Cassandra had never really understood the effect she had on people. Especially female people. Men saw her as something fragile that they needed to save. That at least she understood. She might have raged against it but she at least understood it. The tumor brain grape in her head made her the perfect damsel for a man who craved heroics. However even that never really lasted. The few men she had been with tired of her quickly. Once they realized Cassandra Cillian didn't really need to be saved they started to see how strange a girl she really was. The brain grape made her smarter then most. The numbers and shapes and patterns bouncing around in her head would turn off even those who proclaimed everlasting love.
Then the Librarians came. Then the Library came.
Cassandra knew she let her fear of death nearly ruin everything but they had forgiven her. Well mostly anyway. She still sometimes saw that doubt in Jake's eyes when he looked at her but the doubt was there less and less every day so she shrugged it off. Baird was right. He was a good ol' boy and loyalty came easy but forgiveness came hard.
He did laugh that time the Italian diplomat flirted with her when Ezekiel couldn't get anywhere with her. She did seem nice and Cassandra had called her that one time and they made plans for coffee but the plans kept getting cancelled. They both had busy lives so neither took it especially personally. At least Cassandra hoped that was the case.
Then she had met Estrella who made her feel alive when she thought she was going to die. Like when Dulauqe offered to save her she had been tempted by Estrella's offer of immortality. Estrella was different then Dulauqe she sensed no motive behind what she was offering except maybe a fondness that went beyond friendship but Cassandra knew that it would be the wrong choice.
She had friends now. She had a life now.
She had a life now.
Cassandra woke up lying in a hospital bed after surgery worried that the tumor removed from her head had taken away her gift. What made her different. What made her special. What made her worthy of the library.
What made her worthy of her friends.
They told her otherwise but she was not sure.
Then it happened all at once. The numbers.
God the numbers.
So many numbers.
She didn't know where it came from but she saw the numbers in the nurse's head and she couldn't help herself. She gave the woman the answer to the Seduko puzzle. It was scary to her when she realized what had happened. She needed to talk to the others about it. Maybe they were right. Maybe the tumor hadn't given her her gift. Maybe it had stunted it.
But right now all she could do was think about all the life she wanted to live.
All she could do was think about the coffee date she still hadn't gone on in Milan. The number was still in her pocket and her phone. She had been honest about wanting to try something with Jenkins. He had lived a long life. He was larger then life to her. Maybe that was why she wanted him so badly in that one moment and that was what Cassandra wanted to be.
What Cassandra always wanted to be.
Larger then life.
So no one would ever have to save her again.
So no tumor could touch her.
So not even death could touch her.
Cassandra knew that was asking a little too much. Even in the world they were living in. However it wasn't asking too much to spend some time with an Italian Diplomat. Maybe that was all they would do. Spend a little bit of time together.
Then again maybe it would be like Estrella and her smile would make her feel alive again. And her kiss would make her feel larger then life.