is nearly touching wires, “Did you grow up together, like, sisters?”

“God, no,” Lena shakes her head, nearly laughs. “She came when she was thirteen, we only spent a year together.”

“Seems pretty special for a year.”

Lena blinks, tries not to think about it, about how much of a difference Kara had made - on her routine, her world, herself.

“Don’t be too jealous,” she smirks, decides to play it this way, to save face. “You’re pretty special for a couple years.”

He smiles, pushes his hair out of his face. It sticks, grease holding it to his scalp, and Lena laughs this time, dodges when Lex throws a knut at her and he laughs too, pokes his tongue out at her and Lena thinks that maybe she doesn’t need Kara.

Just wants her (endlessly).

Kara doesn't cry about Alex going to college until she’s actually in the car.

They’d gone out for brunch (where Kara had eaten nine waffles and Alex had to whisper-yell at her to ‘slow down before you inhale the table!’), and when they walked along a strip of shops Alex made sure to buy Kara a baby blue shirt that Kara could wear anywhere.

Eliza had cooked a dinner for a family of ten, saying that it wasn’t Kara’s appetite that served as inspiration this time (although that certainly helped), that she wanted to make sure Alex remembered what a home cooked meal was like before she lived off stolen muffins from the cafeteria.

“I won’t live off them, Mom,” Alex defends, sighs. “Just have them. Regularly. With coffee.”

Kara doesn't mention how she heard Alex mutter “and maybe rum” under her breath, laughs until Alex pinches her underneath the table.

Alex lets Kara have the rest of her dessert, and Kara smushes an ugly kiss to her cheek before Alex can think of pushing her away, wiping at the wet spot with a grimace Kara knows she’s faking.

Alex hugs her parents first, doesn’t interrupt either of them when they rattle off about how she’s to stay safe, make friends and have fun, but to make sure she buckles down too because she’s smarter than she thinks.

Kara thinks that maybe if she were human, Alex’s hug could be considered crushing. Her fingers dig in so hard at Kara’s back that Kara thinks normal people would bruise, arms wound so tight around her that it could be tricky to breathe. Kara doesn’t realise how thankful she is, for Alex, always protective, to forget she’s indestructible.

Which is why, when Alex starts the engine of her car, Kara finally bawls.

Alex’s brows turn up, forehead crinkled, and Kara shakes her head when she sees Alex hesitate.

“I’m not leaving you,” Alex points at her when she says it, stern and strong and Alex. “I’m coming back, okay. I’ll text you all the time, and you can call me every night if you need.”

Kara nods, wipes at her eyes, realises she’s wearing Alex’s letterman jacket and feels her eyes sting.

“I love you,” she tells Alex, because she didn’t get to tell her parents, her aunt, Kal - she didn’t get to tell anyone.

“You too, dummy,” Alex offers Kara a laugh, which she returns - wet and embarrassing and messy. “I’ll see you guys soon, okay?”

Kara watches Alex’s car go, stands in the driveway after Eliza and Jeremiah go back inside.

//

She flies until her skin burns, until things blur together and she can’t see where she’s going. She flings back, victim to wind and force, when she collides with a sign.

Complete with a Kara shaped dent, she sees ‘You have entered Star City, welcome!’

She clenches her jaw, squares herself to face the sign. She flies again, harder, fist out. She punches a hole through the sign, watches her hand and waits for blood, for a graze or a gash - Rao, she’d even take just a blemish.

She needs to see it hurt, to let it be real to her brain so maybe then she’d stop.

She flies home, hand fine and knowing the sign will just be fixed tomorrow.

Nothing hurts as long as no one notices.

Lena rings Lex when she gets lonely, when Lillian has meetings or Lionel has to fly across the world for work.

Lena lets Lex talk about himself, about college and his friend Clark and how well they get along, and Lena lets herself feel warm at the idea of someone adoring Lex the way she does. He’s a genius, doesn’t deserve the mockery he receives (even if only minor).

He deserves Clark, deserves someone to challenge his ideas one minute and play chess with the next.

Lena doesn’t mention how Lillian is colder without Lex, how Lionel tucks away to his study more, how merlots are vanishing but not by her doing. She doesn’t let Lex know that Luthor means nothing without him.

Alex comes home for Thanksgiving, abundant with stories she stutters to get out, and Kara can't help but be a little jealous.

