As they walked along the snowy paths between the rows of delicious-scented fir trees, Therese realized that in all of her adult years, she had never had a Christmas tree in her own home before.
Of course, they'd had one at the Children's Home. Sister Alicia and the other nuns would make sure of that. Therese remembered Sister Alicia lifting her up to place the metal star at the top of the tree, and she'd also help to light the candles on Christmas Eve, though this would be done under strict supervision. As one of the only children left at the Home over holidays, Therese had always felt special when she'd gotten to unwrap the delicate coloured glass balls and the different themed ornaments: rocking horses, snowmen, toys. Her face glowed as she grinned happily, clinging to Abby's hand as they moved through the frosty air.
Abby had insisted on coming along on this trip, especially since Carol (though she was in denial about it) was coming down with a cold. "I know that Therese isn't feeling very little right now," she'd said to Carol in the kitchen while Therese was in the bedroom getting ready and eavesdropping on the conversation, "but I also know that it can change quickly and you look a bit washed out, kiddo. Are you sure you're not running a fever?"
"Goodness me, don't fuss so, Abigail," Carol had retorted irritably, a sure sign that she wasn't feeling her best. "I'll be just fine. No, I'm not running a fever. I promised Therese that we'd get this tree this weekend, and you know yourself that the best ones sell out quickly at this time of the year. I'll wrap up warmly. Listening to you, anyone would think I was on the verge of full-blown pneumonia."
Though Therese couldn't see Abby, she could imagine Abby's eyes twinkling as she heard the amusement in her reply. "All right, all right, don't get your panties in a twist. We won't be out long, anyway. Therese and I can decorate the tree while you rest on the couch with a hot toddy. I daresay you'll need it. I simply don't know how you manage to get so many colds in the winter. If you were outside more, getting more exercise, I don't think you'd be in this predicament."
"Now, see here, Abby, that's just silly. I get plenty of exercise with Therese and you know it. Why, I --" Carol's complaining voice was abruptly cut off as Therese imagined Abby putting a hand over Carol's mouth.
"Fussy girl. Shh." Abby's voice came towards the bedroom as she moved away from the kitchen. "Therese, good Lord, girl. Aren't you ready yet?"
"I can't pin this," muttered Therese, struggling with the pin on her diaper. "I need Carol."
"Carol's busy at the moment. Can I help you?" Abby's voice was right outside the door now. "Come on, sweetie, let's not take all day. Aren't you excited for the tree?"
Therese was excited, and she squirmed impatiently. After another unsuccessful try at pinning her diaper tightly enough, she gave up and called for Abby. "Abby, can you please help me?"
"I thought you'd never ask." Abby came in and studied Therese. "Well, darling, it would help if you actually put it on right. No wonder it's almost falling off. Silly girl." Abby quickly and quietly adjusted Therese's diaper and then pinned it securely, giving Therese a grin. "There. Better?"
Therese smiled at Abby. "Thank you. Yes, it feels better." She began to put on her plastic pants and then her heavy woolen tights. "I'm so excited!" She squirmed into her clothes, a woolen tartan jumper and warm sweater, and then went to go and wash her hands. Carol was already in the bathroom, blowing her nose. She looked up, her nose as red as a cherry, and smiled at Therese.
"Ready to go, sweetheart? All nice and dry?"
"I'm ready, Carol." Therese washed her hands and then went to put on her clothes. Abby was standing at the door, ready to go. She impatiently tapped her foot as Therese climbed into her warm clothes, but then tied Therese's scarf for her. "Don't want you to get a cold, too."
Carol, sneezing periodically, caught them a cab to the tree lot and Therese ran from tree to tree, trying to find the perfect one. Most were too short and squat for her liking, and they had high ceilings in the apartment, which had been built in the 1850s. Therese pictured a perfect tree that they could set up in the bay window, with electric lights that would twinkle down onto the snowy street. Excitedly, she tugged Abby's hand.
"Come on," she implored her. "We're so close to finding the right one!"
Abby smiled fondly at Therese. "Someone's a bit excited," she commented, and then looked back at Carol, who, huddled in her fur coat, appeared to be wilting a little.
