You Need To Earn It
The bright, early morning sun streaked into the room through the open curtains and Clarke let out a low moan as she tried to block the golden rays. The pounding in her head increased as she shifted to lay on her stomach so she could bury her face into the pillow and block out the sun. The light sent of lilies and roses wafted into her nose as she took a deep calming breath.
Clarke sat up with a quiet gasp. She could pick out that scent from miles away. The floral fragrance that would drift from Lexa’s tanned skin was like a drug to Clarke when they slept together. Looking around Clarke realized that the scent didn’t come from the woman herself but the pillow that Clarke’s head was resting on a few seconds prior.
Ignoring the steady pounding in her head, Clarke threw the warm comforter from her body and swung her legs down to place them on the cool hardwood flooring beneath her. Bare feet padded quietly across the room before pulling up the door and making her way out of the room and down the hallway. Coming to a stop at the end of the hallway Clarke slowly peered around the corner and stopped suddenly when she saw Lexa curled up on the couch reading a book.
Clarke watched her turn a few pages before manning up and walking from the safety of the hallway. Lexa, too engrossed in her book, didn’t notice when she came walking out the hallway. Clarke cleared her throat loudly before Lexa’s head snapped in her direction. The detective placed the book down onto the coffee table as she slowly stood, eyes never leaving Clarke.
“I’m glad you’re finally awake,” Lexa spoke softly,“You shouldn’t do things like that Clarke. It’s bad for your health. And not to mention the fact that you passed out in the hallway.”
“You not being with me is bad for my health, Lexa.”
Lexa looked taken a back for a moment before quickly replacing her expressionless mask back in place,“I already told you. You’re better off without me.”
“No, I’m not better off without you! You just witnessed first hand what happens when I don’t have you in my life!”
“But you got hurt because of me! I watched them do CPR on you, use the defibrillator on you. You weren’t breathing, Clarke. I…my heart broke because I knew it was my fault. If I wouldn’t have pissed Fin off he never would have come after you.”
As Lexa spoke Clarke watched as tears gathered in the corners of her emerald eyes. Clarke felt her heart squeeze painfully as one salty tear streaked down a rosy cheek.
“You thought you lost me, right?” Clarke waited as Lexa nodded her head sadly,“You remember that pain? How it felt? Well, that’s what I’ve been feeling for the last three months! You left me with no warning, no explanation! All because you thought everything that happened was your fault?”
Lexa looked down at her feet as she contemplated her words before nodding her head. Clarke took a few cautious steps towards Lexa before stoping within arms reach of her.
“But it wasn’t your fault. Lexa, I chose to be with you. I knew you were a detective. I know that job comes with some enemies and that it’s not always going to be safe. And Fin. I saw him about to shoot you and I took the bullet. I took the bullet because I love you, Lexa. I didn’t want to see you hurt anymore than you wanted to see me hurt.”
Lexa glanced back up at Clarke and searched her eyes for a moment,“And that’s the exact reason you were shot. Because of me. Because you care for me. I let your love for me get you hurt and I can’t continue to let that happen.”
Slap.
Lexa’s head whipped to the side as Clarke’s hand came in into contact with her cheek. Clarke’s palm stung from the amount of force she had placed behind her hand but she was too angry to care.
“Just stop it, Lexa! When are you going to get this through your thick fucking skull that none of this was your fault? You or my love for you did’t cause anything that happened! It was Fin! Fin chose his own actions. You didn’t force him to do anything,” Clarke paused for a moment before walking slightly closer to Lexa,“Right now, the only one hurting me, is you. All because you’re pushing me away for this bullshit of a reason.”
Clarke watched as Lexa turned to face her once more, emerald eyes widening in realization. A lightning bolt of hurt struck through Lexa’s eyes as she realized just how right Clarke was. Lexa took a step forward before suddenly throwing her arms around Clarke’s neck and squeezing tightly. Finally happy to be back in arms of the woman she loved, and finally being able to literally slap some sense into her, Clarke nuzzled her nose into the crook of Lexa’s neck as a tiny grin broke out over her face.
“I’m so sorry,” Lexa whispered brokenly into her shoulder.
“You’re such an idiot sometimes, Lexa. What you did…it hurt me. A lot.”
Lexa pulled back and stared into her blue eyes,“I’m really sorry. I just…I thought I was protecting you by keeping away from you. I’ve gotten you hurt enough already.”
“No. Don’t start with that again. I won’t listen to it. If you continue to then, like I said earlier, you’re the one that’s hurting me. Not anyone else. You have to understand that I can’t be without you anymore Lexa. I can’t…I just can’t.”
“I…I’m a real asshole, aren’t I?”
“Yeah. You kinda are,” Clarke laughed through some tears.