She doesnt mean to be, it's just that Alex is so normal that it stings. Alex studies hard all week and then goes to a kegger to celebrate the fact that she passed a test, Alex has boys flirt with her and tell her she’s pretty, Alex has friends that share her interests and some that don’t but they all love each other - Alex gets to go to college without the worry of flying when the person she likes compliments her, gets to go without the fear that she’ll break something if she’s not concentrating, that she’ll overhear something ugly, see something she shouldn’t.

Simply, Alex gets to be Alex without worrying, Alex gets to be human.

Kara’s guilt eats at her until she tells Alex, as they look up at the now fading stick on stars, and Alex laughs before she realises Kara is serious.

“You know I still worry about stuff, right?”

Kara rolls over on the mattress, her legs too long for it now, feet sticking out from underneath the blanket so she curls them into her stomach.

“Like what?”

“So I don’t worry about revealing I’m an alien with powers that come from the sun,” Alex shrugs, wiggles until she’s on her side and facing Kara. “Doesn’t mean I don’t freak out every time I talk without thinking, or that I punch someone just because they treated my friend like shit for a hot second. Humans mess up too, Kara. Probably more than aliens if I’m honest.”

Kara chews her lip, thinks about it.

“Humans didn’t blow up their planet.”

Alex’s hand finds hers in the dark, threads their fingers together. It makes Kara ache, in ways she both can and can’t explain.

She chooses to ignore it, just lets Alex rub her thumb over her knuckles.

Lena meets Clark a year after Lex starts gushing about him, when she struts up to Lex at college orientation with a cheshire grin, letting him know he’s to be her guide for the day.

“You’re telling me that this was one-hundred-percent unintentional?”

Lena nods at Lex’s question, tilts her head.

“I guess they couldn’t resist the chance for a dynamic duo.”

“God, I hate you sometimes,” Lex laughs, runs his fingers over the side of his buzzcut. “Alright, let’s get going, then.”

Lena walks on her brother’s side, keeps up with his strides perfectly. They pass stalls, people handing out flyers - Lex somehow parts the student body like the red sea, and Lena wonders if it’s with intimidation or straight up fear.

Lex lists the things around him as if they possess no interest, voice low and unchanged and Lena struggles to see how Lex isn’t infatuated with this place - it’s possibilities.

“Lex, hey,” she hears Clark’s voice before she sees him, warm and sunny and somehow familiar. “Found yourself a friend, I see.”

Lena turns, holds her hand out for Clark to shake before Lex can even open his mouth.

“Friend is quite the stretch,” she says, shakes twice before dropping Clark’s hand, clasps her own in front of her. “I’m his sister, Lena.”

“Ah, so you’re Little Luthor,” Clark adjusts his glasses, smiles meekly. “Glad to see balding doesn’t run in the family.”

Lex scoffs, shakes his head. “Clark, you know she’s adopted.”

Clark’s grin is wry, “A sense of humour seems to only go one way, too.”

Lena laughs, covers her mouth with her hand before she can snort.

(Lillian taught her that it was ugly.

Lena doesn’t mention how she thought it was beautiful on Kara.)

//

Lex shows her to her room, away from the standard Girls’ Dormitories, because ‘Mother was having none of that’, and Lena thinks that maybe an apartment complex available to only the affluent at their college is a bit much for her - but she lets it slide, thinks of dusty windowsills and cramped dining tables and roommates, it’s no so bad to want luxury every now and then.

They’re alone in the elevator together when Lex turns to her, eyes squinted, “You don’t have a crush on Clark, right?”

She nearly chokes.

“Jesus, Lex, no,” she shakes her head, crinkles her nose. “Really, I mean it. Clark is - he’s handsome, but no.”

Lex shrugs, “Just checking. You were comfortable with him, that’s all.”

“I’m comfortable with you,” she points out, and he furrows his brows and nods. “Being comfortable doesn’t always mean romantic interest.”

“I know,” Lex holds a hand in the air, poised, twitches his fingers until he figures out what to say. “I just mean - hm. I’m not good with people, you aren’t either - we’re good at talking to them, fooling them, but we don’t get them.”

She nods, hears the elevator ding and walks out. Lex matches her stride, continuing.

“Which is why it's significant when we can be comfortable with them, I suppose.” He presses on her shoulder when she turns in the wrong direction down the hallway, guides her to the left. “I’m comfortable with Clark, he’s reserved but I think that’s because he’s clumsy and he stutters sometimes - he’s a really bad liar, too, absolutely shocking.”

“So you think I’m comfortable around Clark because you are?”

They stop in front of what Lena assumes is her door, and Lex nods before reaching into his pocket for her keys.

“Luthors don’t trust easy. Maybe because I’d mentioned Clark already, but you seemed to ease around him.”

