Nightmares and Daydreams
Emma’s Point of View
I woke up with a start and turn off my blaring alarm clock. I have never been so happy to wake up at 4 in the morning before this moment. I get up and stretch and realize I am drenched in sweat. I walk towards the bathroom to shower and get ready. My apartment is a studio and is only 200 square feet and the only room that has a door is the bathroom. I slide the door closed and look at myself in the mirror and it is obvious that I had a long night of tossing and turning.
I put my head in my hands and cry. The nightmares are back. They started a week ago and I was hoping it was a onetime thing, but no. I hop into the shower and close my eyes while the hot water rushes over me. Images from my nightmare start flashing through my mind. I’m on a boat crying and I’m eight years old. I’m in my mom’s arms and there is someone yelling at us. My face feels like it is on fire. NO, I cannot keep doing this to myself. I probably need to start seeing Dr. Hopper again, but money is tight and I let it slip because I thought I was over this. Apparently, I am not. I will need to start saving, so I can see him again.
I finish getting ready and put on some concealer to hide the fact that it was a rough night. I text Rubes to see if she wants me to pick her up on the way to work. She shoots a text back saying she spent the night at some guy’s house and he is giving her ride into work. I roll my eyes because it is going to be a long morning of her telling me about her night of epic sex. I replied back ‘whore’ with a winky face. I grab a banana and start to walk out the door. I get another text from Rubes: ‘you know it.’ I chuckle to myself because that girl is honestly the best. I get in my car because even though it’s nice out now, I am not riding my bike home in this atrociously hot South Carolina August weather.
I pull up and skillfully parallel park (yes, it is a skill). Ruby is already waiting for me to unlock the door and I give her a once over. “So, clearly not too wild of a night if you are here on time in work appropriate dress.” Ruby busts out laughing, “Oh Em, you know I am nothing but professional.” I scoff and roll my eyes. “What about three weeks ago when you came to work on Monday morning still in the dress from Friday night. You were all like, ‘it’s still clean. I haven’t worn it since Friday.’ Lucky for you, I had leggings and a long shirt in my bag. Granted, I would have given anything to see Lou’s face when she saw you in that get-up.”
Rubes just laughs at me and she kind of sounds like a dog barking. “Lou loves me and you know it. She wouldn’t have cared.” I look at her and she amends her statement. “Okay, she would have shit her pants. It would have been worth it because it was really good sex.” I only reply with a grunt.
We finally get inside and I start the morning ritual of turning the oven and lights on in the store. I walk over to read the notes from last night. Tamara, the night shift, left me a crabby note about some shit. She hates my guts and I have no idea why. Plus, the things she is complaining about were out of my control. I roll my eyes and look over at Rubes. “Em, do not let Tamara ruin your morning. You get to open with me and we all know how fun I am.” I roll my eyes, “yes ma’am, Ruby.” We both laugh and she slaps my arm.
We finally get things set for the morning rush and I run around doing my ‘shift duties.’ We got another order last night and I am shouting at Ruby from the other room about what product she needs in the front. I grab the boxes and I am walking out of the storage room to hand the stuff to Ruby. Some of our regulars are talking to Ruby and I roll my eyes. “Rubes, get to work,” I joke. She gives me the side eye that says she is clearly flirting with this hot firefighter and has no time for me right now. I put the product down and poke her in her sides and whisper “you will seem more mysterious if you walk away and work.” She rolls her eyes.
I turn to the customer, “I am so sorry, but Ruby has to return to work now, but if I give you her number then y’all can talk whenever it suits you.” The Fireman’s face turns bright red and I hear Ruby gasp. Then I feel pain in my left arm. “Dang Rubes, what the damn hell?” “Emma, I can’t believe you did that. I am sure that poor man does not want my number.” I have to hold back a chuckle because I can see the mirth in her eyes and her surprise at my boldness. All of sudden, we hear someone clear their throat and we both turn. It’s the fireman, still bright red. “I would actually love your number and to take you out some time.” I give Ruby a smirk and walk away while they exchange digits.
