Smaragdus

A wormhole created by just a couple of words and the dusky scent led Carol straight back to her own bedroom as it had been only a few weeks ago. The odd night following the dinner with Lady Cantrell. The voices she had assumed a figment of her imagination returned vividly, opening the secrets her mind had hidden. “Easy… here… sweetheart…” It was Therese who’d been in her room that night, speaking the words, perfuming the air.

Panicking, Carol got lost between the two conflicting realities. The perfect kiss became perfectly strange, and the lost light she had blessed only a moment ago no longer felt like safety. Extricating herself from the heavy embrace, Carol knew she’d have to either fight or flight, and since she didn’t know what she was up against, she chose to flee. Therese’s words replayed in her brain over and over again as she took a step backward, then another, until her feet finally got the message and sped out of reach.

Carol ran all the way back to her office without stopping, not caring if anyone wondered why her hair was mussed up and her eyes wide with anguish. She locked the door behind her, hoping she’d still find the bottle of rye stashed behind the books in the bookcase. Her hands were shaking as she poured a drink, and she almost dropped the bottle on the floor when a series of knocks landed against her door. Carol stayed silent, listening.

“Carol?” Therese asked cautiously. Carol could hear her easily through the door, yet she made no attempt to reveal her presence in the room. “Carol…” the pleading voice repeated. “Please let me in.”

Out of breath, Carol took hold of the side of her desk without noticing her appointment book that was teetering on the brink of it. It fell on the floor loudly enough.

“Carol,” Therese spoke again. “I don’t know what happened but please let’s talk about it.” Carol could hear her shifting nervously behind the door. “Sweetheart…” the voice started, and it was way too much for Carol.

“Go away.” Carol could hardly recognize her own voice. It was the voice of an angry, wounded animal. “Leave me alone.” She needed time to think, to really figure this out.

Therese said nothing, and for a long time Carol thought she was still waiting behind the locked door, hoping she would change her mind. But she wasn’t going to, not now, so she decided to wait until Therese was gone.

A half an hour later Carol opened the door, half expecting to find Therese there. Unbeknownst to her, Therese had obeyed her direct order immediately. Too many incidents had taught Carol’s assistant that when life said no, there was no room for negotiation.

Therese walked out, confused and dazed. The wild hope that had sustained her during all these months was fading fast. She felt oddly at peace with it, as if she’d dodged a bullet that would’ve shattered everything she had come to know about herself. Conveniently she chose to forget that it had been her plan to begin with; that she had embraced the idea of starting anew with someone who not only understood her past but also what the promise of a better future could hold for the both of them.

I have been asleep and dreaming, Therese decided. There is no second act for someone like me. She wanted to go home to Dannie, to spend time in his laid-back company. I must be mad. They would have a couple of shots of vodka and then go out together to forget everything for one carefree night. It’s you and me against the world, she had told Dannie so many times, and right now she longed to repeat the ritual.

“What are you doing here this early?” Dannie asked, seeing Therese enter the apartment. In his opinion the afternoon had already been far too busy.

Therese wasn’t too keen to hear his disgruntled welcome, but she chose not to pay any attention to it. “How about getting properly sloshed? It’s been way too long since we last did it.”         

Dannie wasn’t fooled by her easy proposition. Something was off although Therese did her best to cover it. “What’s going on, T?” he asked, stopping her from pulling the frosted bottle out of the freezer.

“Nothing’s going on,” Therese replied, unable to hide her irritation. “I just want some good old-fashioned anaesthesia to kick in, that’s all,” she attempted to lighten up. But the damage was already done.

“I don’t like the way you are right now.” It was quite exceptional of Dannie to be this outspoken, but Abby’s visit had had an undeniable impact on him.   

Therese stopped dead in her tracks, her shoulders stiffening out of anger. “A lot of that going around lately…” she scoffed, slamming the freezer door shut. “I must be on a roll.” She picked up her bag, the one she had thought she could forget for the rest of the day, and returned to the door. “I know when I’m not wanted.” She wasn’t going to wait around for anything else Dannie might want to get off his chest. There was one place where she would be welcome though, and right now it seemed all she had left.

