Chapter 11
Once both girls were safely inside the apartment, Elyza locked the door securely behind them and threw her jacket on its hook by the door before heading to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Alicia set her bag and bat down beside the door where she had retrieved them that morning. Her feet felt like they were encased in cement as they slowly carried her across the room to the seat at the island she had taken the night before, and she pulled her mother’s note from her pocket as she sat down. She carefully unfolded the thin piece of paper so as not to rip it, spreading it out flat on the countertop before her.
This note was the only piece of her mother she had, it was the only thing providing her hope that she may get to see her family again. Right now, it was the most precious thing Alicia had in her life.
Her eyes ran across the page over and over again, studying every line, every curve, every slash of black ink her mother had put on the fragile piece of paper.
Alicia imagined her mother writing the note, hastily trying to get every word down as the seconds ticked by. She could almost feel the fear and anxiety that must have been coursing through her mother’s veins as the walkers pressed in on her from one side, and Strand screamed at her on the other. She hadn’t even known for sure if Alicia was alive to get the note, but still she had written it. Was she crying as she scribbled down what could very well have been her last words to her daughter? The thought made Alicia’s throat tighten in sadness and she had to blink rapidly to stop tears of her own from spilling from her stinging green eyes.
This was all her fault. All the pain she was feeling, all the pain she knew her mother and brother were feeling. Why couldn’t she just listen? Why did she have to sneak off of that stupid, godforsaken boat? So she could, what, stretch her legs? Get some space from her crazy family? Well, she had all the space in the world now, but it didn’t feel nearly as good as she thought it would.
Mercifully, Alicia was pulled away from her rapidly darkening thoughts when Elyza gently slid the note out from under her hands and replaced it with a warm bowl of chili.
Alicia looked up to see Elyza’s blue eyes boring into her own just two feet away across the island.
“Eat.” The blonde said firmly, raising her eyebrows slightly as if daring Alicia to push back.
But Alicia was in no position to argue. She was starving, and the sudden closeness of Elyza and her piercing stare had temporarily caused her to forget how to speak. So she just nodded silently before picking up the spoon and filling her suddenly dry mouth with the warm (and surprisingly tasty) meal in front of her.
Elyza slid onto the stool beside the brunette to begin eating her dinner as well, but not before watching to make sure Alicia had taken at least a few bites of her chili and seemed committed to finishing the entire bowl.
Neither girl spoke until Alicia finished the last spoonful of her dinner, when Elyza finally broke their silence.
“Alright Little Bean. I’ve let you brood in silence for long enough, I think. So tell me, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
Alicia really didn’t want to answer the question, it really didn’t seem like Elyza’s business to be quite honest. But she could tell that, despite the ‘pretty head’ comment, Elyza’s question had come from a place of genuine concern and caring. Plus, she knew that bottling feelings like the ones she was dealing with now wasn’t healthy, even if that had been her go to coping mechanism since her dad’s passing.
Not taking her eyes off of the bowl in front of her, Alicia took a deep breath before speaking.
“I just… I came so close to being with them. To see my mom and brother again, only to lose them again, it’s just hard to accept.” She said, fighting hard against the sudden tightness in her throat and burning behind her eyes.
“I know, but things aren’t hopeless, and you haven’t lost them. Today wasn’t a complete waste, this tells us that.” Elyza said, gesturing towards Alicia’s mother’s note across the island.
The blonde’s tone took Alicia by surprise. It was firm but soft, and comforting, and reassuring, and something she wouldn’t have been able to associate with the normally cocky and nonchalant Aussie had she not been just a few inches away from the girl hearing it in person.
It that tone that finally made Alicia look up from her empty bowl and towards the girl sitting beside her. Her troubled green eyes were met instantly with Elyza’s soft but steadfast blue ones. That softness was not something Alicia was used to seeing when she looked at the blonde. It was a nice change, and one that somehow made Alicia want to open up just a little bit more.
“I know what the note says, but there’s no guarantee that things will work out the way my mother hopes they will. I just have this, this sinking feeling that-”
Alicia’s next words were cut off by Elyza’s.
“I’m going to stop you right there, Alicia." She said, her voice still soft but with more power and firmness behind it now, still trying to soothe the brunette but also wanting to be sure her message was well received. Her eyes bore into Alicia's, and suddenly she was frozen in place, unable to move under the blonde's paralyzing gaze.
"Listen to me. You’re right, there’s always the chance that things won’t go the way we want them to. That’s truer now in this world than it ever was before. But you have to remember that there’s also no guarantee that things will go bad. Just because this world is different than it used to be, doesn’t mean good things can’t still happen.” Elyza paused, suddenly taking her eyes off of Alicia and staring intently down at her hands instead.
Alicia wasn’t sure why the other girl had stopped speaking, all she knew was that she didn’t want her to. She had been hanging on to every hopeful word Elyza had spoken, and was desperate for more reassurances from the strong and confident girl that sat beside her.