Lex hands her the keys, lets her unlock the door for herself.

“There was something about him that seemed familiar,” she turns the lock, looks at Lex before opening the door. “Maybe it was something like you, maybe it was something else.”

//

Lex shows her where the pots and pans are by cooking her dinner, overly dramatic and flourished movements as he provides commentary to what he thinks is finesse.

Lena laughs when he nearly drops the two chicken breasts he’d chopped up, saves the chopping board with his knee and there’s sweat on his brow and Lena can’t help but see how completely out of his element he is - he should be repairing something, inventing something, he needs a blowtorch, not a knife, but he’s trying.

He’s trying for Lena, to make sure her first memory of her new house is one of a home instead, and Lena’s chest is so full because Lex has done this for her twice now, and each time he hadn’t needed to but he wanted to.

He burns some of the chicken, puts it on his plate and gives Lena what’s safe, alongside potatoes Lena had to help him mash and vegetables he nearly steamed his hand off with.

He smiles up at her when she eats her first bite, quiet and observant and Lena has to admit the bits that aren’t charcoal are quite tasty, so she grins at him and he laughs at her full cheeks and bows his head.

Lex grimaces through each one of his bites, tells Lena it's “not that bad, you should try it”, almost cackles at her when she does and spits it out before she can reach a napkin.

“I see old habits die hard.” He says it sweetly, adoringly, with twinkling eyes and Lena pokes her tongue out at him.

“Whatever. I had to learn to be a Luthor, remember?”

Lex smiles warmly at her, “And you’re doing wonderfully.”

Lena looks him over for cracks in the facade, for the same twitch in his mouth that Lillian gets when she tells Lena she loves her - but Lex just tilts his head, scrunches his nose so he can grin widely at her like a child, and Lena softens, laughs.

Lex flicks a green bean at her, calling her a softie, and Lena doesn’t even try to combat it.

The world tries to make people hard, and if Kara didn’t let it, neither will she.

[20:36 from: Kal] I met Lex’s little sister today

Read: 20:36

[20:37 from: Kal] She’s really nice

[20:37 from: Kal] Really pretty too, has the whole dark hair bright eyes thing going on

Read: 20:37

Kara thinks maybe she should feel bad for not replying, for holing up in her room and only leaving for school or food. She just - she doesn’t want to talk. Maybe to Alex, but Alex told Kara she was at a party tonight and Kara knows if she rang Alex would answer but - but that’s not fair, Alex needs to live without Kara, even for a little bit.

Kara just needs to learn how to live without Alex.

It's tricky, really tricky. Alex was just there, and phone calls are great and she can still text her or Kal if she needs to talk, but she doesn’t have many friends at school (doesn’t let herself have many), and sometimes talking helps but Jeremiah told her to be careful about flying lately because people may or may not have seen that there was a “human-ish shaped hole” in the Star City sign.

She sort of wanted to laugh when Jeremiah told her, thinks of humans and their conspiracy theories on how it could’ve happened, wondered if Teenage Alien Angst was on anyone’s list. But Jeremiah had a hard set to his face, the same kind Alex gets when people make fun of Kara in front of her, and she’d looked down at her feet and Jeremiah had sighed and hugged her.

Her desktop dings again, and she rolls her eyes before opening her messages.

[20:38 from: Kal] Okay I see you’re in A Mood

[20:38 from: Kal] But

[20:38 from: Kal] I have a super interesting fact for you

[20:38 from: Kal] About the sister, I mean

[20:38 from: Kal] You ready?

[20:41 from: Kal] I’m gonna assume that’s a yes

[20:42 from: Kal] Her name is Lena.

Kara nearly falls off her chair.

//

Alex answers after the second ring.

“Kara, hang on,” she hears music, low and humming and then it's quiet, there's no more yelling and she hears Alex sit on what she guesses is the front porch. “Okay. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know, I’m,” she takes her glasses off, rubs at the bridge of her nose. “Something happened.”

“Something alien?”

“No, no, just,” she breathes, tries to focus on what’s around her instead of the way the city outside is starting to seep into her ears again. “Kal messaged me.”

“Is he okay?” Alex’s words are slurred in the slightest, and Kara wants to let her get back to the party, to let her have fun and maybe drink a little more but Alex keeps talking because Alex never stops caring. “Did he get in trouble? Did him and Lex fight or something?”

“Rao, no, I can’t imagine that ever happening.”

“Kara, I love you, but my brain isn’t that great right now so you’re really gonna have to spell it out for me.”

Kara lets herself giggle, just enough for Alex to mumble at her to shut up.

