Shadows

4 years.

Oh god.
Riley felt like being sick everywhere. In fairness to her, she was sick everywhere.

At least she was consistent.

"Riles?"
"Yeah,"
"You okay? I have Advil and water. Ah, fuck. You're okay, right? I don't have a dick, this shit doesn't happen to me! You're okay, right baby?" Aw, Maya sounded so concerned.

Not the time! Four years!

Riley sighed and sobbed into the rather unflattering stage of white porcelain.

"Christ, I love you, but you a lotta work." Maya huffed, thankful that Riley hadn't heard that as she picked the lock.

"You love me?" Riley sobbed, hugging the cistern dramatically.

"Jesus, Riles, Riley! What is happening in that pretty little head of yours."

Riley choked back another sob and threw up again. She really shouldn't have ordered takeout with Farkle last night.
Ugh.

She felt oddly cold hands, calloused, rough hands, even through the thin material of her top, scoop her hair up into a weak ponytail.

"Fucking hell, I can tie her hair back, Friar."
"Can you Hart? Because my girlfriend or um, fiancée? I don't know... is currently spewing and you obviously spent the night. It's our four year anniversary for Christ's sakes!" Lucas was yelling by the time he'd finished his rant, face bright red and too big hand resting on Riley's back. The action should've felt comforting, but if anything, Riley felt suffocated by her boyfriend-fiancée-person.

Riley didn't see the way Maya's jaw flexed at the simple act of affection.

"I'll be off then," Maya scowled, "later babe."
"Later," Riley whispered, feeling more and more like crap the further away Maya got and the more she noticed it.

~

Although a lot of incredibly sweet planning had probably gone into the day, Lucas was happy to look after Riley whilst she wallowed in her pit of 'shame'. The worst thing was she couldn't even muster up a single negative feeling about her actions with Maya.

Not one.
After puking, obviously.

Maya loved her! Okay, there was the obvious history with Lucas, and her family loved him, but her family loved Maya, and they had fun when Riley wasn't there - weird. And maybe Lucas was the ideal boyfriend, Prince Charming whatever: he drove her to school whenever she asked, and sometimes when she didn't, much to Maya's obvious chagrin; he attended Auggie's soccer games without complaint; he gave Riley his varsity jacket to wear at his games, and always took her out after; he was sweet and caring and...

He wasn't Maya.

Riley groaned as she realised that was all it would eventually simmer down to: as amazing and wonderful as Lucas was, he just wasn't Maya.

Riley burst into a fresh round of tears as Lucas came in carrying a tray of orange juice and chicken noodle soup.

"Hey, c'mon Riles..."
Riley tried not to wince at the nickname.

Lucas sat her up gently and presented the lunch.
"You'll feel better if you eat." Lucas tried to coax the soup to Riley.
"Lucas, I'm *hic* fine... swears." Riley stuttered through sobs. Try as he might, Lucas just couldn't believe her.

~

He's never been stupid, in fairness to him.

Lucas Friar. Straight As, captain of the baseball team, MVP junior to sophomore year, well liked and kind.

Not enough.

He loved Riley with all of his heart. For a time, she may have even loved him back, not nearly as much as he loved her or even as much as he wanted, but, enough. But he could see it clear as day. The same reason his dad had shipped him from Texas to New York to 'play with the other fairies'.

Riley loved girls. Not Lucas.

He'd notice it in bouts and bursts, the way Riley's gaze would linger on a girl's 'outfit' slightly longer than just "appreciation", or the blush she got after talking to freakin' Hart. Even when she got a good grade from their super hot drama teacher.

Lucas himself knew he wasn't gay, but he knew Riley needed him. He hadn't expected to fall in love with Riley, but as far as idiots go, you don't mess with Texas. So he held Riley's hand and never forced her into anything, and wrote letters to his girl back in Texas; it didn't feel like cheating when Riley would show up for dates with definite hickeys and clothes haphazardly put on.

Lucas didn't have a problem with Riley being gay. He had a problem with Maya Hart.

~

"I don't know what to fuckin' do Isiah!" Maya cried, desperately trying to remedy the ache in her heart with a fucking joint.

She really was a piece of shit sometimes.

"Hart, he knows she's gay! He doesn't like you, but he doesn't care that she's gay."
"Do you think he'll marry her?" Maya's voice was so small and fragile that Zay considered letting Maya down easy.

Lucas would definitely marry Riley to keep her from Maya. Sometimes his best friend pissed him the fuck off.

"He loves her. Maybe not the way you do, but he does love her. He wouldn't stand that far in the way of her happiness."
"He could if he wanted to," Maya sighed, smiling as the familiar feeling started to tingle in her scalp. Zay was reliable. Zay was cool. Maya liked Zay.

But she loved Riley.

"I fuckin' hate having feelings Isiah." Maya groaned, throwing herself dramatically from Zay's sofa to his bed, laughing when she realised twenty four hours ago Farkle reacted the same way about her not caring about Belgium in 1831.

Heh, swings and roundabouts.

*text from riles x*
can't do this anymore. M'sorry.

Maya blanched, and suddenly felt the need to be sick. Oh god. Please no.