"How are you holding up, darling?"
Carol sneezed and wiped her nose with a handkerchief. "I'll be fine. Have you found anything you like, Therese?" Carol's usually modulated voice was starting to sound a bit hoarse and foggy, and Therese's heart pulled a little. Truth be told, Carol was so rarely ill that it was surprising when she was. It was usually Therese with the fevers, the tummy upsets, and the colds. She let go of Abby's hand and fell into step beside Carol, who gave her a fond, tired smile.
"I'm all right, sweetie. Don't look so worried."
"I don't want you to feel yucky," whispered Therese, and sneaked her hand into Carol's. But as usual, Carol gave it a quick squeeze and then dropped it, walking up to a tree and pointing it out to Therese.
"Now, isn't this a beauty? It looks just about the perfect size."
Therese stepped up and inhaled the fresh scent of pine needles. The tree was the perfect size, with elegant spreading branches and a perfect point to balance a star, or an angel on, at the top. Therese turned to Abby and Carol and grinned.
"I think this is the one."
As Carol wandered over to the man running the tree lot, Therese eagerly scampered towards a display of Christmas lights at the end of the lot. But somehow, she slipped - she'd never know how, as the ground was grassy and solidly covered in snow where her feet were - and fell. She was carrying her purse, and it made her fall awkwardly as she twisted to avoid falling onto it. She was only just able to throw out her arm to break her fall, but not before she fell heavily onto her right side, twisting her wrist under her, and bruising herself on a hard puddle of ice hidden under the snow.
Time seemed to stop for a moment as Therese's head dizzily swirled around and around, her vision darkening for a moment as the sudden, excruciating pain of her wrist and side took over. She let out a little cry - she had no more time to do anything else - before Abby was immediately at her side.
"Oh, Therese, you silly thing. You're always falling over, aren't you?" Abby's voice held a hint of exasperation, but she sounded fond and cheerful. "Got to be careful of all that ice, there's a hosepipe right there, didn't you see?" She pointed to a hose attached to the side of the building beside the lot. "It must have leaked and formed this puddle. Damn dangerous, if you ask me." She knelt down beside Therese. "Come on, sweetie, up you get."
Abby made to grab Therese's right arm, but Therese yelped, her eyes filling with tears, and Abby let it go, looking concerned. "Are you all right, Therese?"
Therese's eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip to keep from crying as she raised herself to a shaky sitting position. Everything just hurt so much. Her vision swooped in and out and she began to shiver, half in cold, half in shock. A sudden violent shiver caused her to wet her diaper, and the rush of heat brought her back out of her reverie and helped to clear her vision a little. But when she opened her mouth to answer Abby, she let out a sob instead.
One sob followed another, and Therese was openly crying by the time Carol noticed and hurried over. Carol, her hair a little flyaway because of the wind, looked more exasperated and concerned than Abby had, but she simply wiped her nose and knelt down beside Therese.
"Uh-oh, darling," she said softly. "Another fall? Goodness, you've got to be more careful, Therese."
Abby was quietly rubbing Therese's back. "I'm not sure she's entirely all right this time, Carol."
"Really?" Carol looked at Therese in concern. "Where does it hurt, sweetheart?"
Therese found her voice. "Everywhere . . ." She went to raise her arm to wipe her face on her mitten, but a sudden sharp stab of pain stopped her in mid-movement. Her elbow ached unbearably, but she couldn't even bend her wrist. Abby's sharp eyes followed her movements and she let out a sigh, before asking Therese, "Can I look at your arm for a moment, Therese?"
Abby's fingers were deft and gentle, and Therese barely felt it as Abby quietly palpated her arm. Then Abby looked at Therese with a wry smile. "Ever had a broken bone before, Therese?"
Therese's mouth pulled down into another trembling pout and she started to cry again, before shaking her head. "It's broken? Oh, no, Abby, no . . ."
"Shh, shh, sweetie, it's not the end of the world. I don't know if it's really broken or not, but it doesn't feel that great to the touch, and it's swelling up pretty quickly, see?" They all looked at Therese's arm, which was now twice the size it had been. Abby shook her head doubtfully. "I think she needs to go to the hospital."
