Smaragdus

”How’s Dad doing?” Cupping Carol’s hands with hers, the young woman looked very concerned. ”How are you, Mom?”

Carol’s eyes were warm and bright but her smile was undeniably sad. ”Rindy darling, I’m okay and your father is no longer in any danger.” Harge’s condition had reached the same level it had had before, and the Aird household had resumed its normal rhythm. ”You’re a sweetheart for having come all this way, but you really shouldn’t have. ” After all, Rindy and her husband lived in Innsbruck, Austria.

”Of course I came,” Rindy said. ”Besides, it’s been ages since we’ve met and I do miss you, Mom.” Carol appreciated her daughter’s words, and she was indeed happy to spend time with her again.

”Now that you’re here, how long can you stay?” Carol asked. ”More than just a few days, I hope?” Sitting together in her office made Carol wish she could introduce Rindy to Therese.

”About ten days,” Rindy replied. ”But it’s better than just a long weekend, isn’t it?” Carol nodded, guessing she’d be getting her wish. ”Jon sends his love and we thought you might like this…” Rindy continued, rummaging the suitcase she still had with her. A small, padded parcel surfaced out of its side pocket, and she handed it to Carol with a sly smile.

Carol opened the package and raised her eyebrows both in awe and astonishment. An exquisite crystal demon of the same size as the angel Rindy had previously given her rested soon on the palm of her hand. ”Is there a hidden message in it, or why did you choose such a devilish charmer to complement your former gift?” Carol asked, bemused.

Rindy couldn't help but laugh. ”Your son-in-law did pick this one, so maybe there is!” Seeing the surprise on her mother’s face, she replaced her giggles with a reassuring smile. ”If you look at it more closely, you’ll see that it’s not actually a demon, it’s Pan.” The figurine’s horns and goat-like legs supported Rindy’s claim. The sly, insinuating smile and even the trademark flute were there too.

”That’s right!” Carol acknowledged, impressed by the craftsmanship that had obviously gone into its production. ”But Pan is a devilish character, isn’t he?” she teased her daughter.

”You could do with some devilish charm, Mom,” Rindy smiled. ”I know how hard it’s been for you these past years. And Daddy won’t be getting any better. Are you going to bury yourself alive for him? Had it not been for his accident, I think you two would’ve ended up divorcing sooner rather than later…” Rindy looked suddenly worried that she might have overstepped some invisible boundary of properness that dictated mother-daughter relationships.

Carol wasn’t shocked by Rindy’s words. As a matter of fact, it was the complete lack of shock that made her uneasy. ”What choice do I have?” she spoke soon after. ”I can’t abandon him. In sickness and in health, you know.” There it was again, the resignation, the unconditional surrender in front of the inescapable facts of her life.

”We’ve been thinking – Jon and I – that we could take him…” Rindy started, paying close attention to her mother’s first reaction. ”There are several excellent institutions in Austria, and this particularly good one in Innsbruck… and Dad always loved the landscape, the snow-capped mountains… I’d visit him frequently and he could stay with us, too. I bet he’d adore our Bavarian housekeeper, Hildegard…” The more Rindy embellished her proposition, the less secure she became in her conviction that Carol would welcome her idea at all.  

”Rindy, darling…” Carol interrupted. ”The thing is that I can’t afford to put your father in an institution, no matter how tempting it sounds.” By god, it was almost as tempting as the sight of Therese bent over the exhibition designs… ”I appreciate your kind offer, but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’d lay my burden on your shoulders, sweetheart. You are trying to start a family, aren’t you?   

Rindy didn't like what she was hearing. “So what if we are?” she said, unfazed by her mother’s objections. “Remember the shiny principle you learned while visiting us, mom: yes to all..” A knock on the door interrupted her well-rehearsed defense.

“Who is it?” Carol asked, both troubled and relieved by the sudden intervention. When she saw who opened the door her disapproval turned into a sunny smile. This day just keeps getting better.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you. I had no idea you had company.” Therese took a step back as soon as she saw Carol with an unknown visitor. The woman did look familiar though, she thought to herself.

“Oh please, come on in,” Carol invited. “I’d like you to meet my daughter Rindy.” A near carbon copy of her mother, the blond woman turned around to greet Therese.

“Hello,” Rindy smiled. “You must be Therese. Mom’s told me so much about you. Pleased to meet you.”

“Likewise.” The uncanny resemblance between the two of them threw Therese for a loop. “Although Carol has regrettably failed to tell me about you.”                            

