Just Give Me A Reason
Carmilla's POV:
She's avoiding me. It's been two days since I've heard from her and I didn't understand why it was driving me so insane. I pace back and forward in my apartment. I could hear the clock ticking away every second that passed and it only made me more anxious. I called, texted and showed up at her apartment but she responded to none of my efforts. I don't understand what I did wrong? I don't even understand why it's bothering me so much.
"Ugh!" I slump into my couch. It was like she infected me with some sort of feeling. Like she was a drug I thought was meaningless until she stopped coming around. Everytime I tried pushing the thought of her out of my mind she would just pop right back up. Her face, the way my touch felt on hers. It all stung in my mind, on my skin, in my veins. I never felt this way around any of the people I brought home for the night.
Laura's different..
I never felt the need to bring her home for only a night. I felt the need to know her. She was the one human I saved from Mattie. I had no reason to but I did. And I still don't know why. Was it really serendipity or was it fate? Am I stupid for thinking it could be fate when I've spent the last 300 years amongst the shadows of different names and images to hide my immortality? Or was I possibly right..
When I finally feel I'm coming into some sort of realization Mattie bursts through my door with a wine bottle.
"Mircalla!" She says loudly smiling at me.
This was exactly what I needed. A distraction.
"You alright there Mattie?" I ask tilting my head at her in curiosity. It was obvious she had been drinking already since she had an extra cheesy drunk smile on.
"More than so darling! I've got our next location all planned out!"
My smile instantly drops.
"But I'm not done with school?"
"That's the good news dear, we can transfer you here! They've got a good program for psychology major's and even better looking pets for you to mingle with as well!" She laughs popping the cork off the bottle of wine and pouring some in a wine glass. She hands it to me and I take it hesitantly.
"You're not happy? I thought you hated this place Mircalla?" Mattie pouts sitting beside me with a glass of wine in her hand.
"No, yeah.. sorry. I'm um. I'm happy." I say unsure of myself.
She rolls her eyes and puts the wine glass down on my living room table.
"Now what kind of a sister would I be if I didn't ask what was wrong?"
I guess I was being kind of obvious.
"It's nothing. I've just.. got a lot on my mind." I say standing up and walking to the front of the room. I rest my arm on top of the fireplace and stare at the fire.
"Mircalla.." Mattie says in a whining tone. "Please tell me you didn't."
"Didn't what?" I ask turning to her. She stands and walks towards me placing both hands on my cheeks forcing me to look at her.
"You've fallen for the pet haven't you.."
"What are you talking about?" I move her hands away from my face and walk to my kitchen. I hear her footsteps not too far behind mine. I open my fridge to grab a blood pack. I hadn't touched my packs since the kiss with Laura. I don't know why, I just didn't have the apetite.
"Mircalla, you've got that look."
"What look?"
"The same look you had with your best friend, Elle." I immediately slam the fridge door shut and turn to her giving her my full attention. My skin felt cold and my mind went blank.
"Except.." She begins to pace around me. "It's different."
"What do you mean?" I say pressing her to continue. I didn't understand my own feeling but Mattie knew me well enough to explain them for me, even when I denied her observations half the time.
"You spend most of your time trying to find ways to be with her Mircalla. You could care less about this project, we both know it. It's her. I don't know who she is but when you started school you didn't stop smiling. You haven't brought a random girl home since you met this girl. You're glowing in a way that doesn't even compare to Elle."
I feel my stomach start to turn at her words. Was she right.. I had only known Laura for a few weeks yet, I felt so rough being ignored by her..
"But" she interrupts my thoughts, "this isn't good Mircalla and you know that.." She sighs. "You watched Elle grow old from afar and I watched it break you." She places a hand on my shoulder. "And I don't want to see that happen again." Mattie pulls me into a hug. I hug her tightly back for a few moments. When we finally pull away I'm ready to speak.
"I know you don't want to see me hurt again Mattie, but I.." I contemplate letting my thoughts come out of mouth. I needed to speak. "I care for this one a lot.. and as painful and unsure as I am about her.. about my feelings.. I don't want to run away this time. No. I won't run away this time. I-I want to try."
