Twice With Feeling

Emily leaves Portland with her Nike backpack and no regrets. She even gets her Uber driver to go through a drive-thru so she could treat herself to a milkshake. As Portland passes her by she slurps on her milkshake and thinks about how irresponsible she is being. Jetting across the world to hang out with a woman she barely knew instead of supporting her friends in the championship.

She could turn around. Go back home. Forget this and be the same Sunny Sonnett everyone knew and loved. The one who hid her feelings for the benefit for others. The one who allowed people to walk over her sometimes the one who-

“Sir can you-” Emily stops when she spots the McDonalds, “turn into the McDonalds, I think I want some fries with this shake.”

Fuck that.

Emily was going to go to Sweden and hang out with the most beautiful woman she’s even seen and have sex with her until she passes out.

And no one was going to guilt her out of it. Not even herself.

— —

The blonde defender gets off the plane with a small case of anxiety. She tightens her grip on her backpack like a small child starting school for the first time and quickly exists her gate.

As she walks closer and closer to the exit she feels the weight of everything fall off her. The weight of the national team. The weight of the Thorns. The weight of not feeling enough at most times.

As she walks toward the baggage claim and the ground pick up she sees a store selling flowers. Emily diverts from her path and finds herself walking into the small shop.

There’s a bouquet of roses and tulips that catches her eyes.

Emily picks them up and looks at them closely, “Boring.” She places them back in their holder and wonders out loud, “Does she even want flowers?”

“Of course she wants flowers. Every women wants flowers.” A gruff voice says from behind her.

Emily turns to see an older black man shaking his head at her. “Seriously?” She asks.

“Young people these days. It’s like romance is dead.”

Romance? Who said anything about romance?

The man continues, “What are flowers?”

“Uh, a plant?” Emily responds.

“A plant she says. Flowers are a physical representation that you thought of her enough to buy her something beautiful and living.” He huffs.

Emily smiles, “Oh! Yeah that makes sense.” She looks down at the flowers, “I don’t really know what flowers she likes though.”

“Well, don’t get her roses those are boring.”

“That’s what I said!” Emily tells him.

The man walks over to a container with single flowers in them, “There might still be hope for you kid. Pick something out of her. Something that makes you think of her.”

Emily goes over to the flowers and looks them over. Something that reminded her of Melissa? Was there a flower that smelled like hot chocolate and sex? Emily doubts it and continues to stare at the flowers. Finally she notices a lone sunflower towards the back.

“This one.” She picks up the yellow flower and shows it to the man.

“Good choice kid.” He takes the flower out of her hand and goes to the counter. Quickly he wraps it in tissue paper and hands it back to her, “Don’t give it to her downstairs, wait until you’re in the parking lot or wherever you’re staying. Make it nice.”

Emily stares at him, “You work here?”

“Do you think I just loiter in airport flower shops telling young kids how be romantic? Now put that in your bag and hide it until later.” He replies.

“Oh.”

“Now go get your girl.”

Emily blushes, “She’s not really my- wait I still need to pay.”

He shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it kid. Just go get your girl. No one flies all the way to Sweden for a ‘not really my girl’ girl.”

Emily nods her head, “Right thank you. Have a good day!”

Emily walks out the shop with a little more confidence in her step.

— —

Melissa looks like a dream. A slightly miffed dream with her arms crossed and narrowed eyes. “Are you kidding me?”

God. Emily had missed the Canadian’s voice.

“What?” Emily asks looking down at herself.

“All denim? Even a denim fanny pack?”

Emily looks down at her Canadian inspired outfit, “I wanted to look good for my favorite Canadian, so I thought a Canadian tuxedo would be the best choice.”

Melissa glares at her for a moment but it softens to an uncertain stare. Emily falters slightly in her goofy ways. Fuck how do you say hello to the person you slept with months ago who just bought you an expensive ticket to visit her on a whim?

Emily sticks out her hand for a high five.