“I have, haven’t I?” Carol realized. “It seems silly, too, since you have so much in common…”

We do?  Therese mused, not knowing where Carol’s declaration was coming from.

“Yes!” Carol chuckled, relishing the surprise on both of their faces. “Rindy dear, Therese knows Wattens too! Isn’t it a charming coincidence?”

Wattens?  Therese’s brain was working overtime while her face tried to hide her growing anxiety. The name did sound vaguely familiar but in a similar way as a mere footnote in something once read and too readily forgotten.

Rindy looked as delighted as her mother. “Oh really? That is a coincidence... Still have your dirndl, Therese?” she asked, laughing.

Still have my what? Therese’s anxiety was turning into sheer terror.

“I’m kidding,” Rindy said, winking at her. “Although mom did look damn good wearing one!”

“Oh, stop it!” Carol interrupted, scoffing. “It was only once and you more or less tricked me into putting it on…” She wasn’t as sorry as she wanted to let on.  

Therese needed time to think, but the image of Carol in a short skirt, a low-cut blouse and a bodice that pushed the breasts up was hardly helping.

Carol noticed her unease although she had no idea why their light-hearted banter should affect her so noticeably. “Let’s not tease poor Therese. I’m sure she had much more pressing issues to attend to while working at the Crystal Worlds.”

Swarowski Crystal Worlds in Wattens, Austria!  Now everything fell into place in Therese’s mind, although none of it made her feel any better. The fib she had told Carol had come back to haunt her.

“You must know my husband then?” Rindy asked Therese. “He’s been there for a number of years, and he’s pals with everybody. Jon - Jon Harrison?” The lovely Mrs. Harrison looked for signs of recognition that never materialized on Ms. Belivet’s face.

“I was there for such a short time…” Therese muttered. “I’m afraid the name doesn’t ring a bell…” Why oh why did I fabricate such a stupid lie?

“In that case you must’ve been there at the same time as Norman?” Rindy asked. “Jon and I’ve been simply devastated that we weren’t there then!”

This was the exit route Therese was eager to take. “Yes, he was very nice, although I doubt if he’d remember me today!” Chuckling nervously she welcomed a pause in the conversation.      

Carol seemed impatient to continue their chat, but Therese had had enough for now. “I think I ought to let you guys catch up.” She glanced at Rindy who was watching her very curiously. “It was great meeting you.” Smiling shyly at Carol, she left the room to breathe more steadily than she had for the past few minutes.  

Looking out of her office window, Therese observed Carol seeing Rindy off some time later. She remained standing on the curb for a long time after her daughter’s cab had disappeared from view. When Carol finally snapped out of her reverie, she startled Therese by glancing at her from afar. At least it seemed so to Therese even though she couldn’t be sure. If she did, the brief look was quizzical, cryptic.

Therese stayed in her room, waiting for Carol to come by to go through the work they had lined up for the day. She waited in vain - Carol never showed up.

Someone else did: Richard Semco. “Hey Terry,” he greeted a bit too enthusiastically. “I think we need to talk.” He closed the door behind him and without an invitation sat across from Therese at her desk.

“What on earth would we two have to talk about?” Therese asked, irritated by Richard’s show of macho privilege.

Richard smiled, revealing a wide set of teeth that made him look like the Cheshire Cat from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. “Why do you work here, Terry?” he asked, ignoring her question. “Now, let me think…” Richard taunted. “Is it for the bootie or… the bootie?” 

Therese didn’t say a word. Maybe this was just a fishing expedition based on the sham marriage he knew she and Dannie had going on. Richard wasn’t blind or deaf, and Dannie had been careless with his pillow talk in the past. This time they weren’t, however, dealing with an unimportant minor player. Keeping Richard happy and sufficiently far away from Therese’s job was all too important.

“You see, I’ve come to the conclusion that there has to be more than meets the eye here,” Richard said, getting more comfortable in his chair. “You buzz around the boss lady as if she’s made of honey, and Dannie… well, you know what I do with Dannie,” he chuckled.

“I strongly recommend you think before you say another word.” Therese’s voice was ominous, but its outrage was lost on Richard.

“Don’t get me wrong. I sympathize with her! Can’t be easy being a virile woman living with a limp vegetable. Maybe I ought to pay her a visit one night...” Richard stopped to see what kind of an effect his blunt innuendo had on Therese.        