She shakes her head smiling.
"You always were so deep hearted Mircalla." She places a hand on my cheek.
"Does this mean I'm moving miles away by myself?"
I give her a soft smile. "I-I think so matts."
She sighs and smiles as I pull her into a hug.
"I'm gonna miss you" I say placing my chin on her shoulder. She pulls back and looks at me smiling.
"Don't plan on never seeing me again hun. I'll be back soon enough." She winks.
"Thank you for understanding Mattie."
"It's what sisters do right?" She winks and goes to pour a glass of wine but the bottle is empty.
"Poo, we're all out." She frowns causing me to laugh.
"I'll go into town and get some, don't worry about it." I grab my keys and walk out.
"Don't forget my favorite wine is only sold at one store!" She says as I close the door behind me. That was a 30 minute drive away that I didn't mind taking for her.
- - - - - -
When I got to the store there was hardly anyone there. A sheriff's cruiser was parked up front with two other cars that probably belonged to the workers of the store. The snow was starting to pack in on the streets so I wanted to make my visit quick. When I enter the store the cashier waves welcoming me and I nod walking straight to the back. I walk down the wine isle only to see the sheriff looking at the wine bottles with a confused face.
I ignore it and look for Mattie's favorite. Once I find it I grab two and begin to walk down the isle until I feel a tap on my shoulder.
"Excuse me ma'am, I don't mean to disturb you but I was wondering if I could take a moment of your time."
I roll my eyes then turn around to meet the sheriff's face.
Wow this guy looks.. familiar?
"Um, sure" I say.
"Thank you! The police department is having a bit of a dinner and I was asked to bring wine. I'm not much of a drinker, so I was wondering what you'd recommend?" He asks in a cheerful tone.
"Oh. Well this one's pretty big at popular events," I say grabbing a bottle off the shelf and handing it to him. "It's my sisters personal favorite." I honestly don't know why I mentioned that.
He observes the bottle in his hands thoroughly.
"I'll take your word for it!" He smiles at me grabbing two more bottles.
"Thanks for your help, um?" He waits for me to say my name.
"Carmilla" I say with an awkward uninterested smile.
"Thank you Carmilla. I'm Mark Hollis, sheriff of this part of town."
I feel the hairs on my skin begin to stand up. The light brown eyes, the last name on his name tag, his hair color, his face.
He couldn't be..
"You um. Wouldn't happen to know a Laura Hollis, would you sir"
"Please, call me Mark," he smiles "and yes actually, that's my daughter!"
"Interesting." I whisper under my breath.
Well doesn't he look healthy.
"How do you know her?" He asks furrowing his eyebrows.
"Oh. We go to the same school." I say honestly.
"Are you.. a friend of hers?" He raises an eyebrow causing me to be a little confused with his curosity in the subject.
"Um. She's more to herself sir. A very good student."
"Oh." He frowns. Did I say something wrong? "Just thought maybe she tried making friends." Before I could question what he meant, he speaks again.
"Well thanks again Carmilla! If you see my daughter could you ask her to give me a call? I haven't spoken to her since she told me she couldn't pass out candy with me this Halloween."
But.. wasn't he in the hospital Halloween night? Shouldn't he be there now?!
"Um sure. Nice meeting you Mark. Goodluck with the wine." I say waving as he smiles and walks away.
She actually lied to me.. but.. why?
There was only one thing I could do next to get answers.
Looks like I'll be visiting again.
- - - - - - -
Laura's POV:
Three days.
It's been three days since I last saw Carmilla. Three days since I last talked to her. Three days since we kissed.. Three days since I last left my room. And out of those three days, I've missed 30 calls, 10 visitations to my door, 15 texts, and have had 10 nose bleeds and 6 emesis accidents around my house. Not to mention it had been 3 days since I had been at school and 3 days since I had been at my spot.