“Okay so, did you know Lex had a sister? Because I didn’t.”

“Me neither,” she hears a rustle, knows it's Alex shrugging and she smiles at the familiarity. “Is Clark dating her or something?”

“No, its. Look, I could be wrong, but Clark sort of described her and, um. She - her name-”

“What does her name have to do with this?” Alex huffs, Kara pictures her pouting. “I’m so confused.”

“Her name is Lena,” Kara rushes it out, in one breath, feels her chest squeeze in a way she thought her body could forget. “It’s Lena.”

There's silence over the phone, Kara worries for a second that Alex might have hung up or dropped her phone but then there’s a low whistle that’s so very Alex and Kara sighs.

“Well, fuck.”

Lex visits almost every night for dinner, enough for Lena to joke that Clark will be worried Lex is cheating on him. Lex doesn’t laugh, throws the closest pillow at her and she dodges, sometimes catches it in time to throw it back.

Lex doesn’t try to cook anymore, either pays for their takeout or lets Lena cook. Sadly, Lex doesn’t share the same affinity for ‘brinner’ as her, and so takeout usually wins.

Lena can sacrifice scrambled eggs or waffles for dinner if it means the night with Lex.

They eat in silence, the television screening reruns of The Brady Bunch or Jeopardy, and sometimes Lex lets Lena win, sometimes he throws his chopsticks at her to distract her from the question.

“This character wanted to phone home.”

“Who is E.T?” Lena jumps from her seat to scream it, and both her and Lex groan when the oldest contestant can’t even fathom an answer in time.

“Honestly, how does someone not know that.”

Lena switches the channel over, leaves it on Disney and grins when Lex grimaces.

“I know, right? Like, come on, I grew up without VHS and I still have a bloody clue.”

Lex laughs under his breath, turns his head towards the TV.

“Hannah Montana, huh?” He questions her with a raised brow, and Lena feels her neck flush. “Gotta say, you seem to have a type.”

She throws a potsticker at him, which he somehow manages to catch and eat, smile skewed round by it.

“Shut up.”

//

Lena’s half asleep on the couch when she feels Lex lay a blanket over her. It's the one from her linen closet, the one Lex uses when he stays too late to get back to his own apartment. She breathes it in, feels something close to home.

“Hey, Lena?”

She pushes her head further into the pillow, cracks one eye open to look at him.

“Hm?”

He’s cross legged in front of her, palms on his knees and worry etched on his face.

“Do you think E.T could be real?”

“As in, actual brown and wrinkly E.T with the light up finger?”

“No,” he laughs softly, clears his throat. “I just mean, you know, actual aliens. Do you think they could be real?”

She wakes up then, fully, tries not to let Lex see that she’s swallowed four year’s worth of fear.

“Maybe,” she breathes, steels herself. “I don’t see why not, the universe is pretty big, from what I hear.”

Lex wiggles closer, runs a hand over his hair.

“Do you think they could live on Earth?” He says it in a rush, like he’s held it in for God knows how long and Lena’s heart breaks (she’s not sure who for). “Like, could aliens be walking around and chilling with us and we don’t even know? How cool would that be? I wonder if they have anything we don’t, like they’re obviously not human so do you think they have powers or something?”

Lena stares at him, wide eyed and helpless. She could fold so easily, feels herself already doing it, crumbling in his hand at the chance to just let someone know.

“If they’re here, it’s got to mean they’re more advanced than us.” She says it slowly, tentatively, to share but not overshare is the goal. “Our atmosphere is probably different, too. They would have to be able to do things we can’t.”

Lex is practically vibrating, and Lena has only ever seen him this excited by his projects, by prospects of something grand, and she hopes this isn’t all a mistake.

“So you think they could fly or something? That would be cool, imagine being able to fly.”

She hums, doesn’t mention the times she would kiss Kara and they would hover, that Kara could lift her above the clouds with her arms or her words, that even if Kara did make them fly, Lena had always felt like she had anyway.

[12:57 to: Kal] How’s she doing?

[13:01 from: Kal] Should I be offended that you’ve talked to me now more than ever?

[13:03 to: Kal] No, you’ve never been interesting until now

[13:04 from: Kal] Ouch

[13:04 from: Kal] I have superpowers how am I not interesting

Kara barely contains the snort threatening to burst, presses her lips together before replying with cautious fingers but still in superspeed - she is in class after all.

[13:05 to: Kal] The same ones as me dummy

She looks up from her flip phone, lets the chain of the accessory dangle against her knee - a present Alex had given her, a small green martian from Toy Story.