Therese immediately shook her head. "It's probably just a sprain," she sniffled. She tried to get up, but her bruised hip ached, and Carol had to pull her up by her left arm. Once standing, Therese started to shiver violently, and Abby wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her shoulders gently, so not to jar Therese.
"Well," said Carol, lighting up a cigarette, "the first order of business is to get a cab, I think. And then we can take Therese to the hospital. She definitely doesn't look that well." Carol stroked Therese's hair. "I'm having the tree delivered later this evening, so we don't have to worry about that. And then hopefully we can get Therese all fixed up and then home to rest so that she's up for tree decorating."
"I don't want to miss that," whimpered Therese. She involuntarily clutched her front with her left hand and pouted. Both Carol and Abby didn't miss the movement, and Carol reached out to stroke Therese's hair again.
"Don't worry about that, angel. We'll change you before the hospital, all right? I'll have the cab take us home first."
Therese stared sadly out the window of the cab as the three women cuddled together in the backseat. Therese's arm was aching terribly, and she kept involuntarily gasping. Carol hushed her several times.
"Shh, shh, I know it hurts, darling. Why don't you close your eyes for awhile? Shh. You can lie right here." Carol gently guided Therese's head to her shoulder, and as she was sitting on Therese's left, Therese cuddled into the fur, inhaling the comforting scent of Carol's shampoo and perfume clinging to the fur collar. She closed her eyes and drifted away as Abby and Carol murmured over her head.
Once they were home, Carol led Therese to the bedroom while Abby got on the phone to order another cab to the nearest hospital. Therese winced as she lay down on the bed, and she started to cry as Carol, though she tried to be gentle, began to undress her. She was so sore.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry," murmured Carol. "Oh, Therese. You've got a bruise all down this side. No wonder you're in so much pain. I'll be as gentle as I can, darling." Carol wiped Therese and began the task of pinning on her new diaper, but Therese cried out in pain as Carol accidentally jarred her hip when she slipped the clean cloth under Therese's bottom.
"I'm so sorry, Therese," said Carol, looking upset, but she managed to finish the job without hurting Therese further. But as soon as Carol came back from washing her hands, Therese immediately stretched out her left arm.
"I need you," she whispered. She was trying her best to be big, but she could feel herself failing, and she just really needed to nurse. But Carol came over and kissed the top of her head, pulling her into a warm hug on her unhurt side.
"No, sweetie. You need to be a big girl, all right? We need to go see if your arm needs some attention."
Therese pouted, but she obediently, and with Abby's help in the hallway, got back into her outdoor things, including her dry spare coat, as her usual black one was all wet from the snow. Carol went into the kitchen to swallow some aspirin, because, "I've got a splitting headache, and all this commotion certainly doesn't help!".
On the way to the hospital, Therese leaned against Carol again, but Carol seemed less warm, though she did cuddle Therese surreptitiously. Abby patted Therese's knee. "Almost there, kiddo."
Therese had only been to the emergency room once in her entire lifetime, and that was when she had been six and in the throes of a very bad cold at the home. They had worried it might be something worse, like diphtheria, but it had only been a rather bad case of bronchitis and a respiratory virus. She had been so ill that she barely remembered how long the wait was, but as they sat, Therese between Abby and Carol, bits and pieces of that night came back to Therese.
She leaned her head against the wall and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Now that things had calmed down and the initial shock had passed, the stiffness of a hard fall was starting to set in on her right side. She moved a few times, trying to get into a more comfortable position, until Carol put a gentle hand on her unhurt knee. "Therese. Goodness gracious, please sit still. You're like an eel."
Abby's voice was gentle, but reproving. "Carol."
"Well, she's making me a bit dizzy, to be very honest." Carol closed her eyes and placed a hand on her forehead. "This headache just won't shift."
"We'll be finished soon, and then you can both take a nap when we get home." Abby's voice was firm, and before either woman could say anything else, Therese was called back into the curtained cubicle.