Therese kept her rapidly whitening fists below the desktop. She had to remain calm. “You are disgusting,” she said as if stating a simple fact that needed no further proof. “I wonder what Mrs. Aird would say if I were to repeat this conversation to her?” She looked Richard straight in the eyes, confident of her ability to contain herself.

“Terry baby, you will do no such thing,” Richard sneered. “You have far too much riding on this. You and Dannie boy want to have the cake and eat it too, I get it.” He picked up a paper clip from the desk and started bending it to Therese’s annoyance. “I just want my slice. A big, juicy one. I have a sweet tooth like everyone else.” Yawning, the overgrown Cheshire Cat seemed suddenly tired of toying with his prey. “I don’t know how you plan to do it, and I don’t intend to make it easy for you. But I will be keeping a keen eye on you both.” Getting up, he took a couple of jellybeans from a small bowl on the desk and popped them in his mouth. “For chrissakes, get some decent candy instead of this shit,” he complained on his way out. When the door closed behind Richard, Therese felt no relief. The memory of his obnoxious grin was still in the room, dampening her mood.

For the rest of the day Carol let all her calls go straight to the voicemail. She needed time to think, to process what Rindy had said to her. Soon she wouldn’t have a moment’s peace to plan what the next step of her life would be or how her future would turn out. Therese’s personnel file lay on the desk in front of her. What she hoped to learn from it she did not yet know. After all Carol knew so very little about her. Could she trust the attraction that had so effortlessly developed between them?

The memory of the ill-fated restaurant dinner evoked so many questions. What had Therese wanted to ask her in the restaurant? Had she herself really been so willing to say yes to whatever Therese might have suggested that night? Yes to all. The words that Rindy had reminded her of shone brighter and truer than ever at the back of Carol’s mind, although the carefree encouragement sounded far too simplistic at the moment. 

There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary in Therese’s file. Her record was flawless and as such truly remarkable, but in closer scrutiny it lacked the surprises Carol was presently looking for. The image of young Therese hanging high up in the air doing risky stunts was something these papers couldn’t convey, yet it was what she longed to find - the bubble inside the gem, the mossy growth that looked out-of-place but wasn’t.    

Therese the human was the antithesis of these documents, Carol thought. From the very beginning she had suspected that there was something hidden beneath the polished surface, something sorrowful and despairing, although Carol was aware that she might be reading too much into her first impression.

Bored by the nondescript file, Carol turned to her laptop instead. Hoping to discover something, anything, Carol typed four words in the browser's search bar: “aerial” + “contortionist” + “accident” + “death”.

Most of the resulting pages were clearly off the mark, but she didn’t need to look further than the first one. ‘Aerial acrobat falls to death during performance’ read the headline of a news piece dating twelve years back. Startled, Carol clicked it open.

Sandrine Vickers, 35, from Astoria, New York, was in the middle of her Cirque Lunaire number when she lost the grip of her silks and plunged down from the height of fifty feet. Hitting the wooden stage, Ms. Vickers broke her neck in several places. She was killed instantly, confirmed her long-time coach Del Krasinski...

Carol scrolled down the text to find what she was really looking for.

Ms. Vickers is survived by her husband, Ray, and her daughter, Therese.

Sadness replaced Carol’s former suspicion. Survived by - two words that hide a world of pain, she thought. Wanting to know more, she searched for the Cirque Lunaire only to find out about its bankruptcy three years prior. However, she did have one more clue to follow and it was all she needed: Del Krasinski was still very much active and presently teaching at the Aerial Arts NYC.

At a moment's notice Carol decided to visit Krasinski’s training locale at 235 East 49th Street. Maybe seeing what aerial acrobatics meant in the first place would help clear her head for more defined questions about Therese.

The midtown arts center was abuzz with athletes waiting for their classes to begin. Carol felt out of place but not uncomfortable. To witness such unbounded energy was a joyful sight, but when she tried to imagine Therese as one of the smiling youths, she couldn’t.    

“Can I help you with something?” A woman slightly older than the others crowding the corridors had paid attention to Carol’s wandering gaze.

“I’m looking for Del Krasinski,” Carol explained. “I was wondering if I could talk to him for a minute…”

The woman who made no effort to introduce herself shook her head. “Del’s here only on Mondays and Thursdays…” Carol’s heart sank even though she knew she could always come back.

