I Promised
A small beam of light shines from behind Vi’s long blue curtains waking Caitlyn up from her deep sleep. With a grumble Caitlyn forces open her eyes to find herself in an unfamiliar bedroom. Her head pounded as she scrambles off of the small black mattress. She pushes herself to the tall door, grabbing onto the handle for support after almost falling over. Shapes and colors lined her vision as she fights for her balance against the door and wall. After her vision returns to normal she continues through the tight hallway and into a small living room and kitchen combination. Standing by the stove was a familiar redhead.
In a flash the memories of the previous day flooded her mind. She had never meant to get as drunk as she did that night. She made a mental note to thank Vi later. “Oh Caitlyn, you’re awake,” Vi says as she turns away from the stove. “How are you feeling?” She asks, concern spread across her face.
“Good morning Violet, my head’s pounding but it could be worse,” she responds her hands still clutching the tan banister on her right.
Vi walks over to a nearby cabinet, she reaches in and pulls out a small pill bottle. Reaching into a different cabinet she fills a glass with water and places the items on a small brown dining table. She walks over to Cait and gently touches her wrist to prompt her to follow Vi. Pulling out the chair Vi informs Caitlyn to take the medicine and drink the entire glass. “Is eggs and toast okay for breakfast?” Vi asks, pulling a toaster out from beneath a counter.
“Oh, I don’t really think I can eat.” Caitlyn stares down at the wood under her. Her head rests in her palms. A deep nausea sits in her stomach but she can’t tell if its from the alcohol or from the feelings or anger and sadness that threaten to emerge at any moment.
After placing two pieces of bread in the toaster Vi makes her way of to Caitlyn who was sat at the dining table. Crouching down so that they sat at eye level Vi places a hand on Cait’s arm. “I really need you to eat something. I know it’s hard, but if you don’t eat you’ll only feel worse. Can you do that for me?” Caitlyn dodges eye contact despite Vi’s best attempts at getting Cait to face her.
“I don’t think I can,” Caitlyn mutters, almost in a whisper. Her voice is shallow and vulnerable in a way Vi had never seen before.
“That’s okay.” She squeezes lightly on the girls forearm to reassure the girl that she was there with Caitlyn’s best needs in mind. “Hey Cait?” She pauses for a moment hoping for a response. When none is given she continues. “Can I still make you a plate? You don’t have to eat it, I’ll just put it in front of you in case.”
“I don’t have to?”
“Not if you don’t want to.” Vi searches for the girl’s eyes only to be met with a cover of blue hair. Caitlyn had always been so confident. Her presence in the room was always known. Now Cait was trying to look as small as possible, a look Vi had never been aware of. It gave Vi a deeper understanding of the girl. She wasn’t all arrogance and she didn’t always have to get the last word. The girl sat in front of her was none of that, it was like the charm of her personality had drained with Jayce’s death.
“Okay,” Was all Cait responded with. She couldn’t bare to say much more. With the alcohol out of her system any shield to cover the deep sadness was cracked and of no good use. If she said much more she threatened breaking down into a pile of sobs and misfortunes.
Vi stands up and walks back into the small kitchen. Small was an overstatement, it was more like a corner. A small half wall divided the kitchen from the living room. A fridge sat across the end of the half-wall. Near the corner housed an oven and microwave. Glancing at the meds she had given Cait she opens the cabinet to put the bottle back. Her eyes immediately lock with a small orange pill bottle she had been given 22 months prior. Gods, she wished she couldn’t remember how long it had been. The amount of time that had passed since her world fell apart.
Forcing the door shut she attempts to push down thoughts of the pills. She had managed not to use them back then, she didn’t need them this time. She would hold off, for now.
Retrieving the toast she lays out two light blue plates. Placing the toast and scrambled eggs on the plate she grabs two forks and heads over to the dining table. She sits one of the plates by Caitlyn, before sitting at the opposite end of the table herself.
Caitlyn watches Vi slowly eat her meal. Reaching for the fork sat atop the plate she pushes the eggs around without taking a bite. She was hungry, incredibly hungry. Something inside of her was stopping her from eating. Vi must have noticed Cait pushing her food around as she slowed down as she ate, spending more time focused on Caitlyn.
“The foods really good,” Vi commented, shoving another bite of toast into her mouth.