“After all, you found me.” Elyza said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
Alicia’s heart rate quickened at Elyza’s words, beating heavily against her ribs as though trying to break free from her chest. It was a mix of shock at the girl’s sudden vulnerability, fear of what her words could mean, and even a bit of relief when she realized that Elyza was right. This world, as terrible as it was, had brought the two of them together.
If you were into gambling, all your money probably would have been on Alicia dying the second she was separated from her family in the city, and that would have been where the smart money was. But she didn’t die. No, instead against all odds she survived. And not only that, but she found Elyza and actually ended up saving her life.
This world, as cruel and calculating as it could be, also had a way of surprising you when and where you least expected it. And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow would bring one of those surprises. Alicia had to believe that.
Once her heart had slowed to a somewhat normal rhythm again, Alicia cleared her throat before breaking the heavy silence that had fallen between the two girl's at Elyza's words.
“You’re right, thank you.” Alicia said, ducking her head slightly lower as to try and see Elyza’s face and maybe get her to look up at her once again. But still, the Aussie remained as stoic as ever beside her. So Alicia tried once more.
“I hate this world 99% of the time, but I am grateful that it brought us together. I would have died out there in the streets if I hadn’t found you yesterday. So if it can save both of our lives, I have to believe that it will bring my family and I back together too.” Alicia smiled as she spoke, realizing that she was actually starting to believe what Elyza had told her and what she had just said herself.
Hearing the smile in Alicia’s voice, Elyza finally looked back up at her. A smile played along the corner of her lips as she saw Alicia’s expression and heard the change in her tone. Alicia's shoulders relaxed when their eyes met, releasing tension she hadn't even realized she had been holding in her body when she saw that she had gotten through to the blonde.
“Now that’s more like it, Little Bean. I'm glad you're finally starting to see things the Elyza Lex way.” She said, that playful smile now fully apparent and lighting up her entire face. Alicia did her best to ignore the way it made her stomach flip and her cheeks flush, instead rolling her eyes at the girl's comment.
Clearly satisfied with her ability to cheer Alicia up, Elyza slid off of her stool and picked up the two empty bowls that sat in front of them, moving to the sink to wash them.
It was then that Alicia realized just how exhausted she was. This had been a very long and taxing day, both physically and emotionally, and all she wanted to do now was close her eyes and not open them again until the sun was up (so long as a certain blonde didn’t wake her up before that again).
Elyza must have read Alicia’s expression and her longing glance at the couch, because as soon as she finished the dishes she began setting up the couch again for Alicia to sleep. Taking that as her cue, Alicia made her way to Elyza’s bathroom, grabbing the same PJs she had worn the night before on her way by the bed.
She remembered the slight twinge of sadness she had felt this morning when she had left those ridiculous clothes folded on the corner of Elyza’s bed, and she found herself actually feeling slightly happy that that wasn’t the last time she’d be wearing them.
That did not, however, mean she had warmed up to the idea of wearing a ‘Make America Gay Again’ t-shirt. But she was glad that her and Elyza’s goodbye could be postponed for at least another night, despite the heartache of losing her family once again.
Once she was dressed and ready for bed, Alicia opened the door of the bathroom to find Elyza standing by her dresser pulling out her PJs for the night. Elyza looked up when she heard the door open, and immediately began grinning like a child at the sight of Alicia in what was apparently her new favourite t-shirt.
“That shirt really is just the gift that keeps on giving. I swear, you look better in it tonight than last night.” Elyza said, her voice playful and teasing.
“You’re relentless.” Alicia replied, her voice anything but as she made her way into the living area of the apartment.
“Don’t lie, Little Bean. You know you love it.” Elyza said behind her, a smirk still clearly present in her voice.
Alicia chose to set her clothes down on the coffee table rather than respond, she was just too tired to come up with a witty response to Elyza’s constant advances. Elyza could clearly sense how Alicia was feeling, because her tone was much different when she spoke again from her room.
“I’m sorry, not the time, I get it. If you need anything, you know where to find me. Goodnight Alicia, sleep well.” She said.
Why can’t you always talk like this, what’s with the flirtatious front? What are you hiding from? Alicia thought to herself about the blonde. But now wasn’t the time to analyze Elyza’s apparent multiple personalities, now was the time for sleep.
“Thanks, you too.” Alicia said sleepily as she slipped under the blankets on the couch and her head mercifully hit the pillow behind it.
As she closed her eyes in an attempt to find sleep, Alicia felt a twinge of guilt surrounding the conversation she and Elyza had had earlier over dinner. While she had shared most of her feelings surrounding the day’s events, she had kept some thoughts hidden deep within her. Particularly those about this entire mess being her fault. But if she was being honest, she wasn’t ready to admit that fact out loud quite yet, especially not to Elyza. As erratic and egotistical and irritating as the girl could be at times, she seemed to have a very high view of Alicia, and selfishly she didn’t want to ruin that by expressing her well founded guilt.
Pushing those thoughts aside as best she could, Alicia tried her best to let her mind wander to anything but boats, zombies, or sexy Australians until sleep finally found her.