“Cat Grant is back.”
The voice was low and soft but Kara heard the insecurity like a thunderstorm in a hot summer night. It was barely a waiver, subtle and perfectly controlled but it was there, leaking through a husky tone like blood dripping out of an open wound and in a way, it was exactly that.
It was an old scar that took months and years to heal, still sore and vulnerable, still recovering and that had just been ripped open without any warning signs.
Kara sighed and met Lena’s eyes.
The undefinable shade, a mixture of very pale blue and pure light green, was darkened by doubts, anger and something that was too close to despair. Lena’s eyes were veiled by so many emotions it was clouding the otherwise clear gleam that used to sparkle like a never ending fire. She was wary, guarded and yet she never looked so vulnerable.
“I know.”
Kara’s own voice was nothing but a whisper but it sounded deafening in the quiet of their apartment.
Suddenly, she felt exhausted. Everything was falling apart around her and she was at a loss as to what to do, what to think, how to handle everything and prevent the upcoming disaster heading her way.
“You’ve seen her already.”
It wasn’t a question and they both knew it but Kara nodded anyway. She didn’t try to escape Lena’s heavy glare when she explained “She stopped by CatCo this afternoon.”
The other woman tensed at that, shoulders straightening and jaw clenching as she crossed her arms on her chest. It wasn’t a defiant gesture. It looked more like a way to hold herself together and Kara couldn’t help the pang of guilt that pulled her stomach.
“I see.”
The tone was biting and icily cold. The despair and the doubts in Lena’s eyes were slowly disappearing and being replaced by something far worse, far more devastating. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t strong enough to describe the rage that spun in the Luthor’s unique irises. If Kara had to pick a single word, she would go with war.
“How did that discussion go, then?”
Kara’s gaze broke away from Lena’s to wander around.
They were standing in their living room and the wall on their left was entirely made of glass. Beyond the railing of the balcony, National City was shining under the summer light of a beautiful sundown.
The room around them was bathing in those soft, pure tones of orange, yellow and gold reflecting on the pale white walls, the light gray wooden floor and the glass and steel of the furniture and high-tech elements.
Kara focused back on Lena to answer her question, her baby blue eyes filled with resignation.
“It went. She was polite, professional and she didn’t stay long. We barely talked, to be honest.”
She wished she had sounded more indifferent to show that she didn’t care about that unexpected meeting. From the hurt in Lena’s eyes, she could tell the other woman had picked up on her deception right away.
“It’s been eight years and you are still hoping for … for something to happen.”
Lena was very astute and clever in a way even Kara had trouble to understand sometimes.
She could guess the whole truth from very little sentences, she was a master at reading body language and people’s eyes, she had a way to anticipate everyone’s moves and act on it but most of it, she read between the lines like no one else. It’s probably why she was such a good business woman and someone so influential in the high circles of the society.
Today however, those skills were not used in a professional context and Kara could tell it was hurting her more deeply than words could explain.
“I don’t know what to expect. Hell, I didn’t even expect to run into Cat Grant today but yes, it … stung.”
Kara had stopped lying to Lena Luthor the day the CEO of L-Corp confronted her about being Supergirl. They fought, that day, before ending up in the same bed for what had been the start of something beautiful, passionate and against all hopes, serious.
She wasn’t about to start lying again, even if that meant she was going to endanger their relationship with the truth.
“Do you still love her?”
The words hit her like a blast of kryptonite bullets. Lena’s glare was hard and ruthless despite the pain and sadness Kara could see underneath the raging war. The tone was cutting and short to the point. Kara realized Lena wanted to rip of the band-aid.
“I … “
Supergirl trailed off as her mind started wandering back in time.
She remembered the sadness she felt when Cat told her she was leaving. The panic, the confusion and then finally, the resignation. She remembered the first few weeks, months even, trying to adjust to a life without Cat being here to mentor her, to call her out on her mistakes, to inspire her with sarcasm lined with hard-earned truths, without her being able to tend to Cat’s every needs and desires and she remembered the feeling of abandon, the bitterness, the pain.