I am happy for her, but I wish I could be that smooth in my own love life. I guess it’s the curse of being in the closet and also starting to be attracted to people again. Well one specific person. My mind thought back to the gorgeous brunette from yesterday. God, she was everything you could hope to find in someone in the looks department. I really hope she has a terrible personality because I am not going to survive if she is beautiful inside and out. About this time David walks in and sees the dreamy look on my face. He gives me a knowing smirk. “I see someone still has their mind on a certain hot brunette.” I roll my eyes. “A good morning to you too, sweetheart.” He just laughs and starts to tell me about all the trouble he and Robin got into the night before at one of the clubs. I just roll my eyes and thing why does everyone but me have their shit together? It was another long morning rush and everyone came in at once after David got here at seven. Everyone, men and women, want to be with David. They call him prince charming and I want to gag, but it is true. David is prince charming with his scruff, close cut hair, strong jaw line, and chiseled abs. At 6’3 he is everything that a man should be to be desirable. It is honestly a shame that we are both gay because he is the love of my life.
We finally made it through the rush and are having a lull between classes. I give everyone cleaning tasks to get done while we are waiting for the next crazy hour to get here. I am looking over our numbers for the day and I hear someone clearing their throat. I look around and Ruby is cleaning a fridge with her butt in the air. Why does she do that? Why does everything have to be provocative with her? I just shake my head, since I am the only one currently available to help this customer.
I look up and it’s her. All of sudden my mouth is dry and I rub my hands down my apron. I did that to one, smooth it down and two, dry my all of a sudden, sweaty hands. I finally make it to the register after what seems like an eternity. She is even more beautiful up close and I run my eyes over her body. She has on a tight black dress and a navy blue blazer. I have no idea what shoes she has on because her feet are hidden behind the counter, but I am sure they are hot like her.
She smirks at me because she caught me clearly checking her out. I choke a little and I clear my throat, “Hi, welcome to Starbucks. What can we get started for you today?” She raises an eyebrow and looks around seeing no one else. “We?” Her damn voice is sex. It is husky and sweet simultaneously. This woman is magic, I can tell. I am confused for a second and panic. Play it cool Swan. Don’t mess this up. I try to chuckle and smile, but I am sure I sound and look like a crazy person. “Well, I am so used to saying that way that I still do it when I have one customer and I am the only one on the floor. Plus…”
She lifts that eyebrow again and all I can think is how that damn thing is going to be the death of me. “Ah I see.” Is all she says and then I notice she is checking me out. Luckily, I look good to today. I have a nice black shirt that shows my arms and tight jeans. My hair is in a braid and all I can do is thank God for that dress code change. I know I am blushing now and I do the only thing I can do, I ask her what she would like to drink. Despite all of my pretend confidence, it comes out barely louder than a whisper. She chuckles lightly and her lips upturn. “Well dear, can I get a grande soy chai with an added shot.” I get everything written on her cup and punched into the computer. I look up at her with a smirk on my face because I realize that I am about to learn her name. “what’s your name…you know so you will know when your drink is ready?”
She looks at me and that smirk is back and I think I am going to pass out because I have never felt this attracted to someone ever. She gestures around the empty store and says “I think I can figure it out without giving you my name.” I think in that moment, my every dream in life was crushed and somewhere in the world an evil person took candy from a baby. She glances back at me and very clearly states “Unless you need it for some other reason…”
Now this is moment to be smooth and flirt, but that’s not me at all. Okay, I will try to channel David and hope it doesn’t come out weird. What would David do? Shit. I gather all of my courage and say “Well it would be helpful to know if your name matches with how beautiful you are.” I immediately close my eyes because that was horrible and so not David. I feel like my cheeks are on fire. I sneak a look at her and she is silently laughing at me. I kind of want to curl up in a ball so I mumble “sorry.”