The doctor, a silver-haired man, gently probed Therese's arm. "Well, it seems you had quite a fall, Miss Belivet. I'm fairly sure your wrist is broken, but we'll need to take an X-ray just to be sure. You've got a definite sprain in your elbow and shoulder, though those should heal fairly quickly. And while you're bruised, I don't see anything serious with your hip and side. You'll probably want to take some aspirin to fight the pain, though."
Therese murmured her thanks and the doctor had a nurse come to take Therese back to the X-ray room. Sitting with a heavy lead apron on and her wrist splayed on the table in front of her, Therese closed her eyes and just wished for Carol and home.
It didn't take long to deal with the X-rays, and soon, the silver-haired doctor was setting Therese's arm in a cast. "You'll have to wear a sling for awhile, at least until your shoulder and elbow heal, but I don't think it should be the entire four to six weeks." The cold bandage of the cast made Therese feel strange, and she squirmed and wet her pants as the gooey plaster started to encase her arm. Carol gave her a fond smile.
"Well, Therese, I'm sure your colleagues will have something to say about this on Monday!"
The doctor looked at Therese. "Well, to be fair, she should probably have a day or two at home to get rid of all the stiffness. But I don't see why she can't go back to work mid-week next week."
Therese smiled her thanks as the doctor finished up and the cast hardened, and then he gently placed her arm in a sling. "And that's that. Come back in about two to three weeks and we'll see if that break is knitting as it should."
As they left the hospital, Carol sneezed several times in a row and then yawned. Abby looked at her sympathetically. "Bed for you, I think, once we get home."
"Indeed. And for Therese as well. I can see her eyes drooping. She will definitely need a nap."
Therese nodded, and wanted to wrap her arms around Carol and bury her face in her shoulder and just let the world go by for awhile. But instead, she sat stiffly beside Abby on her left this time and stared out the front window on their way home.
//~//
Abby, because she was thoughtful like that, had gathered all of Therese's favourite magazines, pillows, and her cuddly blue blanket and set her up in the guest room so Carol could sleep in peace. Carol had come in to kiss her good night, but she'd left everything else up to Abby - a strange thing. Therese guessed Carol must really not be feeling well, but it was strange to be placed in the guest room bed and not have Carol at least cuddle her for awhile.
Therese didn't want to tell Abby she was wet, mostly because it would really hurt to change and also because she knew she would need Abby to change her and she'd prefer it to be Carol. She wasn't all that wet, anyway, she tried to rationalize. She could surely wait until Carol had rested a little bit.
Abby came in and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to stroke Therese's bangs out of her eyes. "Well, sweetheart, are you comfortable? Would you like anything else?"
Therese really wanted to nurse, but she knew Carol was already asleep. Instead, she bit her lip and tried not to look upset. "No, nothing, thank you."
"Well, why don't you try to have a little sleep? You're probably all shaken up." Abby helped Therese lie down and rubbed her back as she helped her turn onto her left side, letting her slinged arm fall naturally across her belly. Therese whimpered, despite the medication she'd been given at the hospital to help her pain. It just hurt to move right now.
Abby continued to rub Therese's back and hum under her breath. It wasn't as good as nursing, but it did calm Therese down, and her eyelids drooped. Soon, she knew nothing more.
Later, much later, she woke up extremely uncomfortable and in pain. She'd turned onto her back, but her right shoulder felt stiff and uncomfortable in the sling. Untying it, she took it off completely, and just vowed to deal with it. She turned onto her right side, but realized it was a mistake as a sharp shot of pain echoed through her body. Despite herself, Therese began to cry, and as her bladder gave out, she realized that she was leaking, as well.
"Carol . . ." Therese sobbed. "Carol! I need you."
The door to the bedroom opened and Abby poked her head in. "Therese, shh, shh. Carol's asleep. How can I help?" Abby came in and pouted sympathetically at Therese. "Oh, sweetie pie. What can I do?"
