For those I loved and for those I betrayed and lied to...especially for the latter.
The race is over, and as always X approaches the younger racer and squeezes his shoulder.
"Hell of a race, kid" he says, with a little smile.
Usually, Speed graces him with a blinding one in exchange, but this time he only narrows his eyes and shrugs, freeing himself from X's hand and walking away from him.
Behind his dark sunglasses, X blinks a couple of times, before shaking his head.
Speed can act like a hurt teenager as much as he wants, but X knows perfectly well what he feels.
Ok, he fucked up. A lot. But the boy, mad as he is, keeps on searching for him in the crowd with the corner of his eye, he keeps on staring at him when he thinks the older racer won't notice, and tears away his gaze when X stares back.
It's not like he could erase what happened between them, even if he's trying to: X himself tried, God, he tried with all his might to erase what he felt. He even thought that if he throw himself in another man's arms he would forget those dirty, sinful, disgusting emotions, and did his best not to cross his brother's path during ten years.
But when he met Speed again...his blood started boiling all over again, and suddenly everything was exactly as it was, maybe even worse, because now Speed wasn't a kid anymore: he was a man, and knew perfectly well how to use his charms, his body, his mouth, and damn it, he's getting hard again, right now.
Fuck.
He never told Speed how good he looks, how sexy he is, how hot he can make him feel...is like he's always thirsty, and Speed's the only thing he wants to drink.
Even after all the nights he spent in Speed's bed, kissing, sucking, biting, licking his skin, drinking his low moans, tasting his mouth and inhaling his scent, every time he felt like it was the first and the last at the same time.
Maybe because he knew it couldn't last. Maybe because he was hiding a little, insignificant secret, like, I'm your long lost brother, I'm not dead, I just had surgery to change my appearance.
X snorts. Sounds awful even in his own head. And it's not like he can ask his little brother to believe in him, not anymore. And even if he knows now that he kept on loving him during all those terrible years, he can't expect him to believe Rex did love him, too, and he never stopped loving him.
True love's invisible. Yeah, right. Tell it to a whiny little pain in the ass like Speed Racer.
Speed is now on the podium with him (X was just supposed to follow him and guarantee he got on the finish line in one piece), and when their legs touch slightly the younger racer hisses through grinning teeth, his cheeks flushed and his eyes shifting uncomfortably.
X smirks slyly. Exactly as he thought. His brother is just acting like he hates him; the truth is that he just wants X to take him into his arms.
The man gets closer and slowly caresses Speed's back with his fingertips. That's a movement that has him moaning almost instantly, usually, but this time, when his green eyes look at him they're filled with tears and despair.
X steps back, startled, and Speed takes advantage of it to run away once again.
Not this time, Speedy X thinks before following him.
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He is resting against the hood of his (Rex's) car, in his Pop's garage, hastily drying his eyes on his sleeve.
"Come on, kid, it's not that bad." X's voice hits him like a punch in the guts, and Speed looks defiantly at him.
"Let's see" he answers, arms crossed against his chest "You asked me to be honest about my feelings, you forced me to tell the truth to Trixie and my family, but you kept on coming to my room almost each night just to fuck me and then leave through the window without even telling me your name. You never bought me a present, not even for my birthday, you can't take me out to dinner or even talk to me in public..." he trails off, looking at the ceiling, feigning deep thinking "oh, right. And you FORGOT TO TELL ME YOU'RE MY FUCKING BROTHER!"
Speed's voice, still low, resounds in the empty garage.
"So tell me once again, X" his tone underlines ironically the letter that identifies his brother's new identity "let's see if you have the nerve to tell me it's not that bad".
He knows is his brother's turn to speak, but damn it, he wants to keep on talking just to avoid thinking.
They're talking about incest, here. Fuck, people go to hell for a lot less. He can't believe his brother went and got plastic surgery. He can't believe they cried for him, they buried him and he missed him each and every fucking day of his pathetic life, and he had been there all along.
But most of all, he can't believe he fell for it. One night after the other. Every time he tried to convince himself that no, that was the last time, he wouldn't, he mustn't, he couldn't...then he'd see him entering from the window, his eyes sparkling, and X would kiss him like he was made of gold and glass, and...each time he just gave up. He couldn't do anything else.
The worst of it is that he knew, he knew from the first instant X was his brother. He left his looks fooling him, he forgot all about listen to his heart and lost the most important race of all.
Because now he is completely, desperately, hopelessly in love with his older brother.
His hands clench into fists and he bites his lower lip to stop the tears from overflowing again.
Not now.
X is not speaking though, so he simply arches an eyebrow.
"Well? You don't have anything to say? What now? You didn't stop to think about it, did you? What happens now that you've warmed up two hearts and then threw them in that kind of relationship where if one's gone the other's not supposed to miss him? Because I'm sorry for you, but I do miss you when you're not here. I always have. And I want you by my side. I can't even fall asleep anymore if I'm alone, did you know this?"
Without even realizing it, while talking Speed has moved and is now standing in X's personal space.
X takes Speed's chin in his hand, dipping the younger racer's head back as he kisses him in a sweet, tender, unusual way. Gentle, slow, caring. Speed is almost in shock. Is X trying to answer him with this kiss?
Then, just when he's about to let himself get lost in the hot warmth of X's mouth, X lets him go.
