I Don't Care
"I've never seen you so uneasy Mircalla. Are you in some kind of trouble? Is it money? Has someone tried to-"
"It's not me." I pace back and forward in complete discomfort. Too many terrible memories of this place were hitting me at once. The pain, the anger, the nostalgia, mixed with the thought of Laura was all too much. I needed to make this quick before I broke.
She raises an eyebrow. "Well it must be important for you to finally come to me."
"Can you change someone for me? A human." Her facial expression immediately turns from soft to serious. "She's sick okay. I-I don't know what to do. I didn't know how else to help her. I care about her a lo-"
"Mircalla." She says sternly causing me to stop pacing and look at her.
"You know I can't just do that."
I feel my chest tighten. "But you can try!"
"No I can't dear-"
"Stop with the pet names okay? You know I can't stand to be here, in the same room as you. It's obvious this is important to me, the least you could do is try?! You owe me that mu-"
"I Owe YOU?" She asks in anger standing up causing me to step back.
Don't be afraid..
"Let's not forget who gave you this second chance at life. This immortality you now have. I practically raised you, took care of you for as long as I can remembe-"
"Took CARE of me?!" She couldn't be serious. "If what you did to me was considered 'care' then we obviously live in two separate worlds you wretched-"
"Watch your tongue now Mircalla."
"No." I say stepping forward.
Where did this strength come from?
Her face stern but her eyes showed she was shocked, just as I was.
"I've listened to you for too long. I've let you control me for too long. Never again."
If her head could produce steam it'd definitely be showing right now. Her lips were pursed and her hands were clenched into fists.
I didn't come here for this..
I shake my head. "Mother." I say as best I can trying to keep the bitterness out of my tone. I could feel the tears in my eyes starting to form at the thought of Laura. She let's go of her fists and tightly wound stature to soften up at the words that came out of my mouth.
"What's wrong with this human?" She sighs and sits back down.
"She's sick.. Cancer.." I say in a shaky voice. She shakes her head.
"Can you help.."
I could see the insensitivity in her body language as I give her a better description of Laura.
"Alright, that's enough." She interrupts my pleading. "Since the words 'cancer' came out of your mouth I knew she couldn't be helped Mircalla."
Yet she allowed me to ramble about how much I needed help.. she allowed me to continue begging her for help? This woman made me sick. I don't know why I came here.
Bitterness and anger arose in me.
"You selfish inconsiderate little-"
"Mircalla!"
"F^ck you! I'll find my own way." I say running out the door. I could hear her saying my name from afar but I was long gone.
How could I ever think she could help me. I was hurt and scared, my mind was blurred. I never should have went to her. I had one thing on my mind now and that was Laura. I had to make things right and I knew exactly where to find her.
- - - - - - -
When I reach the park it's past midnight and the air was colder than this morning. I walk the sidewalk by the coffee shop and skim the area for her bench. As I start walking towards it from behind I see a figure sitting on it.
Laura.
Her beanie sitting perfectly on her head. Her back melting up against the bench. I couldn't hear her heart beat but I heard her breathing as I got closer. I reach the bench without her noticing me.
"Laur" I say softly, placing a hand on her shoulder from behind. She immediately jumps up to look at me then relaxes to see it's not a stranger.
"W-what are you doing here? It's late." She says sniffling and turning away from me. I sit beside her. We sit in silence for a bit until I finally decide what I'd like to say.
"I um.. I noticed a very tired girl here once." I say looking at her, but she avoids my gaze and stares at her hands.
"Oh."
I nod. "She was extremely tired," I place my hand on her cheek and she immediately looks up at me. "And cold," I scoot a little closer to her, our eyes never leaving each others. "And beautiful." I move my face closer to hers trying to close the space between us.
"C-carm-"
"So.. I gave her my jacket thinking I'd never see her again, but fate decided otherwise." Our faces are inches away from each other. I could feel her warm breath in front of me. The fogged warm air coming from her mouth touching my lips.
"O-or a very nosey journalist." she says slowly, her eyes flickering from my lips to my eyes and back.
I shake my head moving my face back.
"You walked into that poetry day at the coffee shop for a reason cupcake. A reason that is beyond you and me." I grab her hands now and wrap my fingers in hers. She allows me to which gives me a sense of comfort.
"You sure that's not just the philosophy major in you talking?" She says causing me and her to chuckle. I shake my head again.
"It's been too long since I last cared for someone like this to not consider this fate." I say with the memories of going through years of people and not meeting a single person worth my time, though she still doesn't know this.
She looks down and her face goes from smiling to frowning instantly.
What did I say this time?
"Carmilla we shouldn't." She says slowly starting to pull her fingers from mine.
"I.. I don't want to hurt you. You shouldn't have to deal with the pain of my sickness as I do. I don't want to see you get hurt-"
"Listen." I grab her hand and intertwine our fingers again.
"I... I know what could go wrong." I say with a sigh. "And I know it's going to hurt if it does.." She looks down. "But." I put my finger under her chin and lift her head to look at me. "I don't care." Her eyes soften at mine. "Because you're going to fight this.. We're going to fight this."
Tears begin to form in her eyes. As they fall down her cheek I wipe them away and send her a small hopeful smile.
"Why do you care so much." She sniffles wiping her tears away.
"Honestly cupcake? You just make me feel something that I've never felt before. Something I thought even after a thousand years of life I'd never find."
This makes her laugh.
Maybe I should tell her.
"You hardly know me Carmilla." She squeezes my hand and sniffles.
"But I feel as though i have for years."
She smiles and looks at our hands. Her nose was beginning to turn red and her body was shaking.
Gosh she must be freezing. I take off my jacket and place it around her.
"No no." She says objecting. "It's too cold for you not to have one."
"Then why don't you cuddle into me to keep me warm?" I say smoothly with a smile. She blushes and scoots close to me. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and rest my elbow on the bench bringing her the closest she can be. She rests her head in the crook of my neck against my shoulder. Although the weather never affected my body temperature, I felt warmer with her against me.
We stayed in a comfortable silence for a few moments until I felt Laura trying to cuddle further into me.
"Still cold cupcake?" I ask in a bit of concern.
"Yes actually, and you're surprisingly warm without a jacket!" I laugh at her comment and kiss the top of her head.
"Let's go. I'm walking you home." She nods and stands. When I stand I instantly reach for her hand. She smiles and locks our fingers together.
Did all this really just happen?. After so many years of pointless bed hopping have I finally found the perfect warmness for me? Should I explain my age now?
My mind becomes a blizzard of its own, filling with questions of what to say and how to say it.
Just say it Carmilla.
"Cupcake?"
"Hmm?" She says walking a steady pace beside me.
"I'm a vampire."
She stops walking causing me to stop. Her head snaps to me and her face was still. I began to feel a chill in my body, not from the coldness but from the fear of what she'd say next. Her lips began to part but didn't form words.
Say something Laura.
I squeeze her hand in a way to press her to continue. I finally see a sign of what she's feeling on her face and I immediately know what's coming next.
Laura begins to laugh.
Oh boy..