Blinking slowly Melissa takes a deep breath, “Those fingers have been in me. And that’s how you decide to greet me?”

“Well are they going to be in you later?” Emily asks cheekily.

“Come on you goof. Lets go before I put you on the first flight out of here.” Melissa reaches for Emily’s hand and intertwines their fingers; Emily looks down at their hands and smiles goofily, “Can’t have you getting lost can I?”

— —

The car ride is silent except for a small exchange at a stop light.

“Wait, did you just have a denim fanny pack lying around?”

Emily nods her head, “Duh, it’s not like I had time to go shopping for it.”

“Jesus.”

— —

“What, are you too good to live in an apartment like most players?” Emily asks as they pull up to Melissa’s townhouse across town. It’s a cute, two story house that looks like something out of a magazine. It’s a cute place to start a family. A family. A family with Melissa would be-

Emily shakes her head in hopes to get the uninvited thoughts to leave her.

“I’m too old for the apartment life style.” Melissa admits as she leads Emily to the doorstep, “Anyway, you won’t be complaining when you can scream without worrying about my neighbors hearing you.”

“You got me there.” Emily jokes as she fiddles with her backpack straps again. It was easier to think of Melissa when she was across the world from her. But now? Now that she’s inches away from her Emily feels her brain short circuiting again.

Melissa takes a step closer and places her hands on Emily’s waist, “I want you somewhere else though.”

Emily lets out a shaky breath, “You have me. Anywhere you want.” The American allows her backpack fall to the ground so that she can finally place her hands in Melissa’s hair. With a tug their lips are connected and Emily feels as hot as she did in Brazil. The weight that seemed to be on her chest since August lifted as Melissa’s did her damnedest to get closer to the blonde.

Through many missteps and near tumbles the two soccer players find themselves in the master bedroom. Emily allows herself to be pushed onto the bed and watches as Melissa begins to tug her shirt off. With her shirt now on the ground the Canadian looks at the fully clothed American.

“I know it’s be awhile Em, but you need your clothes off for the next part.” Melissa jokes.

“Who said it’s been awhile?” Emily throws back with a careless shrug. She begins to play with the buttons of her denim button up.

Melissa frowns for a moment before replacing with a look of indifference, “Well you should already be going through the motions then.”

Emily reaches and pulls Melissa down so that she now lays on top of her, “I was joking.” A gentle hand brushes hair out of Melissa’s face, “It’s been awhile. I’d say at least since maybe… August? So you might have to help me out a little.”

“Why are you so difficult?” Melissa replies, a smile tugging at her lips.

Emily shrugs, “I don’t know. Maybe because I missed you.”

Melissa begins unbuttoning the shirt in earnest and is quickly able to push it off Emily’s shoulders and throw on the ground.

“I’ll show you how you treat someone when you’ve missed them.” Melissa mumbles as she kisses the newly uncovered skin. As she makes her way down Emily’s toned stomach she begins to unbuckle her jeans as well.

“So you missed me huh?” Emily teases.

A sharp bite to her side is her answer. Melissa continues to tug at Emily’s tight jeans but they’re not budging, “Why would you wear such tight jeans when you know I would take them off with in the first twenty minutes of you being here?”

Emily laughs, “Sorry for wanting to look nice for you.” She rolls from under Melissa and stands to shimmy from out of her jeans.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love a good strip tease.” Melissa tells her after Emily crawls back into the bed, “But these past months,” a hand finds it’s way into the defenders hair, “has been all the teasing I need. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Emily nods her head seriously and leans into kiss the woman that’s been in her head (and heart not that she would admit it now) these past months.

Pulling away from the kiss Melissa nudges Emily to lay on the pillow as she slides down her body, “Good. Now let me show you how proud I was of you when you scored that goal in overtime.”

— —

They don’t leave the room until after they’ve missed two meals and neither of them can feel their lips.

— —

Melissa wakes up the next morning with Emily’s face tucked into her neck. She allows the moment to wash over her for a moment. Gentle arms squeeze her body as Emily dreamt of whatever the the goofy American usually dreamt of.