For two years, she had someone to subtly steer her towards the right path, both as a woman and as a superhero. Someone who wasn’t part of her family. Cat had worked her magic from the shadows, which was ironic considering she was still the Queen of all medias at the time, for two years and then suddenly, she was left alone once again.
Everyone had left, at some point.
Her parents, her whole planet, her whole world. It wasn’t their fault, even though it took her years to come to term with that truth. She still blamed them, deep down in her heart, but she mostly made peace with it.
Her cousin even, already a grown up by the time she landed on Earth and living a perfectly happy life with one Lois Lane without really caring for the little girl he dropped on the Danvers doorstep. They weren’t really close, not strangers either but it wasn’t a relationship she was happy with.
Her aunt, by choosing the wrong side. Alex had killed her and it was the right decision but that was one more person to join the memories of the lost loved ones she was carrying around. She was bitter and sad about it.
Jimmy Olsen, gone back to Metropolis after two years working as the CEO of CatCo Worldwide Media. He had decided he didn’t want the job anymore and just like that, he was back with Clark and Lois as a star reporter. She had thought he would stick around and be her friend but in the end, he left too and she never really got rid of the feeling of betrayal.
Jeremiah, who they had thought dead for years. They had rescued him from Cadmus but he was so weak and damaged, he died two years later. It had broken her all over again, to lose one parent but this wasn’t even the worst part of it.
Eliza followed shortly after, crying herself to death because of the shock of losing her husband for good. This death had sent Kara and Alex on a spiral of auto destruction and bad choices, Alex getting in it even deeper than the invincible superhero.
Cat, who had left to dive into the unknown. No other real reason, she simply wanted to try something else, something new and so she went away. Just like that.
The ones that had stayed, she could count them with one hand.
Alex was still around, a recovering alcoholic planning a wedding with Maggie Sawyer even though they went through two really rough break-ups.
Winn was around too, still working for the DEO and he just moved-in with Mon-El, who was adapting just fine to his new job as a bartender in the alien bar that had become their HQ in some way.
Hank was still there, being the grumpy director of the DEO and dating the white martian for almost seven year now. They both refused to take their relationship to the next step, damaged people trying to find a way to be happy but holding back because of so much painful memories.
Lucy Lane came back into their life, somewhere around a year after Jimmy’s departure. That had been a surprise. She took her old job back as a lawyer for the company. All Kara had to do, as the newly appointed CEO of CatCo, was to ask and Lucy said yes immediately.
Four people, five counting Mon-El, were still around when she used to have a whole village to act like a supporting system. Some were dead and some just … went away.
Lena Luthor stayed.
From the very moment she entered into her life and up until this day, eight years later, she had stayed and never left. Yes, it had been a tough road and they went through some pretty bad arguments but Lena stayed. It only took the Luthor a few months to figure out Kara Danvers and Supergirl were only one person but she waited a whole year before confronting the alien, out of love and trust.
From that day onward, Kara never lied to the Luthor again and they dived into their relationship with a renewed sentiment of confidence.
The only shadow weighing on them was Cat Grant.
Lena had figured it out during the first few months it took her to realize the sweet reporter and the girl of steel were one person. She had seen how sad Kara looked and she had payed attention to how much the girl talked about Cat Grant, as a mentor, as a friend and as something else. She had also noticed that Supergirl seemed less bright and more hesitant and she had immediately connected the hero’s behavior to the departure of CatCo’s CEO.
They both knew Kara was carrying around the broken hopes of a love that never reached out.
Lena spoke of it once and never brought it up again but Kara was observant. Every time the name of the former CEO was pronounced, Lena tensed and clenched her jaw, subtlety. Every time the woman was on TV, as a guest in whatever talk show was on, Lena zapped to another channel. She skipped the pages of the newspaper that referred to the media mogul and most of all, she avoided all sort of event where there was a slight chance she could run into the woman herself.
