"Breathe Deep,
Laura's POV:
"What are you doing for thanksgiving Laur?" Carmilla asks me from my kitchen.
"I think I'm going to go see my dad. He's been calling like crazy lately asking about the treatment and how I've been." I say flipping through the channels. Thanksgiving was tomorrow and I was out of pills to help control my side effects so I wasn't feeling well today and I had no idea how I was going to keep my food down tomorrow. Carmilla stuck around to take care of me, insisting that I didn't move a muscle.
"I'm driving you."
"Carmilla you don't have to I can manage."
"No, really it's okay, I'm going that direction anyways." She walks into the room with a tray holding a bowl of soup and a glass of water and places it beside my bed.
"Oh?" I say, a bit curious of her whereabouts. She never spoke of family other than her sister Mattie. She didn't like the subject very much.
"Mhm" she sits on the side of my bed placing a hand on my forehead to feel my temperature. "I'm going to visit Mattie for a bit. She rented a temporary house an hour away from the next town over."
"Oh." I sit up a little better as she places the tray gently on my lap.
"You okay cupcake?" She asks helping me adjust and handing me a spoon for my soup.
"Yes it's just um.." I play with the spoon in my hand.
"Yes?"
"I was kind of wondering if you'd like to spend a little time with me and my dad this Thanksgiving? After you see Mattie first of course." I knew how close her and Mattie were and ever since she found out about my cancer she hasn't really left my side. I knew she missed her when she'd tell me the stories about their many adventures. I take a sip of my soup.
"Meet your pop again huh?" I spit my soup out a little causing her to laugh and hand me a napkin.
"You know, if my soup was terrible you could have just said so-"
"Its not" I laugh "but um.. Again?" I say trying to clean myself up in disbelief.
"Yup. Met him a few weeks ago at the store. I helped him pick out wine."
"My dad doesn't drink?" I raise an eyebrow.
"It was for some banquet the cops were having" she shrugs. "He asked if we were friends-"
"And you said?" I interrupt her.
"I said you were more to yourself." She looks at me a little confused. "Wait until he finds out we're actually dating now." She laughs. I lightly punch her shoulder almost spilling over my soup.
"Easy there killer. Eat up, you're looking a little thin today." She places her hand on my cheek and rubs her thumb over my cheekbone giving me a small sad smirk. I nod and continue sipping my soup while she layed beside me watching tv.
"Oh, and of course I'd like to go over for thanksgiving." She smiles now looking up at me from beside me. "I'll make my trip with Mattie quick and be there before you know it." I give her a big and hopeful smile then lean to the side to kiss her. She returns the kiss softly placing her hand in my hair. It was strange. To love someone and have them love me in return regardless of the outcome. I didn't know what was to come and I hadn't thought about it since Carmilla came around. It was scary to think how much hope this girl gave me of a better tomorrow. I don't know how she did but she did.
- - - - - - - -
Carmilla's POV:
"You sure your father doesn't mind that you're a little late?" I ask Laura as she looks out the window of the passenger seat. She doesn't move. Her eyes were glued to the mountains we were passing by. I take my right hand off the wheel and gently place it over hers looking at the road then at her every chance I could. She intertwines our fingers together and kisses the back of my hand causing me to smile.
"Did you say something?" She chuckles lightly and looks at me.
"You okay baby?" I say a little concerned about how 'out of it' she was.
She nods slowly.
"Just feeling a little tired." I pull up to her father's house and unbuckle my seat belt to turn to her correctly.
"Do you want me to stay? I don't have to go. I want to be here for-"
"No no," she places a hand on my cheek and rubs her thumb across it. "Please go see your sister, it's been weeks. We'll eat when you get back." She sends me a small smile. I really didn't feel comfortable leaving her side after seeing her tired state but I knew she wouldn't allow me to stay now and she was in good hands with her father. I sigh and nod in agreement. She leans over and places a soft and slow kiss on my lips causing me to melt into her. When our lips let go I get out of the car and open her door helping her out. She hugs me tightly before walking to the door and waving me off. I wave and wait for her to enter the house before leaving.
I'm sure she'll be fine, I keep thinking as I drive to the next town over. Mattie had been waiting to hear from me but I had been busy spending my time taking care of Laura and just being with her really. I'm sure once I explained my reason for lack of contact she'd understand.
- - - - -
I reach Mattie's house to find she had spent her money well. Since she'd only be in town for the next two days I didn't expect her to spend so much on a big place, but she was one for old fashioned houses and lovely decor. It was something we had in common. I knock only to find Mattie already waiting at the door.
"Mircalla!" She smiles brightly at me and pulls me into a hug.
"A few weeks away and you're missing me this much? I should stay away more often." I laugh hugging her tightly.
"Hush now" she pushes me. "You know this is the first time we've been split for more than 3 days since we met. Where have you been anyways?" She asks while gesturing her hands in a waving motion to invite me in. Her place was nice. The decor was styled old fashioned just as the house looked and was probably the only reason she rented it.
"Well remember that human- Laura, the girl I sort of.. well, fell for?" I say taking a seat on her couch. She pours me a glass of wine and sits beside me handing it to me.
"The tiny one from the bench?"
I nod.
"Spending all your time with her I'm assuming?" I nod again and take a sip of the wine.
"We're together now actually." I smile causing her to smile as well. My hands begin stirring the wine inside the cup and I watch as it spins slowly to a hault only to spin it again. I was getting lost in the little ripples the wine made inside the glass. It reminded me of a poem I wrote a while back but to think of it now would only make me think more about how much things have changed. I was already thinking too much just by looking at this wine.
"Is something bothering you Mircalla? You seem a little distracted dear." She places a comforting hand on my knee snapping me out of my thoughts. I place the wine glass on the table and look at her with a serious face mixed with worry and fear. She senses this instantly and squeezes my knee to comfort me.