“This was a nice surprise…” Genevieve murmured to Therese’s bare back after what she thought had been an an exceptionally gratifying hour of sex. “Although when I saw you at the door, you looked like you wanted to strangle me instead.”

Therese turned to her stomach, her elbows denting the mattress. “Is there a difference?” she asked, placing a cigarette between her lips and lighting it. Genevieve’s finger was drawing a long line from between her shoulder blades all the way down to her crack. It lingered there for a while but resisted venturing any lower.

“I suppose not,” Genevieve said, surprising Therese with rare honesty. “I guess it’s what defines us. We both prefer direct action to, say, kissing…” she added, winking at her.

“Why is that?” Therese asked against her better judgment. “What’s wrong with kissing?” Her question sounded peculiarly stubborn to Genevieve.

“You’re in a funny mood, aren’t you?” Genevieve teased her. “I can kiss you if you want me to. It’s not a big deal.” She removed her hand from Therese’s butt and placed it behind the back of her neck instead. “You want to get wet with my tongue in your mouth?” she whispered, leaning closer. “I’ll make it even better for you…” Genevieve continued. “I’ll fuck you with my finger at the same time and drive you absolutely crazy.”

The almost immediate sensation of Genevieve’s finger jolted Therese. The hard mouth on hers felt all wrong, but the skillful repetition between her thighs proved too much. Soon she was tightening around the bold digit, hopelessly seduced by the lusty arrogance that knew only one kind of a release.

Afterwards Therese felt bereft of something resembling dignity. Her own body’s betrayal was nearly enough to crush her. She thought about crying, how appropriate and devastating it would be right now. It took all her strength not to succumb to it, not to let Genevieve see how upset she was. For the first time since hearing Carol’s command to go away, Therese allowed herself to think about what had really happened in the darkness. What had she done to make Carol reject her like that? Hadn’t she wanted the kiss, too? And kissing was a big deal, no matter what Genevieve or anyone else claimed.   

Unaware of Therese’s musings, Genevieve was enjoying herself. “Darling, I’ve been thinking…” she started, not noticing anything out of the ordinary in her naked companion. “You and Dannie should move out of that dingy apartment to be able to better focus on the job.” Truth be told, Genevieve wanted Therese out of there because she suspected that Ray knew her current address. Besides, right now she was feeling exceptionally generous toward Therese. “How would like to stay in a fancy hotel instead?” she suggested, smiling. “Room service 24/7 and all other perks...”

Therese shrugged. “Which are you? A part of the service or a perk?” she asked rather rudely.

“I think we’d better keep seeing each other here in the dorm,” Genevieve said, ignoring her questionable remark. “And I’d prefer you two not shooting off your mouth about the new digs either. When it’s time for you to make your move, you’ll both appreciate the privacy.”  

It made sense to Therese, and she welcomed the idea of a hotel accommodation. An impersonal, uninteresting room was just what she wanted after the disappointments of the day.    

Carol was still shaken by her epiphany when she returned to home. Her mood took a turn for worse when she noticed Rindy talking to Abby in the living room. Abby had greeted her the morning after Genevieve’s dinner, admonishing her for her drunken behavior. Abby…

If Therese had been in the room, Abby must’ve let her in. That was the only logical explanation. The extent of Abby’s betrayal - for what else could it be under any circumstances? - was a dizzying discovery to Carol’s frayed nerves. I am nursing a snake under my bosom.

“Hi mom,” Rindy greeted Carol. She looked so happy talking to her father’s nurse, it nearly broke Carol’s heart.

“Hey,” Carol acquiesced to say. She avoided looking at Abby. “I have the most terrible headache, and I think I will go straight to bed…” she mumbled.

“Want me to rub your shoulders?” Abby volunteered, getting up from her chair.

“No, no, no…” Carol hastened to interrupt. “I just need a good night’s sleep and I’ll be alright.” Ascending the stairs, a thought occurred to her. “Rindy, will you come by my room for a sec… I’d like to talk to you about something.” Her daughter was the only one she could confide in, Carol thought, and she knew her to be calm and level-headed.