"I need Carol," whispered Therese. She didn't want to tell Abby that she'd had an accident and leaked, nor did she want to tell her that she was in so much pain that she wanted to scream. Her arm felt like it was on fire. Abby was nice almost all the time now, but Therese just wanted Carol - sweet, soft, gentle Carol. Carol who just knew what she needed. Carol who would know just how little Therese felt.
Abby looked at her shrewdly. "Well, Therese, I don't want to force you into anything, but I can tell you need some attention. Won't you let me help you while Carol is asleep?"
Therese squirmed in her wet bed and burst into fresh tears. "I can't, Abby," she sobbed. "I can't tell you."
Understanding dawned on Abby's face and her expression softened. "Did you have a little accident, Therese? That's all right. I'm not going to mind a little thing like that."
"And it hurts," Therese sobbed, her voice rising in a thin wail as the entire situation tumbled down on her like a ton of bricks. "It hurts and I need Carol. I want Carol," she finished, rubbing her blue blanket against her cheek and across her teary face and wet nose.
Abby reached out and gently drew Therese's unhurt left side against her, giving her a warm cuddle. "Well, now," she said, her voice comforting and sweet. "No wonder you're so upset. But I think that I can do the job pretty well, though maybe not as well as Carol. Would you let me try?" She looked Therese in the eyes, and Therese turned and buried her face against Abby's shoulder. She nodded into the cloth of Abby's blouse.
"All right. Why don't we take care of that pain first? What happened to your sling, sweetheart?" Abby retrieved it from the other side of the bed. "You'll need to wear that so that your shoulder doesn't get sore like this again. It's going to take a few days for that slight sprain to stop hurting as much."
She helped Therese re-position her arm and then dropped a kiss on her head. "There. And now why don't we see what the trouble is? Are you wet?"
Therese nodded, avoiding Abby's eyes, and sighed shakily as Abby lifted the covers to expose her. Therese's grey tights were dark around her bottom and down her legs, and the bed showed a large wet spot. Therese closed her eyes, but Abby just chuckled.
"Uh-oh, just a little leak. That's not the end of the world at all. We can fix that right up." Abby gently helped Therese to stand, and then she quietly stripped the bed. Therese started to tug at her tights, but Abby stopped her and quietly removed them and Therese's wet dress as well.
"There now. Let's get you into a nice clean diaper and a fresh outfit and you'll be as good as new. No need to cry." Abby's comforting chatter helped Therese to calm down, her heart slowing down, her hand unclenching. Abby helped her to change and then went into the big bedroom to get a fresh dress and diaper for Therese. Sitting with her blanket folded over her lower half for privacy, Therese considered Abby and why she didn't have a little one of her own. She was very good at staying patient and being comforting.
Abby came back in and pinned Therese's fresh diaper and then helped her to step into her fresh jumper. They had a little trouble with the straps, but Abby was patient and gentle, and soon Therese was warm, dry, and clean.
Abby dropped the laundry outside the hallway and washed her hands in the bathroom while Therese wandered into the kitchen in search of the aspirin. She noticed that Abby had a saucepan of milk simmering on the stove, and she involuntarily smiled. Abby knew Therese would want a bottle of milk when she woke up. She just knew these things sometimes.
After Abby came back, she smiled at Therese and lifted her glass baby bottle down from over the stove. "Would you like some milk, Therese? It'll help your tummy with that aspirin you've just taken."
Therese nodded, still feeling a little sleepy, while Abby filled her bottle and then handed it to her. "It might be a bit hot, sweetie. Be careful."
But Therese just shook her head and pushed the bottle back at Abby. She was too little to want to hold it herself. Abby took stock of the situation and smiled. "I see. Well, why don't we go and sit on the couch and turn on the television for a little while?"
And that was what they did, Therese leaning against Abby, nursing comfortably at her bottle as Abby held it for her and cuddled her from behind. They had been sitting for about twenty minutes when Carol came in, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
Carol, when she just woke up, was adorable, Therese had always thought. She was always a little bit rumpled and warm-looking. And now, with her cold, her usually pale cheeks were flushed and her nose cherry-red. She sounded stuffed up and a little hoarse as she sat on the couch next to Therese.
"How are you feeling, darling?"