“Kara?”
Lena’s voice brought Kara back to the present, to the living room that was quickly darkening due to the sun finally falling behind the horizon. In the growing shadow of the upcoming night, Lena looked almost surreal.
“I don’t.”
Kara replied softly and it was at this precise moment she realized that it was true.
Something must have sparkled into her baby blue eyes because Lena tilted her head to the side and slowly dropped the arms she had crossed over her chest. She didn’t smile but her features softened a little.
“I don’t love her anymore. I did, for a very long time, we both know it.”
Lena tensed slightly but she nodded in silence, waiting for the reporter to continue.
“She left. Like so many people in my life, she left and never reached out back to me, not even when she signed the papers to make me the new CEO of her company. She came back today and I saw … a very familiar stranger. Someone I used to know.”
Kara didn’t even try to hide the hurt and deception in her voice but Lena seemed to understand. She stayed silent though, perceptive as always as she knew the speech wasn’t over.
“I loved her, yes. I had a stupid crush on her the very moment I met her ten years ago. It morphed into love and I never acted on it because … because I never did. I regretted it, at first. I used to think of everything I could have done differently, I imagined a life with her and her son and it was … a nice fantasy. That’s all it was though. A fantasy. I never acted on it and then she left. I was lost, brokenhearted and so confused as to why everyone was leaving me …”
Lena bit down her bottom lip and Kara could tell the Luthor wanted to walk over and hug her. She didn’t and Kara was grateful for it.
“I can’t lie, I was still very much in love with her when I started seeing you. You wouldn’t back off and it was nice to feel … courted. Day after day, week after week and month after month, I slowly started to forget about Cat Grant and instead, I fell in love with you. I can’t exactly pinpoint the exact moment when I knew I was in love with you because it was a journey. It still is, since every day I love you a little more than yesterday.”
Kara smiled softly and Lena almost rolled her eyes.
She was strong and fierce and even if she tolerated the sappy, cheesy, overly romantic gestures Kara made, she wasn’t one to do so and it often made her feel uncomfortable. Kara didn’t mind at all. Lena had her own way to express her feelings and that was enough for them.
“I was surprised by Cat’s unexpected visit today but in a way, I’m glad she stopped by because it made me realize how much I grew up without her. Don’t get me wrong, she was a very important person in my life and somehow, I think she still is but I am not really the Sunny Danvers assistant she knew, I am not even the bright, hopeful Supergirl she branded and everything is different now.”
Lena let out a relieved sigh Kara heard loud and clear even though it was very low and discreet.
It was Kara who crossed the distance between them to put her arms around Lena’s silhouette. She hugged the other woman with just the right amount of force and gentleness not to break any bone but to convey all the love she was feeling. Lena revealed into the embrace and whispered “I thought … I really thought she would send you back to the beginning. You … You used to talk about her so much and I always felt …”
She didn’t finish her sentence but Kara could guess the world vulnerable was next. The superhero smiled and then pulled back a little, only to grab Lena’s cheeks with her hand to pull her into a deep, bright and fierce kiss.
It was messy and strong and slightly angry but it eased everything as Lena relaxed entirely against Kara’s mouth. She moaned when she felt the hero’s teeth sink into her bottom lip, strongly enough to hurt a little.
Then Kara broke the kiss and stared right into Lena’s eyes.
“I love you, Lena Luthor.”
It was barely a whisper, a breath against Lena’s tingling lips but it elicited a soft gasp in response. Kara smiled again and Lena returned the gesture.
They both knew it wouldn’t be their last fight, their last argument.
Lena Luthor was someone strong and stubborn and Kara Danvers, for all the smile and kindness she was always exhibiting, was also the girl of steel and she had grown into a confident and strong-headed woman who never backed off and stood up for her values.
But somehow, they knew they would be okay.