“Sure, mom. I’ll be right up.” Rindy’s smile soothed Carol’s mind, making her feel slightly better.          

After an hour had passed, Rindy returned to the living room. She had given her mother a pill to sleep, and now she expected to get some answers. Abby had gone to put Harge to bed but when she came back and found Rindy leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, she knew instantly that something was not right.

“You are fucking everything up,” Rindy stated coldly. “When I saw what was going on in here, I thought it was for both of their advantage, and yours too, but I sure as hell didn’t expect you to abuse my mother’s trust.”

Abby’s startled expression made Rindy only angrier. “Don’t play coy with me, Miss Gerhard. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t check up on you after my mom said she had found a nurse who was willing to take care of my father for less than a half of the regular cost?” She scoffed, seeing Abby’s continued astonishment. “You had never done a day’s work as a nurse before setting your foot in this house. I contemplated telling her about it, but when I saw how happy she was to have you around and quite clearly in her bed, too, I let it slide.”

Abby didn’t say a word but the look on her face spoke volumes. The jig was up.

“I guess you could say that I gave you the benefit of the doubt,“ Rindy went on. “But you bringing playmates here in the dead of night will never be a part of that deal.”

Her eyes cast down, Abby realized she would have to tell Rindy the truth. Or a reasonable semblance of one. “She loves Carol. Of that I am absolutely certain, and she was here that night because she had rescued your mother from a fate worse than death.” Abby fell silent but only for a very short moment. “Well, at least I think so.”

She. Rindy had met her and liked her, too. Even though she had obviously never been to Wattens in any professional capacity. Rindy had known it the minute Therese had replied to her question about Norman. Yes, Therese had liked him very much. If only Jessye Norman - who had given an unforgettable performance at the Crystal Worlds - were a man instead of a voluptuous, angel-voiced diva. Rindy hadn’t mentioned the clumsy lie to Carol, at least not yet, because to her it had been more than evident that the two of them shared something truly special. “What the hell are you talking about?” Rindy asked, her voice laced with understandable disbelief.

Abby knew she was at Rindy’s mercy, and she understood that were she to say an unmeasured word, to strike a wrong chord at all,  Rindy would put an end to everything far too hastily and thus jeopardize everyone involved, even herself. “Your mother was about to be blackmailed, and Therese found it out. A particularly nasty attempt at a shakedown. Therese explained it to me when she brought your mother home that night. She had intervened at the last minute, pulling her out from the lion’s den. Your mother was severely drugged and Therese wanted to make sure no harm would come to her that night, but she also didn’t want Carol to know about it. Nothing improper happened, you have to believe me!” Abby pleaded with Rindy.

Rindy didn’t know what to believe. “Who planned it?” she asked icily.

This was the follow-up question Abby had known to dread, but she had no way of avoiding answering. “One of your mother’s bosses…”

Rindy had no time to play games. “I want a name.”

The years, the entire decades of conning people, of making them believe that whatever shady was happening to them was for their own good, finally paid off. “I don’t know,” Abby said, looking Rindy straight into the eyes. “You will have to ask Therese, because she wouldn’t tell me.”   

When Abby left that night, she wanted to believe that her story had put Rindy’s mind at ease. But no matter how much she liked to think that a disaster had been presently avoided, the old premonition of time running out took over her in one swoop that had no silver lining. All of them were merely floating in shark-infested waters, Abby having so far been the only one urging others to seek safety. She knew she was going about it all wrong, but her loyalty to Genevieve still weighed too much on the scale.

Unlocking her door in the dorm, Abby noticed Therese leaving Genevieve’s room. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why she was there at such a late hour, and normally Abby would’ve done her best to put it out of her mind. This time, in the light of everything that she knew had happened between Therese and Carol and between her and Rindy, Abby reacted differently. The earlier decision to tell Therese about Carol’s nightly recollection seemed suddenly ill-advised. Imagining what had taken place in Genevieve's room while she had defended Therese to Rindy made Abby bitter and spiteful. You stupid girl… go ahead, reap what you sow.