Chapter 1
June 25th 2016
She knows it’s the wrong thing to do, but it’s too late. The words are already out of her mouth. They linger in the space between her and Clarke for almost a full minute before she can see it take hold. Lexa sees the exact moment when the words have made it past Clarke’s ears and to the part of the brain that processes sound.
It happens slowly, and then all at once. It starts as a twitch of confusion in her eyebrows and travels until it turns her beautiful lips into a frown. As if from nowhere, there are tears trailing down her cheeks and Lexa doesn’t recognize her face anymore. She has seen Clarke cry from laughter and from pain, but she has never seen her so destroyed. And it was all her fault.
Lexa had once swore that she would protect Clarke from anything that could bring her harm, yet here she is, causing the devastation. She wishes she could take it back, but there is no turning back the clock.
“Why are you doing this?” Clarke is practically pleading with her. She reaches for Lexa’s hands, but she moves them to rest on her thighs.
Lexa steels herself. She has to, she is stone now. This is the best thing for her family, her people.
“We always knew something like this could happen.”
Clarke shakes her head emphatically, “No. No, we didn’t. I thought we were in love.”
Lexa clenches her jaw and looks away from Clarke’s face. That just fills her vision with different parts on their apartment and the three years of memories they had filled it with. She opts to close her eyes instead. ‘You are Alexandria Athena Forrester. You are made of stone.’ Her heart is a ball of ice in her chest.
“I have to do this. My parents have been working towards this for years.”
Clarke pushes away from the table, sending the chair clattering to the linoleum floor.
“Your parents?” Clarke’s hands reach into her hair, messing it up and sending Lexa’s stomach into her throat. “You’re doing this for your fucking parents?” She’s almost shouting now. “Lexa, you are a goddamned adult that can make her own goddamn decisions.”
“Clarke.” Lexa has always prided herself on her ability to shut her emotions down, but now she’s thinking that isn’t really something one should be proud of.
“Don’t,” Clarke’s voice is now just a shaky whisper, “Don’t you dare say my name like that. How can you be so calm right now? Does none of this affect you?” Clarke gestures to the space between them, as if the tension was a tangible thing.
‘More than you will ever know.’ Lexa thinks to herself, but instead she swallows and says, “I can’t let this affect me, Cla-” Clarke cuts her off with a glare that would set her on fire if she wasn’t so cold right now. “This is my life. It’s always been this way, you know that.”
Clarke begins to pace in their tiny kitchen, “Yeah, but I thought…” She trails off.
Finally, an emotion bubbles to the surface of Lexa’s consciousness, and it’s anger. As inappropriate as it is given the situation, she uses it. Her whole life she has had expectations to meet and she has risen to every single one, she doesn’t plan on falling short in her parents eyes.
“You thought what? That I would just ignore what was best for my family? For the company? People depend on us. And for what? Because we share an apartment?” Lexa’s gaze can’t meet Clarke’s, even now.
Clarke stops her pacing to level Lexa with another withering glance, “If that’s all you think we share after the last five years then I’m glad you’re leaving.”
Clarke marches to her room abruptly. Lexa remains seated at the kitchen table, staring straight ahead and willing her face to stay blank. Clarke returns a few minutes later with a hastily packed bag. It’s not fully zipped and what looks like a pair of socks is threatening to fall out.
“I’m going to stay with Raven and Octavia until Monday. I expect you to be gone by then.”
“Of course.” Lexa’s eyes still don’t fully meet Clarke’s. Instead they hover somewhere on the bridge of her nose.
“And I mean all gone. I don’t want to see your face again.” Before Lexa can say anymore, Clarke has already slammed the front door and left.
When she knows that Clarke has definitely left the building Lexa heads to her own room, but only makes it to the living room where she collapses onto the couch as the floodgates open.
‘You are stone. You are ice. This was the right thing to do.’