“Yeah?” Cait asks.
“Mhm, I cooked the eggs just right this time,” Vi responds as she takes another bite.
Maybe she could try some? Vi had spent all this time fixing it. She would be rude not to have some. Slowly she brings her fork the pile of eggs. Her stomach churned as she brought the eggs up to her mouth. A nausea so great it resided in her throat and chest. Taking the bite she forces herself to swallow before giving herself time to chew. Vi clearly noticed by the thin smile forming on her lips, though she must have decided not to comment on it.
Taking another small bite Caitlyn’s stomach began to twist and turn in ways she didn’t agree with. Her body warms as drops of sweat began forming on her forehead. “Are you okay? You look really pale.” Vi pointed out.
Her body began fighting for air as her hands began trembling. Racing up from her chair she began running around the apartment in search of a bathroom. At the end of the hall by Vi’s bedroom stood a small closet-like bathroom. On the left was a shower stall and on the right a toilet and sink sat. Reaching for the toilet Cait almost missed before emptying her contents into the bowl. Gripping the toilet seat until her knuckles turned white Cait threw up bile and the little breakfast she had eaten. A warm heat spread up her chest as she heaved for air.
A set of scarred hands come up behind her. They gently pull her long blue hair into a pony tail as she breaths into the toilet. Salty tears begin pouring down her face as she gags up nothing more than bile into the toilet. Her sobs grow louder as she loses her breath behind every cry.
“Hey, breathe. I’ve got you, you need to breathe.” Vi’s voice is calming and gentle, but behind it is something more Caitlyn can’t quite place. Guilt?
“I can’t do this,” she heaves. “I can’t!” Her throat burns raw with every battle for air.
“You can,” Vi reassures the girl. She slowly glides her fingers up and down the girls back with thin lines.
“I can’t!” She wails. Her knuckles grip the seat tighter as her body threatens to give up on her.
“Caitlyn you are the strongest girl I know. You can get through this. We will get through this. Together.” Vi attempts to hide her plea yet it shows more than she likes.
Caitlyn’s words come out as no more than a choked sob. Her mind twisted and whirled until no coherent thought was left. Only erratic cries and the sound of Vi’s breathing filled the room.
“Caitlyn breath. Baby I need you to breathe.” Why did she call her that? Vi shoves her thoughts away blaming it on the situation at hand. “Cait breathe!” She pleads hoping the girl could hear her. In the state of her grief Caitlyn had stopped breathing. Her lips were turning blue as the color began to drain from her face.
I can’t lose you too.
Vi slowly wraps herself around the shaking girl. Pressing their bodies together Vi wraps her arms against Caitlyn’s stomach. Normally she would never touch a girl so intimately. Right now, she would do whatever she could to stop the beautiful girl in front of her from drowning herself in grief.
This is my fault.
“I’ve got you,” is all she said. A sentence so delicate, so soft, so compassionate. A promise.
I can’t make this promise.
“I’ve got you.” It was faint, barely audible in the fog of Caitlyn’s mind. Yet she did hear it. She heard her. It was Vi. She could feel to warm skin against her cold body. She light breath against her cheek. She was okay.
She took a breath.
A small, light, insignificant breath.
Then she took another. And another. Tears still glided on her raw cheeks as her quick gasps for life filled the silence of the room. With time her mind slowed. Her heart seized to race and her tears retired. They lay together, body to body, heart to heart, until time and space began to freeze itself.
“Everything is falling apart,” Caitlyn whispers quietly. She wasn’t even completely sure Vi heard her.
“No it’s not. We won’t let it.”
She’s got me.
………………….
“You deserve an apology,” Caitlyn starts, guilt weighing down her chest.
“For what?” Vi asks while messing with her CD player.
“The way I treated you yesterday. For what I said.” Her eyes stick to floor like a kids’ arts and crafts project. She fidgeted with her fingers which had now started to bleed.
“Cait.” Her tone is all but harsh. “You know you don’t have to apologize I understand.” She places the electronic on the floor. Her finger meeting Cait’s chin, forcing eye contact.
“I directed my anger at you and that was wrong. You don’t deserve any of that. You’ve been so gracious and I’ve treated you terribly.” Tears begin to well in her throat before she pushes them away. She searches for anger, sadness, anything in Vi’s face, only to be left empty handed. Why wasn’t Vi mad? She was supposed to be mad. No, she deserved to be mad!
