Therapy
Their marriage was quick and simple, not at all like the public and the media would expect of Toni Stark.
Regardless of what Bruce said when she asked, Toni couldn’t help but think that Donnie was the reason he proposed.
When they met back in 2012, it was rush of feelings. Shallow from meeting someone that could actually understand the other academically, their similar age (which almost never happens in conjunction with academic equality) and that the other was pretty easy on the eyes; to the deep understanding they had of each other, their past, their demons, their way of thinking.
So Toni being Toni… pounced on him. Bruce was still unsure of a permanent links, roots, residence. An actual life where he could have a steady job doing what he loved, friends, a girlfriend and the fact that with the Avengers and especially that the Other Guy could be useful for protection instead of destruction. Little by little, persistence from Toni and the routine that he fell back into made him relax even enjoy the life he now had, they dated for two years and then…
Then 2015 happened, Ultron, Johannesburg, Sokovia and Widow…and he had to leave. He just had to.
When he finally got access to a source of information, Bruce learned that Toni Stark has been out of the public eye for almost a year. Concern and guilty made him return to a cold Pepper and Rhodey that were completely unimpressed by the rest of the Avengers and that included him.
Bruce could have kicked himself in the face. Of course. With him gone and no evidence, Toni would absorb all the blame. For Ultron, for Johannesburg, for Sokovia. And the fact that Ste… that Rogers just stretched a red carpet for the Witch was…he almost turned green and only Rhodes’ remind that Toni already sacrificed herself enough without him destroying more stuff made him calm down in despair.
And then…he found out about Donnie. That he abandoned Toni when she was at her most vulnerable and he also abandoned…
Bruce had always told himself that either he would never become a father or he would never be like…like Brian Banner was and yet, the child wasn’t even born and he…what did he do? Bruce didn’t know that he had asked out loud until Pepper glowered and Rhodes shrugged, his lips in a tight line while gently pushing Pepper out of the room and closing the door leaving him alone with Bruce.
“Toni wasn’t mad, still isn’t” he informed when the silence stretched and Bruce snapped his head up, his incredulity must have shown because it dragged an unwilling smirk out of Rhodes before he reassumed the cold expression he had had so far, “Yeah, I don’t get that but then, I also don’t get why the hell is she banking Rogers, Maximoff and Romanov, they don’t even buy their own goddam clothes.”
So Bruce went and met Donnie that was born on December, 16, 2015; it was New Year’s Eve when Bruce came back, talked to a more or less surprised Toni and promised to stay. Toni only smiled and didn’t talk about that again and Bruce knew that he only had himself to blame. For a week, Bruce did nothing but thought about everything that happened. How he felt about Toni, his own flaws even the distant memories of childhood that he tried so hard to forget.
It took him another week to convince Toni that he was serious and that Donnie although an excuse wasn’t the cause, many talks about what changed in the last year, about Peter and Harley and Royce and even about him leaving, full of apologies, regret and a lot of emotional investment. And they were married on January, 17. He was 32, and she was 30.
Just them and the squire, Toni was wearing a white suit over an off-white shirt with a matching pencil skirt and he was wearing a black dress shirt and grey social pants, they exchanged the ‘I do’s and signed the papers. The only ones that even knew he was back, let alone married were Rhodey, Pepper, Happy, Toni’s brother, Arno and his cousin, Jennifer.
~*~
“Bottom line is, I love him, I really do but now that we are responsible for children, I can’t keep going the way I was, plagued by nightmares, workaholic to the point where I spent days without seeing another human being and…I need to make certain that my relationship with Bruce is as healthy as it can possibly get. I already decided that giving him up was not something that I am willing to do but I also need to be…more balanced myself and for that I need help, so…here I am”
~*~
1 – Flee or Fight.
Toni commented that she was seeing a therapist. Charles Xavier was the best person for the job for many reasons but Bruce wasn’t sure, not about the effectiveness, but to be effective in the first place there was the need to be open about very painful, very personal subjects that people just…they purposefully or unconsciously choose words that added a layer of protection for themselves. But she didn’t ask for him to go either.
And yet, couple of months later and Toni seemed lighter, smiled more, was more reserved but cared less when the Avengers inevitably turned to her to pay for their pizzas. Had less reclusive moments, opened up more to Harley and Royce and actively tried to be part of Peter’s life, even their marriage improved, she stopped sleeping in the very edge of the bed, slowly relaxing and reaching for him in the middle of the night.
Well, with empirical data and knowing that Bruce has at least as many issues dating as back as Toni’s, he decided to talk with Xavier.
“To be honest I would recommend that we have joined sessions so we can work on your relationship with Toni but as far as personal adjustments and development goes I have to suggest that you go to another professional, due to our many sessions I wouldn’t be unbiased as your doctor. Daniel Shomron is a good friend and very skilled psychiatrist” he reached for his briefcase and gave him a business card.
He booked a session for the next week. After a couple of months Bruce came to many realizations, some made him uncomfortable, some made him sigh in relief and some he just had to address ASAP.
“OK, let’s begin” Xavier smiled encouragingly at the couple.
“Well,” he glanced at his wife before muscling through, “I need…to talk about me leaving, after Ultron.”
“Very well, Toni?”
“Ok by me” she shrugged and that made Bruce see green.
“That, right there is what I don’t get!” but as always his anger didn’t faze her, it made her a little worried when his eyes turned green but she was never scared, he used to love it, to appreciate it, now Bruce just wished that Toni would fight him.
“What you don’t understand, Dr. Banner?” Xavier, right, the supposed ‘voice of reason’.
