Chapter 28
Groaning softly Vera's eyes flickered open, frowning sleepily at her surroundings.
Her eyes slowly focusing on where she was.
The setting of Joan's bedroom coming into focus.
The last few days had been rather rough to say the least.
They'd started off not too bad, the new course of medication not effecting her too much, the odd bit of tiredness and nausea which she could put up with, but in the last couple of days it'd been horrendous in terms of exhaustion, headaches, fever and muscle aches, add in vomiting intermittently and chills too and these had culminated in her being driven back from work to Joan's house, helped into the large bed of the governor, leaving her bottled water and painkillers on the bedside cabinet, checking she had everything that she needed until she'd finished her shift, only then had Joan left her resting in bed and returned to work. The following morning she'd made sure the younger woman was as settled as possible before she left, telling her to contact her straight away if she felt worse or anything at all happened and she'd be straight home.
Here she now was squinting at the time on her phone.
14:15pm.
Jeez she really had fallen back asleep considering Joan had left at around 6am, wanting to get an early start just in case she had to leave work early for Vera, not wanting to have any unnecessary obstacles at work preventing her from doing so.
I remember waking about 9am ish, then falling back asleep after having a sip of water, but after that I remember nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Talk about knock you out.
The doctors weren't kidding when they said this.
I've never slept so much in my life.
The last time was probably when I was a baby.
Hoisting herself up into a sitting position Vera sighed and rubbed her forehead, that annoying ache was still there, just like it had first this morning, not as bad so that was something at least.
Resting back against the fluffy white pillows she closed her eyes, the silence in the house easing the ache in her head.
That was one of the many things she liked about staying at Joan's house, apart from the main one being Joan herself of course, the peace.
It was so calm and quiet, peaceful, you could hear yourself think, relax your mind, rest your mind.
No noise, hassle, busyness, the opposite of work really.
Such a break from work.
And the fact she got to spend time with and be so close to Joan was a bonus, obviously under better circumstances than at the moment would be nice, but she was near Joan so it was definitely better than nothing.
Definitely better.
Sat up in bed her mind wandered over the events of the past weeks and months, how they'd gone from having dinner and her telling Joan about her Hep C status, to having a few dates and dinners together, Joan's outburst and then her finding out more about the inner workings of the older woman, then that beach picnic she'd gone on with her, how Joan had put sun cream on her so she wouldn't get burnt, then the admittance of being fond of Vera and what a step that was, a huge step for Joan. Yes it'd not been the easiest of times, especially after the older woman had tried to push her away that time in the kitchen, starting an argument from nothing, seeing how far she could push Vera, if she could push her enough to drive her out of the door, she quickly got her answer, a resounding no! Then came the making love for the first time, and by god how good that had been, to have Joan elicit those moans and feelings from her, to make her body do all those things, react like that was nothing short of mind blowing and then to get to return the pleasure to the woman herself was even more mind blowing, to get to experience the noises and sounds the older woman made at the height of ecstasy and to know that she herself had caused this turned her on no end, hopefully we'll get to do more of that soon!
Then the small melt down she herself had had at home on needing more treatment for her Hep C, frightened that Joan might not want her anymore, not want to take on the burden that she thought she was, put up with her through all the treatment she might need, but she'd quickly expelled this theory Vera had in her mind by cuddling her close saying how she didn't want anyone else, that she was here to stay, then she'd wrapped those comforting arms around her, by god how she loved it when she did that, how safe it made her feel, how wanted, how dare she say it loved.
And now here she was sat in the woman in questions bed, having been brought here by her to look after her, care for her, make sure she was ok, something no one had ever done for her before, not even her own mother, quite the opposite in fact.
But Joan wasn't like that, she was different, was caring, gentle, passionate, attentive, protective, sensitive, all the things she'd never had from anyone before, she was everything to her, she was her Joan.
She'd told her as much.
She said she was hers and that I was her Vera.
Smiling to herself sat in bed her eyes were suddenly drawn to the click of the bedroom door, it opening to reveal the dark haired governor on the other side, quickly glancing to the clock which said it was two thirty and then back to Joan, a soft frown furrowing her brow.
"What are you doing home?" not expecting to see her for a while yet, her eyes following Joan as she perched on the bed next to her still in her uniform.
"I left early to come back to you, to look after you".
Vera couldn't help give her a small smile at the sentiment.
"Thank you" Joan shaking her head in answer, leaning across to exchange a gentle kiss with her deputy, retaking her position.
"Not at all, I couldn't not come back and look after you, how are you feeling?"