"You'll be better off with someone else" he whispers.
Speed's eyes widen, and he steps back, his legs trembling. He was...he thought...
Narrowing his eyes once more, he gets out of the garage, out of the house, his steps get quicker, and faster, until he's actually running with all his strength, as fast as he can.
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X doesn't know what the hell got into him.
He kissed him just because he was too close, too warm, too...Speed.
He kissed him to shut him up, because his words hurt him and he didn't want to hear any more truths.
He kissed him because he needed to.
And then...then he spoke without thinking, but that was his true thought. There is probably no man in the world that would be a worst choice as a boyfriend than him, for Speed.
When his brother leaves, it takes a few more minutes for X to actually move.
He jumps in his car and trails after Speed.
Fuck, the kid can run. Finally, there he is.
X gets closer, rolls down the window.
"Come on, Speedy, drop the act and get in!"
Speed keeps on walking, even if he actually slows down a bit.
"What, are you going to run away every time we'll have a problem? That gives this relationship some good bases to build upon, don't you think?"
The tires screech as X stops abruptly the car once he realizes what he just said.
Speed realizes it too, because he stops as well, slowly turning to face him.
"I-you-what..." the younger racer stutters a little, overwhelmed, and X does a thing he haven't done during at least ten years.
He blushes.
And in half a second he has an armful of Speed Racer, that simply jumped into the car and is now straddling in his lap.
X looks at him, embarrassed expression on his usually cold face, and Speed takes off his glasses and his mask, letting his fingers wander through his hair.
His little brother's eyes are soft, and he's smiling at him, in awe.
He coughs, shifting a little in his seat, trying to sit straight.
"I'm not a romantic type of guy" he says, looking elsewhere "I'll never be your perfect mate, and I am probably the worst choice you'll ever make."
Speed looks at him, seriously, and nods.
"And you're always horny" he adds, thrusting against the older guy and making him whimper, as to demonstrate it.
"Is because you're so damn hot" X answers, caressing his back once again, and this time it works and Speed arches back moaning. "I can't help wanting to fuck you on every surface as soon as I see you" he adds, shrugging.
His arms go circling loosely his brother's waist, and X pushes his forehead against Speed's neck, licking it slowly.
"I can't give you more than this, Speedy. My life has a purpose, now, something bigger than me, bigger than you, than us. Besides" he lifts his gaze to stare into the younger racer's eyes "we'll never be able to live a normal relationship, you have to understand it. What we do, what we are, is something illegal, wrong, something society forbids, it would kill Mom and Pops..."
Speed shuts him up putting two fingers on his lips, then he shakes slowly his head.
"I'm ok with that" he answers. "Fuck, Rex, I missed you during ten years, I thought I would have never had the chance of telling you what I was feeling, I thought I was going to be in love with your ghost until the day I'd die, and now you're here, and you...love me back?" he ends the sentence with an anxious questioning tone, and looks almost scared, but X just smiles and nods, and Speed relaxes "this is way more than I could ask for. Besides, with a relationship this exciting, we won't risk to fall into routine and stuff like that."
X sneers. Then he looks sad all over again.
"But what about...kids? Important events? Stuff like that?"
Speed shrugs. "After Spritle, I don't really think I'll ever want a kid" he answers, wrinkling his nose "and the important events are just created by shops to increase sales. We can have our own special events."
X wants to say something else, he wants to protest, to convince his brother that's a really bad idea, but just then Speed gets closer and kisses him in that mind-blowing way of his, and he simply forgets to think.
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Back in his room, when he's possessively spread out onto his big brother's body, Speed finally breaths again.
He remembers clearly that fateful night, a couple of weeks ago, when he met Rex at that Party.
The young was simply laughing, and his eyes sparkled, while he sipped a glass of wine, and then it hit him like a full speed train. For a second, his mind changed X's face with Rex's and all the pieces fell into place.
Rex was looking around, bored, probably, then he caught his eyes and got suddenly pale. Speed's face probably showed everything that was passing through his head.
He ran away that night as well, too mad, scared, disgusted by Rex but mainly by himself.
His brother followed him, and they fought and screamed for a while, Speed simply throwing at him all the hurt and pain he put his family through, Rex trying to explain why he had to do it.
In the end Speed forbid him to get near his house, and left him there, an empty and sad look on a face that didn't belong to either of them.
It took him a while to realize what love is blind actually means.
He loved Rex. He still loves him and will probably love him forever, but it's not Rex's face or body that did it. Well, they did help, but it's Rex's heart, his kindness, his laugh, the light in his eyes that he can't live without.
All things that are still there, if he looks close enough.
"So, you miss me when I'm not here" Rex says, matter-of-factly.
Speed feels his cheeks go on fire.
"And you can't sleep without my arms around you."
"Hey!" the racer snaps "I didn't say that!"
Rex's amused face makes him pout.
"I only said I can't sleep alone anymore" Speed says then, mischievous grin firmly in place.
"That won't do" his older brother says, pulling him closer "I guess I'll have to stick around, to avoid that you find someone else to warm your bed..."
Speed chuckles against Rex's cheek.
"No one else."
Rex smiles before turning his face to kiss him properly.
That sounds like a promise to him.
The Ending SUCKS. Just so you know beforehand.