Lexa wiped away a stray tear that fell from Clarke’s eye and allowed her hand to linger against the smooth skin of her cheek. Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed as she leaned into Lexa’s warm touch, unconsciously stepping closer to her. Before either knew what was happening their forehead collided softly, breaths mingling in the tiny space between them. Blue eyes peered open to see emerald eyes staring longingly at her. Heart rate increasing at the their proximity, Clarke could help but let her eyes flicker down to the silky pink lips of Lexa.
Even though she was still angry at Lexa for the three months of heartbreak, she couldn’t stop herself from crashing her lips onto hers. Searing heat flowed through the kiss as Lexa gripped at her hips and pulled them flush against her own. Tan fingers tangled in brunette locks and pulled on them slightly to shit Lexa’s head backwards so Clarke could trail a line of hot kisses down her throat.
A moan left Clarke’s lips as Lexa’s hand slipped past her shirt to knead the smooth flesh of her lower back. Lexa pulled away to grasp the hem of Clarke’s shirt and pull it over her head. The fabric fell to the floor silently as Lexa attached her lips to Clarke’s collar bone and lead a trail of kisses to the top of her shoulder. As Clarke gripped onto Lexa’s hips she felt the detective pause before she was being urged to turn around.
A soft hand ghosted gently across the pink scar the marred the skin of her shoulder. Clarke glanced over her shoulder to see Lexa’s eyes lost in thought. Before Clarke could speak Lexa leaned in to place a feather soft kiss to the scar. Her head rested on Clarke’s shoulder and allowed her lips to linger on the skin for a few moments.
Clarke turned around and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s waist,“That scar just proves how much you mean to me. How much I love you.”
“I love you too, Clarke,” Lexa all but whispered out.
Clarke smiled at the woman in front of her before pulling her back into a heated kiss. Swollen lips crashed against one another in desperation. Desperation to have each other closer. To make up for lost time. Hands roamed silky skin as clothes began dropping to the floor with each passing second until none were left.
Clarke’s heart soared happily as Lexa’s hands slid down to the back of her thighs before lifting her up to allow her legs to wrap around her slender waist. Lexa pressed her back softly against the wall near the hallway, ever mindful of her still slightly tender scar, as she ran her lips down Clarke’s neck and to her chest. A gasp formed in Clarke’s throat as Lexa took a dusty pink nipped into her mouth. Clarke’s back arched from the wall as Lexa continued to suck on the perky breast.
Feelings of desperation from the past three months began to rise in Clarke’s chest and she grabbed ahold of Lexa’s head to pull her away from her chest to whisper seductively into her ear.
“Take me to bed, Lexa.”
Lexa nodded breathlessly as she tightened her hold on Clarke’s thighs and shifted her a little higher before moving them down the hallway towards the bedroom. Clarke’s mind became lost in a lust filled haze as Lexa slowly laid her down onto the bed before crawling her way up her body and sealing her lips in a passionate kiss. Moan’s and soft whispered apologies floated around the room as both women became lost in the passion of their love making.
Clarke’s eyes roamed the sleeping face of Lexa and allowed a small sigh to leave her lips. No matter how angry she was at Lexa for what she had done she almost couldn’t bring herself to leave the brunette’s side. Her thoughts began to wondered back to the three months of self despair and sleepless nights. Lexa had hurt her more than anything. Left her without so much as a word, without a goodbye. She should be angry. Pushing Lexa away just like she had done to Clarke.
But she couldn’t.
As her eyes raked over the tousled brunette curls Clarke felt the familiar warmth spread through her chest. She loved this woman before her, whole heartedly. And there was nothing she could do to help it, but she wasn’t about to let her waltz back into her life so easily after the pain she had caused. She needed to earn, not only her trust, but her love back. She wasn’t about to hand it over so easily, even if she had broke down for the night and allowed herself a moments peace with Lexa.
Mind made up, Clarke shifted out of the bed and moved over to Lexa’s dresser to borrow some clothes. Not bothering to keep quiet, Clarke noisy opened the drawers as she pulled out a pair of shorts and a loose fit v-neck before slamming them closed. As she dressed she heard the soft rustling of sheets coming from behind her.
“Clarke? What are you doing?”
“I’m going back to my apartment,” Clarke said as she pulled the shorts over her hips.
“But, I thought—,” Clarke quickly cut her off.
“I still love you, Lexa. I do. But, I’m not letting you off the hook this easily. I allowed myself one moment with you and that was enough. If you truly want to be with me again than you’ll have to earn it.”
“Earn it?”
“Yes, you need to work to get my love and trust back. I can’t just go and act like you didn’t just shut me out for three months,” Clarke made her way back over to the bed before leaning down and placing a kiss on Lexa’s cheek,“I’m still your girlfriend, but you need to work on some things before we can start acting like we’re still together.”
And with that Clarke turned around and made her way out of the apartment, leaving behind a brooding Lexa.
