Chapter 8
"I couldn't eat another bite" Vera chortled sitting back on her chair after finishing the breakfast Joan had cooked for them both the next morning.
It was a strange concept having stayed the night at the governor's house after having dinner with her and then kissing her, waking up in her arms, now they'd just eaten breakfast and she was sat at the table watching the tall woman in the kitchen cleaning up.
She moved around the space with such ease, hands working together to clean all the surfaces, pots and plates into the dishwasher, fully loaded and then it filled up and clicked into life.
Leaning back more into her chair she kept her eyes on the other woman, eyes moving up and down her figure, how relaxed she seemed in her own space, her own space that had Vera in it.
Sure she had done some things that weren't right, weren't nice but she's not evil, not a monster and not a freak.
I don't think so anyway.
People aren't able to get close enough to see past the facade that she has when she's at work.
To see the real Joan Ferguson.
This is what I'm experiencing now, she's letting me behind the battle armour she wears, letting me see bits of her a little at a time.
The emotional Joan, the sensitive Joan, the vulnerable Joan.
The person who seems to crave acceptance, understanding and dare I say it love.
She finds voicing her needs and wants so hard, afraid of rejection she's probably suffered in the past at various hands, no wonder she doesn't trust people easily, going through all she's no doubt been through I don't think I'd trust easily and keep people at arm's length too.
I wouldn't and couldn't hurt her, I want to show her that I'm not like those other people, that I want her for her.
She's so strong, smart, funny, sensitive, not to mention gorgeous.
If you'd have said I'd be saying this about a woman and even more so about this woman I'd have laughed in your face and called you crazy, but it's happening and it's happening about her.
I want her.
"Earth to Vera, hello?" the dulcet tones that filled Vera's ears bringing her out of her daydream and back to the present, the looming figure of Joan sat in front of her, waving her hand.
"What? Oh sorry, was in a world of my own then..." feeling somewhat embarrassed at being caught in her own world, thinking of Joan.
"So it seems, was it nice where you were?" watching her from across the table.
Vera smiled.
"It was actually yes and would you like to know why?".
Uh oh Vera this might not have been your wisest move, what if you scare her off? What if she finds it too much? What if she doesn't like this kind of talk?
Too late now.
Joan nods. "Yes I would".
Your turn now Vera.
A pause.
"I was thinking about you".
She waits for Joan's reaction, relieved to see a red blush creep up her cheeks, head dipping down to look at the table, causing her hair to fall into her face.
Vera smiled widely at the blush, her stomach fizzing as she watched the dark haired woman raise her head again, the faint blush still visible.
"Me?" she asked.
"Yeah you, if you hadn't gathered I think about you rather a lot.." now it was her turn to be shy, chuckling at her own honesty.
Joan smiled at her admission.
"I might do the same..." surprising herself at her openness.
Vera's smile widened.
"Looks like we're even there then" causing the governor to chuckle.
"Yes it appears so" reaching her hand across the table and placing it over Vera's.
Feeling the touch Vera splayed her fingers, moved her hand backwards before tilting it up, causing the longer fingers of Joan to entwine with hers, her blue eyes on the other woman.
Joan glanced down at their hands, studying them and how they looked together, how they felt, after a few minutes the big brown eyes were raised to look to blue, her smile growing, giving Vera's fingers a gentle squeeze.
Keeping hold of her hand and getting up from her chair, Joan leaned over the table to Vera's face, applying her lips bravely to the other woman's, smiling as she felt Vera's free hand hold her face.
I wouldn't normally act like this but I can't help myself.
I want to kiss her.
Have a need to kiss her.
Feel her lips against mine.
Quickly she parted from the kiss, making her way around to the other side of the table, reconnecting their lips as Vera rose to her feet, their tongue's swirling around the others, soft moans filling the air.
One of Joan's strong arms was around Vera's back, the other cupping her face as they kissed, the smaller woman's hands in the dark flowing hair, pulling their bodies flush together, moving in any direction until the bump of Vera's back against the kitchen island stopped them, leaning more into her Joan increased their kisses, both of them panting more.
"I...I...I want to touch you..."came the panted and shy request from the older woman.
I just want to know what she feels like.
Her heat, her wetness.
Her.
What she feels like against my hand.
Vera groaned, feeling the heat and wet between her thighs.
"Touch me...".
The hand from Vera's face she slid between the two of them, easily undoing the button and fly of her jeans, slipping between her knickers and skin to her destination, groaning at the feel of wetness against her fingers.
"Oh my....oh my god" she sighed quietly, her fingers tracing the younger woman's folds, the first touch a nervous one, nervous at this being the first contact she'd had, but enough for her own core to release a patch of wet on her underwear.
I don't usually feel nervous at touching someone but she's not just someone.
She's her.
She's Vera.
Vera groaned at the touch, her hips bucking as Joan traced a path down her folds and back up, her thumb grazing her clit, causing her to moan again.
With her fingers exploring the woman underneath her, feeling a bit more confident at the noises she was hearing, the taller woman started peppering kisses on Vera's neck, feeling her own skin tingling.
Now this is one thing I've never done.
I never kiss the woman's neck.
Not have this close a contact against them.
I don't do being close.
Didn't.
Pulling the older woman more into her neck, Vera leaned back more against the island, her hips bucking even more as she felt a single finger dip into her core at the same time as a thumb was brushing her clit, the dual sensations making her head spin.
"Oh yeah, right there..." she moaned louder than before, encouraging her, knowing she wouldn't take long.
Joan reconnected their lips needing that contact, tongues battling again as she moved a finger in and out of Vera, the thumb still working over her clit, her knickers wet and core pulsating at what they were doing, her body buzzing with arousal for the woman in her arms.
