Chapter 1
Standing in a spot only 8 feet from where she stood that dark day 12 years ago, Lexa thought about all that had changed. It was cloudy and raining then, very similar to how she felt. Today, the sun was shining without a cloud in the sky and it couldn’t match her feelings less. There were droves of people with Lexa 12 years ago, to the point she couldn’t escape. Today, there was just the two of them. Not that it she expected anything to the contrary.
A little hand curled around her leg. Lexa looks down to her little brother who was wrapped around her side. Squeezing him tighter, she swung her arm around his shoulders. She had to protect him at all costs. The world was a cruel beast and there was no way Aden was going to end up in the system or the streets. Lexa had to make it work.
Twelve years ago, she buried her dad in this very spot, she was only 9 years old at the time. Now she was standing here today doing the same for her mother. Aden a 5 year old and a product of a deadbeat boyfriend Lexa’s mother fell into bed with shortly after starting to date again. Niylah found herself pregnant with a high school daughter and no additional help. She had a great job and good benefits. Lexa helped where she could around school and started to cut some extracurriculars to make sure she could be there. This didn’t stop her from getting into Polis University and pursuing her dreams.
Polis was on the opposite side of town, an hour drive on a good day of traffic in Ton DC. After struggling to help her mom as much as she wanted to her freshman year, she moved with some friends off campus that would split the commute in half going both ways.
With Aden starting school it was a lot less with no daycare and preschool schedules. Lexa was going to have to figure out a way for this to work out. Attention went back to the boy wrapped around her leg. The floppy blonde hair was covering his face. He wasn’t crying right now, but he was breathing unevenly and squeezing Lexa’s leg as a final lifeline.
The casket was still sitting upon the metal braces around the already dug hole in the ground. She was going to lay right next to her husband, Gustus. The headstone was completed with the dates of finality that hadn’t quite set in yet.
Aden looked up and tugged on Lexa’s button up shirt. Kneeling on the ground Lexa was eye level with those blue eyes.
“What happens next, ‘xa?” Aden can talk, but has never moved on to pronouncing Lexa’s full name.
“Well, bud, we are going to say goodbye to Mommy and then we are going to go back to the house so we can get some of your stuff to come stay with me. Okay?” Lexa was just trying to get through the day. This is how it was going to be for a while. Just making it through the day. Sometimes just to make it through the next hour.
“Okay..”
“Okay.” Lexa nodded. “Okay, so what do you want to say to Mommy?” Lexa turned them so they are now both in front of the casket.
“I want to thank her… for the cars she got me for Christmas.”
“That is a good one,” Lexa was barely holding it together. “Anything else?”
“I want to tell her that I love her very much and even though I don’t have a daddy, I didn’t need one because she was so good she was both.”
Tears were rolling down Lexa’s face. “Yes, that is exactly right.”
Aden turned to face Lexa. “What are you going to tell Mommy?”
“I want to tell her that I love her very much and that she will always be with us in our hearts and looking over us from heaven.”
“You think she can do that?”
“Absolutely. I think she is up there with my dad and they are going to watch over us. We have the best guardian angels they have up there.” Lexa wiped away the tears on her face.
“I think so too.” Aden took the flower boutonniere off his shirt and placed it on his mother’s casket. He turned and wrapped his arms around Lexa in a big hug. Lexa grabbed him around the waist and tugged him into his chest. “Can we go home?”
“Yep, Raven has the car ready to go.” Aden pulls away from the hug and looks at the casket with Lexa one last time.
“Can we come visit Mommy?”
“Absolutely, I come and visit my Dad so you can come to and we will see them together, alright?”
“Okay. Good.” With that he grabs Lexa’s hand and starts to drag her towards the road where he can see Raven’s car ready for them. Lexa looks back one last time with simple thoughts back to that day 12 years ago. She grabs their jackets and follows the kid to the car.
Lexa gets Aden strapped into his booster seat and climbs into the front passenger seat where she can still see her brother who is behind Raven.
The car ride is mostly quiet. Raven was softly humming as she drove around town the house. Lexa was looking out the window, checking in on Aden every few minutes. The boy was also, staring out the window and eventually she turned around to see him starting to doze off. It had been a hard long week for the boy and not surprising it was starting to catch up. The little black suit they bought was starting to wrinkle from the two days of events. He had opted to take the jacket off at the cemetery because ‘you took your jacket off ‘xa.’ She had taken her suit jacket off due to the rising panic attack she almost had while the priest was giving his blessings. Aden was just hot from the sunny day.
“You are going to be alright, you know?” Raven turned to Lexa when she could see Lexa was staring at her sleeping brother. “You have me, Anya, and Octavia at home and we will help in whatever way we can.”