Shift in POV (Lexa)
Lexa begrudgingly slouched in her desk chair at work two hours after Clarke had left her alone in bed. So lost in thought about how she was going to fully win Clarke back, Lexa didn’t notice Bellamy and Anya walking towards her until they each grabbed an arm and lifted her up before hauling her towards the conference room.
“The hell are you guys doing?!”
“Trying to knock some sense into the stupid head of yours,” Anya said.
Bellamy threw the door open and both of them shoved her in before walking in and shutting the door and locking it. Confused, Lexa looked around the room to also see Lincoln, Raven, Indra, Octavia, Gustus, Maya, and, shockingly, Abby. Lexa’s eyes bounced back and forth between everyone as Bellamy and Anya took a seat at the table, successfully leaving her standing in front of the room alone. Everyone sat in silence and just looked at Lexa with unreadable expressions.
“Someone want to explain to me why we’re here or are you all just going to continue staring at me?” Lexa asked impatiently.
Raven stood up and slammed her palms against the table as she gave Lexa a death stare,“We’re here because you can’t seem to notice what you’ve been doing to Clarke. You’ve been avoiding her and refusing to see her and it’s messing her up.”
“She’s right. Clarke’s been missing work, she won’t come out of her apartment. All she does it cry and drink herself to sleep,” Abby said quietly.
“There’s been more than one occasion where I had to call someone to pick her up from Grounders. When she’s there she doesn’t stop drinking until the bartender cuts her off,” Gustus said seriously.
As everyone continued to speak the impact of their words hit Lexa like a bus. She had done this to Clarke. It was all because of her that Clarke had retorted to those methods of coping.
“No. Stop it, Woods. You’re not going to go down that path again. Clarke is giving you a second chance. Not that you deserve it.”
More comments about how badly Lexa had screwed up flew around the room. Each word was like a knife to Lexa’s heart and she couldn’t take any more of it.
“Enough! I know I screwed up big time, but I’m already trying to fix this,” Lea yelled.
“And just how are you trying to fix this?” Anya asked seriously.
Lexa looked down and fiddled with her hands before looking back at the group in front of her,“Clarke came to my door last night, drunk. I didn’t let her in at first. I told her that she was better off without me and to go home, but she didn’t listen. When I had checked to see if she left I found her laying in front of my door passed out, drunk. I brought her in and let her sleep it off in my bed. When she woke up in the morning we talked, amongst other things.”
A deep blush settled over Lexa’s cheeks as the words left her mouth. No one around her said anything as they continued to gaze at Lexa with unconvinced eyes. Bellamy looked around the room before looking back at Lexa.
“Well, what happened after you guys talked?”
“Clarke had made me realize that I was the one hurting her now, not anyone else. I…we…we went to bed,” Lexa stuttered as her eyes caught Abby’s with a blush,“But after that I woke up to her leaving. She told me if I truly wanted to be with her again that I had to earn it. That she couldn’t just put the past three months behind her like it hadn’t happen.”
Octavia snorted loudly from her seat,“At least Clarke has some common sense.”
Lexa nodded her head awkwardly in agreement. She knew that she didn’t deserve Clarke’s love after what she had done. For pushing her away when Clarke needed her the most.
“It’s not just Clarke’s trust you need to gain back,” Lincoln said before pointing a finger around the room,“It’s all of ours, too.”
“He’s right. I told you pushing Clarke away wasn’t the way to go. I trusted you to do the right thing and be there for her, but you blew that right out the window. You’ve got a lot of making up a head of you,” Bellamy said seriously.
“I know. And I’m sorry. I just…wasn’t thinking right. I thought I was protecting her. I mean she was hurt because of me.”
Indra, for the first time since Lexa had entered the room spoke up,“I may have only meet Clarke for a few short minutes before everything happened that day, but I could already tell how much she loves you. Clarke knew you were a detective, she’s smart enough to know the dangers that may come with dating one. There’s not a doubt in my mind that she knew what could have potentially happened when things started getting serious with Fin, but yet she stayed. She didn’t leave you. She stayed by your side as much as she could through it all and when it came down to it, she even protected you. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”
Lexa let Indra’s words sink in as she looked into her Captain’s dark eyes. She was right. Clarke gave her all to Lexa and she repaid her by shoving her out of her life. By hurting her.
“Don’t continue to push her away for loving you, Lexa,” Anya said softly as she came to stand next to her.
Lexa looked up into the eyes of her sister,“I won’t. I’m going to fix this. I’m going to make sure I don’t hurt her like this ever again.”
Everyone around her smiled brightly as Anya wrapped Lexa in a quick hug before pushing her away.
“We all hoped you'd say that,” Lexa looked around the room, confused, as everyone stood from the seats with sly smirks,“We’ve made some special arrangements for you and Clarke.”
In that moment as Anya pushed her out the conference room, followed by the rest of her friends, Lexa didn’t know whether to feel frightened or excited.