Guilt
The ride to Asami’s house calmed Korra down greatly. The sun had set and the summer air was cool at this time. The soft air current guided Korra straight to the estate, making the hour long ride easy. Korra’s exhaustion was starting to catch up to her. Even though she had been resting on the train for four days, she would sleep irregularly in bouts of one or two hours. She thought of Asami’s bed. Its big fluffy pillows, its light sheets, and its incredibly soft mattress. Whenever she spends the night at Asami’s house she sleeps like a log in that bed. The thought of it made her yawn.
As the estate came into view Korra woke up a bit. She became excited, mostly to surprise Asami. I wonder what she’s doing right now. It was around eight o’clock so she could really be doing anything that she normally does after dinner. Reading? Or maybe still working. She’s definitely still working.She always overworks when i'm out of town. Maybe she’ll be able to take the day off tomorrow, Korra hoped. Either way, Korra wanted to really surprise her. Awe man! I forgot to get flowers.
As Korra landed in the driveway she schemed up a way to surprise her girlfriend. She deemed scaring her as the best way. She looked up and saw that the light to Asami’s bedroom was on. Quickly, she jumped using her air bending and reached out and grabbed the edge of her balcony. She lifted herself up slightly so only her eyes were peering over the balcony’s edge. Looking inside her room, she realized Asami wasn’t in there, so Korra swung herself over the balcony’s railing and went inside Asami’s room.
She really wasn’t in there. Once Korra got inside she half expected for Asami to come out of her closet or bathroom. Giving up on her failed scare-surprise, she plopped her bag down on the bed and went in search for her girlfriend. She knew where to look first, in the place Asami would most likely be if she wasn’t in her room. Her office. The door to it was closed but there was light seeping through under the door. As Korra brought her hand up to the door to knock on it, her heart started beating rapidly, making her nervous. She took a deep breath through her nose and knocked lightly on the door.
“Huh?” she heard Asami say, followed by muffled sounds of putting materials down on a desk and getting out of a chair. A few seconds later the door opened and Korra was face to face with her beautiful girlfriend. Asami’s face contorted into a look of surprise, shock, and then happiness all in one second. She jumped back a bit in surprise too, which was all Korra had hoped for.
“Wha…Korra!” she exclaimed before she pulled her into an strong embrace.
“Hey Sato,” Korra responded smoothly, before burying her face into the crook of her neck. Asami’s hair was wet and her skin smelled like soap.
Asami pulled back from their hug and they kissed briefly. “I thought you weren’t coming back until next week.”
“Heh…well everything finished up early so I took an early train back to Republic City.” Korra pulled Asami back in for another hug and placed her head back on the crook of her neck. She held onto her firmly for a long time and swayed from side to side. Korra felt herself almost welling up. Not now. Hold it in, she told herself.
“Uh Korra? Are you okay?” Asami asked.
“Huh?” Korra pulled away. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
Asami didn’t seem very convinced. “Are you sure? That was a long hug there.”
“Oh…I just missed you…a lot.”
Asami smiled widely at that. “I missed you too babe. You were gone for like three weeks. I would've visited but I had a lot to do here. I’m sorry.”
“No, its fine.” Really, thank the spirits you didn’t come.
“Have you lost weight?” Asami suddenly asked. She was now looking at Korra up and down. “You look really thin.”
“Uh…I don’t know. Have I?” Korra thought back to what she had eaten in the last three weeks. Yep, barely anything, she recalled. She had lost her apatite after she had defeated the spirit, and it still wasn’t entirely back.
“You definitely have, your cheeks look hollow. Babe you look exhausted,” Asami said with concern.
“I just had some trouble sleeping on the train, and they had like no good food on there.” Korra responded “I’m hungry now though. You already had dinner though, right?”
“Yeah but I have some left overs.”
They went down to the kitchen and Asami made some tea while Korra ate.
“So how was Gaoling?” Asami asked.
“Uh, It was good,” Korra said after slurping up some seaweed noodles.
“Did you get any legislation passed?” Asami inquired.
“Yeah, everything is in effect,” she said in a fake cheerful voice. To make sure Asami wouldn’t get back on her case about her weight loss, Korra forced herself to eat the rest of her leftovers, which made her feel bloated.