She takes down the notes on the blackboard, in blue ink because Jeremiah had told her it was easier to retain information that way. She has journals filled with blue ink, of phrases and expressions she’d learned off Lena and Sophie, then from Alex and the kids around school she overhears.

The teacher turns to sit at her desk, directing them to follow the prompts from the workbook before burying her head in what Kara is almost certain is erotica.

She goes back to her phone, flips it open to see red ‘!!!’s that could only mean Kal in her inbox.

[13:06 from: Kal] Fair call

[13:06 from: Kal] To answer your question though, she’s fine

[13:07 from: Kal] Why don't you ask her yourself?

[13:07 from: Kal] I could give you her number

Kara feels like jumping out of her seat, like screaming until the windows shatter. Instead, she grips her pen so hard it cracks.

[13:15 to: Kal] I don't think so

[13:17 from: Kal] You don't want to talk to her again?

[13:18 to: Kal] Of course I do but it's not safe

[13:19 from: Kal] You won't know unless you try

Kara doesn’t reply, sees the text and feels her eyes get hot.

Putting her phone down, she sees ink running down her other hand. She wipes at it, smudges it and she sighs, knowing she won’t be allowed to go to the bathroom to clean it.

Its sticky and there’s a boy on the desk next to hers that keeps looking at her hand, eyes flickering to it. Kara thinks maybe he’s wondering if she’s okay, but she knows better. Mostly she just wants to punch him.

She clenches her fists, shakes it out and stretches her fingers. Those aren't the kind of thoughts that are going to keep people safe, she can't be around anyone until she knows they’ll be okay.

And if that means never seeing Lena again, well, Kara thinks it's better to hurt than to hurt Lena.

Lena thinks there’s a shift in Lex’s behaviour, something minute. But she knows Lex, knows the way he clings to a fascination with talon-like fervor, knows the way he drowns himself in research and information until it's the only thing he can speak about.

It's not until Lex lets her put on the music station that it clicks, when he doesn't complain about her punk rock in favour of speaking with her.

He wants to talk about aliens again.

And, honestly, in another world, Lena would be fine to theorise with him, may even hold a candle to his level of interest. But Lena knows too much, knows enough to hurt, to cause damage and maybe even bring chaos. Her stomach rolls every time Lex is right about something, and of course Lena know Kara does not speak or act for the entire alien culture, but she’s a part of it, and each time Lex mentions a weakness or a power or a planet Lena feels her stomach curl.

He’s almost manic with the way he speaks, quickly and without many breaths and Lena has to try and process everything before she contributes.

“Do you think they could just be elevated humans?” He asks, picks at his dinner with the knife. “The atmosphere thing you said a while ago made sense. Maybe they get their powers from the moon or the sun or the wind, not magic but something close to it. Crazy science. Science we don’t have as humans.”

“I’m sure if they did they wouldn’t tell anyone.”

Lex smiles wryly, “I think they could have super speed, strength too, probably. But they’d have to hide it, wouldn’t they? They couldn’t let people know, that’s not safe.”

Lena’s eyes drag over the TV screen, a breaking news report interrupting the music video. There’s a building on fire, people rushing about and she sees the flash of sirens reflect on the reporter’s face.

“I think superpowers might be a tad hard to hide, Lex.”

Lex looks back at her from the TV, “Not if you think about it. They would have to hide in plain sight, wouldn’t they? Be unassuming. They’re probably the geekiest of people, the people who trip up so no one thinks anything of them.” His nose scrunches, a laugh breaking his demeanour. “I bet they wear cardigans.”

Lena laughs, lets herself be awash in the memory of tiny, unassuming Kara, in tattered clothes with a thick accent that holds her pen extra tight when she writes in English.

There’s a rush of noise from the TV, people screaming in panic and possibly delight and Lena watches as the camera pans to Superman, cape billowing as he uses his speed to fly everyone to the ground before putting out the fire with a lungfull of ice.

“See what I mean?” Lex asks, points to Superman. “He’s gotta be an alien, there’s no way he’s one-hundred-percent human.”

Lena nods, keeps watching. The camera zooms in, and Lena catches the sight of Superman’s face. There’s a set to his jaw, heroic but familiar and Lena cocks her head to the side as she watches him.

He responds to the reporter, shoulders set but there's a start in his voice, and the way he blinks before answering hits Lena like a freight train.

Superman is Clark, glasses and cardigans do not undo a hero.

The second revelation turns in Lena’s gut, sends shivers through her: Clark is Kara’s cousin.