“Who’s taking my name in vain?” An amused male voice reached them from across the hall. “Billy’s out of town so I’m filling in for him today.” Carol turned around to see an exceptionally handsome man approaching them. Tall and muscular, he shared the same outward exuberance his students seemed to possess in buckets. “I’m Del Krasinski,” he said, extending his hand to Carol. The woman who'd been no help at all nodded at the coach and left them alone.

“Carol Aird…” she replied, impressed by the firmness of his handshake.

“Well, Carol Aird, what can I do for you?” he asked, smiling. At closer inspection, Del Krasinski looked older than Carol had thought at first although his tan face did a marvellous job hiding the exact number of his years.

“I’m trying to find information on one of your former students,” Carol started.

“I don’t like talking about my kids, ma’am,” Del said. “Especially when I don’t know who is doing the asking and why.”

“That’s understandable,” Carol hastened to agree. “It’s just that I came across with your name quite by chance when reading about my husband’s family.” She could lie too if she needed to. “His cousin was Sandrine Vickers… who died tragically twelve years ago.”

Del Krasinski looked genuinely surprised as if what Carol had just said was something he’d been sure would never come up again. “Now there’s a name I haven’t thought about for years…” A shadow passed the man’s face, uncertain if it should stick around for more puzzling revelations. “Sandy was a very talented performer, but like you said, she’s long gone and I see no point in speaking ill of the dead.”

Carol found his remark odd to say the least. “I mean no harm, Mr. Krasinski. It’s her daughter we’re trying to locate. We’re her family after all.”

Del sighed, his head bent down in reminiscence of past that had caught up with him. “Therese was a good kid… I trained her for a while”, he said.

“Was?” Carol interrupted. “Is she dead?” The question had to be asked.

“I hope not,” Del said. “Then again I really don’t know. She disappeared soon after her mother’s accident. Saw the whole thing and left for good.”

“Would Mr. Vickers know her whereabouts?” Carol asked, shaken by the horrid image of Therese witnessing her mother’s fatal fall.

Mr. Krasinski’s face darkened. “Ray Vickers is not Therese’s father nor should he be allowed to get anywhere near her ever again!” He closed his eyes briefly to retain her calm. “Look…” he continued. “When Sandy got together with that sleazeball, it all started going downhill for her - and for Therese. I tried to intervene, but she clung to that callous teamster as if her life depended on it. In a morbid way it did…”

The man’s somber statement turned Carol’s stomach although she didn’t yet know why. “Why do you say that?” she asked quietly.

“Sandy was Ray’s meal ticket, and when she couldn’t keep up with the ridiculous training and performance schedule he had imposed on her, he either smacker her around or ‘medicated’ her with drugs… and it was that shit that killed her in the end.” The silence after the sentence was heartbreaking.

Carol wasn’t sure if she should push him for more information but in the end she didn’t have to. Mr. Krasinski had to get it off his chest. “Sandy was not herself before her last performance. She had obviously taken something. Therese tried to talk her out of going on stage but she wouldn’t hear of it. Not that she had ever had much influence on her mother’s bad decisions.” Again Del looked uneasy talking about the past at all. Their conversation was about to come to a halt. “I hope Therese is alright. I did hear a rumor that she had fallen in with a wrong crowd and gone to prison, but you know how people like to speculate.”

A tightening knot in Carol’s stomach that she hadn’t been fully aware of until now turned into a solid rock. It pressed malevolently against her organs, clearing space for its hard, greedy edges. Something of her agony must have seeped into her eyes, too, since Del Krasinski saw fit to squeeze her shoulder warmly. “Tell your husband his cousin’s daughter is a tough cookie,” he said, attempting to smile. “If anyone’s going to beat the odds, she will.”              

After meeting Mr. Krasinski, Carol tried to fit what she had just learned together with her own image of Therese. Deep down she had known that all was not as it seemed with her assistant. She had been aware of it from the very beginning yet accepted it as anyone’s right to privacy. We all have our secrets, and the older we get, the more complicated they become.

Although the day was far from done, it felt as if it had lasted a lifetime or at least one sad adolescence Carol had been offered a glimpse of. She wished she could go home and lovingly fuss over her daughter without having to think about what to do with the newfound knowledge. Back at work she noticed the door of Therese’s office being slightly ajar. A runaway streak of yellow light paled and scattered at the threshold like a weak welcome. Not now, Carol thought. It would be too much.    

Rindy’s gift, the tiny crystal Pan waited for Carol’s return on her desk. Tonight she would place this mischief maker next to the heart-clutching angel. They would make an intriguing pair, she thought, the brash god of the wild and the tender messenger of love.