“Mmm. That was good,” hummed Korra, although a second later she swallowed a bit of vomit that came up her throat.
“Yeah, it was from this new restaurant that I went to last night.”
Korra nodded “How have you been?” she asked.
“Alright. Mainly missing you, but i’ve just been finishing up some city planner stuff. Looks like the construction for the expansion effort will be totally done by next year.”
“That’s great! When did you find that out?”
“Last week. I’m basically done with my end of the deal. Once the contract ends I will be free way more often,” she said with a big smile. Korra reached out her hand and placed it on Asami’s.
“That’s great babe. You work too hard.”
“So do you. You just had a three week trip to help the government in Gaoling pass laws on spirits. That can’t be very easy.”
Korra frowned for a second, but then quickly forced a smile. “Well, now we can spend more time together.”
Asami nodded. “Definitely. I hate it how our schedules conflict so much. And not just ours, but Mako’s and Bolin’s too. Team Avatar is too busy for eachother these days.”
“True, but isn’t it great that the world is actually in balance for once and that team Avatar isn’t needed?”
Asami laughed at that. “Yes. You’re right.”
With Asami looking so kindly into Korra’s eyes, Korra felt very exposed. She quickly broke eye contact and looked down at the table.
“I need to take a shower. Can I use yours?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll go back to my office for a bit. If I finish what i’m doing i’ll be able to take tomorrow off. We could spend the day together,” she said with a smile.
Korra curled her lips upward for a second, but they didn’t form a full smile. She got up from her seat and went upstairs to Asami’s bathroom. She turned the water on and stripped out of her clothes while waiting for it to warm up. When she stepped in the water, Korra grabbed the soap and shampoo and sat down, taking the entire shower sitting on the marble floor. With Asami in the next room, her thoughts wandered to when she had arrived in Gaoling.
Entering an small wood old building in the middle of the city, a secretary immediately greeted Korra and showed her to the governors office. The room was decorated nicer than the rest of the building. The desk was big and made out of mahogany like the desk at Asami’s office. All of the decorations on the wall, and the rug on the floor was the Earth nation’s traditional deep green.
“Avatar Korra!” A man she supposed was the governor said. “Thank you so much for coming to help us” he said in a weird accent. He was a short, brute old man with a scruffy white beard, wearing old traditional Earth kingdom clothing. ‘Definitely an earth bender,’ Korra thought.
“Is the spirit close by?” she asked after she bowed.
He bowed right back, with his hands together.“Afraid we still don’t entirely know. We assume it’s near the outskirts of the swamp, but it’s possible that it has traveled to its interior.”
“Do you know what it looks like?”
“Not exactly, but we’ve gotten reports that when you get near it, you hear voices.”
“Voices?”
“Yes…” he said nodding with his eyes wide. “Voices that are completely in your head. The louder they are, the closer you are to it.”
“Your letter said that the spirit can control minds. How is it doing that?”
The governor sighed. “I’s don’t know. The people in the village are going crazy!” he exclaimed. “It’s normally a quiet little town, but they’ve beens acting up. They’re destroying their own homes and shops. Peoples are fighting each other for no reason. They’re acting like barbarians!”
Korra thought for a moment. ‘If the spirit is in the swamp then how is it controlling the minds of people in the village? It doesn’t make sense,’ she thought.
“You say you can track the spirit down real quick?” asked the governor.
“Yes. Though if he’s in the swamp then it might be a bit harder. You see, the swamp is filled with spiritual energy, so finding a spirit could be difficult.”
“I see,” the governor said. He pondered for a moment with his index finger covering his lips. “How about I send someone with you?”
“I thought you wanted me to go alone.”
“I wanted you to travel here alone but the swamp is big, and it’s a rough environment. Not to mention it’s already haunted, so you’ll be needing a guide.”
“Oh, no. I’ve been to that village and through the swamp before, and it’s much too dangerous with that spirit out there.”
“I realize you’re the only one who can bend spirits, but going out there alone is much too dangerous, even for the Avatar. If anything happens to you, I will be held responsible. I know a young man who used to live in the swamp as a child with the swamp benders. He will be your guide.”