"I'm not too bad, still feeling rather wiped out and a slight ache in my forehead from the stinking headache I had last night, but the nausea seems to have subsided...well for now anyway" her ashen and tired face looking straight at Joan.
"How about I make some soup, it'll be easy for you to eat and on your stomach to, what do you think?" thinking Vera would be better eating something as opposed to nothing, smiling on Vera nodding in agreement. "We can eat it up here and then just relax, watch something together on the TV if you'd like?".
"I'd like that" it seemed the governor really did know how to take care of her, talk about having your needs met.
"That's settled then, you say cosy there and I'll just shower and then change, then I'll make a start on that soup, it shouldn't take too long, is there anything I can bring you before I do?" being answered with a shake of the head from Vera.
"No thank you, just you" she couldn't help add this little bit in at the end, the sentiment not lost on Joan.
"I'll be here" giving Vera another gentle peck on her lips before collecting some clothes to change into, disappearing into the bathroom to shower.
Flicking idly through the channels of the TV Vera looked up on smelling food entering the room, Joan carrying a steaming bowl of soup on a tray, with a small bread roll on a side plate complete with a slither of butter, a soup spoon and a napkin, gently placing it on Vera's lap.
"Here we go, it's chicken and vegetable and I've taken the liberty of bringing you a bread roll too, thought you might like one" being met with a smile from Vera, her eyes wandering over the food.
"It smells and looks lovely Joan, thank you" Joan nodding at her.
"You're welcome, enjoy" leaving the room to collect her own food from downstairs, then joining Vera, sitting on top of the duvet as she ate.
All the plates and trays away back downstairs, the dishwasher filled, the kitchen sparkling again and returned to its acceptable standard, the governor returned to her bedroom, closing the door, padding to the bed, quickly changing into her bed camisole and pyjama pants, motioning for Vera to scoot forward, her long legs fitting either side of the other woman's shorter ones, gently bringing Vera to lean against her, both of them settling back against the pillows, sat in the middle of the bed.
"You ok?" Joan asked as Vera leant back into her.
Vera nodded.
"Yeah just a bit sore and tired, I'm ok though, I've picked a programme for us to watch, it's about the history of the great barrier reef I thought it looked quite interesting, unless you want to pick something else?" feeling Joan gently rub her thumbs over the material of the vest she was wearing, the action causing Vera to lean back even more into the woman behind her, her body relaxing at the touch.
"No, that sounds just fine to me, it's a very good choice".
Half way through the programme both women had their eyes on the screen in front of them, Joan stealing glances at the woman in her arms, her eyes being drawn back to the screen as it showed a pair of dolphins, obviously a couple, both swimming side by side in the clear blue water, not a care in the world, both animals with what looked like smiles on both of their faces, the image one of happiness and bliss, just like it seemed she and Vera appeared right now, one of the graceful animals letting out a trilling sound, this being met by a whistle from what appeared to be the female, Vera entwining their fingers together even more at the sound, snuggling further into Joan, Joan seeming to steady herself mentally before resting her chin gently on Vera's shoulder, her lips grazing her ear.
"I...erm..I...I lo...I love you" she whispered so it could just about be heard, but Vera had heard exactly what she'd said, feeling like her heart would burst right then at that very moment just like when someone had won playing piñata at a party, Joan's own heart pounding in her chest on saying the words out loud to the woman in her arms.
It just happened, it felt right.
It's never in my life felt like this before.
It's never felt right enough to even think about saying it.
But this just feels different.
Some force within me taking over.
Taking over and allowing me to say those words.
Those immortal words.
And say them to her.
I'd never ever thought of saying them to anyone before.
But right here, right now with her it feels safe.
Feels right.
My heart feels at home.
Vera turned her head just a little to the side so she knew Joan could see her and she could see Joan.
"I love you too, like I've never loved anyone before and will again" the younger woman whispered lovingly, kissing the edge of Joan's lips, squeezing the larger hands that held her own, snuggling back as far as she could into the dark haired governor, who held her small frame flush against her chest, protectively yet tenderly at the same time.
She said it back, she said she loves me.
Vera loves me.
She actually loves me.
No one has ever said they loved me before in my whole life.
Not even my own father said it and he was the one you'd have expected to say it.
She makes me feel very safe, wanted, cared for, protected, validated, accepted.
Just everything.
Even though I have many, many flaws she accepts me.
I don't think she'll ever quite know how special she is to me.
She's the most precious, wonderful thing I've ever had in my entire life.
And I'd do anything for her.
Absolutely anything.
All she'd have to do is ask and I'd do it.
Vera Bennett my heart is and will always be yours.
It's firmly in your hands.
And I'd not want it to be anywhere else.
Ever.