I sigh.
"Laura, she.. um.." I could feel my chest getting tighter trying to say the words that plagued our very lives. "S-she has cancer Matts." I say trying to hold back the tears threatening to form in my eyes. I wanted to think it was easy to forget Laura was going through such a terrible fate because she was so strong. She played off feeling okay so well, but when I really sat back and thought about it, I knew, Laura was battling hell.
God, was she strong..
Mattie pulls me into a hug wrapping her arms tightly around me causing me to sob into her shoulder. I was scared. I was never able to admit that to anyone.
Terrified.
I kept such a strong posture around Laura because I wanted to be her strength when she needed it. Yet in all honesty, I'm just as afraid of the future as she is. She thinks I make her strong, when in reality, she's my reason to be strong. She's my strength just as much as she may feel that I am hers. We depended so much on each other without really realizing it.
"Hey now" Mattie pulls out of the hug and places a hand on my cheek wiping my tears with her thumb. "You listen here Mircalla Karnstein."
I nod and try to contain myself.
"You care about this girl, yes?"
I nod fast.
"Then you've got to stay strong for her. She's in a battle far harder than anything we've ever faced. She's strong but you must help her be stronger. You must help her fight."
I nod feeling her words build me up inside.
"Good." she sighs and gives me a short hug. "I told you I didn't want to see you hurt again Mircalla."
"I know Mattie." I sniffle. "But I have hope.." I really did.
"Good. Because you're gonna need it." She pulls away smiling at me. "Stay strong dear. If not for yourself, then for her."
"What would I do without you Matts." I sigh relaxing the tension in my shoulders.
"Probably be on the ground somewhere trying to pull yourself together." she laughs as I punch her shoulder playfully while laughing with her.
"Kidding dear." She smiles, "How about a quick dinner before you go?" She asks standing to walk to the kitchen. I really wanted to be with Laura but a quick blood pouch was needed since I hadn't eaten all day.
"Maybe just a quick one." I yell from the couch taking another sip of wine.
- - - - -
Laura's POV:
"How's the treatment sweetheart" My dad asks from across the kitchen counter.
"It's fine." I reply walking towards the living room window. The snow was falling again and I hoped Carmilla had made it safely. I couldn't stop looking at the mountains that surrounded this place. They were just as gorgeous as I remember them to be when I lived away from the city. It felt more like home. Speaking of home, I remember I had a rough question to ask my father. It was one I asked many times before but he never liked to answer.
"Hey dad?" I say glancing at the picture frames neatly placed on the fireplace. They pained me to look at. The past was something I never liked to look back on, or talk about..
"Yeah Laura?" He yells from the kitchen.
I walk to the counter so he doesn't have to shout.
"I was um.. I was wondering. How are you paying for my treatment exactly?" His head snaps up from the food he was preparing.
"Now Laura, you know I don't like talking about it." He sighs tiredly. I could see the tired bags hanging under his eyes. My thoughts were that he's been picking up extra shifts just to pay for my treatment and college. He did way too much for me, I was beginning to feel like a burden..
"But I'm worried dad-"
"Don't be. I can handle it." He sends me a small smile. "Rest sweetheart, I'm sure you're tired from the drive and all."
I sigh and shake my head.
"I'm fine standing." I say in a harsh tone trying to let my anger be known. He never gave me the answers I wanted leaving me to think of how much stress I must be causing him.. I walk back to the living room to look out the window again. I wasn't sure if I was looking outside just for the hell of it, or waiting for Carmilla to come around. I was growing fond of the warmth she gave me when she was around. It was a scary thing getting used to something knowing anything could happen to ruin it, but I didn't feel afraid around her. I watched the snow fall while lost in thought.
"I'm sorry." My father says from behind me placing his hand on my shoulder. I turn to face him. "I don't want you to worry about the cost of the treatment sweet heart. Just focus on getting better."
"I'm doing what I can dad, but Dr. Laf's said there's no real way of knowing right now how well it's going-"
"I know." He interrupts. "But you're strong, and we've got our faith." His voice was shaky at the end of his sentence. I hated causing this kind of pain in people. It hurt me just as much as it hurt them.
I nod and smile back at him to reassure him I was okay. He pulls me into a tight hug. I felt really weak in his arms as I hugged him back trying to match his grip but not quite reaching it. I could feel a sharp pain in my back starting to form. Was I becoming fragile..
"How's the food coming along?" I pull back from the hug trying to change the subject.
"Fine, I think" He laughs scratching his head and walks over to the kitchen to check on it. I sigh trying to rid myself of the sharp pain in my back. I look out the window again to try and distract myself from it.
I missed her already.
The snow was beginning to look like swirls in my eyes. I wipe my eyes to make sure it wasn't tears or an eyelash causing them to look different but they stayed strange looking. My head suddenly felt lighter and the normal weak feeling I usually got after a rough day at chemo came back to my body. I knew what was next. I clenched my phone in my pocket and pulled it out pressing the redial button.
"When's your friend coming sweetheart?" My dad enters the room. I turn to look at him barley able to keep my eyes open. His figure was a blur. I could feel my heart beating as if it was ready to pump out of my chest. I could see his mouth moving, though he was a blurred figure, but I couldn't make out the words.
"D-dad" I whisper before my body goes limp and I collapse roughly to the ground with my phone falling beside me.
I could feel my father's footsteps on the ground getting closer to me but I couldn't hear them or him speaking. A buzzing sound muffled in my ears blocking all sound. I feel his hands grip the back of my head and my side trying to hold me up. The air was getting thick and it became hard to breathe.
"Laura?" I hear Carmilla's voice coming from somewhere. Before I could comprehend if she was really here or not, I black out.