Korra scoffed. ‘I’ve traveled the entire world without needing a stupid guide,’ she thought. “Okay,” she said, complying. “But I plan on leaving right now. Is he here in Gaoling?”
“Yes. Let me call him and then you two will leave. The village is a full days walk from here. Sorry someone can’t drive you there, all the roads leading to the village are closed. Then, the swamp is about an hour east from the village. Good luck Avatar.”
“Korra?” Asami called, shaking Korra out of her thoughts. “You’ve been in there for a long time.”
“I’ll be out in a second!” She got up and turned off the water. Her hands and feet were all shriveled up. Once out of the shower she wrapped herself in a towel to dry off. She used some water bending to get some of the water out of her hair and some air bending as well to help dry off her skin faster.
When she exited the bathroom Asami was lying down on her stomach on the bed and listening to the radio. A pro-bending game was on.
“Who’s playing tonight?” Korra asked.
“Some new team called the red rhinos, and the fire ferrets. It’s a preliminary game.” she answered, turning onto her back.
“Really? How are they doing?”
“So far they’re winning. Those kids that took over the team are good.”
Korra grabbed her bag and took her night clothes out. “But not as good as Mako, Bolin and I were…”
Asami waived her hand sarcastically. “Of course not.”
They both laughed. “Why are you putting your clothes on?” Asami asked with a sly smile.
Korra looked at her a bit confused. “I…” Oh. “I guess I don’t know why,” she answered a little embarrassed. Korra pushed her bag and clothes off the bed onto the floor and got in the bed. Asami turned the game off and then pulled Korra over her body and they kissed deeply. After a few minutes, they switched and Asami got on top of Korra, and they began having sex.
“I love you,” said Asami while she sweetly kissed her neck. After that, Korra froze. She lay there hardly moving and she moved her head to the side to avoid eye contact with her. Her guilt was paralyzing her.
“Hey, are you alright?” Asami said softly after a minute, stopping for a moment.
Korra moved one of her hands onto Asami’s back and lightly rubbed it. “Yeah, i’m fine,” she said weakly. Asami didn’t say anything, she just looked in Korra’s eyes confused for a moment before kissing Korra’s cheek.
“You don’t seem into it,” Asami whispered in her ear.
“I am…,” was all Korra said in return. She lifted her head a bit and kissed Asami hard to try to convince her. Asami returned the kiss and a few moments later they started again. This time Korra played along a bit and tried to sell that she was enjoying it. As Asami kissed her chest, Korra moved her head to the side, and her mind wandered back again to Gaoling. Looking at the doorway of Asami’s bathroom, Korra herself appeared underneath it. She gasped at the sight. She was wearing her usual blue outfit, but it was dirty and wet. Her hair was out of its high wolftail, and there was mud on her face and clothes. All she did was stand there, looking straight at them, emotionless as Asami made love to Korra. Asami slowly kissed down Korra’s abdomen and had her hands grasping and kneading Korra’s breasts. Once down to in-between her legs, Asami spread them out a bit. Korra shut her eyes tightly when Asami's mouth kissed down on her sex. She hoped that when she opened them, she wouldn't see herself under the doorway anymore. Instead, when she opened them a moment later she was no longer in Asami’s room. She was no longer with Asami. She was lying down on her back in a big puddle of swamp water, looking up. Above her were all the vines and trees that the swamp was covered in, covering the sky.”
“HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE!” she heard echo through. Quickly, Korra got out of the water and tried to stand up…
“Ow! Korra,” she heard Asami say. Now she was back in the room all of a sudden. Turning her head to the bathroom she no longer saw herself under the doorway. Korra was sitting up and Asami was in between her legs.
“You kicked my side,” Asami said, picking herself up. “Did I hurt you?” she asked.
“No…I-” Korra said struggling, still looking toward the bathroom. All of a sudden she felt all her food coming up from her stomach. She pushed Asami out of the way and ran to the bathroom.
“Korra!”
Korra ran to the toilet and quickly sat on her knees. She lifted the seat up and immediately retched into the toilet. All the leftovers she forced herself to eat for dinner came back up.
