crashing

Serena got up to see what they could have for dinner, some food would make them both feel better. she looked in her fridge but remembered what she said this morning before she left, that she needed to go shopping and there was nothing in the fridge to eat.

"bugger i've forgotten to go shopping how about a takeaway?" Serena asked Bernie

"sounds good" said Bernie in an exhausted tone, she really didn't have the energy to care what it was food was food. not that she was really hungry just tired.

"how about pizza?" Serena asked

"ham and pineapple" Bernie replied that was always her favourite toppings

"who the hell has pineapple on a pizza?" asked Serena

"me we always had it when we was away" Bernie replied she stared into the distance for a moment "then again i'm not really hungry"

"you've got to eat something" Serena said looking worried she decided it would be safer just to order what Bernie liked, at least there would be a chance of her eating it.

Serena phoned her order through so it would be delivered, safest option then to leave bernie on her own. not after the day shes had.

Bernie sat there for a moment and thought. if she's willing to order a pizza just because i like it even though she doesn't she must really love me. she smiled

Serena had decided to be lazy and just eat the pizza from the box save on washing up. she wasn't really keen on ham and pineapple but she still ate to just to please Bernie. she would do anything for her just to see she's ok.

after dinner they sat down in the living room, Bernie put her head on Serena's shoulder. Serena plucked up the courage to ask Bernie a few questions.

"How how long have you been having these nightmares?" Serena asked Bernie

at first bernie didn't want to answer that, she wasn't good at talking about her feelings. but she trusted Serena enough to open up a bit

"i suppose not long after i was blown up" Bernie admitted

"that was months ago," said Serena looking surprised "you should have told me i could have helped"

"that's my problem i've always been good at hiding my true feelings" said Bernie

"but you don't have to i'm your friend and friends tell each other everything" Serena replied

"i'm not too good at opening up letting people know how i feel" sobbed Bernie

"well i'm here for you now, we will get through this together" said Serena as she held Bernie's hand

"i'm tired, tired all the time. tired of this, i've just given up i don't care anymore" Bernie cried

"you're not alone i will help you" Serena replied "now how about a nice hot bath, how does that sound"

"that sounds just right" said Bernie who was now feeling a little chilly

Serena went upstairs to start a bath and leave some towels on the heated towel rail.

Bernie was still sat downstairs thinking how this was so perfect that she wanted nothing to go wrong at all. dont mess this up she thought you have everything you want don't do anything stupid. she smiled

Serena came downstairs Bernie was just about to get up but with her leg wound she was still finding it hard to walk. Serena held onto her arm to give her some support and help her up the stairs. She sat Bernie on the loo and helped her take her bandage off.

"i'll have to redress that afterwards but for now you give it a good clean" said Serena

Bernie sat there for a moment then froze, she had just remembered the scars. she didn't want Serena to see them, she sat there with panic in her eyes.

"whats wrong?" Serena asked

"i don't want you to see me naked" replied Bernie

"it's nothing i haven't seen before" Serena joked "don't worry i've seen your scar before"

yes she had seen the one from the operation not long after she came to holby, but not the others not the comfort scars. the ones she made to make herself feel better.

"you've seen that scar but what about the others" Bernie said sheepishly

Serena looked alarmed for a moment she haven't thought there might be more. but then she thought i don't care what she's done i will love her just the same. she loved Bernie so much she could see past it

Serena then helped Bernie out of her scrub top, to reveal a dozen or two scars all different sizes and in different stages of healing. Serena stared for a moment, not because of the amount of scars there were but for the sheer beauty that sat in front of her. She was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen in her life. if she'd have known she looked this beautiful she would have told how she felt long before today.

"see even you don't like me i'm horrible" Bernie sobbed

"no no i was admiring how beautiful you look" Serena replied

"really?" Bernie asked

"really" said Serena with a smile

she knelt down to kiss Bernie on the back. Bernie shivered she'd never felt anything like it before, it was the best feeling in the world and she never wanted it to end. she stood up and took the last of her clothes off, she stepped into the bath and sat down. Serena proceed to scrub her back and help her with her hair. Bernie reached out and gave Serena a long kiss on the lips

"thank you" Bernie smiled

"what for?" Serena asked

"for not judging me" replied Bernie "Marcus used to call me dirty and couldn't stand to look at me, so i never got undressed when he was around you're the first person i've shown these to"

"i'd never do that not to the woman i loved" said Serena

That's the bit Bernie couldn't quite grasp that after alex there was still someone out there who loved her.

Serena helped bernie out the bath and redressed her leg, now Bernie was only wearing knickers and a vest.

"would you like to borrow some PJ's" Serena asked Bernie "you look a bit cold"

"no i'm fine i prefer not to sleep in too much" Bernie replied "shall i sleep on the sofa?"

"i have a better idea" Serena smiled as she opened her bedroom door and gestured bernie to get on the bed with her "come and sleep with me" She'd never slept in the same bed as a woman before, but for some reason this just felt so right.

Bernie Smiled "well if you're sure" said Bernie

"very sure" said Serena who was now changing into some PJ's

she slipped into bed, Bernie stood there for a moment looking a little nervous. this wasn't the first time she'd been with a woman but she loved Serena more than anything and didn't want to rush into anything.

"just get in" serena demanded as she pulled the covers over, Bernie quickly jumped in and put her arms around Serena she hugged her tight. taking in her wonderful smell, she felt like she never wanted to let go and gave her a kiss.

"i love you Serena" said Bernie with a big grin on her face

"i love you too" Serena smiled as they both nodded off