With carefulness that Melissa hasn’t had to use in many years she pries the body away from her and rolls off the bed. She watches as Emily frowns a little in her sleep and blindly search for her in the bed. After coming up empty Emily nuzzles into the now abandoned pillow and goes back to a relaxing sleep.

Melissa walks out of her room and into the kitchen finding remnants of their mid night snack that had lasted all of eight minutes. The cereal box that lays on it’s side and the nearly empty glass of water from the night before mocks Melissa as she is reminded of how foolish she’s being.

Inviting Emily to come visit her is bad enough. But having it happen so soon? It’s pathetic. What did that say about Melissa.

There’s something about Emily. Something that made Melissa feel like she was twenty again with dreams of winning a World Cup some day. Emily made her feel like she had when she was with Erin.

Erin.

The goalkeeper was always going to be in her heart. First love. First everything. But that ship had sailed years ago, but maybe this was Melissa’s other chance. Maybe this was the way Melissa got her happy ending too. Not that she would call being with Ella a happy ending (even in her most private thought Melissa couldn’t admit that she was quite fond of the American).

“Huh.” Melissa sips the last of the water in the glass, “My American’s better.”

“Your what is better?” A voice asks from behind her causing Melissa to jump.

She spins around, “Jeez you are light on your feet!”

Emily stands in front of her in a pair of sleep shorts and her bronze medalist shirt from 2012. Her hands are behind her back hiding something, “Learned habit, my parents didn’t like a lot of noise in the house.”

“Right.” Melissa tries to peak behind Emily’s back, “What do you have there?”

Smiling Emily steps closer to her, “Something for you.”

“I swear if it’s Maple S-

Emily pulls a sunflower from behind her back and offers it to Melissa, “I saw it and thought of you.”

Melissa reaches for it and holds it gently to her chest, “They’re my favorite.” She looks down at it, “Thanks.” When Melissa looks back up it’s to the sight of Emily’s rose colored cheeks.

The two stand in silence for a moment.

“Shower?” Emily asks.

“Yeah. Go start one up while I put this flower in a vase.” Melissa waves her off, “Then we’ll go get lunch and I’ll show you around.”

Emily wraps her arms around Melissa and squeezes a little, “Or we could stay in.”

Melissa pushes her away slightly, “I know you American’s shy away from learning about other cultures so it’s my duty to show you.”

Chuckling Emily repeats, “Ha. Duty.”

Melissa swats her butt, “Very mature, go start the water.”

Finally listening to directions Emily walks back to the bathroom.

“And don’t forget I like my shower like I like my women. Hot!”

— —

The two spend the day around the town with no set plans. Melissa takes her down to the park where she likes to mediate before a game. They visit a coffee shop that sells the best scones Emily has ever had apparently. And they talk.

They talk a lot.

They talk about Melissa possibly retiring.

They talk about Emily’s twin who is by far the favorite of the parents.

They talk about their own short comings.

They talk about the time Melissa stomped on Carli’s head.

“I didn’t!”

Emily shakes her head, “The video says otherwise Mel.”

The familiarity they share now warms Melissa heart but not enough for her to back down on this, “It was an accident. I mean yeah in that moment I didn’t like her but I wasn’t trying to hurt her or anything.”

“Why didn’t you like her?”

Melissa laughs, “Do you ever like the opponents you constantly loose to?”

“That’s fair.” Emily admits, “But have you ever hung out with her outside of all of this?”

“Not really. I mean we’ve seen each other at functions but I’ve never sought her out. She’s always with Solo anyway so I tend to give them a wide birth.” Melissa admits.

Now it’s Emily’s turn to laugh, “Are you scared of Hope?”

“Of course not.” She says quickly, “I just never saw a reason to try and get close to either of them. Anyway we’re both hot heads so who knows how that would go.”