I didn't touch my phone because I knew it was her. I didn't go to class because I knew she'd be there. Today I had a chemo session to attend. It'd be my first one this week since I didn't go Monday and Wednesday. It was Thursday but I told Laf I'd be going in today to make up missing the past two days. I know my dad and Laf were probably worried about me not going but at this moment I didn't care. I had too much on my mind.
My sickness wasn't getting any better. My emesis wasn't clear anymore, it was starting to produce a brown like substance. It could have been because I hadn't been to chemo this week but I wasn't a doctor so I didn't know. I hadn't been handling any food I tried to eat very well and had lost about 10 pounds since Halloween. My sleeping pattern was off and I was lucky to get at least 3 hours a day. I wasn't in good shape at all but I still had the strength and energy to get up out of bed and get ready for my session.
I didn't bother putting on make-up to hide my sick fatigue looking face. There wasn't any point. I grab my satchel and keys and walk out my apartment door. When I get outside I notice someone standing by my car.
Oh god.. not now..
I begin to slowly back away hoping she didn't see me. I turn around and walk down the sidewalk thinking I had gotten away until I hear her.
"Laura! Laura wait up!" I can hear her footsteps not too far behind mine.
"I don't have time right now, please just leave Carmilla." I walk down a deserted ally to try and avoid her seeing me walk towards the hospital.
"Laura please. We have to talk." She says placing a hand on my shoulder from behind.
"Carmilla, I can't do this." I stop walking and turn to her stopping her in her tracks. She's now in front of me with a confused expression. Her eyes show pain but her face hides it well.
"What?" Tension becomes visible in her shoulders. I see her hands clutch onto her bags strap tightly.
"Did I come on too strong? I mean, I didn't mean to push myself on you. I'm sorry if I did something wron-"
"No it's not tha-... listen you won't understand okay?"
"Then please explain?"
"I just.. I don't have time for this.." I go to walk past her but she stands firmly in front of me blocking my way.
"What? Do you have to go 'see your dad' again?" I can hear the sarcastic anger in her voice.
"Excuse me?" I say looking at her kind of shocked at her words.
"You know? Your dad? Mark Hollis right? The very healthy sheriff across town? That's your dad isn't it?" She says angrily. I couldn't respond. How did she know my dad? How did she find out.. "Just stop Laura okay? Stop making excuses, stop lying to me and just tell me the truth."
"You wouldn't understand.. I don't want to hurt you."
"You've been ignoring me for days and lying to me Laura, what you have to say can't possibly hurt me more than that did."
She really cares about me..
"Don't you think you owe me an explanation?" She says with anger still in her face.
"Don't act as if you've never kept a secret from me okay? We've all got them." I say trying to defend myself. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to have this conversation. I just wanted to go to chemo then lock myself in my room forever.
"What are you so scared of Laura?" She grabs my hands and holds them tight. "Listen. I.. I've been a really bad person in my past life. I used people. I've hurt people, and I have my fair share of skeletons in the closet, which I plan on expressing to you when the time is right, but that's not important right now. I.. I know your scared Laura-"
"Carm please don-"
"Wait, just hear me out okay?"
I sigh and nod looking in her eyes. The vulnerability she hid so well was beginning to show more than ever. She was serious. Her words were true.
"I know you're scared, because I'm scared too. But you.. You've changed me Laura. I don't want to be this.. this hurtful person anymore. I don't want to run away from things I'm afraid of anymore, and I most certainly would never hurt you Laura. That kiss.. that kiss meant so much to me.." She pauses searching my face for something. Her tone was pained. "So please, just.. tell me what's going on."
"Carm I... I can't do this now."
"No, you've been lying to me for weeks, WE'RE doing this now."
"Carmilla move out of the way." I try to push past her but she cuts me off again.
"Just tell me what's going on Laura."
"Carmil-"
"Laura!"
"I'm sick okay?!"
"What?" She says confused.
"We can just take you to the doctor then, I'm sure it's just a stomach bug agai-"
"No Carm.. it's not.. it never was.." I feel the grip she has on my hands begin to loosen. I look at the ground trying to avoid crying but the tears begin flowing in.
I never meant for this to happen..