"I'm all right. Abby has been taking care of me. How are you feeling?" Therese looked at Carol in concern, and Carol let out three sneezes before she appeared to be hiding a pout of her own.
"I'm feeling a little under the weather, Therese."
Abby gently pushed Therese up so that she could stand, and then came over to rub Carol's shoulders. "The nap didn't help?"
"Well, I think maybe it did a little bit . . . ?" Carol's voice trailed off and her lower lip trembled, a very rare occurrence for her. "But my head is just aching, Abby, and I just don't feel very well at all."
"Oh, you nitwit. You would go out without a scarf last week." Abby pulled Carol into her arms and gave her a secure cuddle. "I think a hot toddy would help."
"Definitely," Carol got out, and wiped her eyes as Abby went to prepare the drink for her. She held out her arms to Therese and Therese crawled painfully across the couch and settled against Carol's warm, sweet-scented chest. She leaned her head against Carol's shoulder and sighed.
"You've had a rough one today too, haven't you, darling?" Carol kissed Therese's forehead. "Poor baby girl."
Abby came back with Carol's drink and watched as Carol sipped it thankfully. "Well, I thought we'd do this tree tonight, but it doesn't seem to be here!"
"I don't think anyone's in the mood tonight," Abby replied. "I think tomorrow is a better day. And it's started to snow. I think, if you don't mind, that I'll stay here tonight and just stay a bit safe."
They knew what Abby had left unsaid - and Carol smiled gratefully at her.
"Thank you, Abigail, for staying to take care of us."
//~//
The tree didn't actually end up being delivered until Sunday evening - a backlog of orders, plus a broken-down truck, had caused the delay. But when it stood proudly next to the roaring fireplace, Therese thought it had never looked so pretty.
Abby was disentangling the lights and cursing every five minutes. "Dammit! These lights are like this every year. Carol, I have no idea what you do to them."
"I don't do anything," returned Carol irritably. "Those are the lights I brought from the Ridgewood house and Florence put them away last year. It's hardly my fault if she did a shoddy job as usual."
Carol sounded much better, her cold still in evidence, but much less heavy than on Saturday afternoon. Therese could move a little more easily, the stiffness from her fall easing a bit, and she was using her left hand to organize ornaments on the couch. Carol had still not let her nurse yet, and she was hoping they'd both be well enough that Therese could have a session that evening.
Abby finally got the lights untangled and was placing them on the tree. "I have to say, this is not the weekend I envisioned. Two sickies," she teased, and Therese made a face at her.
"I wasn't sick!"
Carol shrugged. "Well, it happens once a year, unfortunately. Neither of you were around for last year's cold." She got up in one graceful motion and started to hang the ornaments on the tree, but Therese stopped her.
"The star!"
Carol smiled at her little one. "I didn't forget, Therese." She quietly secured the large silver star to the top of the tree. "There. Now, how does that look?"
Abby plugged in the lights and the entire tree lit up, bathing the room in sparkling light.
Therese leaned her head against Carol and smiled. "It's perfect."
Later that night, when Abby had gone home in the newly white world, Therese turned to Carol and gave her a pleading look. "Carol, can't I nurse? Please?" Therese wanted to nurse so badly that she couldn't stand it, and she squirmed in the big bed, feeling her entire body vibrate with longing.
Carol's eyes were drooping, but she smiled at Therese, anyway. "I suppose so. I'm sure you need it after that fall. My poor little one and her broken arm." Carol kissed Therese's forehead and helped her to settle on her left side. Therese had a few awkward moments trying to position her arm, and then she started to cry in frustration.
"Therese. Shh, shh." Carol stroked her hair. "What's the trouble, sweetheart?"
"I can't get comfortable. I can't move it." Therese tugged impatiently at her sling, and Carol gently helped her to take it off.
"There's no need to take on so, sweetheart, you're all right. There. Shh." Carol stroked Therese's hair until Therese closed her eyes and then latched on. The sweet relief and comfort flooded over her, and she felt herself sink bonelessly into Carol.
"There. Shh. Everything's all right now."
And, thought Therese, she was so glad that it was.