“Hope, a hot head? Nah, she’s usually really withdrawn. She’s the best.” Emily tells her with a giant smile. Hope means a lot to her and she needs Melissa to understand why.

Melissa groans, “Please don’t tell me your crushing on Solo.”

Emily pales and splutters, “Ew gross! Of course not. She’s my team mom.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she’s always been there for me since I joined the team. Her and Carli have kind of taken me under their wing a little.” Emily admits shyly.

The talk about Emily’s parents earlier allowed Melissa to know how important it was for Emily to have parental figures in her life. And who better for her than practical soccer royalty.

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I want to sweep you away. I’ll need to ask their permission.” Melissa jokes before quickly realizing what she had actually said. Next time. She had said next time.

Fuck.

If Emily notices her internal panic she is kind enough not to mention it. Instead she nods her head and shrugs, “I mean they don’t know I’m here so I think you’re okay.”

“They don’t know you’re here?”

“Nah.” Emily takes a sip of her lemonade. “I kind of just left in the middle of the night.”

“Jesus Emily. You should have told somebody. They’re probably worried sick.” Melissa frowns, “Wait. You didn’t tell anybody?”

Emily reaches for Melissa’s hand, “It’s not because of you, I promise. I was just so caught up in the moment and everyone else was busy so I just left. No one noticed I left in Brazil until I was flying back so I’m not worried about causing a panic.”

“If you’re sure.” Melissa pauses, “Do you even have your phone on you?”

Shaking her head Emily laughs, “It died last night and I left my charger in Portland.”

“You can charge it when you get back to my place. You ready to go?” Melissa gestures to the door.

“I am! Now lets go check that bookstore we passed earlier!”

— —

By the time they get back to the house it’s getting dark outside the girls are ready to fall into bed and each others arms. Melissa might not be a celebrity in Sweden but she is well known. It wouldn’t do well for someone to post a picture of her canoodling with a young blonde on the internet, it wouldn’t take long for someone to identify Emily and then only God knows what would happen next. So they kept discreet while they were out all day.

And god did that suck.

Melissa doesn’t know when Emily plans on going back so she doesn’t want to waste anytime. Even though it takes dragging the American away from the waterfront Melissa is excited for their plans that night. For dinner Melissa plans on making a lasagna from scratch that they will eat in bed as they watch their favorite Canadian shows, allowing them to cuddle in bed for as long as they wanted.

“So what’s the plan Stan?” Emily asks as she sits at the counter.

“I’m going to make lasagna for dinner and then we’re going to eat it.”

Emily nods her head, “Nice I love lasagna. Can I help make it?”

“Can you cook?” Melissa asks, skeptical that the lengthy American can do anything regarding the kitchen.

With a hand on her chest Emily gasps, “Can I cook? How dare you. How very dare you. Of course I can cook.”

Melissa begins to move around the kitchen and gather the supplies she needs, “Sandwiches don’t count Em.”

“I’ll have you know I can make the best cake you will ever eat!”

“That’s baking not cooking.” Melissa jokes.

Emily crosses her arms on her chest and pouts, “Now you’re just being mean.”

Melissa puts down the sauce she was about to poor and goes over to Emily. “I’m just joking. I’m sure your cake taste great.” She leans in for a kiss but Emily turns her head.

“I said the best.”

“Okay. I’m sure you can bake the best cake I’ve ever had.” Melissa relents, “Now may I have a kiss?”

Emily gives her a quick peck on the lips and backs away. She picks up her jacket and begins to put it on, stuffing her wallet in her pocket.

“Where are you going?”

“I still tasted doubt in that kiss. And I won’t stand for it. I’m walking down to the grocer to pick up the ingredients for the cake that will knock your socks off.” Emily tells her.

Melissa sighs, “I believe you. I’m-

“Nope. It’s for my honor.” Emily kisses her cheek. “I’ll be back in like 20.”

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

Emily nods her head, “Totally. And if not I’ll just check my phone.”