*text to riles x*
can we talk? need to see u,

please don't make any rash decisions baby,

Zay watched worriedly as Maya paced around the room, emptying his and her glasses of vodka. Jesus, whatever Riley was saying was doing a number on her.

*text from riles x*
no

crack.

"Jesus Maya!"
"Fuck it, Zay." Maya yelled, before storming out of his house, thankful that his parents were out - they were really nice people and didn't deserve any of her bullshit.

~

"Riley, I accept you, I promise you that. I'll always be here for you. But not if you're with Maya."

Riley couldn't believe her ears. Lucas knew she was gay? She could be with Maya?!

Shit. No she couldn't.

Fuck.

"Lucas..."
"Please Riley, she's no good -"
"You don't know that! She is good, she just puts on that front, she's vulnerable... she loves me."

Lucas had the fucking nerve to laugh.

"What?!"
"It's Maya Hart! She's not capable of love, I'd be surprised if she could spell it!"

Riley saw red. No one talked about her girl like that.
"Get out."
"Riley..."
Okay, maybe not red, maybe more rose pink.

"Ugh, fucking stay then! But apologise!"
"It's Maya Hart!"
"Exactly!" Riley steamed her way out of bed and into the kitchen, where a very surprised (and lowkey excited about the breakup) Auggie was trying to make Ava breakfast.

"Maya Hart."
"Your girlfriend." Auggie grinned. Riley reminded herself she was pissed before continuing the argument.
"She's great right?"
"So great. Asshole, but great."
"See?!"

~

Lucas didn't see. In fact, he made sure Riley ended things - via fucking text - and locked the bay window before finally leaving.

Riley was so torn up about the situation she couldn't even bring herself to be annoyed when Maya showed up at the window a few hours later - very obviously drunk.

"Riles... please let me in. Iloveyousomuch... please Riley..."

Riley tried not to show Maya how much the situation was killing her. Maybe they could be happy? Maybe???

No. Lucas' dad was the chief of fucking police in Texas. Maybe it didn't mean too much in New York, but his best buddy chief of police in New York would make sure Maya went down hard for fucking anything if the girls so much as looked at each other.

Well, fuck Lucas, it fucking hurt.

Riley's fingers fumbled on the lock as Maya launched herself into Riley, wrapping her arms around the taller girl. Riley burst into a fresh round of tears.

"Please baby, whatever this is, it isn't over. I'm so in love with you it hurts, I'd do anything for you... anything! Just say the words and he's gone, he can't hurt us Riles... it's you'n'me."

Riley had never seen Maya cry before. Not even when Maya revealed all of the fucked up shit her dad had put her and her mom through, or when she'd been caught kissing some girl two days after Riley had started kissing her. This was bad.
"Maya... peaches... I love you too. I really do. I don't want this to end, of course I don't!"
Maya's head perked up immediately at that, "what the fuck has he done Riles?"
Riley went white, that was a bad fucking decision. Maya's hands cupped Riley's face affectionately, and she kissed Riley's forehead, grateful for the lack of height difference between them thanks to Maya being cradled in Riley's lap.

"I shouldn't tell you..."
"Riles, you're literally the only reason I wake up in the morning. I can't lose the best thing that's ever happened to me over that crusty ass white bread boy."

~

"... and his dad's chief of police and *hic* he'll me-mess us up. Mess you up Maya, you'll go dooown..." Riley sobbed into Maya's chest.
"Jesus," Maya sighed, stroking Riley's back.

Why did the greatest person she'd ever had the pleasure of knowing have to have such an asshole ex?

"We're going to be fine Riles, its you and me, okay? Maybe we're just a bit more secretive, y'know?"

Riley let out a silent yell into Maya's chest.
"I can't do that Maya! And I know you can't, I love you so much even when I see you with Isiah or Farkle I get jealous, I can't stand the thought of you being single. Knowing anyone could have you makes me feel sick. Sick, peaches!"
"Riles, I -"
"I'm being serious! I hear the way all the stupid fucking cheerleaders talk about you 'oh Harts so fucking sexayyyyy-"

Riley's cut off by Maya's lips angrily pressing against her own.

"Couldn't. Care. Less." Maya fumed, pressing herself harder against Riley each time until the taller girl was a whimpering mess lying on the bay window.

"Okay, I just -"
"Riles..."
"I need you, peaches."
"Riley, I can't imagine my life without you. I'm all in, okay?"
"Okay."
The girls laughed at how stupid they realised using the 'okays' were, but they couldn't help it.

Satisfied at least for now that Riley had calmed down, Maya lead the two of them over to the bed, laying Riley down before looking for two sets of pyjamas. Sure, she was wearing sweatpants already, but Riley's pyjamas smelt of...

Well, Riley.

"Peaches, can we just make out or something and forget that Monday is gonna be a complete bitch?"
"Anything for you, sweetie." Maya said, smiling sadly at the girl she knew would be hers, eventually.

"Love you,"
"Love you too, now, shut up," Maya grinned, for real this time, and meshed their lips together, slotting herself between Riley's legs and letting somehow still curious hands wander.