“This… lack of reaction! I had just as much part in Ultron and therefor in Sokovia as Toni, I LEAVE her when she is pregnant, doesn’t matter if I knew or not, I still left her to take the fall for something that I did too and nothing? I won’t include Johannesburg in this shit because that one is on Maximoff and Rogers for just enabling her.” there, out in the open, what he wanted to yell at her face since the first that she didn’t yell at his face.
And finally a reaction! He thought bitterly. Toni looked shocked by his outburst and then contemplative, “Toni? Out loud” Xavier prompted her.
“Look” she sighed, “even before my decision to see Xavier, I am… used to seeing things a little more… objectively or at least ignoring my own feelings. Bruce, I got involved with you and continued to date you up to Ultron and Sokovia, knowing who you are and how you acted, I tried to nudge you into opening up and becoming more assertive but at the same coin I didn’t want you to change in your fundaments. I love you the way you are, flaws and all, cliché as it is. Even before we met, I read about you, about Betty Ross, your psych profile but I also take pride in not judging people that I never even met mainly but not only because… well, I’m hardly in a position to do so.”
As Toni spoke, Bruce’s shoulders began to relax a little, even if they twitched at the mention of Betty but then he got angry and then sad, sighing and rubbing his face, Bruce couldn’t fault her but he had to make sure, no more misunderstandings, “Basically, you always thought that I would leave, so you weren’t angry when I did.”
But Toni only smiled a little, “Not exactly. I know you, Bruce, and I got involved with you knowing that there was a risk of one day waking up to an empty bed. The reason I never blamed you and never got angry with you is because it’s a flaw of yours. You are a runner. I knew it and I accepted it. Sometimes it is reasonable, if you can’t diffuse a bomb, you gotta get away from the blast radius.”
There was silence while Bruce contemplated it and compared to what Dr. Shomron said that if Bruce could accept that Toni was arrogant, didn’t ask for his opinions before doing stuff that affected them both and was always taking so much more than she could healthily handle, she could also accept his own flaws. And now, Bruce realizes he was angry not at Toni for accepting him as he was but at the fact that he couldn’t do the same. He slumped in his chair.
“Bruce?” Xavier called his attention, “Take your time and don’t push yourself into voicing what you don’t want to”
He shook his head, “No, no. I just…I’m sorry, for yelling, for leaving, even if you don’t blame me, I blame myself and that…you’re not the one I am angry with.”
When there was silence once again, Xavier let a few more seconds before readjusting his chair, “If I may point out” he cleared his throat when both scientists’ eyes fell on him, they were pretty intimidating, especially together, he found himself pitying their kids, “Regardless of your respective, very impressive, resumes, both of you have very few things in common personality-wise but one of them is the capability of analyzing things without feelings getting in the way be that because of nurture or nature or a combination of both, that, however, can open the door for other problems such as miscommunication as the case with Bruce leaving proves. So what I want you to do is say what you will do, say what you’re feeling and explain the reason behind it”
Bruce could only chuckle nervously, “That will be…”
“Hell.” Toni deadpanned.
“Maybe at the beginning, that can easily spiral out of control so for now I will be acting as medium in a controlled environment. Let’s begin with the issue that Bruce brought up and what I meant when I said your personalities are opposites. Toni, will you be willing to share the conclusion we had in out last session?”
“That more often than not I take on too many fights, sometimes and especially even those that are not mine.” she recited a little robotically, it was logical, ringed truth and so well adjusted that when Toni came to the conclusion herself, she almost gagged.
“Keeping in mind that some of those ‘fights’ are not ones that can be won through yours fists but either way, you are good on either field. Bruce, can you say that you recognize that this is a personality trait of Toni’s?”
“Yes.”
“Do you see it as a flaw?”
“Sometimes, I guess. Sometimes it can be good.”
“Name one example of each.”
“I completely disagree with her instance of hiding Maximoff’s past, HYDRA and Johannesburg and concentrate all the blame on her, not us but only her, not to mention Maximoff helping Ultron but I understand that neither of us have any proof and about Ultron, the other Avengers involved would also need to testify and considering their ‘past in the past’ policy that they spill when it fits them, that is unlikely. And back in 2014 when SHIELD fell, Toni began to build the Avengers Compound and since then, she is the only one to face the consequences of all their mishaps, she is the one fighting to keep the Avengers afloat, when neither of us even have anything to do with them anymore…besides paying for their clothes, food and house. However, I admire this on her, she is brave for doing so, Toni is not ashamed to admit that she is wrong and works towards fixing her mistakes and not making the same one twice. She is never afraid of taking responsibility for her actions and facing the music like admitting that she was Iron Woman and taking full incumbency for her actions while operating the armor.”
As he finished, Bruce could see where this was going, he didn’t know what was on his face but Xavier had a knowing look on his.
“Toni? You called Bruce a ‘runner’ but you said that you accepted it and even called it ‘reasonable’, can you say one instance where you perceived it as a ‘flaw’ and when you thought it was ‘reasonable’?”
By Toni’s expression, she could also see where this was going, her answer got out through gritted teeth, “I understand that Bruce is afraid of what the Hulk can do, when the transformation is not of his own volition, he barely remembers if at all what he did while the Hulk was out. But I can’t help but think that we are all capable of destruction and he should have stayed to face the consequences and pleaded his case. I didn’t get mad with Johannesburg after Rogers just invited the Witch into my house, because it was hardly ideal if not crazy for Bruce to stay in the same place as her. Bruce knowing about it or not is inconsequential.”
“There you have it” Charles pointed out, “One of you considers tactical retreat, the other draws a line in the sand and keeps fighting there. Both mindsets have their merits. That is what I meant with improving even your respective personal and professional lives by a simple talk, sharing not only your problems but a different way of solving them.”
~*~