“You don’t have your phone. It’s dead remember?” Melissa says exasperatedly.

“Oh yeah. Can you charge that for me, it’s on your bathroom counter?” Emily quickly backtracks out of the room, “My survival skills will keep me alive!” She declares as she blows a kiss and exits the room.

Melissa hears the front door closing.

“A child. I’m in lo-“

Melissa stops herself before she can finish her statement.

Fuck.

— —

The lasagna prep didn’t take her as long as expected and suddenly she’s left with nothing to do but worry about the American who has now been gone for thirty minutes.

Melissa goes to check her phone but stops when she remembers that Emily didn’t have hers, “Damnit.”

That does remind her to go charge Emily’s phone though. She walks to her bathroom and finds the phone in question. It has a USWNT case on it and Melissa feels offended that it’s in her home. She plugs it into her charger and as it turns on she hears her front door open. Quickly she drops the phone on her bed and goes to greet Emily.

“I was worried someone had kidnapped you or something. What took so long?” Melissa tells her as she takes a few of the bags out the defenders hands.

Emily gives her a shy smile, “I couldn’t read anything in the store so I had to ask a lot of question.”

Melissa laughs, “Of course.”

“And I saw some stuff I wanted to try so I grabbed that too.” Emily tells her as she moves to the kitchen.

“Like what?”

Emily winks, “You’ll find out tonight.”

— —

Bomb Girls is even better when you’re watching it cuddled up to someone.

— —

What’s better than Bomb Girls and cuddles? A quickie while the aroma of a home made cake surrounds you.

— —

“You’ve killed me.” Emily whispers, her voice hoarse.

“Stop being dramatic.” Melissa tells her. She kisses the side of her lovers sweaty head.

Emily turns and looks at her seriously, “I can’t feel my legs woman. You’ve ruined me.” She rolls away from Melissa, “Go check on the cake before it burns.”

Melissa huffs but gets out of the bed, “Only because you asked so nicely.”

Emily watches her walk away before closing her eyes. Jesus that woman would be the death of her. She looks to the side and sees her forgotten phone glowing in the darkness of her room, the screen lit up with messages. “Fuck.”

Reaching for her phone as if it was going to bite her Emily finally checks.

And holy shit.

25 unread messages from the team group chat.
22 missed calls.
18 unread texts.
2 missed face time requests.

Before she can open any of them her phone starts to vibrate. Hope is calling her.

Shit.

Emily stares at the screen, unsure of what to do. Finally on the last ring she picks up.

“Hope?”

“Hey kid.” Emily realizes that Hope doesn’t sound mad, which is a good sign.

“Is everything alright?”

Laughing softly Hope replies, “Is everything alright with you?”

Emily’s rolls her eyes at herself; Hope is calling to check in on her, not the other way around “Oh, the missed calls.”

“Yeah the missed calls. I just wanted to make sure you were safe and ok.”

Emily feels herself taking a loud, deep breath before she can stop herself. It’s been awhile since she heard those words from someone, “Yeah,” Emily chokes out, “I’m fine.”

“That’s good to know. I’ll tell the team you’re ok so they’ll stop bothering you.”

“You’re not going to ask where I am?” Emily finds herself sitting up in the bed, “What I’m doing?”

“I know what it’s like to need to run away. Just be safe. Maybe check in once a day though.” Hope tells her, and it’s not hard for Emily to picture her half smiling through the phone.

Emily tries to play it cool, “Who knew Hope Solo was such a mother hen?”

“Well I have to be when my little chicks decide to be Carmen Sandiego.”

Laughing Emily says, “Fair.”

“Emily! Your cake is done!” Melissa calls from the kitchen, making Emily jump.

“Sounds like you got to go. Be safe Emily.”

Emily almost doesn’t want to hang up, “Bye Hope.”

“Bye chickadee.”

There’s a click and the phone call is over. Emily stares at the phone for a moment, allowing herself to miss Hope.

“Emily I am going to eat this cake with out you!”