“I understand exactly what you’re going through. What you’re feeling. It’s an all too familiar taste. I forgive you Cait. It’s alright.” Her thumb dropped from the girl’s chin yet the burning eye contact remained. As if each was scared of being the first to break it.
With perfect timing Caitlyn’s phone buzzes, forcing an uncomfortable silence. “Oh umm,” Caitlyn nervously laughs. Picking up the phone she receives a message from her dad. She reads his message, her chest immediately filled with guilt as she remembers him having to spend the night alone. Ever since her mom died he hadn’t spent many nights alone. Caitlyn had always promised to warn him before leaving yet she forget in her drunken state.
“Vi?” She asks, with pleading eyes.
“Mhm?”
“I think I need to go home. Could you take me to my car?” Her voice is soft and broken. “It’s just my dad and I think I should be with him.”
“Oh.” Vi’s heart drops. “Yeah, sure Cupcake,” she responds with a clearly forced smile. That was the last thing she wanted to here. Anything but that.
“Are you upset?” Caitlyn reaches out to Vi’s shoulder.
“Of course not,” she replies with a laugh. “I mean we both knew you had to leave eventually.” She stands grabbing her keys.
“Yeah,” Caitlyn mutters. Her conscious nags her with the feeling that something more was going on with Vi. Something unspoken. Despite this she shoves such thoughts down. Vi’s fine. She said so herself.
The ride to her car was thick with tension and something else she couldn’t decipher. Caitlyn kept stealing glancing at Vi praying she would say something. Eventually they pulled into the parking lot of the bar.
“Thank you, Violet. You truly are an angel,” Caitlyn finally says.
Vi doesn’t respond. Not at first, instead she drops her head, scrunching her face a she turned the other way. “Stay.” She whispers so faintly. Tears rolling down her face. If she hadn’t been facing the other direction Caitlyn would have noticed something was wrong with a glance.
“What?” She questions. “I didn’t here you.”
“Can’t you stay,” she reiterates, louder this time.
“Vi, you know I can’t.” A piece of her breaks as she grabs Vi’s arm, trying to get the girl to look at her.
“Why?”
“My dad. This is hard on him too and without Mother there, he needs me.” She reasoned.
“Okay.” Instead of giving into Caitlyn’s plea. Vi pushes past her, opening the door to the passengers side.
“Vi, please don’t do this,” she begs. She attempts to close the door before Vi forces it open once more.
“Go be with your dad Cait. He needs you.” She finally faces Caitlyn, a small smile plastered on her face.
“You’ll be okay?” She asks while unbuckling her seatbelt.
“I’ll be okay. I promise.” She sweetly bats at Caitlyn’s arm. “Now go see your dad before I drag you to him myself,” she laughs.
“I’ll see you later, Violet.”
“Goodbye Caitlyn.”
Little did she know the depth of the truth in Vi’s words. Just how much she meant it.
………………
The next morning Caitlyn and Tobias sat in the living room. The pair slowly sipped cups of lavender tea. The TV played the news which Tobias was intently watching. Caitlyn attempted to pay attention. Though her mind kept drifting back to a certain redhead. She had messaged her last night. And again when she woke up. And again an hour ago. All three messages were left unopened.
Why isn’t she responding.
Caitlyn excuses herself to the kitchen. She grabs a biscuit off the counter. As she’s spreading some blueberry jam on the pastry her phone rings. Almost tripping as she runs for the phone she checks the caller ID. Spam, of course. She pretends to not be disappointed as she allows the call to run to voicemail. As she’s taking a bite of the biscuit the phone rings again. The same number. Annoyance brews as she once again, silences the call to voicemail.
The phone rings again.
“Listen I’m not interested in buying any-”
“Is this Caitlyn Kiramman,” a lady over the phone interrupts.
“Yes, this is she,” Caitlyn replies, a bubble of fear building as she awaits a response.
Nothing could have prepared her for what was said on the other end of the line. She had always told herself that everything happens for a reason. Though she never could imagine that anything that came her way would change that view point. That was before she received the call that would forever change her life, and threaten to end another.
“This is the Piltover Student Hospital.”