Asami ran in after her and gently grabbed her hair and pulled it back. After a few minutes, Korra spit out the saliva that tasted like her vomit and sat back down on her knees. She closed the toilet lid and then flushed it.
“Babe, are you okay?” Asami asked. Obviously concerned.
Korra didn’t answer. Instead she got up and went to the sink to wash her mouth out with mouth wash. Then she splashed cold water repeatedly onto her face. Asami just stood there looking at Korra, confused.
“Are you sick?” she asked.
“No!” Korra responded a bit too forcefully.
“Korra what the heck! You come back looking like a skeleton and acting strange. Then you vomit out your entire dinner. Of course you’re sick!” Asami approached Korra but before she could get close Korra put her hand up.
“Don’t touch me,” she said with an edge to her voice.
“Are you mad at me?” she asked with her voice on edge.
“No-”
“Then why are you talking to me like that? What is up with you!”
Korra was silent for a moment. She sighed and grabbed a towel to dry her face. “I’m not sick. I’m just…exhausted,” she said softly.
Asami didn’t seem convinced, so Korra kept talking. “Maybe it was something I ate on the train. There was some uh… fish that I ate for lunch.”
“You look like you haven’t eaten anything for days,” she said with her hand on her hip.
Korra just shrugged and went back into the bedroom. She climbed into the bed, pulled herself under the thick comforter and looked at the ceiling. Asami came in a few moments later. Korra could tell she was looking at her, so Korra changed positions to where she was laying on her side with her back to Asami.
“Goodnight,” she said to Asami.
Possibly ten seconds passed before her girlfriend responded. “Goodnight,” she said as Asami turned on her other side.
……..
After hearing Korra’s story, Jinora felt exhausted. When she left, Jinora tried meditating but she couldn’t clear her mind. I should’ve went with her. I could've said that I was going with her to help make spirit legislation in Gaoling. She new this wouldn’t have worked, but having someone with Korra that she knew would’ve been better than that swamp guide. She took a deep breath and then exhaled from her mouth, opened her eyes and got up to go to the temple’s kitchen to get some lychee juice.
On her way to the temple she heard Ikki call her name.
“JINORA!”
Ikki came up to her from behind surfing on a big air scooter. Ikki was the only air bender that could stand perfectly straight on an air scooter and ride it like she was surfing, so she always showed it off. She blocked Jinora from moving forward and stayed on her air scooter with her arms crossed.
“Is Korra still here?”
Jinora raised her eyebrow at her little sister. “She left.”
“How come she came to see YOU? I haven’t seen Korra in forever!”
“She came to talk to me, and if you mind can you please not tell anyone else that she was here. Especially dad.”
“Why? Kai told me, so obviously you didn’t tell him not to tell anyone. And why would Korra only want to see you?”
Jinora had enough of her sister’s prying for one night. “Ikki get out of the way, i’m trying to get some juice.”
Ikki got off the air scooter but didn’t move out of the way. She gave Jinora the stare down, which admittedly worked sometimes in her favor but Jinora couldn’t tell her sister what she was talking about with Korra. If she told her then the entire Air nation would know.
“Get out of my way Ikki,” she said.
“Are you mad at Kai now that he told me Korra came to see you?” she asked. This was another one of her tactics into getting people to tell her things. Not working this time Ikki.
“Knowing you, you probably squeezed the information out of him.”
“Well I had too! I didn’t want to spend my evening helping him prepare for the fifteenth tier. I’m on the thirtieth tier if you didn’t know, and i’ve been preparing to start the thirty-first. You’re the master, and he’s your boyfriend! You-”
“Ikki!” Jinora yelled with her hands balled into fists. “I advise Korra spiritually now, so sorry I had to prioritize the Avatar over Kai! Anyone above the fifteenth tier could’ve helped him, which remind you, is only you and Meelo.”
Ikki squinted her eyes at Jinora. “Fine, don’t tell me. But the next time Korra comes over, you better tell me she’s here,” she said pointing her index finger at Jinora.
“Okay. Now get out of the way so I can get some juice!”
Ikki begrudgingly got out of the way and formed another air scooter to ride to the dorms. Jinora went through the dining hall and turned on the light to the kitchen and got some juice out of the cellar.