“I know that, but I don’t want to ruin your guys’ college lives bringing my little 5-year-old brother to live in what is basically a small, non-organized sorority house.” Lexa looked at Raven who had her eyes on the road.
“Lexa, how would you do it any other way?”
“Well, I can take a semester off and moved back into the house, find a better job to pay the bills and the necessities.”
“You can’t do that. You don’t have enough money to keep up with those house payments, insurance, Aden, and quit school.” She exasperated. “We won’t let you do that. You have us for support. We will split utilities, rent, and can help with Aden when you have work or class. Lexa, you may think you are alone in this, but I assure you, you aren’t.”
Lexa hunched over the hands in her lap taking a couple of deep breaths, “I thought that because I was young when my dad died, it would be easier this time. I’ve done this all before, and I was a lot younger. Then, I look at him and my heart breaks a thousand times over, becau-, well because now it is just me and him.”
Raven takes her hand and rubs it up and down Lexa’s back. “We are here, and we aren’t going anywhere.”
Five minutes later Raven pulled into the driveway. It had been a revolving door of people all week to pay their respects to Niylah and to check in on Lexa and Aden. It was mostly neighbors and her mom’s coworkers that Lexa had never actually met until now. The driveway was empty and the house was still except the windsock flying in the light breeze. A stark contrast to the state it had been in all week.
Lexa gets Aden inside to his bed where she pulled out some pajamas for him to change into and he curled into a ball on the bed and fell back asleep. She turns out the light and heads back to the living room where Raven was cleaning up some of Aden’s toys he had left out in the morning.
“You don’t have to do that, Raven.”
“Lexa you are just going to have accept the help we are going to give. This isn’t charity. We genuinely want you to succeed and for Aden to grow up with you and not in the system.”
“Thank you,” Lexa plopped down on the couch. She too was exhausted. Greeting all the people at the visitation, planning the funeral, picking out songs, caskets, and pallbearers. A lot goes into a death. She hasn’t really had time to process everything since the phone call last Wednesday about the accident. It finally all caught up with her. Tears poured out of her and deep sobs wracked her body. Raven pulled her into a hug and just let her go whispering encouragements to her.
It had been an hour until Lexa calmed enough to where Raven pulled her so Lexa’s head was in her lap at the end of the couch and she could lay down. Flipping the TV on Raven started running her hands through Lexa’s hair coaxing her to fall asleep. She was out a few minutes later.
Little footsteps pattered down the hallway and turned the corner another hour later. Aden walked through the entrance to find Lexa asleep curled into Raven. Raven catches his eye and puts her finger to her lips to motion him to be quiet. He nods in understanding. Aden sits down in front of Raven on the ground leaning back against the couch between her legs and looks at the TV. She flips a movie on off of Netflix and they settle in letting Lexa continue to rest.
The movie had ended, Aden had moved on to playing with his train set when Lexa started to stir and wake up. She rolled over to find herself in Raven’s lap and Aden on the floor.
“Hey bud, did you sleep well?”
“Yeah I did. Then Raven and I watched a movie.”
“How long have I been out?”
“A couple of hours,” Raven responded. Lexa sat up and stretched.
“Okay, bud, so why don’t we get some clothes packed up and we will grab some dinner and head over to the apartment.”
“’xa…”
“Yeah, Aden.”
“Do you think we can stay here tonight?” Aden asked.
“Yeah. Of course, Aden, why is that?”
“I know we will move out of here because you live with Raven and Anya and ‘tavia. I want to sleep here in mommy’s bed tonight and then we can move.”
Lexa had to hold back some tears. “Okay, bud, we can do that. We also don’t have to move right away. We will have some time.”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like home here anymore.”
“I know, Aden.” Lexa pulled Aden in for hug. “I know.”
Raven gave them some space to have a moment. She went to collect her own things and when she had everything she returned to the living room.
“Alright guys, I will go home and I will come back tomorrow after class to pick you guys up for lunch. How about that?”
“That sounds good. Aden, give Raven a hug and thank her for everything then go get washed up for dinner.”
Aden ran over and hugged Raven’s leg, thanked her, and took off down the hall towards the bathroom.
Lexa pulled herself up off the ground, making her way over to her best friend and pulling her into a hug.
“Thank you, Raven. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, I could not do this without you.”
“It’s going to be alright, Lex.” With that Raven, left through the back.
After dinner, Aden and Lexa went through their nighttime routines and they went into Niylah’s bedroom holding hands. Aden let go and crawled up and into the bed patting the space next to him ushering Lexa over to him. Lexa pulled back the sheets and climbed in and got comfortable. The next thing she knew, Aden had threw his head onto her shoulder and curled into her side.
“Goodnight, ‘xa.”
“Goodnight, Aden.” Lexa stared at the ceiling fan above her. She prayed her guardian angels were watching because she was going to need all the help she can get.