I walk over to start making her drink, so I can do something with my hands and so I don’t have to deal with my embarrassment any longer. All of sudden I hear, “So, you didn’t tell me how much my drink is, dear.” “well, you didn’t tell me your name.” I snap back. When the hell did I become a teenager? She chuckles to herself and says “you are correct, I did not.” I walk back over and hand over her drink and I smile at her. “Well ma’am to make up for being a goober and to thank you for not complaining to my boss this one is on me.” She looks surprised for a second and catches on to my joke about my talking to my boss. “well I never said that I wasn’t going to speak to your supervisor.” She winks at me and I blush. I lean towards her as if telling a secret and say “maybe this drink is incentive enough to keep it between us and to get you to come back again?” She chuckles again and says “maybe.”
Right then Killian walks out onto the floor in his leather pants and I am thinking who the fuck wears leather pants to work let alone in August. Also, he is a pussy block. He walks over and hugs me and tries to kiss me. I maneuver out of that so fast that I swear I secretly have super powers. He looks a bit shocked, but instead says “hello love.” “Killian” I say through clenched teeth, “we have talked about this. I am not your love nor will I ever be your love. Please don’t make me talk to Lou about this because it is already awkward enough without bringing her into it.” He holds his hands up in surrender, but his eyes say something else.
All of a sudden, I hear a throat clear and I look to see she is still here. She looks confused and I start to panic that she may think something is going on between Killian and I. I can tell she could not hear most of our conversation. Killian looks up too and does actually has the nerve to look a little ashamed now. All I can think is why can she accomplish what I cannot? “Hi Dr. Mills, how are you today?” She smiles at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes like when it was just us. “I am well Mr. Jones, thank you. Have you done the reading for today’s lecture?” Killian loses a little of his usual cockiness and says “I have not gotten around to it yet.” I just roll my eyes at him. I am not surprised because I know Killian is just doing school, so his dad will let him have his trust fund. I know this because he would not shut up about it when we were dating. I consistently let him down because I was not impressed. She noticed my eye roll and she smirked. I noticed then that there was a little something dancing behind those dark brown eyes. “Well Mr. Jones, make sure you have the reading done before my class and also find some work appropriate pants.” I bust out laughing and I cannot stop. I just say between gasps “she’s right.” Killian frowns and walks away from us and mumbles “bye Dr. Mills.”
I wipe the tears from eyes and say thank you to her. It is then that hits me that she is a professor and Killian’s professor? She nods and starts to walk away and I remember I forgot something. “Hey Dr. Mills, is there a chance that I may learn your first name?” She smiles and shakes her head no. She takes a step over to me and says in a husky voice “not today Em-ma.” I go weak in the knees because I have never heard my name sound so sexy. I have the presence of mind to look confused about how she knows my name. She sees my look and reaches over the counter to straighten my name tag. In the process, I smell her and she smells delicious. Apples, cinnamon, and something that is distinctly her. As she leans back, I say “ah that makes sense,” in a shaky voice. She grabs her chai again and walks towards the door. “Thanks for the drink.” She gives me one last wink and walks out the door. I stand there and gape at her. She is beautiful and she is playing with me. I cannot even pretend to be upset about it.
Killian saunters back over to me and starts to say something. He is probably trying to ruin the moment, stupid Killian. Granted, I am clueless to what he wants because I am a little distracted watching her hips sway in that dress and my eyes notice her red heels. Damn her butt looks good in that dress. I want to know everything about her and I would settle for knowing her first name. I look at Killian and apparently he has been complaining this entire time about having to change his pants before class. I roll my eyes because it is August and too damn hot to wear leather pants. “Hey Kill, do you know her first name? Like is it on your syllabus?” He looks at me confused and says “no, just Dr. R Mills.” I tell him to watch the front and I continue on with my duties and all of sudden Ruby appears from cleaning. She gives me a weird look and I tell her to help Killian.
David comes out of nowhere and whispers in my ear “was that her?” I can only nod in response. “She is gorgeous Em, I knew that you have good taste, but damn. “ I laugh at him and go back to thinking about how I am going to learn Dr. Mill’s first name.