Guilt

Hesitating, Lafontaine’s hand hovered anxiously over the ornate door knob leading in to the Dean’s old apartment on campus, weary of the reception they would receive from a certain broody inhabitant. Even Perry’s reassuring presence – which felt so good after so long without it – could do nothing to calm them down this time. It had been just over a week since the Dean’s defeat, Laura’s rebirth and Carmilla’s subsequent return to the ranks of the living and tensions were still running high. While Laura was more than willing to forgive, and forget any prior anger Carmilla still harbored resentment because of the blasé way Laf and Perry walked away from Laura’s body that night in the Pit. They knew that in their excitement they may have let thoughts of anything else slip from their mind, and they knew that it was hypocritical but there was nothing to be done about that now, Lafontaine could only hope that Carmilla had calmed down after their last encounter wherein she screamed at them for almost half an hour while crying and trying to stab them with the Blade of Hastur. Gulping, they finally knocked on the door, smiling slightly when Laura’s sleepy voice welcomed them in.

Lafontaine and Perry found Laura curled up with Carmilla on the couch, the dark-haired girl was completely on top of her girlfriend, her face buried in Laura’s neck and their legs entangled. Laura seemed perfectly content underneath the ex-vampire and she grinned toothily at them, untangling one of her hands from Carmilla’s hair to wave and gently shush them.

“Hey guys, do you mind speaking quietly? Carm literally just fell asleep.”

“Of course, sweetie, how are you two doing?”

Lafontaine would always be eternally grateful for Lola Perry. She naturally engaged Laura in a motherly conversation all the while making sure that Laf was comfortable and that Carmilla stayed fast asleep. Awkwardly sitting down, they tuned the menial conversation out and focused their new laser eye on the sleeping beauty. Carmilla was breathing – breathing, Laf was sure they would never get used to that – quietly into Laura’s neck, perfectly still apart from the movement of her chest. Laura in turn was gently rubbing circles into her girlfriends back while she used the other hand to articulate whatever it was she was telling Perry. She would stop occasionally, Laf noticed, and carefully move her hand to Carmilla’s neck, feeling for her pulse. It was disgustingly sweet and if Laf didn’t feel so guilty about everything that had happened they probably would have made fun of the couple by now.

“How’s your eye Laf?”

They were broken out of their pity party by Laura’s concerned voice happily trying to engage them in the conversation.

“Oh, err its fine Frosh, I actually think the infrared is a vast improvement.”

Laura smiled kindly and was about to say something else when Carmilla started to stir, first slowly wriggling on top of Laura as she stretched, yawning loudly into the crook of her girlfriend’s shoulder, happily pausing to inhale her scent and nuzzle her fondly. Laf gulped even as Laura giggled. They knew that Carmilla’s good mood would dissolve rapidly once she noticed them, especially as they had caught her at such a vulnerable moment.

“Carm!” giggled Laura when said girl started to place sloppy kisses along her neck, “stop it, we have guests!”

At Laura’s words Carmilla tensed, lifted her head and scowled once she caught sight of the two gingers in the room.

“You.”

Laura immediately looped her arms back around Carmilla’s shoulders and tightened her grip, thanking whatever entity out there that her broody girlfriend no longer had supernatural strength. She had been there the first time Laf and Carm had been reunited and the aftermath had not been pretty. It was brutal, even for Carmilla. She had not been anxious for a repeat performance but it was getting harder to separate her love life from her friends. Clearly though, it had been well worth the effort.

“Carm,” she whispered desperately into dark hair, ‘Baby please, I’m right here. I’m with you, please, Laf didn’t do anything wrong. Calm down.”

But as whipped as Carm was, Laura knew that she wouldn’t be as quick to give in to her tiny girlfriend. She was shaking on top of her, straining against Laura’s arms in anger and hurt.

“Get. Out.” She spat, still pulling against Laura’s hands.

“Now Carmilla– “Perry was cut off as Carmilla raised her voice.

“I said GET OUT.”

“Carm- “

But the gentle patterns Laura was tracing with her fingers against Carmilla’s shoulders weren’t working to calm her down this time, she was tense with rage, stiff as a board on top of her. Laura honestly had no idea what to do other than hold her down on her chest.

“Maybe, maybe we should just go Perr. We’ll see ya later Frosh.”Laf muttered in defeat as they grabbed Perry’s elbow and gently pulled her out of the apartment.

The room fell silent apart from Carmilla’s harsh breathing as she slowly cooled off. Laura didn’t know what to say, so she uncharacteristically kept her mouth shut as Carm sniffled and then buried her face in Laura’s chest, right at her heartbeat.

“Carmilla, I’m right here okay? I’m never gonna leave you again.”

Laura knew that she probably shouldn’t have made a promise like that but she couldn’t help it, Carmilla’s tears were slowly shattering her heart. She was cut off from her eternal monologuing by Carmilla’s tear streaked appearing suddenly in hers, sharing her breath.

“Hey,” Laura smiled, her thumb reaching up to wipe the moisture off her girlfriend’s face.

“I love you,” Carmilla replied intensely, urgently, “You know, that, right? I love you.”

Laura couldn’t stop her own tears from making an appearance as her heart melted in her chest. Carmilla hadn’t stopped declaring her love since the night in the pit and Laura would never tire of hearing it.

“Oh Carm,” she whispered, “I know Baby and I love you too. So much. I’m sorry it took me so long to say that.”

Carmilla didn’t say anything after that, she just pressed a firm and desperate kiss to Laura’s mouth, her nose, her cheek and her forehead before pulling aside her giraffe shirt and leaving a long-wet kiss on her chest. Still sniffling and whispering her love for Laura she nuzzled back into neck. Laura sighed and kissed Carmilla’s head, leaving her lips there as she closed her eyes. Maybe she could keep her girlfriend and her friends separate for a little longer.