What is happening here.
This feeling inside me.
I'm doing this to her yet why do I feel all buzzing and warm.
Tingly.
Lighter.
It's spreading throughout me, making my head spin, my breathing uneven.
Gripping the dark locks even more in her hands as she kissed her, Vera bucked her hips even faster, feeling herself start to lose control, her body shaking at the hand of the older woman, her chest heaving with heavy breathing.
"Joan, I'm going to c..." she moaned loudly against Joan's mouth before arching against the governor and flooding her hand with her release, causing a moan from Joan at the sound and feeling she'd just caused, holding her deputy close.
Bloody hell.
Did I just get to experience that.
I just managed to achieve an orgasm in this wonderful creature.
To get the chance to feel it, to hear it, enjoy it.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy having someone so close to me...again.
Enjoy giving her pleasure.
This in turn giving me...pleasure.
Pleasure.
Leaning forward she panted hard, her head on Joan's shoulder, her heart pounding in her chest.
Joan gently withdrew her hand, resting it on Vera's waist, the other still around her body, asking.
"Are....are you ok?" her own sudden doubt at what they'd just done appearing, her earlier hint of confidence and previous actions now in doubt in her mind.
Having regained her breath Vera sat up from her position, blue eyes finding brown, a smile making its way over her face as she nodded.
"More than ok" causing Joan to smile in relief, people namely women she'd had encounters with in the past she'd usually not be bothered, it was a means to an end, just get it over with, do the deed and then see you later, not much of a regard for them, but this was different, this woman was different.
She wasn't just some conquest, some woman, she was Vera, dare Joan hope for her to be her Vera.
She wanted to know she'd enjoyed it, it sounded like she had, also that she'd not hurt her, since Vera hadn't been with a woman before, not many men either Joan guessed, another reason she wanted her to be ok, she wanted to make it right, do it right because it was Vera.
"Sorry...Sorry I just couldn't help myself it seems, I wanted to touch you" it was true she couldn't, something had taken over and she wanted that bit more closeness with her.
"You don't have to apologise for anything, quite the opposite" Vera smiled, chuckling when she realised what she said, her eyes with Joan's as she added. "I liked it, a lot" stroking Joan's cheek with her thumb.
Now it was Joan's turn to chuckle, one hand brushing a strand of hair out of Vera's eyes.
Vera glanced up to where the hair had moved from her face, then back to the woman in front of her.
"Thank you".
Joan frowned softly at the words, puzzled.
"For what?".
"Letting me be here with you" watching as Joan shook her head in response, placing a delicate kiss on Vera's cheek.
"No, thank you for being here with me".
Vera closed her eyes at the gesture, feeling her cheek tingle as the older woman's lips touched her skin.
Pulling back Joan watched as Vera stood with her eyes closed, smiling to herself.
Look at her, she's just a marvel.
Wavy hair moving to her face, a couple of beads of sweat yet to have evaporated on her forehead.
Them blue eyes hidden behind them soft eyelids, framed by them light lashes.
Full lips I seem drawn to.
Petite.
Perfect.
Well to me she is.
What is happening to me, never have I been like this before.
Studying someone, looking over them.
Until her.
Could I possibly stay close to her.
Have her stay close to me.
For quite a while.
A long while.
Could I possibly make her, or ask her to be mine.
To have the chance to do this.
"I know you're thinking" came the soft voice in front of Joan.
Joan looked to the woman still in her arms, the blue eyes still closed.
"No you don't..." laughing softly.
"Yes I do..." keeping her eyes closed, adding.
"Tell me you weren't thinking then".
Shaking her head to herself Joan's smile remained, impressed and shocked at how this woman knew this by not even opening her eyes, no one had ever done this, been able to do this, got close enough to even attempt to do this.
No words, silence between them.
Smiling also Vera opened her eyes, looking at Joan.
"Well?" smirking softly.
"Well what?" was the playful, pretending to not know what Vera was talking about answer.
"You know well what" putting her arms around the waist of the governor.
Looking to the ceiling and pretending to think she glanced back down to her deputy, unable to stop the wide smile that spread over her face as she looked at Vera.
Whenever she looked down at that face she couldn't help but smile it was becoming fast apparent.
"See! I told you!" her own face breaking into a grin as she giggled, squeezing her small arms around Joan's waist to emphasize her point.
Oh my god that giggle, it's so cute and happy!
Chuckling at Vera's reaction Joan lifted the smaller woman up so she was sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen, coming to stand between the legs of the sitting woman, gazing at her.
Moving hands from her boss's waist, Vera placed them on her broad and strong shoulders, liking the feel of the muscles under her palms, gazing back at the face near hers.
Saying nothing she rested her cheek on Joan's shoulder, inhaling the smell of her skin, her arms dropping to her sides, nuzzling her neck.
"Hold me?" she asked quietly, wanting to feel the strong embrace she was beginning to not be able to get enough of.
"Of course" still smiling, delighted at the request of Vera wanting to be held by her, to have her close to her, engulfing the smaller woman in her hug she held her against her body, resting her cheek on the soft hair of her deputy, never wanting to let go.
Could this last?
Was it possible to have this feeling last in someone like me.
Someone as closed off as me
Someone as damaged.
Someone with as many scars, someone as dare I say it....frightened.
Because that's what happens when you start to feel things.
Experience things.
Experience.....emotions....feelings.
It gets scary.
Emotions get scary.
Emotions are scary.
They're like foreign beings.
And didn't my dad always say emotions lead to mistakes.
And I'm not allowed to make mistakes.