Chapter 1
|TODAY|
Bernie’s finally found a moment to sneak away from the afternoon’s events. Before stepping into the ladies room, Jasmine hands her Elinor’s bag and not-so-subtly hints that she should take a look.
“I think something’s up, but I don’t feel it’s my place.”
Bernie can smell it a mile away - Jasmine attempting to rid herself of responsibility. She will deal with this at a more appropriate time. Right now she just needs a moment to decompress in private, though curiosity gets the better of her.
She finds a bottle prescribed to Edward and sighs. Bernie inspects the bottle further, staring at half-crushed oxys. She notices a baggie full of powder, closes her eyes, puts her back to the wall and slides down to the floor.
“Jesus, Elinor…” She massages her brows to silence her growing migraine. As she moves her hands down to relieve the pressure in her maxillary sinus, the door opens.
“I’m sorry.” Luckily for Bernie, Morven is the least bothersome person she could imagine barging in to witness this display.
“No.” The Major raises her hands in defeat.
“Second stall was always my favorite.” Morven makes a hasty gesture towards the empty toilet, trying futilely to diffuse the loaded energy in the room. “I’ll leave you alone.”
Bernie opens her mouth without thought, hand on the pill bottle: “Even if you move heaven and earth for your children, sometimes it isn’t enough.”
Morven squats in front of her and puts a hand on Bernie’s knee. Their sighs echo through the loo - Bernie catches herself before crying, and stands before she’ll lose control of herself. Morven follows suit.
“Erm, have the lab do a tox. I’ll let Serena know.”
“Will you be ok?”
Bernie sighs one last time, collecting herself before leaving the bathroom. “Yeah.”
As they exit, Morven’s pocket buzzes.
“Pardon.”
She and Bernie part ways. Morven glances at her phone.
Everything’s been worked out. I leave in the next few weeks! -C
She doesn’t know exactly what to tell him. She opts out of the part where she’s in process of helping his mother avoid an emotional crisis.
Good news! Horrible day here, don’t text your mum. Fill u in later.
She stuffs her phone away before sending off for Elinor’s tox.
//
Cam’s requested they meet for a pint, and Morven obliges once her shift is up. She doesn’t want to draw attention, so they’ve decided Albie’s is out - and they meet at a pub equidistant to their flats. Morven wastes no time getting down to business and orders a scotch rocks.
“That bad, eh?” Cam smirks.
“Yeah, um, Elinor’s brain-dead and Jason’s recovering from a major liver lac.”
His immediate remorse is palpable and fills the room as he slumps onto the barstool.
“He’d have died if your mum wasn’t there -”
“Bloody hell…”
“So um, I guess Elinor’s been doing speedballs and thought it’d be a great idea to get behind the wheel. Jasmine didn’t even catch her hematoma! How do you miss something like that?” Morven erupts in a fit of nervous laughter and downs the rest of her drink in one sip. “Another please.”
Cam puts a hand on her shoulder in both an attempt to check in and an attempt to soften her delirium. His eyes are a comfort, but Morven’s reached her breaking point for the day and there’s no coming back.
After four scotches washed down with a whiskey sour for good measure, Cam takes her home and spends the night on her couch.
//
Serena’s been at Elinor’s side for six hours, barely blinking, let alone moving. Bernie has been beside her, behind her, tangled within her, and now stands in front of her.
“I’ll take you home so you can get some rest.”
“No.”
“Come on. We’ll get you some fresh clothes, I’ll draw you a bath.” Bernie has slowly been coming to the realization that she can do nothing to relieve this emptiness. Each of Serena’s refusals solidifies this assertion.
“I want to stay with her.”
Major Wolfe, ever the pragmatist, proffers the following: “You also have a nephew who’s very sick and he needs you. We’ll just be gone a couple of hours.”
Serena sinks. She feels as though she’s left Jason completely in the dust. Her heart can’t possibly break any more than it has, Serena thinks, but she is wrong. Bernie’s request is sensible, however, she can’t bring herself to acquiesce. It is at the last moment when Serena fears that the chair will swallow her whole, that she makes a gentle request for her love’s arm to steady her as she rises to her feet.
The drive home is unending. Serena, frozen in place, has barely let a breath escape her. When they park in front of the house, Bernie suppresses the urge to BE HELPFUL for an agonizing ten minutes before opening her mouth.
“Let’s get you inside.” She unbuckles Serena’s seatbelt before getting out of the car to help her partner into the house.
Once inside, Bernie puts the kettle on, lays out some soft pajamas, and runs a hot bath as promised. She helps Serena out of her clothes and into the tub.
As the Major massages shampoo into her girlfriend’s hair, she’s grateful that this kind of useful doesn’t involve talking. She leaves Serena to put on pajamas before bringing them both tea and toast.
“Just a few bites to get something in your stomach.” Bernie hands her a slice with a light dusting of butter. She watches a dejected Serena take a few bites before putting it down and shutting the light off.
Soon after, they are wrapped together exhausted.
Some time later, Bernie wakes to an empty bed. She drowsily inspects their half-eaten pieces of toast on the nightstand before sliding her feet onto the floor. The bathroom light is off, and she sees that Jason’s door is closed. The kitchen is also silent which leaves…
The door to Elinor’s room is cracked open. Bernie purses her lips, walks over, and slides her fingers through, inching it open a bit more. It’s the most peaceful she’s seen Serena in hours - swathed in the down duvet hugging Elinor’s pillow.
Bernie, careful to quiet the latch, closes the door before heading back to bed.