The moment is over.

— —

When Melissa offers to take her to a museum and lunch Emily can’t help but tease her.

“If you wanted to take me on a date all you had to do was ask.” Emily jokes as she begins to towel dry her hair.

“It’s not a date. I’m just fulfilling my worldly duty of educating you, an America, on cultural importance.”

Emily rolls her eyes, “Yeah, ok.”

Melissa comes from behind her and wraps a hand around Emily’s waist, “You’ll know when I’m taking you on a date.” She places an open mouth kiss on the the defenders shoulder, “Now get dressed.”

— —

Now Melissa is a big fan of art. Some (Carmelina) have even gone as far as to call her a snob. So when she finds Emily trying to recreate the poses of the statues with a child like glee the most beautiful piece of artwork in museum she knows she’s fucked.

— —

After all of the ‘Def not Dawn Approved’ foods Emily decides to be good and order a salad.

The salad is called the green monster. Nothing but green fruit, vegetables, and seeds with grilled chicken on top.

Emily’s first thought is to take a photo to send it to Hope.

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who have to photograph everything they eat?” Melissa complains as she cuts her salmon into bite sized pieces.

“No!” Emily sticks out her tongue, “I’m taking a pic for Hope to show Carli.”

“Seriously?”

Emily sends the message, “Yeah, Carli eats greens for lunch everyday.”

“Why don’t you just send it to Carli?”

“Well I told Hope I’d check in with her.” Emily sheepishly smiles at Melissa, “ Did I forget to mention that I talked to her?”

Melissa nods her head, unimpressed, “What did she say?”

“Just that she understands the need to escape and that she’d get the rest of the girls off my back.” Emily tells her before taking a bite of her salad.

“And?”

“That’s it. She didn't even ask where I was. Just asked me to check in once a day so she wouldn’t worry.”

“Oh.” Melissa leans back in her chair. “That’s nice.”

Emily’s phone dings. She looks down at there phone and blushes slightly, “Oops.”

“What?”

Before answering Emily quickly types out a reply, well a meme, and slides it into her fanny pack, “I forgot the time change. She figured out that I’m in Europe and wants me to try eating something local.”

Melissa raises an eyebrow and opens her mouth to reply but Emily cuts her off, “You’re not a local.”

— —

When Melissa asks if she wants to watch the championship Emily doesn’t even think twice when she says no. But she makes sure to send Sam a message on Facebook that tells her good luck. She watches as the bubble pop up informing her that Sam is replying and instantly logs off.

Melissa, sensing a shift in her attitude, wraps her arms around Emily and nuzzles into her hair. “Lets go for a hike today. We’ll pick up some of those scones you like and go out into the trails.”

Emily turns around and presses a light kiss onto Melissa’s lips before pulling away to put on her clothes for the day.

— —

They end up eating their scones, and everything else Melissa thought would make the American happy, by the lake. Emily, still a little down, didn’t notice Melissa taking her photo until she heard a ding on her phone. Looking down she sees that Melissa had sent her an image, opening the photo Emily finds that it’s of her and smiles.

“I thought you could send that to Hope.” Melissa tells her shyly, “You know for your regular check in.”

“It’s perfect.” Emily leans over to kiss her cheek, “You’re perfect. But what I really need is a picture of the two of us.”

The two struggle to get into the frame of the camera before Emily gives up and decides to sit in Melissa’s lap. She leans back, smiles, and takes the photo.

“Hey! I wasn't ready.” Melissa complains.

“Fine.” Emily takes another photo of both of them smiling at the camera. She slides off Melissa and grabs another scone, “Want to hit the trails soon?”

— —

Later that night Emily looks at the photos from earlier that day and can’t help but feel as though the air has been taken right out of her. The first photo of her in Melissa’s lap looks like something staged. Melissa is looking at Emily with a small smile and something more than fondness.

In that moment Emily Sonnett realized that she was in love with Melissa. And that maybe Melissa might return her feelings too.