“Hope you’re not mad at me.”
Jinora jumped back and closed the cellar door. Kai was hiding right behind it.
“Shit Kai, you scared me.”
“Sorry I snuck up on you,” he said with a grin. Jinora knew that was his intention though.
“It’s fine. And no i’m not mad you told Ikki that Korra came. She told me she pressed you about it.”
“Yeah, she gave me that stare she gives at people when she wants to know something.”
Jinora giggled. “Yeah, she just gave me the stare right now. I couldn’t tell her anything though.” Jinora then sighed and sat down on the floor in front of the cellar and Kai followed suit.
“What’s wrong?” Kai asked.
“I should’ve gone with Korra. Now she’s suffering because of what that spirit did to her.”
“But if you had gone then your dad would've had to know about it. Wasn't it a secret mission?”
“I guess, but we could've planned something out, even though it was a last minute-type situation.”
Kai touched a strand of her hair and placed it behind her ear, making Jinora blush a little. We're never alone like this. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to go risk your life on a secret mission. What if that spirit did what he did to Korra to you too?”
Jinora sighed. That definitely would’ve happened. “You’re right. Honestly what Korra described to me sounded awful. It sounds like it's still affecting her.”
“Can you tell me what the spirit did to her?” Kai asked, grabbing Jinora’s hand.
“Only a little. A lot of the stuff she told me was really personal. I don’t think it’s my place to repeat it.”
Kai nodded. “Okay. It’s alright, i’m not going to press you like Ikki. Just tell me what happened.”
“Okay. I told you that she went to go track a spirit down in the Gaoling province, but I didn’t tell you that apparently the spirit could control minds.”
Kai’s eyes widen. “A spirit that could control minds?” he asked shocked.
“Yes, but it wasn’t doing that. Somehow if people got near it, they would act out and turn violent, which made the governor think that the spirit was controlling their minds. But Korra found out that instead if the spirit got near people then they would start experiencing paranoia and amnesia, and have strong hallucinations, which would make people react violently.”
“Is that what happened to Korra?”
“Yeah. The spirit was traveling to this big swamp in the Gaoling province, and so it went through a village that was located just outside the swamp. Almost the whole village was affected, and Korra followed it… right into the swamp.”
“Alone?”
“No. She had this swamp guide sent to go along with her. Once they found the spirit and Korra defeated it, she went to go see if she could find Toph. You know Opal’s grandmother? She lives in there, and Korra wanted to find her to see if she had been affected by the spirit. When they got to the cave where Toph lives, she wasn’t there, and it was night time so Korra and the guide spent the night there. When they woke up the next day, the effects from the spirit started effecting them.”
Kai was listening intently. “So what happened? How did they get out of the swamp?”
“Well it took a couple days for them to find their way out of the swamp because they both lost their sense of direction, and because the swamp messes with your mind anyways. Once they got out and reached the village, Korra’s symptoms climaxed and she forgot who she was. The governor ended up going to the village a week later and he found them and took them to a hospital in Gaoling.”
“Damn. That’s crazy.”
“What’s crazy?” Pema said as she came through the doorway.
“Uh…” Jinora’s mind blanked on what to say.
“Curfew was ten minutes ago you guys. Be glad it was me who found you, and not your father Jinora.”
“I just came to get some lychee juice. And nobody obeys the curfew anyway,” Jinora said to her mother.
“Very true. But if it was your father who found you two here then he would talk my ear off about it for a week, and then he would strictly set the curfew for everyone.”
“Okay, sorry. C’mon Kai. Goodnight mom.” Pema said goodnight to the them and they left the temple and headed to the dormitories holding hands.
“Hey, do you want to head down to the docks? It’s a really pretty night.”
“I’m kinda tired. And you should sleep. You have the test tomorrow, remember?”
“Well yeah, but you’re going to pass me right?”
“It’s not up to me…”
“Jinora!”
“I’m just messing with you. I’m sure you’ll pass. But get a good sleep anyways.” They were in front of the girls dorm. Jinora grabbed Kai’s other hand and kissed him.
“Goodnight. Go to sleep.”
“Okay. Goodnight Jinora.”